Neverfall (12 page)

I leaned back in my chair and looked at all the red dots. From farther away, they formed the shape of a backward
C
, starting in Chicago and swinging to the east before dipping to the south and now heading west. Yes. I could hope they were coming home, to Park City.

If there was one way I’d changed in the past few months, it was this: I always hoped.

But the fact was, until I found Cole, or a lock of his hair, I was stuck on the Surface. I’d seen a human sacrifice swallow a strand of Everliving hair once. A woman, in clothes that didn’t fit right, with a face that had seen too much of the world, had sat in the back of the Shop-n-Go, on the spot that was the weak point between the Surface and the Everneath. Maxwell Bones, second guitarist of the Dead Elvises, had handed her a pill. She swallowed it and slipped downward beneath the floor.

At the time, the scene had made me sick. But I would do it now if it meant I could get to Jack.

Not that I had a plan for what I would do if I got to the Everneath. Cole once told me I wouldn’t know where to start looking for the Tunnels that held Jack captive. But maybe the arbiters of energy—the Shades—would find me first. They were in charge of maximizing the energy stolen from humans to fuel the Everneath. They were the ones who took humans to the Tunnels. Two months ago I was running away from them; but maybe now the Shades would find me and take me to the Tunnels, and maybe then I could figure out a way to get to Jack....

But I was getting ahead of myself, thinking of all the things I didn’t know. I had to focus on the one thing I did know, and that was the fact that I couldn’t save Jack without getting to the Everneath; and to do that I needed Cole.

Or at least a piece of his DNA.

Because as long as I was stuck on the Surface, Jack would be stuck in the Tunnels. Until the Tunnels drained every last drop of energy inside of him.

Until he died.

My hand went to my stomach, fighting against the sudden pain that always hit when I thought of Jack dying. I looked at the shards of glass on the floor. They would never be whole again.

Wasn’t I just as irreparable?

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and tilted back on my chair, imagining instead seeing Cole again. His dark eyes. Cheekbones that looked as if they’d been chiseled by a sculptor thousands of years ago. His blond hair, specifically the wispy hairs that always ran wild around his face.

If I could get close enough, I could pluck one of those hairs out of his head.

It was all I could think about. Especially considering the task ahead of me today. I opened my eyes and reached for the knitting basket lying at the side of my desk. This was going to be one of those days when I would be able to start and finish an entire sweater rather than let my mind go to the dark places.

As I completed the first row of stitches and looped the red yarn around the end of the needle, the knots in the pattern tightened and the knots in my stomach loosened. Knitting was survival.

A pungent aroma made me freeze midrow.

Bacon.

Something was wrong. Bacon cooking? Maybe no one else would’ve been alarmed by this, but I hadn’t smelled fresh bacon in our house in almost two years.

Since before my mom died.

I flattened the headlines and closed the map drawer. As far as I knew, my dad didn’t know about the drawer, and he never would.

As I opened my bedroom door, the bacon smell was joined by the clattering of pans coming from the kitchen. I didn’t know if it was because of the smell and the sounds, but a sudden memory flashed through my brain—of my mom and me sitting at breakfast on a Sunday morning. I used to love bacon. Sometimes the smell and the promise of bacon was the only effective incentive for me to do my chores. Before she died, my mom had used the tactic several times. But no one else in my family liked bacon very much, which is why I couldn’t figure out who would be cooking it.

I quickly dressed and then followed the scent of bacon to the kitchen, where my dad was bent over the stove, a spatula in hand. His freshly combed hair looked grayer than usual in the morning light that streamed through the window. His face was still too hollow in the cheeks, as it had been for a few months now.

The guilt weighed heavy in my stomach for a moment.

“What’s the occasion?” I asked.

“Morning, sunshine.” He infused his voice with exuberance. “No occasion. Just thought it’s been a while since we’ve had a proper breakfast. You still love bacon, right?”

He was so … chipper. “Yes,” I said warily.

“Excellent!” He grabbed a plate off the granite countertop and filled it with scrambled eggs and about half a pig’s worth of bacon. “There’s some juice on the table.”

“Okay. Um … thanks.”

I sat next to Tommy, my ten-year-old brother, who was making his way through a pile of eggs. He held up his fork and gave me a goofy grin. “Breakfast is awesome!”

Okay, maybe it had been longer than I’d thought since we’d done this.

“Yeah, it is.”

I looked down at my own plate of protein and resisted the urge to vomit. Maybe eating bacon wasn’t like riding a bike. My stomach was protesting just looking at it.

My dad clicked off the stove and brought his own plate over to the table.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” he said.

“It’s awesome!” Tommy said.

I suppressed a laugh. It was as if we’d never eaten before.

“You were up late last night,” my dad said. He probably noticed the light on in my room. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“I was reading.” More like studying. Every myth I could get my hands on.

My dad hoisted his briefcase onto the table. “That reminds me. I have something for you.”

I narrowed my eyes at the bacon suspiciously, thinking that it suddenly looked like a bribe. “What is it?”

“Hold on.” He fished around deep inside the leather case. “Ah. Here it is.” He pulled out a large, worn book. “Sally at the office had it.”

He handed it to me. The cover read
D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths
. I couldn’t have been more surprised if he’d handed me a unicorn. I thumbed through the first few pages. They told the story of Gaia the Earth, who fell in love with the Sky. Accompanying the story was a series of beautiful artwork. “Okay, Dad. What’s going on?”

He diverted his eyes. “Nothing. Can’t a dad give his daughter gifts?”

“Yes. But not when that gift is a book about mythology and you’ve been trying to cure your daughter of her ‘unhealthy obsession’”—I curled my fingers into air quotes—“with mythology.” He didn’t know that my obsession was really a desperate search to find a story that would hold the key to rescuing Jack. That there really was an Underworld, once ruled by Persephone. That myths were real. To him, it just looked like another red flag for a therapist to investigate.

“I never used the word
unhealthy
.”

I held up the book so that the cover was facing him. “Dad. What’s going on?” I demanded.

His smile faded. “I was hoping that if I gave you this, you might do something for me.”

I eyed him suspiciously. “What?”

He looked sheepish. “Maybe you could spend today reading instead of … doing other things.”

And there it was. The real reason for the bacon. And the book.

I put the book on the table and slid it toward him. “I’m going to graduation.”

Any remnants of his earlier levity disappeared, and his expression shifted to a pained look. “Why? It’s not
your
graduation. Why are you putting yourself through this? Dr. Hill is very concerned.”

“I don’t care what Dr. Hill thinks,” I snapped. My dad winced. I hated that I couldn’t talk to him without upsetting him anymore. I lowered my voice. “I’m going because the graduation ceremony is where
he
would be.”

“But Jack’s not here.”

I flinched at his name. “I know—”

“And you going to graduation won’t bring him back.”

“I know that!” I said, more harshly than I’d intended.

Silence fell upon us. The only sound came from Tommy’s fork scraping across his plate. He was used to this discussion.

“I’d feel better about it all if you’d at least talk about J …
him
to Dr. Hill. You know it would all be confidential.”

Confidentiality wasn’t what I was worried about. I was more worried about the fragile dam I’d constructed around my heart over the past two months. It had taken me this long just to find a way to function. To stand without falling. To breathe in and out without concentrating. To talk without sobbing. If I started to let those feelings out, I’d never stop; the broken dam would destroy everything around me, and I’d be back to where I was.

Dr. Hill couldn’t help me face reality, because my reality was so unreal to humans. My dad always said honesty is the best policy; but when I imagined telling Dr. Hill the truth, it was almost comical.

“So, Nikki, what’s really on your mind?”
she’d say.

You see, Dr. Hill, there’s this Everliving named Cole—an immortal—who feeds on the emotions of humans. He Fed on me in the Underworld for a hundred years; and when I survived the Feed without growing old, he became convinced I was destined to be the next queen. Then I Returned to the Surface, where I had six months to be with my family and make amends with my ex-boyfriend, Jack, before the Tunnels of the Everneath came for me
.

And, oh yeah, Dr. Hill, Jack and I tried to kill Cole by smashing his guitar; but that didn’t work, so Jack jumped into the Tunnels, taking my place in hell, and now he’s being drained of everything—like a battery—until he wastes away and dies
.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Hill. What was the question?”

I’d be taken away by the men in white coats. But the truth was, I didn’t belong here, in this kitchen, in my bed, in my car. Breathing air. Free. I didn’t belong in this life on the Surface. The life that should’ve been his.

I was going to the ceremony, and no amount of mythology books could convince me otherwise. Jack had taken my place in hell. The least I could do was take his place on Earth.

My eyes started to sting, and I tried to blink back the tears. I pushed the book toward my dad. “I’m going.”

He watched me carefully, then put his arms around me. My dad isn’t usually a hugger, and it didn’t last long; but it told me what my face must’ve looked like.

“I know,” he said, running his hand through his hair, messing up the perfect comb lines. “Will you be okay?”

I half smiled. Jack was gone. I didn’t think I’d ever be okay again.

“I’ll be fine.”

The Surface. Graduation day
.

A
s I drove to the school, clouds from an early-summer storm rolled over the mountains, sweeping everything away, leaving only clear blue sky in their wake. I wished the wind could do the same thing to my soul: sweep away all of the horrible things I’d done until there was a clean soul left, with no memories, no guilt.

Most of the horrible things, though, were just the fallout from one stupid decision: going with Cole to the Feed. He had taken me to the Everneath and fed on my emotions for a hundred years. I relived that decision a thousand times a day, adjusting the factors that led to it to see if I could mentally change the outcome. What if my mom hadn’t been killed by a drunk driver the year before? Her death changed me. What if the driver of the car hadn’t been acquitted? I didn’t know I had it in me to be so angry after the verdict. What if I’d stayed home instead of driving up to Jack’s football camp? What if I hadn’t seen Lacey Greene leaving his dorm room, in shorts that were barely there?

What if I had stayed and let Jack explain instead of peeling out of the parking lot and going straight to Cole?

I shook my head. That was the decision I was most ashamed of. Jack had never done anything to jeopardize my complete trust in him. It had been my own stupid insecurities that let doubt of his character in. If I had stayed …

If I had just stayed.

But I hadn’t. I’d gone straight to Cole’s condo. I’d begged him to take my pain away, and he did. Cole drained me of my emotions. I was his Forfeit. For a hundred years, he fed off my energy, leaving me a shell of my former self.

Brake lights ahead of me snapped me back to the present, and I made the final turn toward the school. A half hour before the start of the ceremony, the parking lot was already nearly full, but I found a place at the end of the farthest row, turned off the engine, and sat quietly for a moment.

Despite what I’d said to my dad, I still wasn’t sure about my decision to be here. There would be more than a few people in the audience who blamed me for Jack’s disappearance, even though nobody knew the truth about what had happened that night. It was an undisputed fact that I was the last one who had seen Park City’s football hero. I couldn’t go anywhere in this town without feeling the unspoken scorn directed at me. Thankfully, because I’d recovered all of my own emotions, I could no longer taste other people’s like I could when I’d first Returned to the Surface. I imagined that the scorn would’ve tasted bitter and would’ve stung as it traveled down my throat.