Never Say Never (21 page)

“I don’t want you to risk getting in trouble.”

He raises an eyebrow and pulls his shirt over his head. His dark hair is a mess around his handsome face. It is perfect. “Trouble?”

I pop the button of my jeans in place. “Technically, I’m stealing this horse.” His look lets me know he’s not following. “Legally, the horse still belongs to the original owner. It’s not that easy to get them taken away, and when you go through the legal system, it’s often too late, and the horses die before we get them. So we go in, usually at night or when the owner is away, and take them.”

Aiden stares at me. “You can go to jail for that, right?”

I nod and put my bra on, slipping the straps through the sleeves of my t-shirt. “Yes, you can. But when the full story is exposed, things tend to work in our favor. I’m more worried about getting the horses out before it’s too late, though. I can get out of jail, but if it’s too late, well…”

A smile pulls up his lips, and he looks at me like he wants to lay me down and have his way with me—again. “Then we should get going.”

I smile back, heart fluttering again. I’ve felt more in the last half hour than I have in months. “Yeah. I need to feed my guys dinner then hook up the trailer.” Aiden coughs, hunching his shoulders forward. I hook my bra and go to him, taking his face in my hands.

I can’t help it; I stand on my toes and kiss him. “Stay here and rest.”

He brings me in. “I never do what I’m told,” he says with a smirk. His hands run down my body and our fingers link. I grab the truck keys, put on boots, and step into the garage. My eyes land on the navy blue Chevy and I freeze.

“Haley?” Aiden asks.

I part my lips and let out a shaky breath. “I haven’t been in it since…since that night.”

Aiden’s fingers close around mine, and it’s all I need. I press the unlock button and walk to the driver’s side door. I inhale and open the door.

Everything is exactly the same, and I’m hit with a flashback. Mom and I are talking about graduation. It seems so long ago, even though it wasn’t. I’ve aged so much in the short time she’s been gone.

Then the smoke surrounds me and I’m suffocating. Flames rise in front of me. I twirl around, heart racing. I’m trapped and gasping for air. There is no way out and I’m going to die.

“Haley!” Aiden’s hands land on my shoulders. I blink and suddenly he’s there, in front of me. The fire retreats, and I feel the warmth of Aiden’s skin on mine. My eyes are full of tears and I’m gasping for air.

“Don’t leave me,” I rush out, reaching for him. My trembling fingers curl around his arms.

Then he presses his lips to mine. “I’m right here, Haley. I’ll always be here.”

His words hit something inside me and the smoke fades. I can breathe again. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around him. He won’t always be here. He’ll go back to L.A., back to his lifestyle of the rich and famous, back to some other set in some other location, and do the same thing with another girl.

Or maybe he won’t.

He will leave. He has to leave. But maybe his heart will stay with me.
Maybe.

“How can I help you?” he asks me, fingers gently stroking my hair.

“Just hold my hand,” I whisper.

He links his fingers through mine, and I tighten my grip on his hand and open the door. It’s like a time capsule. Mom’s half-empty Pepsi sits in the cupholder. Her jacket is hanging on the driver’s seat. The wrappers from the candy bars I snacked on as we drove to the barn are still there on the floor.

Aiden takes the keys from me and leans in, starting the truck. “It should run for a few minutes if it hasn’t been driven in a while,” he says, and I nod. I open the garage door and walk to the barn, fingers still locked with Aiden’s.

He pets and cuddles Aurelia as I feed the others, and he comes with me when I have to give Phoenix her medication. I draw up her pain medicine in a syringe, holding the needle down when I step into her stall.

“You’re giving her a shot?” he asks.

“Yeah,” I say, holding out a peppermint. Phoenix’s nostrils flare. She wants it, but she doesn’t want to come by me even more. “She hasn’t been eating well and isn’t getting her pain meds. Then the pain makes her not want to eat…it’s a mess. So we’re trying this. It was working for a while,” I sigh.

Aiden nods and puts his hands on the metal bars of the stall, watching. “I don’t think I could give a shot.”

“It’s not that bad,” I tell him as I move closer to Phoenix. I put the peppermint under her nose. She lips it but doesn’t take it, as if it’s too much energy to eat a tiny mint. My heart sinks. “The fur covers up the needle actually going into the skin,” I continue. “But you do have to push sort of hard to get past the thick skin.”

“Yeah, couldn’t do it. Needles and spiders,” he starts, “are two things I can’t handle.”

I hold the mint closer, so that it’s touching her mouth. Finally, she takes it, and I pet her neck. Her fur smells like smoke. I close my eyes. No it doesn’t. Not anymore. I inject Phoenix with her pain meds, spend another minute talking to her, and leave.

“How long has she not been eating?” Aiden asks. He’s being so nice, taking an interest in what I care about. It’s everything I wanted…yet I want him to stop. I want him to stop making me feel so strongly for him, stop making me want him so badly it hurts, because that’s how it will end. With hurt. More hurt.

Stop being so perfect, Aiden. Stop making me fall in love with you.

“Her appetite has been on and off,” I say. “But the last few days it’s been a real struggle to get her to eat anything.”

“Why did she stop eating?” He turns around and looks at her.

My heart sinks just a bit. “I’m not sure, but I feel like it’s my fault.” I blurt out the confession without thinking.

“I doubt that’s true,” he says without missing a beat. “Why do you think that?”

I slow and cast my eyes down. “I should be there for her, spend time with her. But I haven’t, and I don’t.”

“That’s not your fault,” he says softly, taking my hand in his.

My shoulders sag. “I should sit with her, let her know I’m there and I believe in her. But it’s been so hard.” I sigh. I’ve said things are hard so often it’s starting to feel like an excuse, even though they are. If I don’t think it was a good reason, then other people certainly don’t. “Without Mom…” I turn to him. “Sorry. I guess it’s my turn to be the buzzkill now.”

He flashes me a smile, but his eyes hold sadness. “Don’t apologize for being human, Haley. You amaze me. Knowing what you went through and seeing you still have it in you to continue…I think a lot of people would turn their back on it. But you didn’t, and I can’t see you doing that. Ever.”

His arms wrap around me as he pulls me in. I rest my head on his chest and listen to his heart beating. “You have more faith in me than I do,” I say softly.

“You said everyone needs someone to fight for them, to believe in them. Let me fight for you, Haley. I’ll believe in you even if you don’t.”

Oh, Aiden, please stop before it’s too late and my heart is shattered into a million tiny pieces beneath you. He cups my face and turns my head up. Our lips meet, and the same desperation goes through me again. I want him on me, in me, making me feel, making me happy. I grab his waist and pull him to me. He tips his head and pushes his tongue in my mouth.  Everything fades and it’s just him.

He breaks away, resting his forehead against mine. “I don’t trust myself not to fuck you right here,” he says. “I have to stop now before I can’t.”

My heart skips a beat. I just nod, feeling the exact same thing. “Right, and we have to go. Are you sure you’re okay with going?”

“I am,” he says. “Honestly, I’m curious to see how this all works. Thinking of you going out on your own at night doesn’t sit well with me either. What kind of man lets their…their—what are you, Haley?”

“What do you mean?”

His eyes pierce mine. “You know what I mean. I know how I feel about you, but you’re harder to figure out.”

I look away. I know how I feel about him too, and I’m fighting it. I don’t want to say it out loud. Saying it would let the walls down, and I’m not ready to do that just yet. “I really like you,” I say. “I like being with you, I like kissing you, and I like…”

“Having sex with me?” he asks, sounding like his cocky self again.

I laugh. “It was quite enjoyable,” I say softly. “Good enough to do again.”

Now he laughs. “I agree.” I take a step toward the barn door. “Anyway,” he continues. “I don’t want you going out alone. It’s not safe. So, yeah. I’m okay with going.”

I can’t disagree there. “I’m glad. Because I want you with me, even though it’s selfish since you’re sick. I feel safe with you.”

“I’ll keep you safe,” he says as we walk out of the barn. The trailer is already loaded with supplies, and with Aiden’s help I get it hitched to the truck in only minutes. He coughs as he gets in the passenger seat. I program the address given to me in the GPS and take off.

We make small talk for a while. Aiden’s speech slows, and he rests his head against the window. I’ve only had pneumonia once, and it was awful. I reach across the center console and put my hand on his thigh.

“You’re pretty amazing for coming with me,” I say.

He rests his hand on top of mine. “I’m nowhere near as amazing as you are.” I laugh, and he gives me an incredulous look. “Why do you doubt yourself so much, Haley?”

I take my eyes off the road for a second to glance at him. “I…I…don’t know.”

“I meant what I said,” he tells me. “If you could see yourself the way others do, you’d know you’re pretty fucking amazing, especially after what happened.”

My jaw tightens. “Maybe. It’s…it’s been hard. Harder than I thought. I should be getting better, and I’m not. I told you, I’m broken.” He just slips his fingers through mine, turning away to cough. “So,” I start. “When we get back, I think I need to play nurse.”

He smiles. “Yeah, you do.”

My heart flutters, and like a switch is flipped, I feel a bit of happiness. He closes his eyes, dozing on and off until we get there.

I cut the engine and look through the darkness at the white barn across from us. Something sparks inside of me, a little bit of fear, adrenaline, and excitement. I’m back in my element, and for the first time since she passed, I feel like Mom is watching over me.

“Ready?” I ask Aiden.

He blinks a few times, looking tired. “Ready.”

My lips pull up in a smile, and I pocket the keys and get out of the truck, going to the small storage space in the horse trailer. We’re parked in the grassy driveway leading to the barn. There isn’t a house nearby, which is reassuring. We should be able to get in and out with no problems. I loop a halter and lead rope over my arm and send a text to Judy, Mom’s friend who tipped me off.

She responds right away. She’s in the barn, trying to untangle the barbed wire from around the horse’s legs. She tells me to bring my first aid kit. Aiden takes it and stays close as we go through the rain-rotted door. The barn reeks of ammonia. Aiden buries his head in his shoulder, coughing. Shit. This isn’t good for anyone to be breathing in. It’s even worse for him, since he’s sick.

We walk around mounds of moldy hay, and the stench of rodent droppings and horse urine gets stronger and stronger. The rafters are too low to be safe to house a horse, and they are covered in thick, dusty cobwebs. The boards above us have buckled from being perpetually wet with rotting hay in the loft, and the whole thing seems like it’s one strong gust of wind away from blowing over.

Voices come from inside the barn. “Hello?” I call, not to startle her or the horse.

“She’s here, Mom,” Judy’s teenage daughter, Alexis, says. Aiden and I round a corner and go down a cement aisle. At one time, this barn must have been prestigious. I imagine it to have been a breeder barn for cattle. It’s huge, and it makes me sad to know it’s been let go like this. We could take in so many rescues in a place like this.

Not we—I. I could.

A bit of that passion I’ve lost comes back. If I’m able to get this horse back with me, my barn will be full until I can get Sundance a home. My mind flashes to the pole barn near the house that Mom wanted to buy.

I use the flashlight on my phone, breaking a few spiderwebs as we moved to the horse. Soft light spills from the last stall.

“Oh, Haley,” Judy says before I get all the way to her. She comes out of the stall, wiping a bloody hand on her jeans. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. I’ve only seen her a few times since the funeral. She was the biggest help when I was in the hospital and finishing school. I take in a breath, centering myself. “Your momma would be so proud.” She pulls me into an embrace and tears fill my eyes. “So proud.”

She pats my back and lets go, eyeing Aiden. She gets a look on her face, like she’s trying to figure out how she knows him. She shakes her head; it doesn’t matter. The horse matters. I go into the stall. No matter how much I see, it still stops my heart, still shocks me to see such a magnificent creature reduced to blood and bones, lying on a dirty stall floor.

“I already got pictures,” Judy tells me. The pictures are for evidence later on. “Someone did this to him.” Judy kneels down. Alexis is sitting on the ground, stroking the horse’s face. I take a few seconds to assess. He’s a draft mix, probably sixteen hands high, and dapple gray, but he is so thin I can’t get a good guess on his breed. Large hooves curl up, not having been tended to in years. His tail is a matted mess filled with burs. I can smell the thrush on his hooves and the infection that set in the wounds along his body.

Barbed wire is tightly wound around his front legs, blood and pus oozing around the cuts. I clench my jaw and kneel down.

“Hey, buddy,” I say to the gelding. Tears are running down Alexis’s face.

“We can’t get him to stand,” she says, voice quivering. “And we can’t unwind the wire.”

I lean over and gently touch his front leg. He tenses. “It needs to be clipped out. He can’t bend his legs like this.” Fuck. Were we too late? I wasn’t sure if this big guy would ever be able to walk again. “Aiden,” I say. “There are wire cutters in the first aid kit.” Barbed wire and horses don’t mix. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen the horrors the sharp metal can do.