Never Had a Dream Come True (17 page)

“I wish I could offer you more help.” Penny smiled with sincere apology.

Jamie shook his head, frustrated. “This drives me crazy. Really it does. You haven’t been to London during the last part of the Season and seen him, so you don’t know how outrageously he has been behaving. At first we didn’t think much of it. Rake has always been the ladies’ man, and seeing him surrounded by eager women has always been a normal picture. But lately…”

Jamie’s voice trailed off, and Penny found herself waiting for him to continue, with an uneasy feeling in her whole body. What had Rake done?

“He’s always been a gentleman about his women and behaved with discretion. Before, it used to be quite difficult to figure out who his current mistress was, as he never let any special interest show, both because of the need for privacy and to honor the lady in question. Now it’s like he doesn’t care who he hurts or who knows about his escapades. He has been acting in the worst way, and it’s rumored he has been dueling a couple of times, too, because of some angry husbands with tender toes.” Jamie sighed deeply, his frustration clear. “The Rake I know and love would never behave like this. Something is terribly wrong with him, and I’m desperate to help him, if I only knew how to.”

He gave her a look worthy of a puppy, still hoping for her to enlighten him.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed. “I didn’t know, and I can understand your concern. I too know this is not the Rake we all know and…”

She caught herself before she let out the word “love,” but Jamie noticed, and a small amused smile flew over his full lips like a memory from the days when his heart wasn’t as troubled.

“Anyway,” she continued quickly to hide her embarrassment, “I wish I could help you with Rake, I really do, but as I said, I have hardly seen him.”

“And yet you two are in full disagreement over something?”

She blushed as he lifted an eyebrow. Jamie had a way of seeing straight through a person and hardly ever missed the right conclusion. “Our disagreement has nothing to do with his behavior, I assure you.”

“May I ask what you are disagreeing about?”

She shook her head and blushed, and he chuckled knowingly in response, which made her turn even redder.

“I think you are quite wrong, Penny dear. You two obviously have had a lovers’ quarrel, and now he’s rebelling because of it.”

“It’s
not
a lovers’ quarrel.”

“No?”

She frowned at him, and he gave her another amused smile, obviously not believing her at all.

“There is no love between Rake and me.”

“Oh, come on, Penny, I’m Rake’s twin brother and we have a very special bond. I don’t know what’s in his head, but I know what’s in his heart, and I can tell you one thing—he wants you badly.”

“I know he wants me,” she snorted. “He has told me as much.”

Jamie stared at her open-mouthed. “He has?”

“Why, yes. He has been quite frank about it, too.”

“B-but…” Jamie looked as bewildered as he felt. “Why aren’t you two living happily ever after, then? Why are you hiding here at Chester Park, slowly withering away, while he is in London breaking every rule there ever was?”

“Because life isn’t like a fairytale, and everything I have been through this past year has shown me more than anything how dreams never come true. Until now I have spent most of my life yearning for the moment when Rake would look at me and really see me. And you know what? When he finally did, he asked me most sincerely to become his mistress. Not wife—mistress.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s the truth.”

“You are a friend of the family; of course he wouldn’t ask you to become his mistress. It would not only be most disrespectful to you but also to the rest of us who care deeply for you. You must have misunderstood.”

“I’m sorry, Jamie.”

“I can’t believe you. I can’t.”

She put her hand over his where it rested on the bench. “Then don’t believe me. I don’t mind.”

He sighed, a deep heavy sigh from the bottom of his heart. “Of course I believe you. It’s just that it’s not like Rake to behave like this. Now you have me more worried than before. So he’s not trying to ruin his own life only, he has been after yours, as well? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Everything can’t always make sense.”

“No, indeed not.” Jamie laughed bitterly. “But I’m a practical man, and I have a thing for making things at least seem to make sense. It soothes me.”

He stood and took a few steps toward the French doors before he hesitated and looked back down at her where she sat on the bench. “I’m sorry to hear he never asked you to marry him. I would have loved to have you for a sister.”

Before she had a chance to reply, he disappeared into the salon, where his family still drank their afternoon tea.

This was indeed a day of revelations.

First the duchess, who had more or less forced her to drag herself up from the hidey-hole she had created. And now there was Jamie, who had emerged from his own cave and revealed his deep concern for Rake. She wouldn’t be honest if she said she didn’t care, because she did. Her heart was filled with jealousy—mixed with worry over his careless behavior amongst the
ton
.

The mere thought of him cornering another woman with his dark eyes filled with lust made her want to scream. Jamie’s words had tortured her, and the lump in her throat threatened to strangle her.

Laughter from inside the castle broke through to her clouded mind, and she shook the thoughts of Rake away. He had made his choice the day he asked her to become his mistress, and what she had left now was to find someone who wouldn’t mind marrying a young lady with a possibly bad reputation.

Thomas’s image rose before her, and she closed her eyes as the obstruction in her throat slowly vanished. All her life she had only had one wish—to belong to someone who wanted her; someone who needed her.

If Thomas still wanted to marry her after hearing what she had lived through, she would know without a doubt that she had found the right man to fulfill her dreams.

“I’ve been waiting for you to send for me, and I must admit I am glad you finally did.”

Penny blushed as she looked up into Thomas’s warm brown eyes. The honest admiration with which he showered her was like manna for her tarnished soul.

“Me too,” she admitted shyly.

A playful wind tossed his blond hair, and unconsciously he lifted a bronzed hand and tried to straighten it, but only succeeded in tousling it a bit more.

“Please indulge me. What did you think of your first Season in London, now when you have seen it with your own two eyes?”

“It was quite fascinating at first, I assure you. I found it most entertaining to watch how everyone interacted with each other.”

“Really?” he drawled as he opened his eyes as wide as he possible could in feigned surprise. “You found it interesting and entertaining? Do tell me—who are you, and what have you done with Penny?”

She put a hand in front of her mouth to hide the smile which escaped her.

He was such a dear, dear man. He held himself high above everything that was the essence of the social life of the
ton,
and she couldn’t admire him more for it, especially now when she’d had her own share of the Season and found it much less appealing than she had dreamt about when she was younger.

Slowly she crossed the terrace and sat down on the low wall surrounding it. She patted the stone next to her invitingly and, as a gentleman should, he sat down on the offered spot.

“What a lovely day it is today.” He lifted his face toward the blue sky and the golden sun. “It’s hard to imagine we had early snow at this time last year.”

Inside Chester Park, on the other side of the French doors leading out to the terrace, the Duchess of Berkeley fought with her embroidery. She was the best of chaperones, Penny thought, as the understanding lady had chosen a chair on the other side of the salon, as far away from the young couple as possible yet still keeping them in view. There was no mistaking her approval, as she turned her side to them and let them interact without her watching their every move.

Penny blinked away the tears which blurred her vision. The love she felt for that older lady inside was overwhelming, and she knew she would never be able to express the extent of the gratitude she felt for the love and trust bestowed on herself.

“Her Grace is one of the most kindhearted ladies I know,” Thomas said softly as he followed her gaze to their not-so-attentive chaperone. “I have always held her very high in esteem and, if you don’t mind my honest words, I have to admit I’m quite glad you have such a close relationship with a lady of her heart.”

Penny’s heart skipped a beat.

There was no mistake in what was going on. Thomas was on the verge of proposing to her. The panic which shivered through her was a surprise—wasn’t this what she wanted? Then why was her first spontaneous thought to run as far away from him as she possibly could?

A few deep breaths later she had managed to calm herself enough to erase the last bit of panic.

She wanted this.

She wanted Thomas.

The sudden fear must have been the last of her silly childhood dreams recognizing this was a road of no regrets—if she chose to accept this proposal, she was never going to fulfill those dreams. But hadn’t she already realized that life could be just as good even though one didn’t follow one’s deepest wish?

Thomas wasn’t a substitute for Rake, whom she never would be able to have. He was simply another path in life. And as he gave her a smile filled with true devotion, she knew this was a path she didn’t fear to travel.

He made her feel calm, cherished and—as Charmaine had put it—boringly serene. With him, she knew what she had and she knew what life would be like. And after all the horrendous things she had been through, she desperately wanted to know what was next in line for her.

Thomas would never make her feel vulnerable and unsure. So maybe he never would be able to love her the way she had dreamt, for the first seventeen years of her life, that Rake would. He still had the ability to make her perfectly happy. But more importantly, she knew she could make him a content and happy husband.

That was, if he still wanted her when she had told him the truth about her Season and her current home at Chester Park.

“Penelope, you know how I felt about you six months ago, and I want you to know my feelings still remain the same. My heart, my hands, and everything else I own are yours if you want them.”

The seriousness of his voice and the firm directness of his gaze brought new tears to her eyes. What had she ever done to deserve such devotion from this wonderful man?

“I’m honored to admit this is what I had hoped for,” she whispered, and his grip on her hands tightened as his smile broadened.

“So you will become my wife?”

“Y-Yes, but there is one thing…”

“Penelope, you have made me the happiest of men!”

He moved an inch closer and she could sense his eagerness to seal their betrothal with a kiss, even though they were not quite alone. His honest reaction made her want to cry with despair over the possibility of maybe destroying this special moment.

But she had no choice. She would never be able to live with herself if she wasn’t completely honest with him.

“Thomas, please.”

The stress in her voice cut through his happy state of mind, and he hesitated for a second before retreating a little. “What is it, Penelope? Are you regretting your answer already?”

“No, of course not, but I must tell you something which might change your wish to have me as your wife.”

He chuckled and leaned forward again. “I will never change my mind. I have known for a long time that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

“Please, just listen to me. I want you to know I will not hold you to your proposal if what I tell you is against everything you feel is right and what you can live with. If you still feel the same, you can ask me again, but I will not accept anything until you have listened to what I have to say.”

He frowned at her, unable to imagine what she was talking about, but as her frenzy got through to him he nodded slowly. “I promise to hear you out. But I also promise you I will not change my mind. You are all I want in a wife.”

Ignoring his kind words, she stood and began pacing in front of him, not able to look him in the eyes. She didn’t want to watch his warm admiration turn into cold loathing. “You know I have been back at Chester Park for quite a while now, and that I didn’t spend much more than a week in London before I left. You must have wondered why I returned so quickly and why I have been avoiding you these last months.”

He nodded solemnly. Then, before she could change her mind, she blurted out the whole story from beginning to end, not skipping any part of the gruesome tale.

“And that is the reason I now live here at Chester Park. The duke and duchess have opened their arms to me and promised I will always have a home with them. If you choose to not propose to me again, I will understand why. If this ever comes out, my reputation will be destroyed forever. No one will ever believe my innocence, as the truth is I was left without chaperone in a bachelor’s home. My father has more or less disowned me even though he is the one to blame, not me. But I can’t ignore the fact it will be I—and the man I marry—who will suffer from this, not my father, if it ever becomes common knowledge.”

As silence settled between them, she met his unreadable eyes for the first time since beginning her horrifying tale. Nothing in his complexion or his statuesque stance told her what he thought of her experience, and doubt made her shiver.

She couldn’t help but think her honesty had destroyed her last chance at happiness. She could see him going through what she had just told him, trying to make sense of it.

All she could do was to wait. Wait for a verdict she was too terrified to hear.

When he finally spoke, he made her heart bolt.

“I’m grateful for your honesty. This must have been hard for you, opening up to me like this, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.”