Never Satisfied: Do Men Know What They Want? (5 page)

“Hurt me, daddy!” she said while standing over me with her legs straddling my head. “I like it rough!”

I damned near dropped the bar on my chest looking up at the imprint of her pussy through her shorts. But I managed to get in the rest of my set. Once I got up from the bench, I noticed that the gym was completely empty.

“Where did everybody go?”

“Let’s just say, I’m closed for lunch!”

“So, this is your place?”

“No, I just manage it for an old boyfriend of mine. But I set the hours and make the rules.”

“I bet you do!” I laughed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that it’s obvious that you do what you want to do, and…!” I paused.

“And what?”

“And you get what you want!”

“Am I gonna get what I want today, Mark?” she said while sitting in front of me on the bench and putting her hands on my dick.”

“And what’s that?” I said playing dumb.

“Come on now, you didn’t think I invited you down here just to pump iron did you?”

“Well, you did invite me and my wife.”

“Chile please, I knew she wouldn’t show, and if she did it wouldn’t be long before she stopped coming! One look at her in that photo of you and her on Facebook and I knew she was retired.”

“What do you mean, retired?”

“You know retired, as in done working, as in done competing, as in done fucking!”

I wanted to act offended that she tried to read my wife, our marriage, and me but she was right. My sex life was non-existent. And the energy she was giving me was so strong; there was no way I was leaving that gym without touching and tasting her. She was confident, beautiful, and sexually creative, everything my wife used to be. I felt like I owed it to myself to take what she was offering, if only for that one time. So, I did.

That affair went on for several months, but my affair with Kyla was not what broke my wife and me apart. Kyla was the first of three women I connected with that year on Facebook and other websites. She was just the woman who opened the door. By October of that year my wife had hacked into my e-mails and read every letter I ever sent out. She even saw all the provocative photos of the ladies I was sleeping with. Now my son is being raised in a single parent household, and I’m paying alimony and child support all because I chose to avoid my problems instead of addressing them. So, married men beware, if your relationship is on the rocks, the Internet is the last place you want to be. Your whole life can be shattered with a single e-mail, just as mine was. It all started and ended with a poke!

Keeping in touch with the other woman is no simple task. It is often a stressful process. With every new lover comes a renewed battle with the suspicious wife or girlfriend to see to it that his whorish plans are not interfered with. Facebook and Twitters apps loaded, cell phones turned off, undercover texting, and alibis set. Whew! It’s enough to make your head spin. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Once he’s resolved his communication issues, the desperate and horny cheater must face yet another challenge, devising a plot to justify leaving out of the house long enough to “Get Busy.” I call it this process,
The Great Escape
.

THE ESCAPE

M
any women may view “The Escape” as an overly exaggerated term to describe the man’s desire to get away to see the other woman. But if you present this same expression to the man who cheats, he’ll understand precisely why it fits perfectly. Past experiences have taught him that getting away to fool around is not so easy, especially if he’s shacking or married. Some men spend hours, if not days, thinking up elaborate excuses to explain their temporary or overnight absences. They sometimes enlist the help of close friends and family members to pull off this charade. And that’s the problem with lies, you always have to build on them and involve other people. At some point the lies don’t add up, or you tell so many lies you start tripping over them.

The most interesting thing I discovered over the years of discussing infidelity and relationships in a series I call, “Sloppy Cheaters” is that the same men who feel trapped were often the same ones who insisted on being in a committed relationship in the first place. Yes, men are usually the ones who suggest or pressure the woman into being a couple. That’s right, I said it! Men are greedy but they’re not stupid, at least not when it relates to recognizing a quality woman. The biggest dog in the world knows when he has a good thing and he’ll try to hold on to it at all costs. So, we try to tie the woman down by selling her a fantasy, putting a ring on it, or whatever, and all the while we’re out there poking every Mary, Jane, and Shaneequa.

Now, I realize how confusing this must be for most women. Many of them ask, “If men values their relationships so much why would they risk cheating in the first place? Or they ask, “Why can’t men just be upfront about wanting to see other women and spare all the time and energy it takes to creep?” First of all, no man cheats with the expectation of getting caught. For whatever reason, men think their game is so tight that they’re going to get away with it. WRONG! Most men are very reckless when it comes to cheating. Ninety percent of the time our women know we’re cheating; they either ignore the obvious signs, or accept it and keep their mouths shut. Hell, the wife or girlfriend might be cheating too, as the expression goes, “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander!” And to answer the question as to why men aren’t honest and upfront about wanting to see other women? Simple; men don’t want their woman to exercise the same option to see other men. Bottom line! So instead of being truthful and open, we have a nation of grown ass men, some as old as 60, telling lies to get out of the house so they can go cheat. How pathetic!

As the night’s secret rendezvous draws nearer, the walls seemingly begin to close in on the horny cheater. His comfortably furnished living room is subconsciously transformed into a cramped jail cell. “What in the world can I tell her to get out of here tonight?” he contemplates. As the clock ticks, the tension mounts. The man of the house now sees himself as the inmate of the house; likewise the innocent wife or girlfriend is also transformed. Where there once stood a docile woman in hair rollers now stands the fierce warden with the keys to his freedom. What drama! And to think, all of this hallucinating because, we as men are not mature enough to be truthful in the beginning of the relationship. For the majority of us the truth is never an option. As far back as I can remember not one man in my life has ever told me, “Michael, always be honest with women.” To the contrary, young men are encouraged to have sex with as many girls as they want, just don’t get caught! Little do we know some women will accept the truth and continue to date us, and most importantly, there’s never a loss of respect. It’s unfortunate that men don’t put a value on that. Nothing hurts a woman more than being disrespected and nothing is more unforgivable than being humiliated!

Since the warden, I mean, the wife or girlfriend won’t issue a temporary pardon, the desperate cheating man must devise a plan of escape. Carl, who lives in Detroit and has been married for 8 years, admitted that he’s mastered the art of escaping for most of his marriage. “When you meet someone new, the desire to be with them is so intense, you just want to be with them.” he says, “And it’s almost as if my wife can sense it and she comes up with last minute plans to keep me busy. I look at the challenge of getting away to cheat like the movie,
Shawshank Redemption
. You have to chisel your way out, one bar at a time!”

Sporting events such as baseball, basketball, and football are the most common excuses men use to lie their way out of the house. Supposedly, they are either watching or playing. My guess would be playing. And since one or more of these sports are being played year round, it’s become the perfect alibi for getting out day or night, summer or winter. I know men who play so much golf their wives don’t expect to see them for hours at a time. Every Saturday morning they leave home hoping for “A hole in one,” pun intended. When they return home exhausted from a long workout it’s not from playing tennis or flag football.

This is another example of how the cheating man mismanages his affairs. Instead of holding his ejaculation, he empties himself into the other woman, usually without a condom, and has to avoid intimacy with the wife/girlfriend because he can’t perform. And since most women know their man is cheating, this becomes the proverbial slap in the face. Not only is she expected to tolerate his lying and cheating, but she has to do without sex because he is giving the other woman his energies too. This is the straw that breaks it for many women who often declare, “Two can play that game!” We’ll address that concept in a later chapter.

But let me get back to the horny cheater trying to escape. It’s not just the lie about playing sports that helps men get out of the house, it’s the lie about going to watch sports. It’s the perfect excuse to get away with cheating because most women are programmed to unlock the cell and allow their men out on game nights. This custom has been passed down from generation to generation. Most women have experienced this with their fathers, uncles, and brothers, so it’s usually no big deal. Even if the wife or girlfriend loves sports too, she understands that she is not invited unless the other guys invite their wives or girlfriends, which is almost never.

But even with the perfect alibi the cheating man always finds a way to mess up. Phil found that out when he tried to slip out of the house for a quickie. He has been with his wife Liz for 6 years, married 4, and the sports alibi was his patented move. It was working perfectly, until he did what most cheating men do over time, he got comfortable.

Phil’s Story

W
hen I want to use sports as an excuse to get out, I arrange to have one of my buddies call my house about an hour or two before game time. For example, if the game comes on at seven, the call comes in at around five thirty or six. The time factor is critical since receiving phone calls too early or too late would make leaving out of the house more awkward. You want to make it seem like it slipped your mind, “Oh, that’s right, the game is on tonight! Baby, I’ve gotta go!” That way it seems more spontaneous! Get the point? Another important part of the set up is choosing the right caller. I prefer someone who my wife is familiar with, like a close friend or co-worker. Having a perfect stranger call is a definite no no.

The last time I used this scheme was last season during the NBA playoffs. I planned a hot date with my lady friend Karen at 7:00 p.m. Friday. She was bragging all day about what she was going to do to me so you know I had to get away to shut her up. At 6:00 p.m., my best friend Brian called. I made sure my wife was in position to answer the phone. This way she could identify who it was. Right after they said their hellos, I went into my act.

“Brian, what’s up? A basketball game you say? Who’s playing? The Chicago Bulls and The Miami Heat huh, cool! The MVP Derrick Rose is gonna take Lebrons and Wade to school tonight!”

I made sure to talk as loud as possible so that she would overhear our conversation. I didn’t want her to get the impression it was my idea to go out. When she tried to walk out of the room, I followed her around the house with the phone. This performance was especially for her and she was gonna hear all of it whether she liked it or not.