New Beginnings (131 page)

I jumped up, reaching for her wrist when she walked away. “I’m sorry, about everything. Don’t let this come between us. Please.”

She looked at me as though she didn’t even know me, the frown drawing lines between her arched brows. “I wasn’t the one who drove this wedge between us, Ryker. You were. Now kindly leave so I can take our son home to recuperate.”

Nex texted me, letting me know the police were inside and wanted to talk to us. “I’m not going anywhere.” She could tell me to stay the hell away from her and I would have no choice but to respect that, but no one, not even Mac, could keep me away from my son.

Mackenzie

I was so physically and emotionally exhausted, I barely registered the questions the police were asking Zane. Thankfully, Ryker was there to step in when need be. In spite of the fact I asked him to leave, I was glad he’d stayed. He’d always been the voice of calm and reason in the face of tragedy or turmoil, and I needed his quiet strength tonight.

The police treated him with respect, which didn’t surprise me. Everyone treated Ryker with respect. They told us Zane would face a fine and would be unable to get a driver's licence for some time, which after this stunt, seemed like a reasonable punishment to me. They said he could even be looking at community service, depending on the judge. The car had been impounded, and Ryker would likely face fines as well since the car and insurance had been in his name.

“Thank you, officers,” Ryker said, shaking hands with both of them as he walked them to the door of Zane’s hospital room. “Needless to say, we’ll be keeping a tight rein on him for the foreseeable future.” He shot a scathing look at Zane, almost making me feel sorry for him.
Almost.

Once the police were gone, Ryker turned to face Zane, his hands on his hips, his face drawn tight with anger and frustration. “What the hell were you thinking, taking that car out without a license?”

Zane winced as he shifted in the bed, trying to find a position that would ease the pain. The mother in me wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him, but the disciplinarian in me wanted to throttle him for being so reckless.

“I’m sorry,” Zane said, closing his eyes. “I know it was stupid. It was just supposed to be for an hour or so. Brit and I were gonna grab a bite—”

“I thought you weren’t seeing that girl anymore. Don’t you care that she has a boyfriend?” Ryker demanded.

Again, news to me. The surprises just wouldn’t stop coming. I felt like my son and husband had some sort of secret life going on and I hadn’t earned the right to be a part of it. It felt like a slap in the face after all the years we’d preached about the importance of honesty in our home.

“She dumped him,” Zane insisted, his eyes opening as he stared at his father, daring Ryker to challenge his assertion.

“You believe that?” Ryker asked, rolling his eyes. “How do you know she’s not playing you again?”

“I don’t think that’s really relevant right now,” I said, cutting in. I couldn’t believe they were discussing Zane’s love life when we clearly had more pressing problems to deal with. “You broke the law tonight, Zane.”

“I know.” He exhaled slowly, clearly struggling just to breathe through the discomfort. “I was an idiot. I made a stupid mistake, and I’m gonna pay for it. I get that.”

“You sure as hell are,” Ryker said, pacing back and forth. Given the small room and his long strides, he couldn’t go far.

“I’m sorry about the car,” he said, looking from me to Ryker and back again.

I was tempted to say it was just a car, that the important thing was that he and Brittany were okay. Of course that was the most important thing. But I couldn’t deny my heart hurt at the thought of our last link to my father being gone because of my son’s carelessness.

“Let’s just hope Uncle Seb can work his magic on it,” Ryker said, glancing at me. “I’m sorry about the car too, Mac. If I’d known there was even a chance he could be this irresponsible, I never would have given it to him. I feel terrible about this.”

I knew he did, but there was so much to think about, so much to process, and I just couldn’t deal with it tonight.

“Don’t blame Dad,” Zane pleaded. “This was all my fault.” When I broke eye contact with Ryker, Zane asked, “Did I screw everything up? Are you guys not gonna get back together now, because of me?”

I didn’t want to add to Zane’s distress. He already had enough on his plate. “How many times have we told you that honesty is the most important thing?” I asked, stepping closer to his bed. I set my hand against his forehead, just like I used to when he was little and I was testing for a fever. “Without trust, we have nothing.”

“Yeah,” Ryker said, his voice raspy. “Your mom trusted me to be honest with her, and I wasn’t. That’s on me.”

I knew Ryker could have tried to defend himself again, to remind me that the car was to have been a surprise or he was only trying to
protect
me by not telling me about Zane and Brittany. I was glad he didn’t make that mistake again. If he had, I may have exploded.

“You’re willing to forgive me, right?” Zane asked, his blue eyes pleading for understanding.

“Of course I am,” I said, sighing. “You’re my son.”

“If you’re willing to forgive me for my bonehead mistake, why can’t you forgive Dad?”

I knew how excited both Zane and Cole were about their dad moving back home, and as much as I hated the thought of disappointing them, I refused to be coerced while I still had reservations.

“This isn’t about forgiveness,” I said, knowing anything I said now would fall on deaf ears.

“Right,” Ryker said. “It’s about trust. It’s about honesty. Your mom has every right to be upset with me, Zane. If you guys want to be angry with someone, be angry with me. I screwed everything up.”

“No, you didn’t!” Zane grabbed his left side when his ribs protested. “I screwed up. I did this. I messed around with Brit and asked you not to tell Mom about it. I took the car out and smashed it up.”

Zane asked his dad not to tell me about Dan’s call? Interesting. It didn’t excuse the fact that Ryker had kept it to himself, but it did shed more light on the situation.

“We’re not getting anywhere with this,” Ryker said, raking a hand through his hair. “We all need to just take some time and regroup.”

I was grateful that he understood I needed time to process what happened and seemed willing to give it to me. If he’d tried to push me, I would have pushed him away.

“I’ll take Cole home with me,” Ryker said. “If that’s okay, Mac?”

“It’s okay.” According to the doctors, Zane would be able to go home as soon as the X-rays came back and they’d cleared him.

“I’ll call to check on you tomorrow,” Ryker said to Zane.

“Dad, I’m sorry,” he said, meeting his father’s dejected gaze.

“Yeah, so am I,” Ryker said before walking out. “So am I.”

***

Zane spent most of the weekend in his room, mad at himself, mad at me, mad at the world. So when Sunday evening rolled around and Ryker was due to bring Cole back, I waited in the backyard for him, where I knew we would have some privacy.

I heard his footsteps on the patio stones behind me, so I set my e-reader aside, and looked up at him.

“I just went up to check on Zane. He said I could find you out here.” He sat down on the edge of the lounger next to me, linking his hands between his knees as he dropped his head. “All weekend I’ve been thinking about what I did, what I wanted to say to you, how I could fix this mess, and I just keep coming back to the same thing: I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.” I knew Ryker would never intentionally do anything to hurt me or our kids. He may have been misguided, but I believed his reasoning supported his actions. “If you’d known Zane would have done something so stupid, you never would have given him that car.”

“I should have talked to you about it first. It was a decision we should have made together. I just kept imagining the look on your face when you saw your dad’s car brought back to life. I wasn’t just doing this for Zane. I was doing it for you, for your mom, hell, to honor Bill’s memory.”

He rubbed his eyes, and I suddenly noticed how tired he looked. I’d be surprised if he’d managed to steal a few hours of sleep since he got that call about the accident. “I know that.” I reached for his hand. “I know how much you loved my father. I think it was a sweet gesture.”

“For what it’s worth, we picked the car up from the impound yard and Seb said he can fix it. Turns out the damage wasn’t as bad as we’d feared.”

“That’s good.” It was a small consolation since the rest of my life was still hanging in the balance. I knew what I’d been thinking and feeling all weekend, but I didn’t know how Ryker wanted to proceed.

“You should keep the car,” Ryker said. “When it’s fixed up, I want you to have it. It’ll be a long while before Zane can get his license anyhow, and when he does, it might be best to make him work for a set of wheels the way I had to. Maybe teach him a lesson.”

“That’s not a bad idea.” I was touched that he wanted me to have my father’s car, but the gnawing ache in my chest made me wonder why he hadn’t said he wanted
us
to keep the car.

“Yeah, I thought giving them the things I didn’t have growing up was a blessing, but after this, I’m starting to wonder if it’s a curse. Not having the basics growing up only made me want to work harder to be successful. If we give them everything they want or need, maybe they won’t be as hungry, ya know?”

“You might be right.” I knew this was an important conversation, but I couldn’t help but feel we were avoiding the real issue. Our marriage.

“One thing we always had was trust,” Ryker said, looking at me. “I broke that trust. I made you question me, us… hell, I made you question everything.”

I had felt that way at the hospital, but I’d had a lot of time to think since then. “I’m not going to run the bakery.”

“What are you talking about?” Ryker asked, looking stunned. “You can’t give that up. It was your dream.”

“Having a family with you was my dream,” I said softly. “That’s more important to me.”

His eyes softened when he grabbed my hand. “But, baby—”

“I’ll still help my mom with it, work part-time, be a silent partner, but the boys still need me. What happened with Zane just reinforced that. These next few years will be important ones for them. If we’re not paying attention, they could get into a lot of trouble.”

“I know you’re right.” He brought my hands to his mouth, clasping my fist between both of his hands before kissing it. “But it’s not fair you should have to sacrifice so much.”

“I’m not sacrificing anything. I have everything I want. Or at least I will…” I was scared to death Ryker would tell me he’d changed his mind about moving back in, but I had to put it out there before my fears rendered me speechless. “When you come back home.”

He closed his eyes before dropping his head and clenching my hand. “You still want me to come back home?”

“Of course I do.” I needed to feel his arms around me, the assurance that in spite of everything we’d been through, we would be okay. “Tell me you want that too.”

“You know I do.” He moved to the edge of my lounger, pulling me into his arms. “I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose everything.”

I was touched that Ryker thought losing me and the ability to be a full-time dad represented everything to him, especially since he had so much more to lose. But I wasn’t surprised. Family had always been the most important thing to him. More important than money and fame, more important than wealth and material possessions. More important than success. And that’s why I loved him so much. Because even after years of struggling to be a better man, he was still the same man I’d fallen in love with all those years ago, and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

“You still have me,” I whispered in his ear.

“Then I have everything I need.”

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