Never Been Kissed: A Never Been Novel (16 page)

Fuck it, just tell him. Maybe he’ll be grossed out by the way you want him, an
d he’ll leave you alone. And I’ll know the truth. That no guy that looks like him could ever want someone who looks like me.

I glare at him. “I think you’re so bloody beautiful, I’m wondering what you’re doing here on the couch with me, when you have Alysha on the backburner. And
that
makes me uncomfortable.”

The way his breath comes out of his nose forcefully reminds me of a bull pawing at the ground. “I guess I deserve that.”

“Yeah, you deserve it! You’ve been with Alysha a long time, am I right?” He nods, a shallow dip of his chin. “The whole tossing her aside thing is more than freaking me out. Beautiful guys like you, they use and destroy girls like me. And if you can toss aside Alysha when she’s clearly that gorgeous, I’m wondering what’s in store for me.”

Oh, shit. His warm hand settles at the nape of my neck, and my dumb body starts shivering from head to toe.
“Baby, you’re not getting it. The question isn’t if you’re good enough for me, looks-wise, personality-wise, what the fuck ever, but whether I’m good enough for you.”

I fist my hands in my lap and glare at him, oblivious to all the gunfire in the movie.

“Then prove it to me. Prove to me that I’m good enough for you.”

“I thought I was doing that, Sera.
You think Aly even says hello to Matty, you think she talks to him about Batman and Superman? Yeah, right. She can’t even fucking deal with my sugars let alone the kid. You think Aly plays with him? Christ, Sera, did you see how he asked you play soccer? I don’t even do that, and you’re a stranger. That means something to me. From where I’m sitting you’re more than good enough. And I haven’t even started on the killer body you have.”

Ha, killer body.

“Speaking of the soccer game - why did you bloody kiss me when I took my penalty kick? I ended up scoring and I made him cry.” I sound like a little kid that scraped her knee, voice all pinched with hurt. “I was going to miss.”

Hunter lets me change the subject with a little nod of his head.
“You don’t think he would’ve known that? He’s four, not an idiot.”

This is true. “But he cried! And it’s my fault!” I breathe out heavy air
.

“Sera, that’s a lesson he has to learn. He has limitations, he needs to know that he can’t push his body like everyone else
can.”

“But he’s four! Can’t he learn that lesson when he’s forty-five or something?” I wave off into the distance to a future I’m not sure I’ll be part of.

“This isn’t what I really wanted to talk about.”

“Oh-kay...” I swallow what little saliva my mouth has l
eft. “I’m still pissed at you.”

“Are you pissed because you messed up? Or is it because I kissed you and you lost your concentration?” He palms my face so I can look at him. I can’t read what’s on his face, in hi
s eyes with only the blue glow.

“T
hey’re one and the same, Hunt.”

“No, baby, they’re not and you know it.” His thumb traces my cheek bone, lulling me. I catch my eyes drooping and tell them to pay attention. “We’re going to take it slow, as slow as you want to
go. I don’t want you running.”

“What will I run from? What’s so bad
about you?”

He tenses
, and his thumb stops moving on my face. I want to nudge my face into his hand to make him keep going. “I’m screwed up, just like everybody else. I have demons, just like everybody else. But I’m going to show you the good, Sera, so when we get to the bad, you’ll stay – because you want to.”

“You’re kinda freaking me out. This isn’t normal dating b
ehavior.”

“Am I normal?”

I’m so badass, I run my hands along his scalp. The sound he makes almost sounds like a purr. “Well, yeah. I don’t see horns sprouting out of your head, and your chompers don’t have any sharp edges to suck my blood with. Unless you’re a werewolf?”

“I like how you make me laugh
when I’m trying to be serious,” he says, and kisses my cheek. My heart does a happy dance, and something warm hits my belly. Shit, I
really, really
like him.

“I like making people laugh.” I state, clearing my throat
. “Still, I don’t know why you’re telling me this up front. Or why you want to date me. What about Alysha?”

“I’ll deal with Aly
. She and I were over last month, my mom just doesn’t know it yet.” He says the words like he’s biting them off a piece of raw steak. “All you need to worry about is you and me. I don’t lie, Sera, but you don’t know that much about me to get that. You’ll learn, soon enough. I don’t cheat; my asshole father did enough of that. I don’t do drugs, or drink out of hand – I have Matty to look after.”

I nod, blink slowly at him. I want to see his face, I want to find the corner of his mouth and kiss him there. But I want to reassure him more. “I’m stubborn, you’ll get that soon enough. I have demons, too, which isn’t a surprise. So, I’m asking you to take this slow with me, to see where this goes. If it ends badly,” his arm tightens around my shoulders like even if it does happen in the future, he’s going to refuse to let me go. “I... I want us to be friends. I can be your fr
iend, Hunt. I’m a good friend.”

“I haven’t had a friend in a long time, baby. I might
have forgotten how to be one.”

A knife twists in my heart.
Being a badass can get lonely sometimes.

“Like riding a bike, or swimming. You know how to do it. As a friend, wanna come over to my buddy’s housewarming on Saturday? Um, we can bring Matty
along, but he might get bored-”

“No. I’ll make arrangements.” He nods once, and kisses my cheek so bloody
close
to the corner of my mouth I end up holding my breath. “That was the last one, I swear. From now on, you call the shots. You want my arm off you?”

“I-I kind of like it where it is,” I whisper, almost sighing when the weight of it settles more deep
ly across my shoulders.

“I taped
The Outsiders
for you, if you want to watch that.”

I lean back and stare at him, mouth open. “How the
frak
did you know I love
The Outsiders?
”

He grins in the blue glow, eyes crinkling a
t the corners. “Your shirt, ‘My heart belongs to Ponyboy Curtis’. I looked it up. Didn’t think I could be jealous of a guy in a book. But I was.”

I don’t smile like a fool or say something mortifying like
I love you
. I don’t say any of these things – out loud. Instead, I settle in to watch the movie, hoping against hope that this – whatever it is- will turn into something so much more.

Bitching. Matty’s bitching – yelling, using the word crap (which he thinks is a bad word) in every way possible.

“Crap car, crap seat! I w
ant to come with you and Sera!”

I want to laugh, so much so that I’ve rolled my lips into my mouth and clamped them shut. I can’t stop the shaking as I laugh quiet
ly.

“Enough, kid. You can’t come with us. You’re s
taying with Grandma and Eddie.”

Matty sniffs and starts kicking the back of my seat.

“Hey! Stop it! Jesus, I need some alone time,” Hunter mutters and Matty stops talking, sniffling and breathing altogether. My stomach twists at his words. A child’s interpretation of the words is bound to become warped, and I’m afraid Matty is going to misunderstand. Hunter sighs, buckling him in with a few more tugs and clicks.

I reach my hand back without looking at Matty after Hunt closes his doo
r and is coming around to the driver’s side. When his little paw sits in my palm, I give him a squeeze.

“Next time, okay, little buddy? Next time you get to come with us, alright?”
Matty doesn’t answer. The silence pummels me, settling like a cold, wet blanket around my shoulders.
Shit
.

Hun
ter gets in, cranks the engine over without so much as looking at me. Ten minutes pass before he apologizes.

“Matty, I’m sorry.” Hunter’s got a death grip around the steering wheel, knuckles f
lashing white. He stares straight ahead, but keeps looking in the rear-view mirror trying to keep eye contact with Matty. “We just need some grown-up time, okay? We’ll come get you when we’re done, and Sera will read to you when we get home.”

“Yeah, little buddy. We need to find out what’s under that trap door, right?” I say, referencing
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
. We both ignore the fact that if the night goes well, and everyone gets along, we’ll be home late, and Matty’ll be asleep. We’re lying to him so we can get some time to ourselves – so I can get to know Hunter the man, minus the Dad title. Still feels like a shitty thing to do.

“Fine, but I want a whole three chapters tonight! Even if I fall asleep, you have to wake me up so you can read!” Matty grumbles, no longer kicking the back of my seat.

“Kid- what did we say about asking and telling?” The leather around the steering wheel groans as Hunter looks back in the rear-view mirror. “Ask Sera nicely to read to you tonight. Please.”

“I don’t want to! I want to come with you
and Sera! Please? Why can’t I?”

Hunter sighs, scratching his
cheek; sounds like he has stubble.

“Stop it right now. You’re
going to grandma’s and that’s it. Deal.”

I keep quiet. This is not my place, to interject in Hunter’s parenting skills or whatever. Not like there’s a guidebook or a
Parenting for Dummies
or something like that to help him out. He does as he sees fit. He’s Matty’s Dad and I’m just... uh...not his Mom.

I stay in the car when we drop off Matty, and the kid is going berserk, kicking and punching and howling like he’s a wolf who’s got his paw caught in
a trap. Awful to hear and the familiar guilt comes back like a long lost old friend, hot and heavy in the pit of my gut.

“Sorry. He’s been wigging out all day long. I
think he had a bad day at daycare or something,” Hunter says, closing the door and cranking the car over again. He’s quiet for a time, the only sound the engine and slight whistle of wind coming from my open window. I’m content enough to watch the scenery go by; streetlamps burning amber, people and kids walking in the dusk light laughing, enjoying summer at last.
“I’m not a bad Dad,” he says.

I whip around to look at him, and his eyes flash at me a second a before he turns to look forward again.

“I never said you were.” I worry the hem of my
Wonder Woman
red tank, and chew on my lip. “I can’t judge you, Hunt. You’re doing the best you can.”

He huffs out a breath from his nose and turns on the radio. I think I sa
id what he needed to hear.

I’m not sure how it works, but we’re all struggling with something, and I have no right to judge what he’s going throug
h because I haven’t been there.

Still, I’m nervous of what’s going to happen tonight. I really, really,
really
want my buddies to like him. S’all I need, five people yelling in my ear that this guy is no good for me. I’m at the point that no matter how much bitching they do – I’m going for it. I deserve this small slice of happiness, even if it’s only for a little while.

Walking into Alex’s duplex
, we’re greeted by Tommy, Josh, Eli (another Greek) and Katie passing around wine. Alex smiles and kisses me on the cheek when I hand him over a homemade strawberry cheesecake.

Alex own
s the upstairs part of the duplex and lives with his girlfriend, Teresa. Having just moved in, the walls are bare and white, but the living room is spacious enough for two giant leather couches, and a humongous flat-screen TV on the far wall, hooked up to a couple of gaming consoles, speakers on either side.

When the room
goes quiet, I know they’ve spotted Hunter. I’m glad Alex has taken the cake tin away since my palms start to sweat and my blood pounds in my ears. I’m turning red, and biting the inside of my cheek so I don’t give into the insane urge to yell out that Hunter is hopefully going to pop my cherry sometime in the near future.

“
Everyone, this is Hunter. My next door neighbour.” In my head, Rocky raises his arms in victory, bloodied and hardly able to see.

The boys come forward first, doing their weird handshake,
fist-bump thing. Katie gives Hunter a kiss on both cheeks - as we always do when we greet each other - but I still can’t help the little heated flare of jealousy that burns inside my chest cavity. In the fairy tale world, yeah, Katie and Hunt would be perfect for each other –two exceptionally good looking people.

Bloody hell
, Katie wasn’t there, taking him to the hospital, or rubbing honey into his gums.
I
did that.
Me.
So he’s mine.
He’s mine!

I’m distracted by being petty when Josh comes to stand in front of me.
“Hey, beautiful,” Josh says, giving me a hug and loud kisses on both my cheeks. “Is he really your next door neighbour?” he asks with a grin, the second part of the question implied, arms going around my shoulders.

“I didn’t pay him to escort me to the housewarming, Jos
hy. I’m not that far gone yet.”

Josh smiles
, kisses my cheek with a smack loud enough that Hunter looks at the both of us, eyebrows low on his face. I don’t think it’s normal that I find his badassness so hot.

“Hey, kitten.” Tommy says, kissing
me on both cheeks, when Josh moves back to go to the kitchen. “So? Where did you get this guy? He doesn’t look like a biker to me.” He jerks his thumb behind his shoulder, indicating Hunter. “Although he does look rough around the edges.”

I roll my eyes
, disentangle myself from his grip around my shoulders. Funny how I never noticed all this before, how much the guys are affectionate with me. Something warm slithers through my chest, and I catch myself grinning at Tommy.

“How about you get me a drink and stop asking me dumb questions?”

Tommy shakes his head and smiles at his feet. “Yeah, sure. Corona’s, good?”

I nod, finally stepping up to Katie. “Jesus, he’s delicious. The boys are going to have to beat their chests extra loud ‘
cause he’s an outsider, and way, way,
way
better-looking than all three of them combined.” Katie bites her lip, and her dark eyes fill up with mischief. “Hunter MacLaine just raised the testosterone level to the stratosphere.”

I watch as Hunter is surrounded by my four boys, all nodding and talking to him at once. Hunt looks odd in my group of friends – taller and bigger than all of them, demanding a presence even in his jeans, and wrinkled t-shirt, while the rest of them are wearing expensive denim and button-down shirts. God, Hunter would look amazing in a suit and tie. The image makes me want to sink to the floor, and something in my lower belly clenches. I bite
my lip, and hope I don’t moan.

“Yeah,” I breathe. “
You think he’s okay with them?”

“Obviously. The boys’ll
be perceptive, and then we’ll discuss tomorrow. They know how to gage a guy, and what his intentions are. They’ve all gotten ass before with the sole intention of getting a girl into bed for one night only. They know what to look for, trust me.”

“I don’t want t
o leave him to the wolves, K.”

She shakes her head and snorts. “They’re more like puppies, anyway. But ankle-biters so that when they want to, they
can cause some serious damage.”

I’m still laughing when Tommy comes back with my beer. “Thank
s.”

“You’re welcome, kitten. So w
ho’s this guy you brought?” Tommy smacks his lips and licks them when he’s done sipping his beer. I used to think about that mouth quite a bit in the past. Now, all I can dream about is Hunter.

I take
a sip, wishing I had a slice of lime, but guys don’t think of these things when they have friends over.
“I really wish I never answered your question about what my type was. You’ve been holding it over my head for five years now.”

Tommy chuckles, and I’m again struck with the contrast of the two men; Hunter and my buddy. I think I was into Tom
my because he was the only who ever paid attention to me, teased me, and my stupid brain thought it was affection. Hunter’s starting to show me different.

“Who would have thought, kind, sweet and quiet Sera would harbour
such dark desires for a thug?”

I stiff
en and I flash my teeth. “He’s not a thug. He’s a good person. He’s sweet and kind.” I bite off my words, saying them through clenched teeth.

Tommy stares, blinking slowly. Then his frosty blue eyes li
ght up. “Does he have tattoos?”

“Yes,” I
say, still clenching my teeth.

“Piercings?”

“Yeah.” I fidget, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

“So he’s not clean cut, aka a thug,” and Tommy salutes me with the neck of his beer like that’s the end of the conversation.
Asshole.

“
You’re ignorance astounds me. Jesus, Hunter’s my friend, Tommy. Don’t be a dick.” I’ve grabbed hold of his sleeve, twisting the material in my hand. “Your behaviour is going to reflect on me. I’m asking you, please, tone it down. Alright? For me?” Despite the cold seeping into my hand from the beer, I’m burning with anger, with guilt, with shame and I don’t know why. “This is important to me. Don’t do anything stupid, and try to be nice.
Please.
”

Tommy
leans in and kisses my cheek – odd, even for him. “For you, kitten. I’ll watch my mouth. I can’t vouch for the others though.”

I sigh.
“Thank you.” I know the other three are always on patrol for the shit that comes out of Tommy’s mouth. I don’t have anything to worry about from them. I still watch nervously as I go help Teresa in the kitchen, setting out paper plates, cups, forks and knives. Hunter seems to be alright.

I stuff a cherry tomato in my mouth, while I contemplate going over to the gang just to see what Hunter will do. Will he put his arm around my sh
oulders? Will he keep me close?

I watch Alex move to the living room wall, and buzz the delivery guy for Chinese food, while there’s a commotion with the guys searching their pockets for tip change. Soon Styrofoam boxes are arranged on the two tables they’ve set up, and the boys argue where to put what, and which way the line should go to pick food from. First world problems.

“That was fucking weird, even for Russia. I mean, what the fuck? Why is he so interested? Shit, I hope he listens to you, Sera. That asshole has a potential to ruin a good night.” Katie says, adding some more lip gloss to her mouth without a mirror. Pretty badass, if you ask me.“Why are we friends with him again?”