Nathan’s Montana Bride (Sweet Historical Mail Order Bride Romance) (Montana Ranchers Brides series) (7 page)

Abby called out to Emma. "I'll be back in little while, Emma. I'm going to take a quick look around."
 

Emma nodded. "Okay mama. I'll see you."

There it was again, Abby thought. How quickly Emma had taken to her. She wondered if she could measure up to Lucy. Abby had no idea what kind of mother Lucy had been to Emma, so she had no standard to measure herself against.
 

The only other person who could tell her anything about that was Nathan. And he was nowhere to be found this bright, beautiful morning.

She figured she'd just have to do her best with Emma. And that was usually what she did with everything. Her best.
 

It was a beautiful morning. The prospect of spending the day with her new daughter filled her with excitement and apprehension in equal parts. Excitement at the opportunity to get to know the beautiful little girl; apprehension about whether she would deal with her new role.

Abby walked around the ranch, taking in the place. She knew next to nothing about how ranches were run. However even she could tell this was a big spread. There were more outbuildings than she'd at first noticed and there were vastly more men working the cattle and keeping things in good order.

Every ranch hand knew who she was. As she passed them they each raised their hat and wished her a fine morning. The men here were so much more alive than the men back in Boston. Working the land and making a living with the animals seemed to bring out the best in the men. They were fitter and healthier looking; their eyes shone; their skin was browned by the sun. She didn't see a single miserable face amongst all of Nathan's employees.

That said a lot about Nathan as an owner. She was sure her assessment of Nathan hadn't been wrong. In spite of last night.

The memory of the night stabbed at her, but she drove herself on. She tried to see as much as she could without going on a horse.
 

Eventually she made her way back to the corral. Emma had gotten down off the horse and she was stroking the animals face, speaking quietly to it. Abby felt her heart warm as she watched how gentle and happy Emma looked with the horse.

Emma came to Abby. "Did you see me?"

Abby reached down and hugged Emma. "I sure did. You are one great rider," she said.

Emma's face lit up and her smile was as wide as could be.

Abby tidied Emma's blonde curls. "How about we get the buckboard and you can show me a bit more of the ranch. Mmm?"

Emma's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Really. You know more about this place than I do. That's for sure," Abby said.

They made their way to the buckboard. Once they were settled in, Abby flicked the reins and the horse moved on.

Emma told Abby that they should go and see the herd first. She wanted Abby to see how many cattle her father really owned.

They followed the trail across the flat landscape. Emma held onto Abby with a tight grip as the buckboard bounced along the rough track. Emma pointed the way.
 

In the distance the mountains rose up high. The air was fresh this morning and the light was bright in the blue sky.

Pretty soon they came over a rise and Abby pulled the buckboard to a halt.

Down in the valley she saw a huge herd of cattle. Men on horseback rode around the herd, moving and controlling the animals. The sounds of the men came up from the valley. They were hollering and whooping. These were men at work, enjoying every moment of their labor. The rumble of the cattle as they moved filled the air.

Emma looked at Abby. "Whatcha think?"

Abby sighed. "I think it looks amazing. Those cattle look so big."

"They are big. And scary," said Emma.

Abby rubbed Emma's hair away from her face. "You just promise me you keep well away from those cattle. They're not horses. They're not friendly. Promise me?"

Emma nodded quickly. "I promise mama," she said, and Abby felt that now familiar clutch of emotion at the use of the word. She wondered when she would get used to it.
 

"I wonder where your father is," Abby said scanning the men down with herd. She couldn't see him.

"I'm right here," said a voice from behind her. Abby whirled and saw Nathan astride a horse looking down at her.

"Papa!" screamed Emma. "We were wondering where you were," she said.

Nathan drew his horse closer to the buckboard. Abby noticed he was dressed in jeans, plain shirt and red neckerchief. His shining boots were jammed into the stirrups. His feet twisted as he moved the horse into position.

"I was wondering the same," he said fixing Abby with a questioning look.

"I thought it would be good to see more of the ranch," she said defensively.

"I could have given you a tour myself," he stated more directly than Abby would have expected. "I try not to bring Emma out here too often. Those animals are ornery and have a mind of their own."

"Are you saying it's not safe to be here?" Abby asked accusingly.

Nathan frowned and looked down at the herd. "I know them better than anyone. It's just best that Emma doesn't get too close to them. It's a rule I have," he said.

"Uh Huh? Maybe you should give me a list of your rules so I don't break any more of them," she said.

Emma looked at them both and furrowed her brows. Nathan saw the confusion on Emma's face.

"Mrs. Wardle's got something special for you Emma," he said.

Emma's face lit up. "Cookies?"

Nathan nodded and smiled. He looked at Abby. "You follow me back to the ranch house. I'll go slow. This track is bumpy. It's lucky you didn't break the axle of the buckboard," he said looking down at the wheels.

Abby bristled at his criticism of her decision, but kept her lips tight shut. Emma looked like the only thing she could think of was cookies.

Nathan leaned down and took the reins of the buckboard. Controlling his horse with one hand he started to pull on the reins of the buckboard, turning it around on the track.
 

Abby started to pull the reins away from him. "I think I can manage," she said firmly.

Nathan looked at her and there was a crease of a smile at the edges if his mouth. He let go the reins. "If you say so, Abby," he said.

For a moment their eyes locked and a message was exchanged between them. Was this how it was going to be from now on, Abby thought to herself.

She hoped not. But as she turned the buckboard and started to follow Nathan's horse she began to wonder just who was going to be in charge of this relationship.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

After leaving Emma with Mrs.Wardle, Abby followed Nathan outside to the front yard.

Abby stopped in the middle of the yard and planted her feet on the ground. "So what do you have to say to me?" she said placing her hands on her hips.

Nathan leaned back and cocked his head to one side. "About what?"

"Where were you this morning?"

"I was out doing what a man normally does on a day like today. Working," he said.

Abby shook her head. "I'd have thought you'd at least have been around for our first morning together as man and wife."

Nathan frowned and leaned closer, speaking quietly. "Since I wasn't around for our first night I thought you'd understand why I wanted to be somewhere else this morning."

"You were trying to avoid me?"

Nathan shook his head. "No I wasn't trying to avoid you. Just that I wasn't sure what kind of mood you'd be in."

Abby squinted at him. "You're trying to tell me you're scared of me. And we've only been married twenty four hours?"

Nathan smiled. "Well. Not exactly scared. More like cautious," he said with a wry grin.

Abby sighed noisily. "I don't know what to make of this."

Nathan stepped closer to Abby but she leaned away from him and raised a hand, making it obvious she didn't want him to come any closer.

Nathan froze on the spot and narrowed his eyes. "Really Abby? This soon in our marriage?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're pushing me away. On our first morning?"

Abby wrapped her arms tight around herself. "It's not that Nathan. It's just that...well...last night. It hurt."

Nathan stepped toward Abby, but again she held him at bay.
 

Nathan ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to say about that. Except that I'm sorry if I hurt you."

Abby felt something twist in her middle. She put a hand to her chest and looked at Nathan. His gaze was intense. The casual humor of moments ago had evaporated. He was deadly serious now. She knew that.

"I know this is difficult for you Nathan. What with me being new here and all. And Lucy."

At the mention of Lucy's name Nathan's brow furrowed.

"You have to give me time," she continued. "And it looks like I have to give you time."

Nathan turned and looked over toward the corral. "You're right. I thought I was over it. But I'm not. I figured enough time had passed. Seems it hasn't. Things take time to heal." He turned back and peered deeply into her eyes. She felt a rush of heat to her face. That look was so piercing, so forceful. There was something burning up inside Nathan.
 
"And that's what I'm doing Abby. Healing."

The final word hung between them like a physical barrier. Was that her role here.? Was she really here to help her broken husband heal? Back in Boston he'd been so strong, purposeful and determined. Abby never would have guessed at the depths of his hurt. But she could see it now. It was written on his face; she could hear it in his voice.

Abby started to walk away from the house and Nathan followed her. It would be best if they were as far away from the house as possible. She didn't want anyone to hear any of this. It was too private, too personal. He was baring his soul to her and challenging her at the same time.

They walked side by side and eventually came to a tree with a wide seat beneath it. There were two thick ropes hung on a branch with a narrow wooden seat attached. Abby figured Emma must use that as a swing. She sat down and Nathan took his place by her side.

There was a cooling breeze that came up from the valley. The air smelled fresh and clean. In any other place a conversation like this would have been dark and difficult. Here, though, in this beautiful, healing Montana land it felt to Abby that there was at least some hope that they could work things out.

"So what about these rules you were talking about," she said after a while.

Nathan nodded. "Every man has to have rules. Especially out here."

"Rules for what?"

"For living," he said bluntly.

"So what's important enough that you have to have rules for it?" she asked.

He looked straight at her. "Family is all that matters out here," he said simply. She was taken aback by the baldness of the statement.

""Family is everything. Children are everything. Faithfulness is everything. Honesty is everything. That's what I mean. If you don't have those things you won't last five minutes out here."

Abby frowned. Honesty and children. Did she have those two things to offer?
 

Nathan spoke again: "I had a family and I lost it. That almost broke me apart. You've seen that. Haven't you?"

Abby nodded.

"So one of my rules is, I take no chances with those closest and dearest to me," he said. "When I saw you out there with Emma this morning the first thing I thought about was danger and loss," he said.

"I didn't mean to put Emma in danger,"" Abby said defensively.

"But you did!" he declared sharply. "She was too close to the herd. Those animals can break and run and before you know it you've got a stampede on your hands. Emma could've been caught up in it."

"And me?" Abby asked. "Are you forgetting me?"

Nathan turned to her, realization written on his face. "I didn't mean that at all. If anything happened to either of you, I'd be crushed," he said, and then pausing he completed the statement with a single, softly spoken word. "Again."

Abby tried to reach out to touch him but he pulled his hands away.

Abby turned and looked out across the plain to the mountains in the far distance.
 

"You can have too many rules in life Nathan," she said eventually.

"Not out here. I succeeded by keeping my word and keeping to my rules. Ask any man who's made his way in this place and he'll tell you the same," he said.

"I understand that you want to protect me and Emma. You want to keep us safe."

"I need you to be honest with me too," he said. "You've been holding something back from me."

Abby stiffened. He was pushing, trying to get her to open up, to tell him the one thing she could not say to him. Not here. Not now.

"And you Nathan. Have you been straight with me?" she demanded.

Nathan's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Last night. Why did you turn your back on me the way you did?"

"I didn't turn my back on you. You can't understand what it means to have lost someone. The possibilities that have been taken away from you. How that hurts," he said. His voice cracked and Abby swallowed. This was getting too intense.

Abby shook her head. "There is where you are wrong, Nathan. I know exactly what it means to have possibilities taken away from me," she blurted out.

Nathan frowned. "What do you mean?"

Abby's lips tightened into thin lines. She couldn't tell him now. Not here. She had almost let it slip. The emotion of the moment was beginning to overtake her, overwhelm her self control. She tried to compose herself.

"I know what it feels like to be stifled by society; what it means to have freedom taken away from you. Boston was never a place I felt comfortable in. I always yearned for something else. That's what made me contact you. Life out here seemed to promise so much."

Nathan nodded. "It doesn't just promise. It delivers. But only if you have rules and keep your promises," he said.

Abby reached over, and this time Nathan didn't draw his hand away. "I promised to be the best possible wife I could be to you, didn't I?" she asked.