Neither (10 page)

“Well, um, let me give it a shot.”

In case this happened, I had disconnected several of the cables that would be difficult to find unless you were a mechanic.

He turned the key and the engine revved, but didn't catch. He tipped his head to the side, listening. I focused on his eyes, trying to keep my gaze away from his neck where his blood pulsed. The human body had, on average, six quarts of blood. I didn't need much, but I usually took all of it. I couldn't help myself. Blood was my drug of choice. When I had too much I'd just lie naked in the sun for hours in a secluded place, just listening to the sounds of the world. It was peaceful. The only peace I got anymore since Ivan was gone.

“I'm Brooke,” I said as he listened to the car. He took the key out and sat back, as if he was thinking.

“It's nice to meet you, Brooke. Let me go ahead and take a look at your engine.”

No, he couldn't get out of the car. I was going to feed on him. I was going to drain him and be bloated with his spicy blood. But I sat still as he got out of the car. What was wrong with me? I'd killed more people than I could count in the past two weeks. I didn't think about it most of the time. I didn't have to. Mortality was not one of my concerns.

He leaned over the hood again.

“Hey, do you want me to just give you a ride? Then you can get home to your sister and call someone to pick up the car.”

“Sure, that would be great.” Yes, get in the truck with me.

He put the hood down on the car and I got in his truck. It was old and smelled of cigarettes, even though I knew he didn't smoke. The previous owner, based on the similar scent to Jamie, was his father.

“Don't you want to lock it or anything?” Damn. What was I thinking? I wasn't, that was for sure.

“Oh, yeah. I'm just so out of it.”

I hopped out of the truck and locked the doors of the car that wasn't mine. I grabbed the purse that had belonged to the previous owner. It was ugly and big, but a teenage girl didn't go anywhere without a purse. I got back in the truck and found Jamie watching me.

“Where are you from?” he asked. I still hadn't answered his question about where I was from and what I was doing here.

“We just moved here from New Hampshire. My mom has a new boyfriend and he lives around here.”

“Oh, what's his name? Maybe I know him.”

I had no doubt that he knew everyone in town. He seemed like the kind of guy that everyone would know and love. His face lit up the truck and I found myself enjoying the sound of his voice. There was a sweet richness about it, like honey. After becoming immortal I'd discovered that most human voices were unpleasant-sounding. His wasn't.

“So, where do you need to go?”

I floundered for a moment. He glanced at me, expecting an answer.

“Do you mind if we stop at the grocery store first? I have to pick up some cold medicine for my sister.”

“Why don't you give her a call and see if she's okay?”

The woman I'd taken the purse from didn't have a phone, but I rummaged around in the purse, pretending to look. “I can't find it. This is the worst day ever,” I said, being the melodramatic teenager.

“Here, use mine.” He handed me a black phone, and I pretended to make a call, making my voice soft and sweet. I hoped he couldn’t hear that I was not making an actual call. I kept it short, just in case.

“She's fine. Just a little stuffed up. Thank you so much for this, Jamie.” I loved saying his name. It felt natural in my mouth.

Jamie turned off the back road onto one that was more populated.

“What do you think of Sussex so far?”

“It's a lot like New Hampshire. Except for the ocean. I've never really seen it before.”

“You've never seen the ocean?”

“Not until I moved here.”

“Wow, I can't imagine that. I've lived here my whole life.”

I had lived in New Hampshire my whole life.

His blood filled the truck, and I had to clench my hands on the seat so as not to grab him and sink my teeth into his neck or any available vein, really.

He noticed. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” No, I wasn't. “Can you pull over?”

He stopped on the shoulder and I got out, nearly ripping the door off the hinges.

“You're not okay,” Jamie said.

I clenched my knees on the side of the road, pretending I was going to hurl. Why couldn't I just take him? Why was I dragging this out? Cars passed by, but no one else stopped. I couldn't do it now, with so many people around. The only way would be to get him into the woods.

“What's wrong? You can tell me. I promise I'll help you with whatever you need help with. Whatever that is, okay?” He rubbed his hand on my back in slow circles. It wasn't helping my need to kill him.

I turned my head so I could meet his clear blue eyes. I realized that I wanted to kiss him as much as I wanted his blood. His lips were pink, soft and human. I wanted to tackle him in this ditch, tear his clothes from his body and ravage him.

I was a virgin before I become immortal. I had some silly notions about saving myself for the right person. Things were different when I could get pregnant or an STD. Now that I didn't have to worry about that, sex had become a different animal. Ivan and I had shared a few nights together. They'd been wild and raw, and I missed them. I hadn't had sex with a human yet. I was usually too overcome by their blood to think about that part.

“Brooke?”

He was staring at me again. I must have forgotten to blink, so I did so. I also made my chest move a little. All those little things I had to remember to do so he wouldn't be more suspicious than he already was.

“I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. Can we go for a walk?”

“You want to go for a walk?”

“Yes.” I needed to be in an open place where the air would carry away the smell of his blood and I could think.

“Okay, then let's take a walk.” He glanced around, looking for a place. “This way,” he said, nodding with his head.

We crossed the road, leaving his truck behind. We were close to the ocean, I knew that much.

“There just happens to be a little path here that only the locals know about,” he said, hopping over a stone wall and holding his hand out to help me over. I gave him a look and jumped over, landing with more grace than a human. He looked shocked for a moment and then smiled. “You don't look like the type of girl who gets stranded on the side of the road.”

“I'm not,” I said, smiling.

He blinked for a moment before stepping forward, holding a tree branch out of my way. I thought for a moment about breaking it off to show him my strength, but I resisted. The sun peeped down through the trees, making me a little giddy, even though I hadn't had any blood. A breeze tossed my hair and carried Jamie's scent, which mixed with the sharp salt air. I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed it in. I had to keep remembering to move slowly so I didn't scare him. It would be so easy for me to tackle him and drain him in moments. I told myself I was going to do it, but seconds passed and I didn't.

“Will you tell me what's wrong? How I can help you?” He looked back at me, and the sun painted his golden hair with a halo. If I asked him for the keys to his truck, he'd hand them over. He was too good to kill.

“What I want, I won't let you give me.”

“Money? Do you need money? Are you running away from something?”

A laugh escaped my lips. That was another thing I'd learned how to do again, but once I accessed it, laughter came whenever I felt it. I never had to force it like a smile.

“Jamie, you don't know what you're getting yourself into with me. You should turn around and go back to your truck.”

He stopped and studied me. “What are you involved in? Whatever it is, I can help you.”

He could help me by giving me all his blood.

“Just let it go. Can't you just take a walk with me?”

I just wanted to spend some time with him and then move on. I would have to lie low in this town for a while until I found that girl Ivan had talked about. Ava. It was terrible to say, but I was jealous of her. He was crazy about her, even if he wouldn't admit that he loved her. He loved me, too, but it was a different kind of love. So many facets of the same gem.

“Sure, we can take a walk. But at least tell me something about you. All I know is that you're hiding from something, your name is Brooke and that you probably stole those clothes.”

I glanced down at my tank top and skirt. They didn't fit me exactly, but they were close enough. I had stolen them. I hadn't wanted to go back to my house after I'd changed. I would never go back there. I'd seen some half-hearted missing posters with my face on them, but other than that, I hadn't heard anything about my disappearance. The only person who would miss me was Cara. I hoped Dillon, too, but I didn't know. That Brooke was gone, and I had to leave her behind.

“Maybe I did steal these clothes. Does that make me a criminal?” I was flirting with him. I was actually flirting with him.

I needed a mental slap. Well, what I needed was some blood and a day in the sun. I'd gone at least twenty-four hours since I'd last had some. Ivan told me I would need more because I was new, but that would change as I grew into my own as a noctalis. I liked the word vampire better. There was another mythical word to describe me, and I liked that one, too.

He didn't answer my question about being a criminal.

“I like fairies,” I blurted out.

“Fairies?” He blinked at me.

“Yeah, you know? With wings and all?”

“Sure,” Jamie said, holding up another branch for me to pass under.

I brushed my hand on his chest, feeling the beat of his heart through my sensitive skin. The sound drowned out the rustle of animals and leaves and the breathing of the earth. He was a tiny bit scared of me, which only excited me more.

It was a heady thing, being so powerful. It was a wonder there weren't more of us that went on rampages and killed entire towns. I'd had the urge, but had never followed through. Ivan told me about his days when he had done it and how unsatisfying it was. I wasn't going to count it out, but I was still coming into my own. I hadn't decided what kind of immortal I was going to be yet.

“Here we are,” Jamie said, holding his arm out.

I'd seen the place through the trees before he had. It was a little secluded cove, with a few summer homes that decorated the rocks. Most of them were uninhabited, for now. Thankfully, we were alone.

“It's beautiful,” I said, because it was true. I hopped down the rocks to the water's edge, sticking my hand in. It was still too cold for humans, but no water was too cold for me. I looked back at Jamie who watched me with another curious look. “What is it?” I said.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“Your worst nightmare,” I said in a spooky voice. If only he knew. “Jamie, you don't want to know. If I told you, you wouldn't believe me, anyway.”

“Try me.” He folded his arms. Stubborn. I liked stubborn boys. It made them all the more attractive. I just smiled and sat down on the rock, stretching my legs out. I decided to slide off my sandals and stick my feet in the water. My skin twitched with the want to swim, but I ignored it.

Jamie slowly made his way down to me, taking his human time.

“How old are you?” he said.

“Sixteen. You?”

“Seventeen.” He looked out at the water, and then back at me. “Why can't you tell me who you are?” He moved his hand as if to touch my face, but then he put it down. “You don't act like you're sixteen.” It was clear he sensed I was something else.

I had a crazy impulse, probably brought on by my feet being near the water. “I'm going swimming,” I said, standing up and pulling off my tank top until I was just wearing a bra. His eyes bulged as they devoured my skin. I pulled my skirt down deliberately, enjoying the look on his face. I dived down and kissed his cheek before jumping off the rocks and into the water.

“Brooke!” Jamie screamed.

I stayed under for way longer than a human would. I didn't know why, but I was messing with him, trying to see if he'd rescue me. I watched him through the water as he struggled to see if I was going to come up, and also pulling his shirt over his head. I popped my head through the surface of the water.

“Hey, what's wrong?” I grinned and splashed some water at him.

“Oh my God, you're okay.” He paused with his shirt in his hands. His chest was well-muscled. Clearly, he was an athlete. There were tiny scars all over his skin that only I could see, but other than that, he was a perfect specimen. Just the kind of boy human Brooke would have gone for and had an unrequited crush on for years. Noctalis Brooke wanted him for other reasons.

“I'm fine,” I said, kicking my feet back so I could float. The water was probably too cold for him, but it wouldn't be fatal. I laughed, giddy with the feel of the water on my skin. He tried not to stare at my chest. It wasn’t much, but still. The bra I stole was too small, so my boobs looked more ample than they really were. It was all part of the look I was going for. Deadly force in a sweet seductive package.

Nine

Ava

Things calm down for a few days as we wait for the weekend and our guests from India to arrive. Most of the time I alternate between hope and terror. Hope that they can help us and terror that they'll say they can't, or that they'll turn out to be Di's second cousins twice-removed and have a binding promise with her.

Anything is possible.

I also consider telling Peter to change me. He says he will if I ask him. I find myself watching him and imagining how our life would be. What it would be like to belong to him. I already belong to him, but my soul would be his, as well as my heart. I open my mouth at least a hundred times to tell him I'm ready, but then an image of my mother flashes into my head. How can I have the audacity to seize immortality when she's dying? It seems like the most selfish, horrible thing I could possibly do. It feels like spitting in her face. So I shut my mouth and don't say a word.

I'm not going to tell Peter about it. The truth is I feel caught between betraying my mother and setting Peter free. I love him, but she comes first. There will be a time when that could change, but it's not right now. As much as I would give anything for him, I can't betray my mother.