Never Mind The Botox: Rachel (30 page)

‘What, apart from you throwing water over me! I’m bloody soaking,’ said AJ.

Rosa and Rachel looked at the wet patch on his crotch and couldn’t help giggling.

‘AJ, I’m so sorry, it was totally my fault. Rosa was just trying to save me from making a complete arse of myself and I think she was actually pretty inspired. Look, why don’t you go home and change, take a few hours off,’ said Rachel.

‘Oh that’s okay, it’ll dry.’ AJ stared down at his damp trousers. ‘And besides, I want to come and see the Fox woman with you. I don’t want to miss out on my chance of some action. I’ll go and stand under the hand dryer in the gents’ for a bit.’

‘God, don’t burn anything, will you,’ said Rachel. ‘Although I guess we’re in the right place if you do!’

AJ grinned and wandered off towards the gents’ with a slow wide-legged walk.

Rachel had temporarily forgotten that they’d arranged to meet Audrey Fox. It wasn’t going to be easy and she’d decided to bring AJ for moral support. She hoped that Audrey might react better if there was a man in the room.

‘Now make sure you use your charm on her,’ said Rachel to AJ when he returned. ‘We really don’t need her to go nuts at us, like Lloyd did with Charles.’

AJ was fiddling with his groin as she spoke.

‘Everything alright down there?’ Rachel asked, nodding towards his crotch.

‘Yeah, yeah. It’s just that my boxers are made of this stretchy material that doesn’t seem to dry very quickly. You’d have thought that it’d be the sort of thing that they’d design to do exactly the opposite.’

Rachel held up her hand and looked away. ‘Yeah, too much detail, thanks. And you can’t start doing that when we meet Audrey. She’d have a fit. Actually, she’d probably leap across the table to give you a hand, knowing her. But either way, it wouldn’t be good,’ said Rachel.

‘Alright, noted. Do you want me to flirt with her?’ AJ asked.

‘No! Just be polite, charming, make her think we don’t really suspect her.’

AJ was walking pretty much normally by the time they were outside Audrey’s office.

‘Ready?’ Rachel asked.

AJ nodded.

They knocked on the door and waited. Audrey opened the door wearing a pair of linen wide-legged trousers and a tightly fitted, navy, satin blouse. As she turned around, Rachel could see the hint of some very high cut knickers though the linen material. She saw AJ look too and then quickly avert his gaze.

‘Thank you very much for seeing us,’ said Rachel in her politest voice. ‘We know that you’re very busy, so we won’t take long.’

Audrey sat down behind her desk and looked at them impassively.

‘What is it you want?’

‘In the light of the recent, um, issues with Dr Cassidy, we’ve been performing some additional tests so we can try to assess the scale of the problem. And we need a little bit of help from you, if that’s okay,’ said AJ, beaming at Audrey like some sort of demented spaniel.

Rachel hoped Audrey couldn’t see the remainder of the small damp patch on his trousers.

‘Oh yes? How’s that then?’ Audrey asked.

AJ pulled his chair forward towards the desk and handed a small pile of invoices across to Audrey. As she leant forward to take them, she gave them both a good flash of her ample cleavage. Her gold leaf necklace flapped forwards and backwards and came to a halt, nestled neatly where it had started.

‘We think you raised these invoices; is that right?’ Rachel asked, resisting the temptation to lean across and shut AJ’s open mouth next to her.

Audrey looked at them. ‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘Well, we were just wondering why they still have the front sheet on,’ said AJ, cocking his head sideways, trying to look innocent. ‘We thought that was the copy that was sent out to the clients.’

Audrey looked down sharply at the invoices. ‘Gosh, I can’t remember that. I raise hundreds of invoices. Perhaps the client asked us not to send it or something.’ She sounded quite irritated.

‘Yes, I’m sorry, I’m sure it is difficult to remember. But there are quite a lot of them. We’ve found at least fifty so far. It seems like it happens quite often,’ said AJ.

‘Well, I don’t know why, I’m afraid,’ said Audrey, folding her arms.

‘What happens if you don’t send this copy?’ Rachel asked.

‘Nothing. The client doesn’t have a copy, that’s all,’ said Audrey.

‘How do they know what to pay then?’ AJ asked.

Yes, good point, thought Rachel.

‘Well, er, they probably had already agreed it with their doctor,’ said Audrey.

‘Surely they’d still want a receipt, though. It does seem very odd that so many haven’t been sent,’ said Rachel.

‘What are you implying?’ Audrey asked.

‘We’re not implying anything. We just need to understand why it might have happened.’

‘Well, I don’t have an explanation, other than it must have been an oversight,’ said Audrey.

‘And you’re sure that you can’t think of any other reasons?’ AJ asked.

‘No,’ said Audrey, holding AJ’s gaze as she sat back in her chair, uncrossed her legs and crossed them back the other way.

This is getting ridiculous, thought Rachel.

‘Well, we think there’s another reason,’ said Rachel.

AJ looked at Rachel in surprise.

‘These invoices are all for people who were booked in under false names and the amounts aren’t what they’d agreed to pay. We think that’s why you didn’t send them out: because you knew they weren’t real,’ said Rachel.

Audrey glared at her. ‘Do you now! Well, an interesting theory but total rubbish,’ said Audrey.

Rachel began to get angry. Audrey was lying through her teeth, again. ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to lie to us.’

AJ took a sharp intake of breath and looked at his shoes.

‘I saw you with Lloyd when you met Francesca Hart. You were there when she gave Lloyd cash and you saw him write down her record in his black book − you know, the one that you denied ever having seen before,’ said Rachel.

Audrey opened her mouth to speak, then shut it again.

‘Did Lloyd also give you some of the cash he took?’ Rachel asked.

‘How dare you!’ said Audrey.

‘Oh we dare, because we know it’s true,’ said Rachel, feeling increasingly bold: Audrey had nowhere to go.

‘And what does Carl say about all this?’ Audrey asked.

Rachel heard the warning note in her voice.

‘He’s fully briefed and totally supportive of our position,’ said Rachel.

Audrey threw back her head and laughed. ‘Fully briefed! That makes a change for Carl. He looks so much nicer without.’

AJ gasped and Rachel looked at Audrey in shock.

‘Oh, didn’t you know? Oh yes, I have to say, Carl is
an expert
in customer service.’ Audrey raised her eyebrows suggestively and leaned forward towards them. ‘And let me tell you, there are plenty more shocks where that one came from. You want me to tell your place all about what Carl has been up to, do you?’

Rachel looked at Audrey in horror.

‘Oh, but then he’d be in terrible trouble, wouldn’t he? What a shame that would be. And what would his wife say?’ Audrey held up her hands in mock horror.

‘You wouldn’t do that,’ said Rachel.

Audrey smiled at Rachel. ‘Wouldn’t I? Are you sure?’

Rachel looked at Audrey’s smug face, her eyes glinting with pleasure. No, she wasn’t sure. Shit! Rachel couldn’t bring herself to say that, so she said nothing. AJ also seemed speechless with fright.

‘Well, I suggest if you don’t want that then you take your half-baked theories, put them neatly back in your little boxes and kindly leave my office.’

Neither of them moved.

‘I said this discussion is finished. Off you run,’ said Audrey, waving them away.

Eventually Rachel got up and marched out of the room and AJ scurried after her.

‘Oh my God, do you think she was telling the truth?’ AJ asked when they were out of earshot.

Rachel sighed. ‘I know she was. She’s been seeing Carl for nearly two years.’

AJ stopped dead. ‘What?! And you knew already? How come?’

‘Long story but it’s over between them and I told Carl I wouldn’t say anything. And you mustn’t either.’

‘Oh my God, I can’t believe it,’ said AJ, his eyes wide with a mixture of shock and excitement. ‘Can I tell Rosa?’

Rachel hesitated. It was probably best that they both knew.

‘Yes, alright, but absolutely no one else, okay? Not a word until I’ve worked out what to do next,’ said Rachel.

But Rachel didn’t even know where to begin. Audrey had them cornered.

Chapter 23

Rachel, AJ and Rosa were all sitting slumped in their chairs, drinking yet more coffee.

‘I’m totally worn out,’ said AJ. ‘What a day! I still can’t quite believe it.’

‘Nor me,’ said Rosa. ‘Carl and Audrey Fox! Who’d have thought it.’

‘Never mind that she was also seeing Lloyd Cassidy. What a woman!’ AJ almost sounded impressed.

Rosa shook her head in disapproval. ‘What a way to behave.’

Rachel felt more than worn out. She felt totally emotionally drained. The endless injections of caffeine seemed to be having less and less impact and the out of control whirring in her brain was giving her a headache.

‘I had hoped that we’d all be on a bit of high now − you know, with the presentation done and our report nearly final,’ said Rachel. ‘Instead I feel crap. My presentation was all over the place, and unless we dump Carl right in it, it looks like Audrey, the bitch woman, will get away with it.’

Rachel didn’t say it, but the fact that she’d split up with Harry wasn’t exactly helping her mood either.

‘We should go for a drink, cheer ourselves up,’ said AJ.

Rosa and Rachel both looked at him wearily.

‘Come on, liven up you two. We deserve it,’ said AJ.

He was right, thought Rachel. They did deserve a break.

‘Yes, alright, why not,’ said Rachel. ‘There’s a good pub I know not far away. It’s quiz night on a Monday. Quite fun and lively. Why don’t we go there for a couple?’

It was a pub that she and Harry used to go to quite often. It was always a great night. They would drink copious beers, fight over who knew the most quiz answers and then mostly end up in bed. As she thought about it, Rachel felt a rush of affection for Harry. Christ, he’d been fun, even if he was a total shit. Rachel forced herself to smile at the others, trying to ignore the emotional tug of war going on in her stomach, and decided that she really must call Harry later. She couldn’t carry on in limbo like this for much longer.

The Drum and Bass was a modern gastro pub that had changed its name as often as it had decor. It now had a large open plan seating area and waiter service, a far cry from when it had been called The Red Lion and had prided itself on its collection of real ales. The darts board had been replaced with a neatly scribed blackboard showing the specials of the day and small cardboard triangles promoting a pretty decent wine list perched on each table.

Rachel, Rosa and AJ sat at a table in one corner and Rosa picked up the wine menu.

‘What shall we have?’

‘Champagne all round, I think,’ said Rachel. ‘Perk us all up.’

‘I’d rather have a pint actually, if that’s okay,’ said AJ.

‘Of course it’s okay, all the more for me and Rosa,’ said Rachel, putting her arm round Rosa and giving her a friendly hug.

Rachel ordered their drinks, putting her credit card behind the bar to start a tab, just in case they needed another round. She watched the barman, dressed in what appeared to be compulsory black trousers and shirt, carefully open their bottle of pink fizz and perch it in a bucket half full of ice.

‘Quiz sheet to go with that?’ he asked.

‘Yes, why not,’ said Rachel.

She took the drinks over to the others and sat down.

‘Quiz time,’ she said, waving the sheet. ‘We just need a team name.’

‘What sort of name?’ Rosa asked.

‘God, have you never done a quiz before? Some sort of silly team name that says something about us, like the Beau Street Babes or something like that, but much better,’ said Rachel.

‘How about Beer Today, Gone Tomorrow, or Gin’ll Fix It,’ said AJ, grinning and downing half his pint to make the point.

‘Oh right, I get it,’ said Rosa, thinking. After a minute she said, ‘What about the Wrinkle-free Wizards or Natural Born Quizzers?’

‘Ooh, get you, very good!’ said Rachel, impressed, and then screwed up her face in thought. She was hopelessly competitive and wasn’t going to be outdone on some pub quiz name game. ‘Hah, got it,’ she said finally, triumphantly. ‘How about Salmon Fish Face and the Trout Pouts, or Wonky Willy and the Plastic Factory.’

They all roared with laughter and spent a happy ten minutes suggesting even cruder and cruder team names that they knew they’d never use. In the end they opted for ‘Universally Challenged’, which they all agreed was both clever and witty.