Needing Her (21 page)

“I know we will,” I vowed.

“We drive each other crazy.”

“I like our kind of crazy.”

“We’re always fighting,” she argued.

“As long as it’s you I’m fighting with.”

“It’s only been a month.”

“I wouldn’t care if it’d only been a week. I need you, Maci. I’ll always need you.”

A shaky smile crossed her face, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her eyes anymore. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember,” she admitted, her eyelids slowly lifting up to see my reaction.

How had I not known? Again, how had I never noticed her before? Knowing that nothing could make up for the years that I was blind to her, I tilted her head back up and kissed her lips gently. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

She shrugged and said simply, “You’re here now.”

And I had no intentions of going anywhere. Maci now knew the one thing I’d been terrified of telling her, and though I didn’t know exactly how she felt about it all, I knew it wasn’t going to scare her away. But now that she knew about my past, and my fears, there was one more thing she needed to know.

“I need to tell you about Cassidy.”

I felt her body stiffen, and she sat up straighter, her eyes now worried with whatever I was about to tell her. “W-who?”

“Christ, Maci, no. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t cheat on you,” I promised, and waited for her to relax . . . When she didn’t, I spoke again. “She lives in Texas with her boyfriend, but she’s the reason why I’ve been so different since this summer. I need to tell you about everything so you’ll understand why I was the way I was.”

“Okay,” she said warily, and started to move off my lap, but I kept her there. I needed her there, needed to feel her touch while I told her.

With a deep breath in, I told Maci everything. Told her about the family-disturbance call that had first led me to Cassidy’s parents’ house years ago. How I’d believed Cassidy when she told me nothing was happening, and how after her mom burned the house to the ground right before summer started with her and her husband in it, I’d found out that Cassidy had been physically abused by her mom and stepdad every day since she was young. I told Maci about the black eye Cassidy’s boyfriend had given her accidentally when Cassidy tried to break up a fight he was involved in, and the day in the coffee shop where I’d told her everything about my life before being adopted. How our similar pasts, and her own fears that had closely matched mine, had left me begging her to be mine, and following her back to Texas after she’d left to be with her boyfriend again. And most importantly, how I’d left when she asked me to, and I’d spent six months trying to feel anything again, and find someone who could evoke any type of emotion in me. How Maci had done that, and more.

When I finished telling her everything, Maci studied my face for a long time before asking, “Do you still feel anything for her?” I shook my head, and began to respond, but she continued talking. “That’s a really intense reaction to have to another girl, you can’t tell me that after six months of the ‘Zombie Connor’ that suddenly there’s nothing left for her now.”

“She wasn’t you, Maci. I told you about my fears, and the nightmares that I have. I’d thought that Cassidy was the only one that would understand that and not judge me for it, because I didn’t want to put that kind of life on someone who hadn’t lived it. As fucked up as that seems . . . but I was wrong. And, if you think what you saw over the last six months was bad, you should have seen me after I made you believe I didn’t want you. I’d felt numb after Cassidy . . . but thought I was dying after what I did to you. I didn’t think I’d find someone to make me feel anything again after her . . . but didn’t know how I was supposed to live without you. Do you see the difference?”

“What if she came back?”

“She won’t,” I assured her.

“But what if she were to. What would you do?”

I looked into Maci’s eyes, and told her honestly, “I would thank her for inadvertently showing me that I deserved the life I want to have with you.”

Maci’s lips were on me fast and hard, and though I wanted nothing more than to kiss her forever, I forced our mouths apart and waited until she was looking at me again.

“I need to know what you think about everything you know now. My past, my fears for the future, Cassidy . . .” I trailed off.

She thought for a second, her lips pursing as her eyes got a faraway look. “I understand why you have your fears, but I know you and know that you won’t turn into him. I will never know what it was like to grow up the way you and Amy did, but I hate it for you and I’m here if you ever need to just talk about it. As for Cassidy . . . I’ve watched you change completely over the last month. If there were lingering feelings for her, you’d still be a zombie, so I believe you when you say there’s not.” I kissed her softly, and laughed when she whispered against my mouth, “Besides, if she came back, you really think I wouldn’t kick her ass if she tried to take you from me?”

“Nothing will keep me from you again.”

“I’m holding you to that,” she said softly before pressing her mouth to mine again.

The kiss was slow, but heated. After pulling down the zipper on her hoodie, and pushing it off her, I pulled the strap of her thin shirt over her shoulder, and left a trail of open-mouthed kisses across her collarbone. Her skin was covered in goose bumps, and she shivered against me as her hands went to the jeans I was still wearing.

“Didn’t have anything to change into?” she teased.

“Don’t, Maci. If your dad walks in, he’ll kill me for what I’m already doing to you.”

“He won’t.”

“One of your brothers is in the room next to mine.”

Her hands didn’t stop as she undid the button and zipper. “Not right now, both Dakota and Dylan went to one of the bars in town to calm down and probably get some girls for a few hours.”

“They could be back soon—fuck,” I groaned when she freed me from my jeans, and grabbed my length in her hands.

“Stop trying to come up with reasons not to, no one is coming in or going to hear us. And after everything, I need you.
Please
, Connor,” she begged in a small voice.

A low growl built up in my chest, and I pulled her off me to lay her down on the bed. Ridding myself the rest of the way of my jeans, I pulled off her sweats and underwear at the same time, and parted her legs as I laid my body on top of hers. “I fucking love it when you beg.”

A slow, coy smile spread across her face. “I know.”

Shaking my head, I couldn’t help but smile before I crushed my mouth to hers, teasing her tongue with mine as I slid inside her. I swallowed her whimper, and pushed in deeper when her fingers dug into my back. I wanted to claim her; I wanted to have to quiet her screams. But the second my lips moved down her neck, and she whispered my name . . . everything changed. My movements slowed, and the air between us went from urgent and needy to something so much more.

Raising up on one elbow, I gently fisted her hair in my hand, and stared into her eyes as I moved slowly inside her. Her breathing was rough, and when it began getting erratic, her eyes fluttered shut.

“Keep them open,” I said in a gentle command.

Her heavy lids opened as she tightened around me, seconds before she came with a hushed whimper and breathy exhale. I followed her with my own release, never once taking my eyes off her.

“I love you, Maci,” I said into her ear, and kissed her neck as I pulled out of her, rolling us to the side. Her smile was one I hadn’t seen before, and I pushed back the hair that had fallen into her face before cupping her cheek with my hand. “What?”

“It’s still surreal to hear you say that,” she admitted after a few seconds.

“You’re gonna have to get used to it, sweetheart. I’m going to be saying it for a long time.”

“I’m sure I will eventually.” She winked and curled into my arms. “You just promised me seventy years, didn’t you?”

“At least.”

Seventy years of this. Seventy years of Maci, and our kind of crazy. That sounded like heaven to me.

Epilogue

One year later . . .

Connor

I
SAT ON
the edge of the bed, letting my hand run through her vibrant red hair, and smiled when she made a little noise of approval in her sleep. She was so beautiful, and waking up early to watch her as she slept was still one of my favorite things.

Once we’d gotten back from the trip to Mammoth last year, everything had changed. Something about not hiding anymore had made my relationship with Maci change in a way I hadn’t known was possible. I’d craved her before, and had realized almost too late that I was in love with her. But now I felt like I couldn’t breathe without her, and every day there was something new that made me fall in love with her more.

Since she was in love with her apartment, and I loved using her showerhead on her, I’d moved into her place within a week of getting back, and had continued to pay rent on my apartment until my lease was up two months later.

Dakota, Dylan, and I had talked things out. I’d known they were trying to protect her, but it took us a while for me to get over the feeling of betrayal at how they’d reacted and what I’d let them talk me into . . . and for them to get over their own fear of me hurting her . . . well, and the fact that I was sleeping with their sister.

Honestly, I think the only reason they eventually got over that one was seeing their sister with me. Maci’s brothers had always been too overprotective, but in their minds they were watching out for her. Since Maci and I were no longer hiding, her tough exterior with her brothers had started slipping away, and she showed the Maci that I’d fallen in love with. Seeing her happy with me was all they needed to get over the rest.

Don’t get me wrong. She was still feisty and didn’t put up with anyone’s bullshit . . . and I fucking loved it. But she didn’t act like she was heartless—or didn’t care—anymore, and I think all four of her brothers loved having the
real
Maci around.

Letting my knuckles brush her cheek, I leaned in and kissed her soft lips. “Wake up, Maci.”

One eye cracked open before shutting again as she curled her body closer to mine. “Sleep.”

“It’s Christmas morning, you really want to sleep right now?” When she nodded her head, I laughed softly and made a trail of lazy kisses down her throat to her chest.

She moaned and turned onto her back, her hands going into my hair as she slowly opened her eyes to watch me. “Mmm, well if I’d known this was what you wanted,” she said as her hands traveled down my chest to my drawstring pants.

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if she continued, so I pushed up off her, and laughed against her mouth when she tried to follow me with a growl. “Not right now, baby, I have a fire going upstairs, and no one else is up yet. Besides, I’m not having sex with you when your brother is on the opposite side of this wall.”

Her gray eyes were heated, and I almost tore off her clothes when she grabbed my hand, kissed my palm, and then ran it over her throat. “Well then maybe you should make sure I’m kept quiet.”

I thought back to the other night when we’d snuck out of the cabin, and I’d taken her right there in the fresh snow, as more snow fell all around us. She’d started getting loud from the combination of me torturing her by getting her as close as possible before backing off, and playing with her nipples and clit with the icy snow. That night I’d had to keep her from making any more noises, and that had just made it hotter for both of us. But that was outside in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep, not in a room next to her brother when everyone would be waking up soon.

I kissed her thoroughly before pulling her off the bed. “Fuck, Maci, you’re going to be the death of me, I swear.” She started to pout, and I bit down on that perfect bottom lip. “Come on, let’s go spend some time together before everyone is up and it gets crazy in here.”

After we were upstairs, and I’d pulled her onto my lap in the big chair near the fireplace, she covered us with a blanket and lowered her head onto my chest as we watched the snow fall outside.

“Merry Christmas, Connor,” she whispered and played with my hand, which was resting on her stomach. The other was shoved into the side of the chair, feeling the box I’d stashed between the cushion and frame.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” I had to swallow a few times before I could speak again. I tried to keep the tremor out of my voice, but I’m sure I failed. “I was thinking that when we get back, we can start packing up right away. We can take things over slowly, or choose a day and just do it all at once.”

“Wait, what?” She turned so she was straddling me, her eyebrows pinched together as she looked at me in confusion.

“I’m fine with whichever way you choose, but we’ll only have two weeks to get out of the apartment.”

“Get out of the apartment? Why? What are you talking about?”

Leaving the box where it was, I pulled my hand out of the cushion and grabbed the chain around my neck that I’d hidden with my sweatshirt, and slowly pulled it off. Maci’s eyes widened when she saw the key hanging on the end of it, and I smiled when they began darting between the key and me.