Never Been Loved (13 page)

When I get to his daycare, the kid is bawling in Miss Melissa’s arms, and nearly breaks her hold on him when he sees me. He’s never done that before, run to me out of some sort of desperation. My stomach’s twisted into knots, and my throat’s tight.

“Daddy! Daddy! I thought you went to the hospital again!” He sobs into my shoulder when he collides with my chest and wraps his arms around my neck.

Ah, fuck, I feel like a total heel. Stupid asshole, I had to have that nap.

Good job, MacLaine.

Christ, what would happen if I had to go to the hospital and Matty was at daycare? What would happen then? Mom’s the emergency contact, but depending on how deep she’s into her daily alcohol, well, she might not be the best choice. Aly? Fuck, no, she’d leave Matty behind and disregard the phone call from the hospital.

“No, kid, I’m right here. Sorry I’m late.”

Matty leans back from me, hands on my shoulders. “Really? Are you tired?” he asks.

I swallow past the lump in my throat.

“Yeah, Matty. I’m tired.” I look over his shoulder to see Miss Melissa giving me the bitch glare.
She’d set me on fire if she could.
I give her a useless nod and move to get back to my car.

“You want some McDonald’s or something?” he asks, while I strap him in the car seat. I hate how he knows to ask me that question. I fucking hate it.

“You want a Happy Meal, kid?”

“I really want one, Daddy. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease!” he adds as an afterthought.

“Yeah, all right. I’ll get you one. Or are you hungry enough to eat two?”

The kid looks at me like I’ve grown a tumour on my neck and it’s started speaking in Swahili. Jesus, I don’t know how to make a joke with a little kid.

“I could... I could eat a whole cow!” he says while throwing his arms wide.

“All right. I’ll buy you two.”

Little hands seize the collar of my shirt when I pull back to close his door. His blue eyes are bright and his mouth is open in shock or surprise. “But what if I can’t eat them both? What if I get too full?”

I tilt my head at him. “Then we’ll put it in the fridge. You can have it tomorrow if you want.”

That calms him some, and he lets me go.
Weird.

I drive us back home and check Matty’s sugar. He’s a bit high, so I end up shooting him with some insulin, figuring he’s going to be bouncing off the walls before he gets to bed. The kid doesn’t disappoint.

I can’t stomach food. Maybe my sandwiches at lunch went bad or something. Even thinking about ingesting something has my mouth pooling with saliva in a pre-vomit ritual.
Stop it, stop thinking about food.

I settle on the couch, lying down until I get my head on the sweet-spot of the armrest and cover my eyes with my arm. Matty’s yelling at the TV at my feet, watching Dora or some shit cartoon that I never bothered to remember.

I’m relaxed and if my head feels fuzzy it’s just because I’m so tired. Yeah, I just need to sleep. And if my toes have gone numb and my muscles don’t feel like they belong to me anymore, well, it’s because I’m so goddamned tired – of everything.

Except Matty’s fucking voice is pummelling me every fucking time he yells. I don’t bother to open my eyes to yell at him to stay quiet. I let my body settle deeper into the couch, ignoring everything, even the way my body feels weightless, like I’m in water, floating away, away, away...

Sound comes rushing back in a wave of pain and a sick dread. My sugar’s dropped, and badly.

“Actually, buddy, we need to get him something to eat. You have any honey?”

Shuffling? A chair scraping across the kitchen floor?
What the fuck just happened?

“Hunter?” Shit, Sera’s here. She’s seeing me like this. Fucking hell, I can’t move – I don’t even know if I can speak.
Did she just tackle me?
“Hunter, can you hear me?”
C’mon, man. Open your eyes. Open ‘em. You know you wanna look at her.

Fuck, but I do, even like this, in my weakness. The warmth of her palm against my cheek as she looks at me with worry makes me angry. I don’t want her to look at me like that. I’m fine – I’ll be fine.

“I need to give you food,” she says, and my stomach lurches. Yeah, not going to happen anytime soon. I really, really just want to go to sleep. Why does everyone insist on waking me up.

“If I eat, I’ll vomit.” I say, opening and closing my eyes. Movement in my peripherals brings Matty into my field of vision, holding the plastic teddy bear of honey out to Sera.

Smart. She’s strong, and beautiful, and smart, too. I’m a goner. Plus, she’s not running away screaming from the both of us, sick dogs that we are.

Except she’s not getting that I’m going to upchuck on her shirt if she gives me anything to eat. “I told you, I’m going to throw up if I eat anything.” I try to inject more authority into my voice. I sound about as threatening as a boy band. Jesus, what the hell is going through my head?

“It’s this or an ambulance.” She says, squeezing honey onto her finger. “Open wide.”
Every cell in my body rebels when she pushes her finger into my mouth.

Food! That’s food, we’re going to throw up, we’re going to throw up!

I pull in a breath through my nose and focus on her face. The crinkle between her eyebrows as she’s fully absorbed in rubbing honey on the inside of my cheek. I can see her pulse jumping at the base of her throat, and the way her eyes are staring at me, willing me to get better.

Well, fuck.

“Just swallow when you have to, and don’t worry about anything else. Matty, look in my purse for my phone, please? Thanks, buddy.”

I let her take care of me, swiping honey on the insides of either cheek and my gums. When I’m done, I wrap my fingers around her wrist and mumble, “No more.”

Even her frown is adorable. “You’re feeling a bit better?” she asks

It takes me a minute to process her question. I can feel my toes and fingers, and my heart’s all nice and steady in my chest.

My surroundings don’t look as blurry, her features hitting me full force. She’s absently chewing on her bottom lip, and Jesus Christ - “I thought you would have gone for the glucagon or something.”

Sera shakes her head like she should’ve known better, then looks at me with a determined look on her face.

“I knew this would work. Happened to my mom, once. I gave her honey like this ’cause the pack had expired. She was okay after that.” When she frowns, her bottom lip juts out just a little. “Will you let me take your sugar again? I don’t want you moving unless you have to.”

What the fuck? She took my sugar already? And she didn’t faint at the sight of blood?
Stupid, she checked Matty’s yesterday.
“Again?”

“Yeah, I did it before. So I need to do it again. I’m going to need my hand to do that, Hunt.”

Right, I’m still holding onto her wrist with her honey-covered finger.

Just a taste, just one and I’ll never ask for more...

I stare at her face while I tug her closer, bringing her finger closer to my mouth. I suck on her skin, swirling my tongue over it, taking the last drop of honey that doesn’t make me feel like I want to upchuck.

Fucking shit, I just did that. Yeah, I just did. Maybe she will run away screaming now. She looks away from me instead, even when I pop her finger out of my mouth, and lose the grip I have on her wrist.

There. I’ve had my taste.

I let Sera take my sugar again, swabbing my middle finger with alcohol, prepping the lancet and shooting me with a fleeting moment of pain. She doesn’t seem bothered by my blood, or that she has to take my sugar for me. Mom and Aly always made it seem disgusting.

I should say something. I should say,
Thank you for saving my life...again. Will you let me worship you?

Sera moves away from me, and I lose her warmth at my ribs when Matty barges in. I’m equal parts pissed he interrupted us, and happy that she has another chance to get away.

“Where are you going, Sera?” Matty asks.

Sera stops, halfway to my door, shoulders tensed. She swivels to look back at us, and I palm Matty’s belly so that he doesn’t go begging her to stay.

“I’m going home. Your dad’s fine now, kiddo.”

Matty shrugs me off like I’m nothing and beelines for Sera’s legs, colliding with her thighs.

“What if it happens again?” I hear him say as I struggle to sit up. I do it slowly enough that dizziness isn’t a problem, but I have to close my eyes and concentrate. It takes a second to get it – Jules’ kid is worried about me, worried about losing me.

Ah, fuck.

I wipe a hand down my face and struggle to keep a hold of my testosterone. I’m going to breakdown, I know it, Sera knows it. She’s settled her fantastic ass right next to me again, the sliver of leather couch holding her close. She pulls my free hand into both of hers and gives me a squeeze. A fucking squeeze that could mean all sorts of things: pity, comfort, concern. I don’t even care which one it is, but I’m going to take it.

This girl, this girl could change everything.

I drop my hand from my face and look at her, really look at her. Aly is more exotic looking. Sera’s literally the girl next door – approachable, kind, and compassionate. She’s fucking sweet. Aly’s a bitch with a sweet piece between her legs, but I think Sera’s could be even sweeter if she would ever let me get that close.

She’s also got the sweetest ass I’ve ever seen, sweats or skinny jeans – it doesn’t matter. Her flesh is going to be the best place to land my hands on when I finally kiss her. I want this girl in my life, I just need to get her to believe that she wants to be here, with me and Matty.

Yeah. Better chance of curing yourself, buddy.

“Can you watch him for a bit? Please? I want to take a shower.” I rub my hand over my face quick, catching the way her pulse is jumping at the base of her throat and her cheeks are tinted pink. I did that, and I didn’t even do anything yet.

The prospect that she can still find me attractive after what she just saw has me reeling.
Fuck yeah, I want this girl in my life.

“Sure. I can do that,” she says, doing a little reassuring chin dip.
Adorable.
So fucking adorable.

I wrap my fingers around one of her wrists, and pull her even closer to me. If I look to the side right now, I know Matty’s watching. Let him watch, he needs to see this.

“Thank you for taking care of me. Let me make it up to you, Sera. Will you let me take you to breakfast tomorrow morning?”
I have another illness, and her name is Sera.

She snorts, actually snorts. Aly would slit her own wrists before she snorted in front of anyone, least of all me.

“We tried breakfast, remember? I say something ‘wrong’, you get all pissy, and then I walk home. What makes you think I’m going to
let you
ruin my favourite meal of the day?”

I can’t look at her. If I do, I’m going to burst out laughing. Shit, she just sassed me, totally just called me out. I fucking love it.

“I’m sorry I’m an asshole.”

“Daddy said a bad word! I get a quarter!” Matty jumps up and down between us.
Saved by the kid, MacLaine.

“Why do you get a quarter?” Sera asks, head bobbing up and down as she follows Matty’s jumps.

“He loves those bubble gum balls from the dispensers. He won’t eat any other kind,” I say, glancing down at her chest. I think she caught me, but I had to see. I had to.
Burdened with glorious purpose. Yeah, Sera, you’ve saved my life twice already, what are you gonna do next?

“So? Will you go to breakfast with me tomorrow morning?” I prompt, still holding her wrist.

Her eyes are wide, and that crinkle between her eyebrows is back. “I have work early. I have to be in at seven. I eat at sixish.”

I can’t stop myself from grinning. “That’s fine. I’m up by then, anyway.” Her shoulders slump and her lower lip juts out, just enough that I’m going to fantasize about it for the next twenty-four hours. “I’m gonna go take that shower now.”

To torture myself, I bump my hips against her sexy ass, and she stumbles to get out of my way. I get another blush and don’t feel like my body’s pissed off at me for fucking up with my sugars.

In my room, I grab some boxers and sweats and take a t-shirt. I toss them back on the bed before walking in to take my shower. I’m going to be an asshole and show her what she’s missing. At least I look good.

“Why are you
naked
?!” I’m not naked, just shirtless, after I hastily dried myself off. I half-expect her to palm her chest, like she might faint at the sight of me. Her face is telling a different story, though.

Even Aly has never looked at me like this. Sera takes her time, each sweep of her eyes over my chest, abs, hips and arms tingles along my skin. She looks like she’s enjoying herself, just by watching me. Now I’m going to have a problem with my dick twitching. Fuck.

Dead puppies. Maggots. Dead puppies and dead kittens. A chair. Chair. Chair! Sera in a chair, wearing nothing but a smile. FUCK!