Neither (8 page)

I had to dig for the name of the other girl. “Josie?”

“Yes, Josie.” He said the name as if it was the most important word in the world. He didn't say my name that way.

“What was she like?”

“She hated me, but she loved me, too. Love and hate are really the same thing. You can never hate as much as when you love them, too.”

I felt the same way about my mother. Or at least I had. I didn't know how I felt about her now. It was irrelevant.

“Where's she from? Ava?”

“Maine.”

“So what were you doing in the sticks of New Hampshire?” My human slang was coming back to me slowly.

“Trying to stay away from her. I can't have her, so I don't want to be around her.”

“Understandable.”

Dillon had had a girlfriend a few times. I thought. It was hard to remember. Still, imagining him with another girl made me want to kill something.

“What is so special about her? There are a million girls.”

“I know. It's so many things. She has these green eyes that are wide and open. They just stare at you and you feel like she can see all your secrets. I know that seems like a silly thing to say. She also speaks her mind. I like that, too.”

“Is she pretty?”

“Not in a common way. She's got long hair and those eyes. She's tiny, like you. She smells like honey and cinnamon.”

“Sounds delicious.”

“She would be, but I can't have her.”

“Why?”

“It's too much to explain, but I will tell you that a noctalis can Claim a human. It means that they will feed only from that human. It is a way to mark your territory, so to speak. It is not common, but my brother did it to save her. So she cannot be mine.”

“Does he love her?”

“He wishes,” Ivan said with a harsh laugh. “That is a story for another day.”

Seven

Ava

I have the stupid nightmare again. The one where my mother and Peter burst into flames. I'm really getting tired of it. My alarm rings far too soon. I reach out and smash my hand on the button to make it stop.

“No,” I say, rolling over and finding Peter's naked chest. What a way to wake up.

“You have to go to school,” he says.

“No,” I say, whining like a child. Why couldn't I just say no and have that be the answer?

“I do not want you to go either, but you must.” He pulls his body out from under mine.

“You suck,” I say.

“Only your blood and only sometimes.”

I laugh on my way to the bathroom. His humor is definitely improving. I'm like a proud mama.

My parents are sacked out, Dad snoring like a chainsaw, so I have the house to myself to get ready. Well, except for Peter, but he doesn't really count. The only upside of having them in bed is that they don't notice I'm wearing the scarf again.

***

Tex attacks me as soon as I get out of my car.

“Hey, sorry I didn't call you last night. I kind of passed out. This Claiming thing has kind of messed with my system.” She waves her hands in a circle.

I too passed out after the whole thing with Mom and her friends. “Yeah, been there, done that.”

I make sure my scarf is secure around my neck, since it's a windy day. I've paired it with a black top and jeans. I start telling her about my experiences as we walk inside, and I find that hers are similar.

“When did it happen?” I ask as I put my books in my locker, keeping only the books I'll need for the day.

“It was after he took me home. We met Ivan halfway, and Viktor told him what was up. I thought he was crazy, but he said to trust him. Somehow he has a way of explaining things that makes them make complete sense, even if they're insane. Anyway, we went back to my house and I was freaking out about leaving you. He told me no one could touch you or hurt you, but I really didn't believe him. I said I wanted to make sure you were okay, and he said the only way he'd take me was if he Claimed me. I think he was trying to get me to back out. Well, that blew up in his face when I told him to go for it. So he did.”

“How did he do it? Peter used a knife.” I rub my wrist where the wound still hasn't completely healed.

Tex laughs, as if it is funny. “He found a knife in the kitchen, but I made him disinfect it before he used it. I also made him let me do it so he wouldn't leave a scar.” She rubs her left wrist, which has a wide bracelet around it.

“Yeah, I found this in my jewelry drawer. I'm pretty sure Aunt Bea gave it to me to ward of negative energy or something. It was the only thing wide enough to cover everything. God, I hope I don't get an infection.”

“I'm sure you'll be fine,” I say, meandering down the hall toward geometry. I want to put that off as long as possible. I only have about two minutes.

Tex looks like she wants to say something else.

I wait.

“I feel him. Like, all the time,” she whispers, leaning in so only I can hear.

“Yeah, that's part of it.”

“It's really trippy. But I kinda like it. I can tell that he's out in the parking lot, pining for me.” She rolls her eyes back and sighs dreamily.

“It's not all about that, Tex,” I snap. I want her to take this seriously, because it is serious. She's just bound herself for life to Viktor. How can she not understand the gravity of that?

“I know that,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Look, I'll see you later. Maybe we can do lunch with the boys. Or we'll do lunch and they'll watch. Or something. I'll see you later.” She walks off without her usual strut. She's even walking differently. More confident. Like she has something she knows other people want, but she isn't going to share it. Oh, crap.

“Hey, Ava,” Jamie says, coming down the opposite side of the hall. I never seem to see the two of them at the same time. Now he's the only person in my life that doesn't know about Peter. He's met him, but not really.

“Hey, James. Long time no see.” God, how much has gone down since the last time I saw him. I don't even know where to start. “How's everything?” By everything I mean his asshole dad and his pregnant sister.

“It's a girl. She had the ultrasound on Friday, but she waited to tell me until last night. It kind of slipped out, I guess.” He shrugs, but I can tell he's over the moon about it.

“That's great, Jamie.” I really, really hoped it would be. I saw Cassie not that long ago and she seemed happy. Happier than I'd ever seen her. She was never a bubbly, giggly girl. More dark and moody. I blame it on her crappy home life. Somehow Jamie managed to come out with the opposite personality.

“We've been going through the name books, trying to find the right one. Cassie loves Glorianna.”

I flinch. “Ouch,” I say, “that would be a lot for a kid to learn how to spell.”

“That's what I said. Her last name will be Barton, so it has to go with that.”

The bell rings, signaling that it's time for me to enter the cave of doom, otherwise known as my geometry classroom. Mr. Galakis already has his glare on.

“See you later,” I say. Jamie winks at me and jogs down the hall to Spanish. I love that boy.

I try my hardest to focus in class, but it's hard when part of my brain is thinking about Peter and I am feeling his emotions, another part is wondering if my mother is okay and another part is thinking about blood.

She was still asleep when I left that morning, but Dad was staying home with her. I'm pretty sure he's going to take leave from work soon. I don't want that day to come, because that will mean we're close to the end. She said she would tell me when it was happening, but I'm too scared to ask. I'm stuck in a place of wanting to know, and not wanting to know.

One thing is for sure, I'm going to need a serious miracle to get through exams. They're extremely important because colleges will be looking at them. Not that I've really thought much about that. I know I'll go to college, but I can't see past this summer. I can't see a life without my mother. Obviously Peter will have to come with me. Maybe he can enroll with me. The question is, will I be human or not? Either way, I'm getting a degree. That is something I promised my mother, and I'm not going to go back on my word. Just like I promised to take care of her garden, I'm going to college. Bottom line. Even if I have to study my ass off to pass geometry. Even if I have to have Peter stand outside the window and feed me answers. That's what I'll do.

I call Mom during study hall and make sure she's recovering from the day before and all that craziness.

She sighs. “I knew it was going to be emotional. The phone hasn't stopped ringing. Just wait until you see what's in the kitchen when you get home.”

“Why, what happened?”

“You'll see,” she says.

Oh, God. I have no idea what to prepare for. I hang up with her and go back to struggling with my homework. The words on the page swim in front of my eyes. Whoever came up with the idea for homework should be hung by their thumbs and tickled to death.

When the bell finally rings for lunch, I'm more than relieved. Tex is already waiting for me at my locker when I get there.

“The boys are outside. I may or may not have skipped out of AP Euro early with a headache so I could see Viktor.” I'm guessing the answer is may.

“Come again? Did you just say that you skipped history? Who are you?”

She laughs and loops her arm with mine. “This is the new and improved Tex. I now come with a hot Russian at no extra charge.”

We bust out of the school doors and dash to the parking lot. Technically speaking, only seniors are allowed to leave campus during lunch, but the monitoring is sketchy at best. As long as you aren't a wide-eyed freshman, you can pretty much get away with it.

Peter and Viktor are hanging out next to Tex's car, as if they're guarding it. At the first sight of him, my heart does a happy dance, and everything falls into place. Like it or not, my life is only complete when I'm with him. Whether that is completely due to the Claiming or not, I still haven't figured out. Not that it matters. It is what it is.

I wonder sometimes if he'd been human and we'd both met at school or at a party, what we might have been like. If we would have been a couple.

Obviously, he'd be a much different person. He'd probably smile a lot more and play the guitar. Maybe he'd wear guy-liner and write weird poetry and hang out in cemeteries. I don't know. Peter wouldn't be the same Peter if he was human, that's for sure. Even thinking about wishing that he was human is crazy. I mentally slap myself and smile at him.

“Hey, Peter.”

“Hello, Ava-Claire. How has your day been?”

“Meh. It's better now that you're here.”

“I have told you before that if you want me to enroll in school, Viktor can make it happen,” he says, taking my hand.

“That is true,” Viktor says, pulling something out of his back pocket. He always wears an odd assortment of clothes, and today he has a Batman t-shirt and khakis with a newsboy cap. It's all very hipster chic. He hands me what, for all intents and purposes, looks like a Maine driver's license. I stare at it, but it looks exactly like mine. Except, of course, it has a picture of Viktor on it and his details.

“You're an organ donor?”

“No. I put it on there because people tend to treat you better if you are.” He takes the ID back from me and slips it in his back pocket again.

“Okay, how did you make that?”

“They are not difficult to make. I have had a lot of time to practice. I can also do passports and other documents.”

“Where do you make them?”

“At my place in Russia. I am having a lot of my equipment shipped here.”

“Where are you going to put it?”

“In my room,” Tex pipes up. “If I shove it in the closet, my mom will never know. I can also throw them in a box in the basement of the bookstore. She only sends Toby down there, and if I label it with something generic, he'll never look. Easy as pie.”

“Have you ever made pie? It's not that easy,” I say. She has no idea how difficult pie crust can be.

“Whatever,” she says, gazing adoringly at Viktor. He glances down at her. I haven't seen him smile, either. Maybe Tex can give him lessons. They'd probably involve her taking her clothes off. Strip Smiling. Ew.

“I really don't think it would work, having you at school. Plus, you would be seriously distracting. I don't think I'd get anything done,” I say.

“I think it's a great idea,” Tex says. Of course she does.

I roll my eyes and Viktor gives me a wink. Wait, what? I give him a look and he does it again. There is definitely more to Viktor than meets the eye. Tricksy boy.

“So if you would like it, I can make it happen,” he says, back to Mr. Stoic.

“I think it's a really, really bad idea. Anyway, school is going to be out soon and then we'll have the summer.” I'm going to spend most of my summer with my mother, but I'll spend whatever is left with Peter, and probably working a few hours at the bookstore so I can get my Tex fix. Obviously I'll also add some quality Jamie time, too.

“We do have the summer,” Peter says, swinging our hands.

My skin shivers with excitement that I get to touch him. He doesn't mention the fall, because we both know what happens in the fall. Or maybe even in the summer. I am going to lose my mother, and it's going to break both of us. He is so tied to me that my grief is going to become ours.

“I'm starving,” Tex says.

We all decide to grab a quick bite at Grill Monsters, which is a camper that has been turned into a mobile grill that drives around Sussex in the summer and parks in a different place every day. Sometimes we forget where it's supposed to be and have to drive around to find it, but not today. It's hanging out next to the lumber supply in an unused parking lot. I like Grill Monsters because I can get a veggie burger, and Tex loves the bacon barbecue burger. I'm surprised when she orders it, because it's really messy and she gets sauce all over her face when she eats it. I didn't think she'd want to show that side to Viktor just yet.

“Sorry you can't have any,” Tex says to Viktor before stuffing the burger in her mouth. Real attractive, Tex.

“It is fine. I do not desire food, so I don't miss it. Although, when I was human, my mother used to make a potato casserole that I loved. Somehow I saved the memory of eating that through my change.”