Never Too Late for Love (26 page)

But when she invited the Solomon brothers the next morning,
their hesitation was apparent. They looked at one another and she could see
that they were uncomfortable.

"But you said it's strictly family," Isadore
Solomon pointed out. "We'll feel out of place."

"Out of place?" she protested. "You're my
neighbors, my dear neighbors. I want you to share our joy."

"But it's so..." Mark Solomon groped for a word.

"So personal," Isadore interjected.

"Please," she begged. "It's important to me
and Bernie."

They hesitated for some moments more, watching each other.

"All right," Isadore said finally. She hugged
them both.

"You're wonderful," she said. "If only my
own sons were like you."

"I still think it's a rotten idea," Bernie said
as he got into his best suit on the evening of the party. Both families had
arrived and settled into their separate motels. Lily warned both sons to be on
their best behavior when they telephoned to announce their arrivals.

"Nothing is going to spoil my fiftieth," she told
them both firmly.

As she stood before the mirror applying make-up to her aged
face, she wondered if Bernie wasn't right after all. "But we're a
family," she insisted to herself, convincing the image in the mirror that
she couldn't just give up on the idea of family.

"You know, I can't remember when the whole bunch of us
was ever together." Bernie said.

"That's because it never happened."

"Sad," Bernie mumbled.

"If this doesn't work, I give up." Lily said.

"So they'll be together at our funerals," Bernie
said, pinching Lily's upper arm.

"Don't be so sure the daughters-in-law will
come."

"In the box, I won't worry, believe me."

Lily decided that she and Bernie would arrive at Primero's
early, not only to check out the details of the dinner, but to be sure that
they were there when the families started arriving.

Nothing good would come of the warring factions being alone
together before the ice was broken, she decided. Luckily, the arrangements had
been made carefully. In fact, Lily had driven the manager of Primero's to near
desperation as she planned the menu, the seating arrangements, the flowers. She
even ordered a dozen matchbooks with gold leaf lettering saying, "Lily and
Bernie Morrisson, A Golden Wedding Anniversary."

Satisfied that everything was in proper order, they stood
near the door of the private room waiting for their sons and their families to
arrive.

Sam and Gladys and their three teenage daughters were the
first to arrive. There was the usual fussing and kissing as the grandchildren
submitted to Lily and Bernie's blandishments, fidgeting, obviously annoyed at
having their lives disrupted.

"You look very good, both of you," Gladys said to
her in-laws, making a great show of ingratiation. She was a large woman, grown
obviously larger since the elder Morrissons last saw her, a matter about which
she was quite sensitive. "I got fat."

"A sign of contentment," Lily said, smiling,
determined to be charming. She noted, too, to herself, that the three daughters
took after their mother and were already showing signs of their future
expansion.

"Yeah, a contented cow," her husband Sam said
sarcastically, revealing obvious tension between them.

"You look beautiful, Gladys," Lily insisted.

"Really beautiful," Bernie said, offering
support.

My handsome son had to marry such a pig, Lily thought,
hating herself for harboring such thoughts. But Gladys would not surrender to
the obvious hypocrisy.

"I look at a Danish and gain ten pounds."

"If only you stopped at looking," Sam said. The tension
between them had been at fever pitch as they drove in their rented car to
Primero's.

Gladys had threatened to throw herself out of the car and
Sam pulled over and opened the door.

"So, jump," he cried. "And I'll cut off your
mother's allowance."

For years, he had provided Gladys' mother with a monthly
stipend. The threat had calmed her, at least temporarily. But it had not shut
her up entirely.

"Its all right for me to suffer, but you didn't have
to inflict your guilt on the girls."

"They're part of the family."

"We didn't have to come," the oldest girl
screeched. "It's no big deal."

"It is to me," their father said.

"Well, then you should have come alone," Gladys
screamed. "Your mother hates me. Your brother hates me. His bitchy wife,
Mildred, hates me, and those two retarded children of theirs hate me."

"You forgot someone," Sam said.

"Who?"

"Me."

They drove the rest of the way to the restaurant in
silence. When Harry and Mildred arrived with their two sons, both wearing
scraggy beards and blue jeans, Sam and his family moved to the other end of the
room. Bernie eyed the boys with distaste.

"They couldn't put on suits," he whispered to
Harry. But Mildred overheard.

"They're doing their own thing. There's nothing wrong
with what they're wearing."

"She's belligerently liberated," Harry said,
looking at his mother and shrugging.

"The boys look wonderful, wonderful," Lily said,
kissing them both. One of them waved to the girls, who huddled in a corner.

"Hey Cozzes.
Qué pasa?
"

The girls turned away indignantly.

"Three fatties," Mildred mumbled. "And look
at their cow of a mother."

"You promised, Mildred," Harry pleaded.

They had all come bearing gifts, which now were piled on
the floor behind the two seats of honor. A waiter came and took their drink
orders.

"Make mine a double martini," Mildred said,
looking at her husband.

"Easy on the juice," her husband warned.

"How the hell do you think I'm going to get through
this?"

The room was small, dominated by a table set lengthwise.
Lily had put place cards in front of each plate, separating the two sons and
their wives for obvious reasons. She deliberately placed her sons and
daughters-in-law side by side on opposite ends of the table, intermixing the
children. Next to each daughter-in-law, she left an empty chair for the Solomon
brothers.

"What did you do that for?" her son Sam demanded.
Harry came over to offer the same protest. The two brothers glared at each
other.

"Why couldn't you put them together at the other end
of the table?" Harry suggested.

"Who needs them?" Sam shrugged.

"What's the matter with you two? You don't even say
hello to each other," Bernie said. They turned toward each other and
shrugged.

"So, hello," Harry said.

"Big deal," Sam replied.

"You can't be nice just for a few hours?" their
father said.

"OK. OK," Harry said. "We'll be nice."

"But we can't vouch for her," Sam said, motioning
toward Gladys with his chin.

Mildred ordered another double Martini.

"I see she still gets tanked," Sam hissed.

"Talk about tanks," Harry shot back, nodding toward
Sam's corpulent wife.

"Stop this at once," Lily said. "At
once." She meant to keep her voice down. At that moment, the Solomon
brothers arrived.

"And these are the Solomon brothers," Lily
announced when she saw them walk shyly into the room, obviously uncomfortable.
She grasped their hands and walked them around the room introducing them
individually to every member of the family. They endured the ordeal bravely,
despite the absence of either smiles or warmth from the family.

"So you're the famous Solomon brothers?" Sam
said, watching them curiously. "My mother has mentioned you both many
times."

"I hope favorably," Isadore Solomon said, looking
at his brother.

"Favorably?" Sam said, downing his second scotch.
"Did you come here by walking on water?"

Harry laughed, watching the Solomon brothers' confusion.

"My mother thinks you're twin Jesuses, is what he
means," Sam said.

"You should learn from them," Lily said. The
Solomon brothers looked at each other sheepishly.

"When are we gonna eat, Ma?" one of the teenage
girls asked loudly.

"When they stop guzzling," her mother answered.

"The three little piggies," Mildred mumbled.

"Four," one of her sons said, poking his brother
in the ribs.

"I see they're still retarded," Gladys snickered,
and the girls giggled behind their hands.

"This was definitely not a very bright idea, Ma,"
Sam told his mother.

"No kidding," Harry said.

She put each of the Solomon brothers next to her
daughters-in-law. On the other side of each of them was one of the
grandchildren. Despite the politeness and good cheer on the part of the Solomon
brothers, their dinner partners were not overjoyed. They protested.

"Why do I have to sit next to him?" one of the
girls whispered, loud enough to be heard.

"Yeah, why?" one of Harry's sons said, also above
a whisper. "I'll lose my appetite."

"See," the girl protested. "Even the retard
objects." She started to rise.

"Sit down and shut up," her mother said.

The girl's lips puckered as she held back her tears and sat
down again.

Lily and Bernie sat at the center of the table, one son
beside each of them.

When everyone was finally seated, the conversation seemed
to disappear and only the sound of silverware clinking against plates could be
heard in the room.

No one spoke, as they quickly wolfed down the chopped liver
course.

Bernie whispered to Lily, "See, I told you."

"Better quiet than argument," she said bravely.

But the quiet was shattered when one of the waiters dripped
soup on Harry's wife, Mildred. She had been nursing her third double martini
and the waiter urged her politely to move so he could place the soup on the
table. She hadn't, and a few drops of liquid had fallen on her shoulder.

"Why can't you be more careful, you schmuck?" she
cried. The waiter flushed.

"Mildred," Harry snorted. "No big deal."

"Not for you. I'm the one that got spilled on."
The waiter pressed the damp spot on her dress with a napkin.

"Get your damned hands off me," Mildred screamed,
elbowing the waiter in the stomach.

"She's two sheets to the wind," Sam said smugly.
His brother glared at him, then turned toward his wife.

"I warned you, Mildred," Harry sneered.

"Warn shwarn. You don't think I can get through this
without a couple of drinks."

"She can't get through anything without a couple of
drinks," Gladys whispered to one of the Solomon brothers. But her voice
carried and Mildred turned her venom on her.

"Well, old fat tits has got to put in her two
cents."

"Christ, Mildred," Harry said, half rising from
the table.

"You better shut her up," Sam warned. Harry
turned toward his brother angrily.

"And you shut up old lard ass."

"Children," Lily screeched, her voice filling the
room like a siren, jolting everyone to silence. She wanted to cry, but she
lifted her chin bravely, although a single tear glistened in her left eye.

"This is our fiftieth anniversary. Why must you fight?
Isn't it time that everyone stopped fighting?" She hadn't meant to make
that speech until after dessert was served.

"You should show some respect," Bernie
admonished. Both sons lowered their eyes in a pretense of shame for the benefit
of their parents.

"It was a shitty idea," Mildred bellowed, her
tongue thick, her hands fluttering in front of her, playing with a napkin.

"Will you shut up?" Harry shouted.

"She's plastered, Dad," one of their boys said.

"The least we can do is sit together and peacefully
break bread on our fiftieth anniversary," Bernie shrugged, his eyes
roaming the table. His look seemed to quiet everyone and they passed
uneventfully through the soup course.

Then the waiters served the chicken Kiev and vegetables.
But Mildred, with a gesture of contempt, waved the plate away.

"Bring me another martini," she commanded the
waiter.

"You'd better not," her husband said.

"I'll do what I damned please."

"Then you'll do it by yourself."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Mildred
said, rising unsteadily, hands on hips, glaring at her husband.

"Throw the broad out," Sam hissed.

"She's a disgrace," Gladys said, as their three
daughters watched smugly.

"Sit down, dammit," Harry shouted. Mildred dropped
back into her seat. A moment later, her head dangled over the table.

"Now you see one of the reasons why we have nothing to
do with them," Sam said to his parents.

"That's bullshit," Harry said. "Besides, who
can stand your arrogant superior selfish attitude." He looked at his
mother. "He was always obnoxious, Mom. Always a son-of-a-bitch."

"I was a son-of-a-bitch?" Sam said incredulously.
"If it was up to you, you'd screw me out of everything. Take, take. That's
all you know." He looked at Mildred, her head on the table's surface, her
hair spilling into the sauce of the chicken Kiev. "You probably drove her
to it."

"She's a damned good wife," Harry said
defensively. "The tension got to her, that's all." He looked at
Gladys. "Better than that fat-assed yenta you married, and the three
little piggies."

"I won't sit here and take that," Gladys shouted,
rising from her seat.

Her three daughters, all sniffling, rose with her. The
Solomon brothers glanced at each other with increasing discomfort.

"Can you die from this?" Lily said. She slapped
the table, rattling the dishes.

"Enough!" she screamed, her face turning beet
red.

"Just sit down," Sam said to his wife and
children. Gladys looked at him with disgust.