Nepenthe (Bracing for Love #2) (31 page)

WE STAYED IN bed for most of the rest of the day, except when we ate. Today, I'm feeling good, and I want to get out of the apartment. Who could have guessed that would ever happen. Olivia spent the night with me and spends most of the day with me as well.

“Time for you to go,” I declare.

She glances over at me, still wearing my hoodie. “Why?”

“Because you need to get ready. We're going out.”

She doesn't ask questions. Olivia gives me a wide smile, a quick kiss, and then she leaves for her place. I get ready myself and then spend twenty minutes waiting on her in her living room.

“Hey,” she says as she enters. “Want to do yoga and watch
One Tree Hill
when we get back? You're going to feed me, right?”

Chuckling, I stand. “I might. I found an even bigger arcade here, which is where we're going, so you can play for your dinner.”

“Are you going to play for my key again?”

“Yep. And you'll pay for dinner too.”

“You have a deal.” Once we're outside, Olivia dangles her keys with a smirk. “I'll drive.”

“Olivia, no,” I tell her firmly. Unfortunately, our cars are parked within three spaces of one another. “
I'm
taking you out, so I'll drive.”

“But I love driving—” she tries.

“Because you try to imitate what you do in the game. No,” I repeat, opening the passenger door to my car. “Let's go. If you win, I'll let you drive us home.” Compromise is a requirement for relationships, right? Too bad this compromise could get me killed with her driving. That's exactly what she needed to hear to get into my car, though.

“I drive like a normal person, Corey,” she speaks once we're on the road.

“A crazy normal person,” I correct. “You're the reason guys say girls don't know how to drive.”

Olivia makes an irritated groan. “I'm going to take much pleasure in kicking your ass and scaring the hell out of you when I drive home.”

There's no way I can lose now. I was already determined because I want her spare key, but even more so after hearing that. The drive doesn't last long and Olivia wastes no time once we walk inside. We exchange cash for coins and she drags me over to the air hockey table first.

“No rules,” she says before dropping the puck onto the table and shooting it towards me. I score within seconds. “Son of a bitch,” she grumbles and I try to hold back my laugh. My smirk, however, refuses to hide. Olivia glares at me.

I'm on my game today because I win within the next two minutes.

“Best three out of five,” she comments, restarting the game.

We rally back and forth for about thirty seconds. I can feel her determination from over here, so I start thinking of ways to distract her. Since she said no rules, all is fair. As the puck glides across towards her, I blurt out, “I love you.”

“Huh?” She looks up, her hand still, and it's enough for me to score. “Damn it, Corey! That's not fair.”

“Yes, it is. You said there weren't any rules.”

Olivia groans. “Fine.”

We get back to playing and she ends up winning this round. Unfortunately for her, I win the next two. She's not wearing a low-cut shirt today, so she can't use her body as means to distract me. At least, not in that way. We move to darts next. Olivia starts off winning, but loses focus along the way when I wrap my arms around her waist and whisper a few dirty sentences into her ear like last time. When it's my turn to throw the dart, Olivia stands in front of me, snaking her arms around my neck.

“What are you doing?” I question, poised and ready to throw.

“I'm going to kiss my boyfriend.” She smirks. Then she tilts her head a little, leans forward and kisses me. I kiss her back, keeping my eyes open, as I turn us enough for me to see the board out of the corner of my eye. God, let's hope my aim is good. With a flick of my wrist, the dart goes flying. Olivia pulls back as she hears the thump of contact. We both look to see where it went. Olivia laughs. The thump was it hitting the wall, softly landing on the carpet below. “Sucks for you,” she sings.

From then on, I do one of the hardest things I've ever done. Ignore Olivia and her antics. She still wins a few of the games, but by the end of the night, I've won by three.

“Hmm. Maybe we should have steaks tonight. Or lobster. Or something expensive,” I ponder aloud as we walk to my car.

“You won, so whatever you want.” She shrugs her shoulders.

“You're being awfully nice for a sore loser.” It's odd, really.

Once we're in the car and heading to the restaurant, Olivia finally responds. “Maybe that's because I let you win.”

“You what? You did not. You hate losing. There's no way you let me win.”

She sighs. “It's better than saying I lost because I suck. Let a girl dream, Corey.”

“You're just having an off day. You can redeem yourself later this week with the racing game.”

Olivia smiles in appreciation.

“OKAY, HERE YOU go.” Olivia's voice is nonchalant as she hands over her spare key. We're sitting on her couch, watching
One Tree Hill
. I run my thumb over the rough edge as she adds, “Use it responsibly.”

My lips quirk into a smile. “I will. Thanks, Olivia.”

“It's no big deal. We only live across the hall from each other.”

I pull my spare from my pocket and hand it to her. “Here's mine. This isn't a big deal to you? That I'm letting you have it all the time. So this way you don't have depend on whether it's in my genius hiding spot or not.” I lay an arm around her shoulders, tucking her into my side. “It's not a big deal that I'm trusting you with my key and therefore my apartment?” I finish softly.

Her voice is soft when she speaks, turning the key over in her fingers. “You're right. I guess I got nervous for a second. Anyway, thanks.”

My brows tug together with displeasure. “Why were you nervous?”

Olivia takes a big, shaky, deep breath. “It's a large gesture and you mean so much to me. I don't want something to go wrong with us. I don't want to have to ask you for my key back or for you to have to ask for yours back. For a second, I was worried about that. Totally normal. No need to think about it anymore.”

“As long as you don't give up on me, then you don't have to worry about anything. Trust me, I'm not going anywhere.”

THE WEEK GOES pretty well. I feel good, and that makes a world of difference. We've started a new project at work, which I'm really excited about. This time, we're fixing up an old house. I've enjoyed learning more. Today, I leave early for an appointment with Ms. Cynthia. I'm sitting in the waiting room, waiting because what else do you do here.

My phone buzzes in my hand with a text. Then buzzes again with a second. I slide my finger across the screen to see one from Patrick and one from Olivia.

Patrick: Luce wants us to go to NHL game for your birthday. Said you liked hockey now??

Olivia: You're on your own tonight. Chelsea is taking me out. :)

I take a moment to text Olivia first.

Me: Have fun.

Then I text Patrick.

Me: I've seen two games on TV and it wasn't that bad, so yeah, I liked it. Sounds fun.

Patrick: It'll be Saturday. Is Olivia coming? Luce said since it's your birthday, you can bring her if you want

Me: Will let you know. Later. Therapist appt

I hit send and stand to follow Ms. Cynthia to her office.

“How are you doing today, Corey?” she begins.

“Pretty good actually.” I catch her up on the last week.

“I'm impressed with your progress. I'm proud of you and I'm happy you have someone like Olivia on your side. Talking seems to be getting easier for you.”

I laugh because I still don't like it. “Easier, yes, but not preferable.”

Ms. Cynthia doesn't look amused. She clasps her hands together and leans forward a bit in her seat. “You are the type of person who likes to keep things inside. You truly do prefer it that way, even though it hurts more. Even though it can hurt those around you. The thing is, you like talking too. But it's harder and why you don't prefer that. There's something I want us to discuss today and I don't want you to put up a fight.”

My muscles immediately tense and my hands start to sweat. “But I'm having a good day,” I protest quietly. What does she want to talk about anyway?

“I'm not going to ruin it. This will be good for you. Do you trust me? I won't continue unless you give me the green light.”

“I guess.”

The moment before she speaks, I decide that no, I do not trust her.

“When did your parents die?”

My lungs halt mid-breath. No. She wants to do this today? She waits patiently for me to begin breathing again. “I was ten,” I mumble, looking down at my legs and running my hands over my jeans.

“Before this weekend with Olivia, when was the last time you talked about them?”

“I've talked about them maybe six times since they died.” My chest aches. I wish it was a sharp pain, but no. It's the kind I'm more familiar with. A dull hum of pain that's steady and unwavering. I rest my elbow on my knees, fold my hands together, and place my chin on them.

“It must have been hard to lose them both at such a young age. Who did you lean on?”

I frown. “What? I didn't.”

“Why not?”

Sighing, I close my eyes for a moment. “I've talked to Olivia about this some. Do I have to do this?”

Ms. Cynthia shakes her head. “You don't have to do anything, Corey.”

She wants me to talk, though.

“Look, they were killed. They didn't just die. Someone took their lives while my sister was there. I needed to be strong for her and for my brothers. I didn't want to lean on someone. I didn't want to cry. I wanted my fucking parents and neither of those things would bring them back. So, I didn't lean on anyone. I didn't cry. I was there for my siblings and I played football.

“I'm not sure what you want me to tell you. To this day, I don't want to talk about them, I don't want to see pictures of them, and I don't want to think of them more than I have to. That kind of pain...” I shake my head. “It's as potent as the day we buried them. It doesn't go away, doesn't lessen, and sure as hell doesn't help to talk about it.” She should pat me on the back for staying calm through all of that. Although, my throat is sore and my eyes are watery from the tears threatening to fall. God, what is wrong with me?

Ms. Cynthia is quiet, thinking it over. “You never cried when you were younger?”

“No, I did a few times. I just tried not to. All my focus shifted to football and my emotions were channeled into that.”

She leans forward and surprises me by taking one of my hands, holding it between both of hers. “Listen to me, Corey.” Her voice is soft and gentle. “You avoid the topic of your parents because of the pain. I understand that. However, the more you avoid it, the more it hurts. I'm not saying it will go away, but it won't be quite so difficult. The more you do it, the easier it will be. It'll still hurt. It just won't be suffocating. What are you doing for your birthday?”

Her change in subject distracts me for a moment as she releases my hand and leans back into her seat. “Going with my siblings to a hockey game,” I reply automatically.

“Is Olivia going?”

“I don't know yet. I haven't asked her.”

She nods. “I'm giving you a bit of a homework assignment. I want you to say one thing about your parents while you're with your siblings. If they bring it up, then there's your chance. If not, you need to bring them up. You have to start somewhere, Corey, and I think it needs to be with your siblings.”

I told my siblings I would try. Everyone says this will be good for me and that I need to do it. For those reasons, I nod and promise I will.

“I'M NOT GOING,” Olivia firmly repeats for the third time. “If Ms. Cynthia wants you to talk about your parents with your siblings, then I don't want to be there, Corey. It would feel like I'm intruding on a personal, family moment. You don't need me with you, so I'm staying here.”

I
do
need her with me. She'll keep me calm and give me the support I need to complete the “homework” I was given. “Olivia,” I begin. “It's my birthday. Are you really going to turn me down?”

“Yes,” she replies simply, causing me to groan. She climbs into my lap and straddles me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “You can have me all day Sunday for your birthday, but I'm not going to the hockey game.”

“There's nothing I can do or say to make you change your mind?” I ask in one last attempt, resting my hands on her thighs.

Olivia gives me a sexy smile. “Nope. You can still try, though.”

It sucks that I most likely won't take her up on the offer. My mind is too busy wondering how much harder it will be without Olivia by my side.

“Hey.” She must have noticed because her voice is soft. “You can do this. You don't need to worry so much. It's only your siblings who love you and loved your parents just as much. You're strong, Corey. You can do it.”

“I love you,” I tell her in a low voice. “I'm grateful to have you. More than you could ever know.”