Never Doubt Me (21 page)

“Fuck,” I hiss.

I am so incredibly pissed that I can’t stand here and do nothing. And I know what I must do. I walk away briskly, on a mission, leaving Kay and Jared in the wake of my fury—fury directed at the one person who could have prevented all of this from happening, Kyle fucking Tanner.

Ten minutes later, I am pounding on motherfucking Tanner’s battered screen door. I am milliseconds from kicking in the fucking door, but then Kyle bellows from inside the house, “Hold on a goddamn minute, okay?”

I chuckle humorlessly. “Yeah, okay.”

When Kyle opens the door, his hooded, drug-dilated eyes take me in. “Dude, what the fuck?”

Without preamble, I grab him by the front of his shirt and pull him up close to my face. “I’ve got a ‘what the fuck’ for you. What the fuck were you thinking selling my brother a fucking gun?”

Kyle blinks slowly. He’s so fucked up that he doesn’t even realize I could break his ass in two with one solid hit. And I’m about to.

“Man, he said he wanted it for protection, okay? Said he was going back to Vegas, and that it’s a dangerous place.”

“Yeah,” I say, shoving him away from me, “it’s dangerous, all right. Thanks to you.”

I consider laying him out, and I almost do. He’d be so easy to break right now. But something inside me urges me to just walk away.

Maybe I am changing.

Whatever the case, I turn away, leaving my former dealer trembling and shaking.

Kyle expected the worst. But it’s not worth the effort. Not when I need to direct all of my energy to what really matters now—saving Will.

Chapter Eighteen

Kay

C
hase takes off from the vestibule, leaving me to stare blankly at Jared. He shrugs, and out in the church parking lot, the sound of a truck roaring to life fills the muggy air. Not five seconds later, tires squeal out of the church parking lot.

“That was Chase,” I whisper. “He’s gone.”

It’s already stifling in the vestibule, but the air feels like it has shot up another ten degrees, like the temperature reflects Chase’s anger.

“I should have said something sooner,” Jared laments.

“Yeah,” I agree, “you should have.”

But there’s no time for regret or blame. Will has done something stupid. He bought a gun and now he’s in danger.

“Did Will happen to mention why he wanted a gun?” I ask Jared.

He shakes his head. “Not really. I mean, he was going on and on about Cassie’s sicko stepdad, but I don’t think…” He trails off.

Just then, Jared’s sister, Cheri, honks from out in the parking lot.

“Uh, I should get going,” Jared says.

“Yeah, sure.”

Will’s friend leaves, and I am left wondering where Chase has sped off to in his abrupt departure. But, really, who am I kidding? I know exactly where he went—to Kyle Tanner’s house. In fact, Chase is probably kicking drug dealer ass right now. Though I understand, it still pains me to accept that Chase was right. He once said that for every step he takes away from his old life, away his former ways of handling things, fate seems to drive him right back to where he once was.

Isn’t that the truth?

I sigh and head back to the rectory, resigning myself to the notion that, for as much as things change, and they do, some things will forever remain the same.

But I can live with that.

A long time ago, when Chase and I first embarked on this journey of our relationship, I told him that I was in this for the long run. He said he was trouble, and I asked him to be my trouble. I still feel the same way.

But for all the things we’ve faced up to this point, nothing compares to this. Chase’s brother may actually try to
kill
someone. He may succeed, too, unless someone stops him, someone like Chase.

But I am not letting him do this by himself. I intend to go to Vegas with him, since surely that is where he’ll be heading once he’s taken care of Kyle.

Unfortunately, a few hours later, I discover Chase has no intention of taking me with him to Nevada. He’s bought an airline ticket, oh yes, but only one.

“Chase, please don’t do this alone,” I beg. “Let me come with you.”

We are in the upstairs bedroom. Chase is packing, haphazardly throwing things into an open suitcase on his bed. And me, I am standing behind him, begging and pleading, trying to get him to reconsider. But to no avail, as I’m finding that, on this, there’s no changing this stubborn man’s mind.

When I returned home from work, I found Chase in the living room, seated in front of the computer, just like Will the other day. And same as with his kid brother, Chase was on an airline site, booking a flight to Vegas.

I leaned against the doorframe and asked him what happened at Kyle’s place, and still typing on the keyboard, he said, “Nothing, really. He was high, and there was no point in beating his ass.”

“Oh,” I said, surprised, and, to be honest, proud of my man.

For as much as I don’t like Kyle Tanner, I was still relieved Chase refrained from harming him.

“That just proves how far you’ve come,” I told him.

Oddly, he rolled his eyes and made a scoffing noise. And then he finished booking his ticket—a red-eye departing at four in the morning, several hours from now. But Chase plans to leave for the airport tonight, so he can sleep for a while in the boarding area. That’s why he’s rushing around now trying to pack.

I step in front of the bed and block Chase’s access to the suitcase.

“Kay,” he mutters, scrubbing a hand down his face in frustration, “I know you want to come with me, but this situation is too crazy. I don’t know what Will’s plans are, not specifically. I have no idea of the kind of people he might try to contact.” He sighs. “I just can’t drag you into something unknown. I love you too much, and it’s safer if you stay here.”

Chase is set on intercepting Will before his bus arrives in Vegas sometime tomorrow, which is fine. I wholeheartedly agree that his plan is a good one. But I don’t want him doing this alone. What if he gets in some kind of trouble while he’s trying to stop Will? The overlap of the time Chase’s plane arrives in Vegas and the estimated time Will’s bus is due to come in is cutting it close. There’s a good chance Chase will miss his brother. And, like Chase mentioned, who knows whom Will may try to contact. Who knows where he’ll even go. Maybe Will will just head home, to his mother and Greg’s house, but then again, maybe not.

Will might go to Cassie’s house, or somewhere else entirely. Lord knows what he’ll do if he’s that dead set on stopping Paul. And if Will involves some shady people in his quest, Chase may very well need me. I’m often the voice of reason; I can keep him calm. Will may need saving, but Chase has been known to need saving, too.

“Chase,” I begin, switching tactics, “I told you just today that I’ll always be here for you. And now that you need me more than ever, you’re pushing me away.”

Chase’s expression is pained when he turns to me.

“It’s not that I don’t want you with me out there. I do, Kay. Trust me, I do.” He shakes his head. “But there’s a good chance things will turn dangerous.” His tortured blues bore into me, like he’s trying to sear into my brain how important his next words are. “And, baby girl, I made a promise to myself a while ago that I will
never
let my life choices adversely affect you.”

“And you think by my staying here, I’ll be safe?”

He nods.

I counter with, “There are no guarantees, Chase. Look at what happened to Missy.”

It’s a lame argument, but it has some merit.

Chase doesn’t buy it, though. “Sure, anything can happen. But you’ll be safer here than in Vegas. And that’s all that matters.”

I raise an eyebrow, much like he often does. “So, where does that leave you?”

Chase’s eyes tell me everything he won’t say out loud. And, frankly, that terrifies me. Because it’s clear Chase doesn’t care what happens to him. He would die for his brother.

Chapter Nineteen

Chase

K
ay just doesn’t get it. I can’t take her to Vegas with me. I want to—God, do I want her by my side—but I foresee nothing but trouble, dangerous trouble, trouble that could quickly turn deadly.

So how can I, in good conscience, turn a blind eye and let Kay walk into that kind of mess?

I mean, let’s assess the situation…

We’ll have my brother tracking down Paul, toting around an illegally obtained firearm, and possibly using that firearm to keep his girlfriend from harm. And then there’s the FUBAR situation these circumstances promise to become when my mother and Greg return on Friday from their comfy little cruise down in Mexico. But most important, Kay can’t come with me because who knows what kind of shit I may have to do to keep everyone safe, particularly my mixed-up brother.

So I turn away from Kay and supply the answer to her question regarding my well-being. “My priority is to keep
you
safe. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

I may not, but I don’t dare voice my suspicion.

I resume throwing clothes into the open suitcase on the bed, and from behind me, I hear Kay say, “But I do worry, Chase. How can I not?”

When I refuse to turn around, only because I am striving to remain resolute in my decision, she threatens, “Maybe I’ll just buy a ticket on my own. I have a credit card, you know?”

“You told me you only use it for emergencies,” I snap.

“And this doesn’t qualify?” she asks, incredulous.

I stop throwing clothes into the suitcase, pause with a T-shirt in my grasp. Kay is determined, and there’s a good chance she’ll follow through on what she’s proposing to do. It’s clear to me that she is not going to back off unless I take drastic action.

Unfortunately, I know what it’s going to take to subdue Kay. I don’t like it. It’s going to require me to do something I absolutely do not want to do—push her away. And there’s only one surefire way to accomplish that goal—by divulging the secrets I’ve been keeping from her for the past few weeks.

Stoic, I remain turned away from Kay. I stare down at the T-shirt in my hand, and say slowly, “What if I told you I’ve been keeping things from you?”

“I suspected as much,” she whispers.

I venture a quick glance over my shoulder. The color has drained from her cheeks, and I fucking hate that I’m the one causing that reaction.

I avert my eyes when she asks, “So, what kinds of things have you been keeping from me?”

“I’ve wanted to come clean with you for a while now,” I reply, avoiding the immediate question as well as her gaze.

“What’s been stopping you?”

I drop the shirt onto the bed and turn around completely to face her.

There are tears brimming in her eyes, threatening to overflow.
Shit.

Undeterred, though, I say, “Maybe I’ve been fooling myself, Kay, thinking I’m becoming a better person. But what if the man I’ve been striving to be just isn’t me?”

“What are you saying?” she whispers, like that’s all she’s got now in the volume department.

“I’m saying that I haven’t changed all that much. Secrets have always been a part of my life. And nothing is any different. When it comes right down to it, you can believe what you want, but I’m still the same man I’ve always been, baby.”

“I love the man you are, Chase.”

Her words slaughter my heart with their raw truthfulness.

She continues, gutting me a little more with each syllable. “And you have changed, a lot, in ways that matter. You’re better, you’re good, and you’re—”

“No,” I interrupt sharply.

I can’t listen to Kay singing my praises, which are undeserved, especially when I’m trying to push her away.

Still, I soften a bit when my eyes meet hers. “I’m not anything close to good,” I whisper.

I take a step toward her, but I make myself stop.

Kay’s eyes urge me to keep going.
Don’t stop now
, they plead. C
ome to me.

However, I don’t move.

If I go to Kay, I will take her in my arms, and my resolve will crumble. I need to stay strong, because staying strong means staying distant. And distance is my goal. I need emotional distance so I can do what I have to do. And I need geographic distance, meaning Kay needs to remain in Harmony Creek while I fly out to deal with the impending shitstorm in Vegas.

With all that in mind, I stand firm. My girl’s face falls, and I clear my throat.

“What?” she snaps. “Just tell me and get it over with. Tell me what you’ve been keeping from me.”

She is striving to stay strong, striving to be tough with me. If this situation weren’t so heart wrenching, I’d laugh at her fire.

“Okay.” I nod. “So…the day I went to Kyle’s, when I first warned him to stay away from Will, to quit selling him drugs. Well, that request came with a price.”

“What kind of price?” Her voice cracks, and the fire she had thirty seconds ago flickers out.

“He asked me to fuck up some addict who owed him money.”

Her eyes widen. “
That’s
what happened to your hand that night.”

I nod, but I don’t tell her that I didn’t annihilate the guy. I hit him once, sure, but not in a way that would’ve resulted in the damage my hand sustained. That shit came from hitting the fucking bricks.

From Kay’s expression, though, I know she thinks the worst.

Good, that’s what I want.

“That’s not all,” I add, preparing to reveal my other secret.

“There’s more?” she replies, her tone weary.

“There’s more,” I confirm. “Haven’t you even once been curious as to why Doug Wilson never looked you up like he was supposed to?”

“Chase”—tears form in her eyes—“what did you do?”

I take a deep breath, then, with my words, push her away some more.

“That day…” I falter momentarily. Shit, this is hard on me, too. “That day Cassie called about her stepdad, the day Will first flipped out. Remember how you couldn’t get a hold of me?”

“Yeah?” she prompts.

“Well, I had a little meet and greet with your ex-boyfriend. That’s why I was so late in coming home, that’s why you couldn’t reach me. I turned off my phone before I left work to go talk with Doug.”

“What’d you say to him?” she wants to know.

“I told him he’d better stay away from you—or else.” I hold her gaze. “And let’s just say, I made sure he got the message loud and clear.”

Again, I let her believe the worst-case scenario by not elaborating. Let her think I kicked that preppy motherfucker’s ass up and down fucking Market Street. She doesn’t need to know I only intimidated him.

To my surprise, though, Kay responds vehemently…to both my indiscretions.

“I don’t care what you did to Doug. And I don’t care about some junkie getting his ass kicked.” She juts out her chin, defiant to the end. “Maybe that makes me more like you than you’d like to admit, Chase Gartner.”

“No, baby girl.” I shake my head. “You are nothing like me.”

And that’s the point where she chokes back a sob. “It doesn’t matter. None of it matters. I can live with what you did, what you may do in the future, but what’s
killing
me is that you kept those things from me. We don’t keep secrets, Chase, it’s not…
us
.”

My chest constricts as I take a deep breath, and then I drive the final nail in the coffin. “Kay, I’ve been living a lie all along, and you don’t even see it. Face it: you’re good, and I…am not.”

“Stop it,” she begs, her voice cracking, tears flowing down her cheeks. “Don’t say stuff like that. It’s not true.”

I am the world’s biggest dick right now, but I have to ensure Kay remains out of danger. And that, unfortunately, means she needs to stay the fuck away from me.

“You shouldn’t want to be with me,” I say matter-of-factly.

“But I do want to be with you,” she cries. “That’s why I said I’d marry you. That’s why we’re engaged, Chase. Don’t tell me that means nothing.”

I raise a questioning eyebrow, and that does it.

Her face falls. “You’re an ass,” she hisses.

My continued silence is the final straw. She narrows her eyes at me, turns, and stomps out of the bedroom, the slamming door punctuating her disgust with me.

The silence that follows is positively deafening. I’ve succeeded in pushing Kay away, yeah, but at what cost?