New Beginnings (104 page)

“I’d only been with you and Drew. I thought…” She closed her eyes. “Maybe being with someone else might help me move on with my life.”

“But it didn’t?”

A tear trickled down her cheek. “It only made me feel worse.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t sound surprised,” she said, opening her eyes.

“I knew about it.” She may think it was creepy I was still having her followed, but I’d promised that if I ever had another chance with her, full disclosure was the only option. “I hired someone new to watch your back. He told me about it.”

“You’re still having me followed? Why?”

“Nothing has changed. You’re still a beautiful woman—whose face is now on billboards. That makes you a target.”

I was proud of her. She’d started modeling for a major cosmetics firm shortly after she left Alabaster’s, and they had plastered her gorgeous face all over her town. But every time I saw one of their ads, my gut clenched.

“That doesn’t explain why you still feel the need to protect me.” She looked at me through a veil of long lashes.

I knew I could be misreading the signals, but I thought I saw a flicker of hope in her eyes. “I love you, Mia. I’ll always love you and want to protect you.”

Her face crumpled before she tore her hand from mine and lowered her head. “I still love you too, so much it’s killing me.”

As soon as her words reached my murky brain, I got down on one knee in front of her and captured her face in my hands. “Then why are you crying, theia?”

She covered my hands with hers. “I don’t know. I’m just feeling overwhelmed. It’s been one hell of a day.”

I smiled as I tugged her to her feet. Drawing her close, I guided her toward the house. “We have a lot to talk about, a lot of things to figure out, but we don’t have to sort it all out tonight. Why don’t we just curl up, enjoy a glass of wine, and catch up on each other’s lives?”

“But I just showed up unannounced and uninvited,” she said, linking her fingers with mine. “Don’t you have anywhere to be?”

I kissed the top of her head. “I was supposed to be at a fundraiser, but as soon as I saw your car, I texted my brother and asked him to go in my place. He was more than happy to stand in for me so that we could talk.”

“It seems I may have misjudged your brother.”

I laughed. “Don’t feel bad. I did too. He’s grown up a hell of a lot this past year. In fact, he’s been my rock the past couple of months. I can’t tell you how many times I almost broke down and called you or showed up on your doorstep, but Damon convinced me to wait it out until I was in a better place. He said you deserved the best of me and I shouldn’t come back to you until I could give you that.”

“Why did you want to see me today?”

“I couldn’t wait any longer. I’ve been going crazy without you.” At first, I’d berated myself for arranging that meeting sooner than I’d intended, but seeing her gorgeous face when I’d walked into the restaurant had convinced me I’d made the right decision. I couldn’t have let another day pass without telling her I still loved her.

She stopped and turned toward me. “I’m sorry about what happened that night. Leaving the bar with a guy is so out of character. He was a friend of Eleni’s, a photographer she’d worked with—”

“Sssh.” I kissed her lips as I closed my eyes, relishing in their sweetness, though I didn’t deepen the kiss. This night wasn’t about determining whether we still had physical chemistry. I knew nothing could diminish that. Tonight was about figuring out whether our emotional connection was as strong as it had ever been now that the layers had been peeled back and the truth exposed.

“I felt guilty,” she whispered, holding me close. “Like I was cheating on you, which was crazy since we’d been broken up for a month. But I kept hearing you tell me I was yours, and that’s the way it felt, like I was yours, yet I was giving myself to someone else.”

Thinking about her with someone else was difficult, but I knew it was just sex. Given all of my experience, no one understood the distinction better than I did. “You shared your body with him for one night, but you’d already given me your heart. That wasn’t up for grabs that night.”

“You’re right.” She skimmed her thumb over my lips as her hand stroked my cheek. “It was like my body was there but my heart and mind were somewhere else. With you. The next morning, I woke up with a wicked hangover and locked myself in the bathroom. I cried in the shower until the water ran cold.”

My whole body tensed. “Are you saying you were drunk? Did he take advantage of you?”

She shook her head. “No, it was nothing like that. He’d had as much as I had, maybe more. We were both acting on impulse. We talked the next morning, and I told him about you and explained why I couldn’t see him again.”

“Tell me about your work,” I said, leading her through the back door into the kitchen. I was eager for a change of topic. No matter how pleased I was to know she’d been thinking of me that night, it still hurt that it had happened at all.

She sat on a bar stool at the kitchen island as I opened a bottle of wine. I’d sent my housekeeper home since I’d planned to be out for the evening, and I was glad I had. I wanted to be alone with Mia without my well-meaning staff hovering.

She propped her chin in her hand as she watched me. “It’s been fun. It doesn’t keep me as busy as I’d like though. I’ve had too much time to think about things.”

I smiled, clutching the corkscrew. “What kind of things have you been thinking about?”

She rolled her eyes as though she had no intention of feeding my ego. “Let’s just say Eleni got tired of me moping around the house. That’s why she decided to set me up with you, because she couldn’t stand it any longer.”

I’d gotten to know Eleni quite well over the past few weeks, and she wasn’t what I’d expected. She was strong-willed and opinionated with a smart-ass comeback for everything. She didn’t know the meaning of the word fear and was always willing to take a risk. I liked her. A lot. I could see why my brother did too.

“She mentioned you two are living together. How’s that working out?”

Mia wrinkled her nose. “I love her like a sister and we get along great, but it’s kind of uncomfortable when she has guys spend the night. I always feel like a third wheel, especially when I bump into her boy toys in the kitchen the morning after.”

I wondered how my brother would feel about Eleni’s overnight guests. He’d told me that he and Eleni had become friends over the past couple months and that, for the first time in his life, he was taking things slow and trying to build a solid foundation before he made a move. I admired his patience, but I hoped he wouldn’t wait too long. It sounded as though Eleni had plenty of other options.

“Why don’t you get your own place? It seems like you’re in a pretty solid place now in terms of your career. I’m sure you could afford it.” I wanted to ask if she missed working at Alabaster’s as much as I missed having her there, but it wasn’t the right time to start pressuring her to make changes.

She looked surprised. “I thought you were opposed to me having my own place. You were the one who suggested Eleni move in with me.”

“I was opposed to you living alone in that building,” I reminded her. “It’s not secure enough. Now, if you’d like me to help you find something else, I’d be happy to.” I would have given anything to have her in my home with me, to wake up next to her every morning and fall asleep with her in my arms every night, but we had a long way to go before making that dream a reality.

“I’ll think about it. My lease is up in a couple of months. I’m not sure if Eleni would want to take over the lease or not, but it’s a possibility. I get the feeling she misses having her own space, though I know she would never admit it.”

I poured two glasses of wine and handed her one. “To new opportunities.”

She smiled. “And to meddling best friends.”

I knew she was referring to our lunch date. I was so relieved that plan hadn’t backfired the way I’d feared it might. I didn’t want her to accuse me of being manipulative or deceitful again, but I’d been so desperate to see her, and I hadn’t been able to think of another way. “To meddling best friends who love you and want what’s best for you.”

“It seems, in this case, she may have been right.” Mia took a sip of her wine. “Seeing you again was definitely the best thing for me.”

“I’m glad you feel that way.” I walked around the island, snagged the bottle of wine, and took her hand to lead her into the adjoining great room. We settled in on the couch, my arm around her, her head on my chest. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I whispered, “I missed you, Mia. I missed this, just holding you like this.”

Her lips twitched when she looked at me. “I’m willing to bet that’s not all you missed.”

Of course I’d missed the sex, but I’d been surprised to learn over the past two months that I missed seeing her smile and hearing her laughter even more. I missed waking up to her sassy text messages and the smell of her perfume on my pillow. I missed the exhilaration that came with knowing I’d see her that day and planning my next surprise for her.

“We barely got started before I screwed everything up,” I said, bringing the wine glass to my lips. I took a moment to collect my thoughts. “I spent months thinking about how it would be when we finally got together, all the things I wanted to do with you and for you, and then it seemed like it was over before it even began.”

Her hand rested on my thigh. “That may be, but that short time we spent together made one hell of an impression on me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you out of my head. Turns out you’re a tough man to forget, Mr. Starkis.”

“Am I supposed to say I’m sorry I ruined you for all other men? Because I’m not.”

She laughed, slapping my leg. “No, I don’t imagine you are.”

“I know I asked about your work earlier, but are you really happy there?”

“Are you asking me whether I would consider coming back to Alabaster’s if we were a couple?”

I was more concerned about whether we were officially a couple again, but I couldn’t find the courage to voice that question yet. “I guess I am. Would you?”

“That depends.”

“On?”

“You.” She set her glass on the coffee table before facing me. “You may have changed these past couple of months, but you aren’t the only one. I’ve changed too.”

“I hope not too much. I thought you were perfect exactly as you were.”

She smiled before kissing me. “Thank you for saying that. But the changes I’m referring to are pretty major.”

“Tell me.” I set my glass down and reached for her hands.

“I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and figuring out who I am and what I want. I was part of a couple for so long that I only thought in terms of ‘us.’ The time alone gave me a chance to think about what’s best for me.”

“Okay.” I tried to quash my uncertainty. I hoped she wasn’t going to tell me she enjoyed being single too much to contemplate a commitment. That would ruin me. “What do you want?”

“I want a partner who loves and respects me, who cares about what I want and values my opinion.”

“Done.”

“I want someone who allows me to express myself any way I see fit, even when it makes him uncomfortable.”

I knew she was referring to her modeling. She wanted me to know that if she returned to Alabaster’s, it would be on her terms, not mine. That should have irked me since I was the boss, but the thrill of having her back overshadowed my ego. “Okay. Go on.”

“I want a relationship that evolves slowly and naturally.”

I didn’t know if I liked the sound of that. Slow and natural had never been my thing. I made things happen; I couldn’t just sit back hoping things would work out the way I wanted them to. “What does that mean exactly?”

“I’m in no hurry to get married or have children.” At the sight of my frown, she added, “It’s not that I don’t want those things. I do. Just not right away. I don’t want to rush this experience. I want to enjoy every step: being in love, getting to know each other, living together, getting engaged, planning a wedding. Then I’d like to be married for a couple of years, maybe travel some before having kids.”

I winced at her proposed timeline. It sounded as though she was proposing we wait years before getting married. I hated to dwell on it, but I wasn’t getting any younger. She may have had the luxury of time, but I didn’t feel as though I did. If the months apart had taught me anything, it was that I was ready for some stability in my life. I wanted the woman I loved waiting for me at home or coming home with me at the end of a long day.

“I’m a realist,” she said. “I know I can’t model forever, but I want to enjoy it while it lasts, and let’s face it, there isn’t a huge market for modeling maternity wear in this city.”

She was right, but a part of me wanted to remind her that she didn’t have to work another day in her life unless she chose to. I knew that wasn’t what she wanted to hear though.

“I can’t wait forever.” I hadn’t expected to blurt that out. I cursed myself when her face fell.

“I understand that.” She withdrew her hands, putting some distance between us. “And I would never ask you to. Obviously there would have to be some compromise if we believed getting back together was a viable option. It can’t be your way, and it can’t be my way. I’m just telling you what I want in an ideal world so maybe we could figure out how to compromise. That’s what mature couples do—they put their desires on the table and figure out a way to make it work.”

I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as I cupped her cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make that sound like a threat. It wasn’t. It’s just that this isn’t easy for me, sweetheart. I’ve never done the whole relationship thing before. I’m the kind of guy who gets what he wants, no questions asked.” That made me sound like an arrogant jerk, but I was speaking the truth.

“I know asking you to compromise, especially on the big issues, is a lot.” She got a wicked gleam in her eyes before she pushed my back against the couch and climbed into my lap, straddling me. “But I promise to make it worth your while.”

I’d always thought guys who were whipped were pathetic, but I suddenly understood the value of making your woman happy. Gripping her waist, I leaned my head back and looked at her, thinking how lucky I was to get a second chance with her. “How do you intend to make it worth my while?”