Need You Now (Martha's Way Series Book 2) (24 page)

She
understood Adam. He was haunted by fear, by his past.

Still,
to hear him admit he didn’t want to be a
father was a
terrible blow. She felt empty and joyless, like a sheet of white paper.

“You’re
crying.”

With her
face buried on the pillow, she sniffled. “Go away.”

His
weight dropped onto the bed next to her. “I don’t like to be the reason for
your tears.”

“I’m
crying because I’m an emotional wreck. My hormones are out of whack. Not
because your words hurt me.” She sniffled again. “Or because you admitted to
what I always knew in my heart.”

“What’s
that?” His hand stroked her back. The touch made her inhale
sharply.

She
turned her face and peered at him through heavy lids, tears still tickling down
her cheeks. “I trapped you. We are here because of a baby you don’t even want.”

His eyes
grew darker. His expression had all sorts of emotions. “I want the baby,
Liliana.”

“Don’t
say things you don’t mean,” she pleaded, her voice trembling.

“Had it
been up to me, no, I would not have chosen to father a child. But I did.” He
removed his hand from her. “You and I have made a permanent mark and when I
thought you coul
d have miscarried, I was scared
shitless.”

He
expelled his breath in a slow, steady hiss. “Guillermo and I are related.”

She
watched him. He was opening to her again. The look on his face told her it
wasn’t an easy thing for him to do, but the fact that he
was doing it anyway pulled at her heartstrings.

“He’s my
mother’s cousin. Claudio is his son. I found them when I lived in Brazil.”

Lily
brought herself to a sitting position and brushed the tear stains from her
face. “You’re Brazilian?”

He
smiled and
shook his head. “I guess in a way, yes. My
mother was Brazilian and my father was American. But I was born in Queens, New
York with two junkies for parents.” Disgust twisted his mouth into a sneer. “I
learned Portuguese when I lived in Brazil. My parents,
adoptive parents,” he clarified, “insisted I learned about my Brazilian
roots.”

“You
said was.” She swallowed. “Both of your parents are
…
dead?”

He
nodded. “I lived in hell for eight years of my life. Due to the drugs in me, I
was a fussy child, slow at dev
eloping and had
difficulty processing things.” Pain grated his voice. He raked a hand through
his hair. “I got hit a lot.”

Lily
leaned into him, and gently caressed the scar on his left eyebrow. All the
things she had in her life, peace, stability, loving
parents
and siblings. For eight years of his life, those things didn’t exist for Adam.

“That’s
really from playing
fútbol
or soccer as it’s called
here. But my nose was broken from a blow once.”

Lily’s
spirit quivered. “God, Adam…my heart hurts for you.”

“
After my parents’ death, I became a part of the system. I
moved from foster home to foster home. Some were nice, some not so much. And
some,” he shrugged. “Just weren’t equipped to deal with someone like me.”

A solemn
tear fell down her cheek. “I’m sorry y
ou had to go
through all of that.”

“I was a
handful.
Very hyperactive.”
He chuckled. “I still
struggle with that now.” He admitted. “Hence all the crazy things I do.”

She
smiled. “I thought it was because you wanted to die.”

He shook
his head, scrubbed his
face again then met her gaze.
“Maybe I do deserve to die. But that’s not why. The racing and everything else
help control everything else inside me. Actually, so do you, Liliana.” His eyes
darkened and grew more intense. “You bring me peace.”

Butterflies
went crazy low in her belly, and her heartbeat raged
out of control. She remembered the first time he uttered those words to her.
Lily had dismissed them as a result of mind-blowing sex talk. Now she
understood how heavy that admission was for him.

So many
unspoken questions, but
no más
.
No more. They had time.
Possibly a lifetime.
She pressed her body
against his bare chest, wrapped a hand around the nape of his neck and drew him
into a hot, tongue-thrusting kiss.

“We
can’t have sex, Liliana,” he said, dis
connecting
their lips.

Lily
heard the torment in his voice. Just for confirmation, her fingertips traced
the bulging muscles in his back. “What if we could?”

He
groaned. “Then I’d be buried inside you already.” His mouth took a hungry
possession of hers. “
And you’re not doing me any
favors today.”

She
smiled and tightened her arms around his neck. “I’m very selfish, Adam. I love
having you in my mouth.”

“You
can’t say things like that.” He cupped her swollen breasts through her tank and
molded them in his p
alm.

Lily
moaned. “More,” she
begged,
her lips trailing
open-mouth kisses along his neck. “I want more.”

Adam
wrapped his fingers around her wrist, stopping her movement and gently pulled
her away. He stood up, looked at her once more then walked over to s
tand by the window. “There’s more, Liliana. I want to tell
you everything.”

A
fluttery, empty feeling sat in her stomach. Lily pressed her lips together and
waited.

“My
mother died of an overdose,” he said over his shoulder. “She was shooting up
with my fa
ther. He was her pimp.”

A dark,
sickening grief filled her heart. “Adam.” She wanted to touch and comfort him
but he was sending her that stay away vibe.

He
turned to face her, across the room, their eyes locked. “That night I shot him.
I killed him.” He l
et out a tortured breath. “At the
age of eight I shot and killed my father.”

An
involuntary gasp escaped her lips. Lily felt her heart trampled beneath her
feet. Not out of shame or disgust, but love and pain.

“There.”
He exhaled, dark eyes continued to
strip her soul.
“I’ve laid down my armor, Liliana. If you want, come slay me.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

“When love is not madness,
it is not love.”

Pedro
Calderón de la Barca

For
several seconds Lily sat silently, hunched over with a sense of loss so
powerful that her muscles wouldn’t respond to commands.
First her limbs went numb with absolute shock over Adam’s revelation, and then
replaced by waves of pain. Her stomach churned over as grief swept through her
system, enveloping her whole body, leaving
her with
nothing but physical pain.

The only
time she’d ever shot at someone was during a game of paintball. Zander, her
Navy SEAL brother, insisted that she learn how to fire a weapon for protection,
took her to a shooting range. She’d felt the recoil of
overwhelming force in her hands, the destruction that came from the other end
of the gun. The evidence of its power, the sound, and the holes, fluff blasted
and torn from dummy targets had left her shaken. She never applied for a
permit, didn’t want one i
n her home.

Yet,
here Adam stood before her, confessing to have pulled a trigger and to have
taken a life, all at the tender age of eight. His innocence lost so early in
his lifetime. She drew a deep, shaky breath. As more tears came, more thoughts
of Adam
going through the motion of life, like
nightmares whirled through her head.

Her
phone vibrated next to her on the bed. She swiped her face with the back of her
hand, broke her connection with Adam and eyed the screen.

Lily, it’s me, Nate. Where R U?

Thi
s was Nate’s second text in two days. She failed to respond
to the first one, not for any specific reason, only she had forgotten about it,
about Nate. And right now was not the time. Not when the man she loved had
opened up to her and laid himself bare.

L
ily turned her attention back to Adam. He leaned on the
wall, motionless by the window. His gaze was still on her, holding her
prisoner. She looked him dead in the eyes. He was no
longer unflappable. Fear,
worry—
emotions he
kept bottled inside for so long—
greeted her. He had chosen
to break free from them because of her, their unborn child, and all the
possibilities. His willingness to be vulnerable, to trust her with everything
that made him the person he’d become, won her heart over a million times.

She w
as head over heels in love with Adam and all of his little
things.

Permanently so.

Nothing
could change that.

Her
phone vibrated again. She made a mental promise to strangle Nate for choosing
the most inappropriate time to be persistent. Picking up the pho
ne, to type Go to hell in all caps, she noticed Rafa’s name
on the screen. Lily almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. She
needed to give Adam all of her attention, all of her, but her world had come
crashing. She read the text from her brother
Rafa.

¿Cómo estás?
See you in two days.

How
could she forget?

Her
fingers expeditiously moved across the
small keyboard and typed.

Can’t wait.
Luv U.

Her
response was pure sarcasm, except for the love part. As much of a pain in the
ass and all in her business her brothers were, she loved them. But Rafa was on
to her. Lily pressed
SEND
and dropped the phone
back on the bed.

She
willed herself off the bed
and closed the space
between Adam and herself. His eyes dropped to her. “I almost forgot my family
will be here in two days.”

“What do
you want to do?” he asked in a dangerously low voice.

Puzzled,
she frowned. “What do you mean?”

“About us.”
He signaled
between
their bodies. “What do you want to tell your family? The ball is in your
court.”

Lily
glanced up and touched Adam’s face, and a muscle in his jaw ticked. “Do you
expect me to walk away from you now?”

Silence
dominated the room.

She
captured his han
d in hers and guided it to her chest.
Lily closed her eyes so that she could feel him with her heart. “I carry you
here.” She opened her eyes. “I could never slay you.”

His head
tipped forward and pressed his forehead to hers.
“Liliana.”
His voice was roug
h, ragged, leaving Lily intoxicated. His arms curved around
her waist and pulled her into him. “You’re busy tonight,” he said, his lips oh
so close to hers.

She
blinked. “I can be if we think outside the box.”

Adam let
out a chuckle, released her and dragg
ed a hand
through his hair.
“Your phone.”

“What
about it?”

“Someone
is trying to get your attention.”

Oh. She
had been so lost in his arms once again that nothing else mattered. Now that he
mentioned it, Lily became aware of the buzzing sound on her bed an
d let out a sigh of frustration. Why was everyone choosing
tonight to call her? The vibration of the phone settled in the room. Probably
Rafa again or another one of her brothers in their own protective way reminding
her they were coming to the island for
Adam’s neck.
Well, good luck with that.

“Ignore
it,” she urged.

The
sound ceased but picked up again seconds later. Lily let out a long breath.

“Whoever
is calling is pretty persistent. They must need you. Go.” He gave her butt a
gentle nudge in the
direction of the bed.

She
leaned on the bed and swiped her finger on the phone. The screen lit up. To her
surprise, Minka had called several times. Thinking back to last year when she
reached out to her friend after finding out about Nate and his cheating
ways, she picked up the phone and read the text.

I need my friend.

The
desperation of the words made Lily’s heart thump. Oh God no. What could
possibly be wrong? She glanced back at Adam. He was still standing at the same
spot, looking a little less
tense, but not relaxed
either.

“What’s
wrong?”

“It’s
Minka.”
Her mind already racing to
all the things that could be wrong.
Of course, she was
imagining things. They were only days away from the wedding. Jason loved Minka
and vice versa. Still, in the year
the two have been
together, this was the first time Minka had reached out to her with such
urgency. “If your friend fucked up, I’m going to kick him in the nuts.”

He
smiled. “I think Keely already got that covered.”

“I don’t
mind contributing.”

Adam
walke
d over and pulled up to her. He brought his hand
up to cup her face; his thumb ran along the curve of her cheekbone. Lily
nestled into his hand, feeling his warmth seeping into her.

“Go to
her. Sounds like she needs you,” he breathed against her lips.

Torn
between walking out on this moment they were sharing and
going to her friend, she continued to look at him. Some things only happened
once, and she sensed she may never get this again.
“You and I.”
They had so much to talk
about. “You need me too.” She ex
haled and pressed her
face on his chest. “I don’t want to walk away from this. It may never happen
again.”

He
gently pulled her away. “I’m not going anywhere. We can finish this
conversation another time.”

“You
asked what we should do about my family.”

He
nodded.

“My
parents
will
love you. My brothers, on the other
hand, will probably try to hurt you.”

He
smiled. “I can handle them.”

She
nodded. “What about us? Will you let me love you?”

He
stared at her with a blank expression. His eyes gave away nothing,
making it impossible for Lily to understand the depth of
his emotions. “We can’t have sex. Go to Minka.”

She
meant the perfect, amazing, beautiful, strong emotional connection, and just
plain awesome kind of love. Not just the physical act. But she underst
ood.
One step
at a time.
One conversation at a time.
Adam may have lain down
his armor, but that didn’t mean he was ready to hand his heart over on a silver
plate. It was all due to fear, she understood that now. He was crippled by his
past.

* * * *

Twen
ty minutes later, Lily entered the house Minka shared with
Jason. The second her friend opened the door, she was able to tell Minka had
been crying and filled with angst. “Where’s Jason?” She had not spotted his
Jeep on the driveway when she pulled in.

“At
Vapor.”

Adam had
closed his restaurant for the winter over the weekend. And from what she knew
of the island, most of the tourists should be gone by now. For Jason to be at
Vapor around ten at night meant something was wrong. “What did he do, Minka?
Keely
and I can hurt him really bad. I’m sure Claire
would help if she was around.”

“Have
you looked at Jason lately?” her friend asked in a throaty voice.

She knew
what her friend meant, not to only see the outer appearance but to see all the
little things beneath. What she failed to do with Adam. To look so deep to see
the person’s soul, his fears, dreams. What made him
tick.
Nope. She had been so consumed
by her own physical needs and resisting the pull of getting
emotionally attached to pay attention. Love had smacked her right in the face
anyway and left her pregnant on top of it.

But she
looked at Jason, all the time. At first it had been out of concern,
to make sure he wasn’t an asshole toying with her friend’s
feelings. Because no one knew how deep Minka’s insecurities ran more than her.

After a
while, her scrutinizing became admiration. She marveled at the way Jason used
every opportunity to touch her
friend, his fiancé.
There was no shame in his love for Minka. At times, it made Lily think about
her fuck-buddy relationship with Adam.
Even Nate.
She gave all of herself
to him, unconditionally so. He cheated on her with some floozy. Sure, her ego
had bee
n bruised, but her confidence had not been
broken. Neither did the experience change her outlook on love. Not when she
witnessed the beauty of such deep connection every day in her parents, in Minka
and Jason, in Keely and Blake.

Jason
was handsome, rich,
and constantly surrounded by
beautiful women, whether at Vapor or traveling for Montgomery Corporation. That
was all a part of who he was, just as everything that came with loving Adam.
But there was no doubt in Lily’s mind about Jason’s feelings for Minka
.

“Jason
is crazy about you.”

Minka
let out a soft chuckle. “I know that.” She paused. “I should know that.” They
entered the living room. Minka immediately dropped her body on the sofa and
released an exasperated sigh. Lily sat beside her. “I’m not skinny
. I will never be skinny.”

“You’re
healthy. It doesn’t matter what the scale says.”

“I know
that.” Minka let out another soft chuckle. “Once in a while my insecurities
rear their ugly heads.”