New Beginnings (4 page)

“Glad to hear it. I’ll be lookin’ for it.”

“Trey.”

Just the sound of her voice stirred something in him, making him feel alive again. “Sierra.”

Sierra couldn’t believe she was standing face-to-face with her ex-husband after all these years. He looked the same, yet different somehow. His cocky, trademark smile gave way to uncertainty as he searched her face. The confidence he always wore like a second skin was replaced by a slight slump to his broad shoulders. He was still the most attractive man she’d ever laid eyes on, but he looked tired, defeated.

Before she could find the words to bridge the gap, she was in his arms. She didn’t know if she’d moved toward him in an unconscious attempt to ease his pain or he’d given in to the urge to pull her into his arms. Either way, it was so sudden, so unexpected, that she didn’t have time to prepare herself for the riot of sensations. The familiar scent of his spicy aftershave, the strength of his muscled biceps, the way her traitorous body reacted, moulding her soft curves against his hard muscles as though her body had been made to respond to him and only him. Being in his arms again was like a bittersweet homecoming, familiar and comfortable, yet torturous.

Shaking her head, she pushed against his chest. No. She couldn’t allow herself to go there. He wasn’t her lover anymore; he wasn’t even her friend. She had moved on with a new life, a new love, and she’d be damned if she would let him draw her back in with memories of the past.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just so damn good to see you.”

He smiled that familiar, crooked smile, revealing straight white teeth.  That was the smile she’d fallen in love with the first time she saw him on the college football field seventeen years ago. The same smile she had learned to hate, mocking her on magazine covers after the divorce, claiming he was happy to be a free man and ready to move on with his life.

“Just don’t let it happen again, cowboy. You gave up that right a long time ago.” She refused to feel guilty when a flash of pain shot through his blue eyes. He made his choices years ago; now he had to live with the consequences.

Marisa stood to give her a hug. “You sounded great, Sierra.”

“Thanks.”

Sierra grinned at Trey’s bodyguard, who had once been her good friend in college. “I heard you were getting paid to protect his sorry ass now. Used to be you had to do it for free on the football field.”

Josh coughed, masking a chuckle. “It’s a job.”  He stood and drew her into a hug. “It’s good to see you, sweetheart. It’s been way too long.”

She fought back an unexpected wave of sadness as she returned Josh’s embrace. He had been like family to her when she and Trey were married. While Josh maintained a friendship with her younger sister, Lexi, his allegiance was to Trey, which naturally excluded her from his inner circle. “It’s good to see you too, Josh.”

She cleared her throat and forced a smile when she turned to Jimmy. “I’m glad you and Edna talked me into doing this, Jimmy. I’d forgotten how much fun it is to be on stage.”

“How ‘bout singing with me, for old times’ sake?” Trey asked, folding his arms over his chest. His body language said he was either challenging her or trying to protect himself against the inevitable rejection. Knowing him, it was likely a challenge. He expected her to back down.

He was about to find out that she wasn’t the same naïve girl his divorce lawyers had driven out of town, homeless and penniless. She was older, wiser, and life had taught her how to stand up to a challenge.

“Sure, why not? I’d do just about anything to raise money for my cause. Even if it means sharing a stage with you.” She turned to Jimmy. “Can we use this, Jimmy?”

He tipped his cowboy hat back on his head to reveal a shock of silver hair. “What did you have in mind?”

She inclined her head toward Trey. “Maybe raise the price of drinks during our set and let people know they’re paying a premium to hear him sing, but additional proceeds will go to the charity?”

“Tell you what. How ‘bout all proceeds go to your charity during this set? Hell, it’ll be a pleasure just to see you two sing together again. Remember how you two used to pack this place?” Jimmy laughed, sobering quickly as he regarded the two of them. “You sure you want to do this, darlin’?”

Trey stepped forward before she could respond. “Let me address the crowd, see if I can’t get them to be a little more generous.”

“You would do that?” She hadn’t meant to sound awed, but she was. Her ex had been a self-centered egomaniac, fixated on his rise to the top. He spent years teasing her about her altruistic ideals. Now he wanted to help raise money for her charity? He used to give a small fortune away to various causes every year, but according to him, that was just good public relations. He always drew the line at lending his name to a cause if it meant taking away from time he could spend solidifying his standing as the reigning king of country music.

His fingers wrapped around her forearm. “I have a lot of respect for what you’re trying to do for those families, Sierra. I’ll do anything I can to help.”

She reared back when she felt his touch sear her skin through the thin barrier of cotton. He shouldn’t be able to make her feel this way, not after the pain he’d caused or the abuse she’d endured at the hands of his legal team. The only thing she should feel for this man was contempt, so why couldn’t she draw on the protective barrier of resentment she had cultivated since the divorce?

“Okay, well, would you like some more information about the organization before you go up there?”

“You know me, honey, I don’t give speeches. I speak from the heart.” He grabbed her left hand to kiss it and brought his lips to her diamond engagement ring instead.

She saw the question in his eyes when he dropped her hand to her side. She wanted to feel triumphant, wanted to brag about her new man and her new life, but she couldn’t bring herself to form the words. “Well, good luck then.”

“Thanks,” he whispered, brushing past her.

Maybe time had softened old wounds or maybe her newfound happiness allowed her to let go of some of the resentment toward her ex. Whatever it was, she couldn’t conjure up the anger she’d expected to feel when she saw him tonight. She just felt sad. Maybe she was finally ready to mourn the loss of their relationship in a healthy way and find closure with Trey so she could move on with her wedding plans.

“How y’all doin’ tonight?” Trey laughed at the response of the raucous crowd.

Sierra knew these were his people, his place. He was in his element here and she felt something akin to pride. This was the man she once knew. So confident on stage he could bring the house down. Whether he was performing for 40 people in a honky-tonk or forty thousand in a sold-out stadium, he was a performer who poured his heart into his music, and she had no doubt that these patrons were in for an unforgettable night.

“I know you’re all here to have a good time tonight, but I’d like to ask for just a minute of your time. I’m up here tonight because of a cause and a lady who’s real important to me.” He raised his arm toward the back of the room. “Y’all got to hear what an amazing singer Sierra Tur- Brooks is, right?” Trey laughed when the crowd responded with a chorus of “Hell yeah.”

“Some of you may also remember Sierra as my wife.”

A murmur moved through the crowd.

“I don’t like to talk about my personal life, but I’m gonna make an exception tonight. Sierra founded The Rainbow Fund because of a personal tragedy she and I suffered a long time ago— the loss of our baby girl. She was born premature and she was with us for only eight days, but she was the light of my life.”

Sierra sank into the chair Trey had deserted. She hadn’t been ready for this tonight. She knew that coming back to Jimmy’s would be hard, but she wasn’t prepared to see her ex again, wasn’t prepared to hear him stand up in front a room full of people and talk about something he hadn’t even been able to share with her: his grief.

“When she died, a part of me died too. That experience changed me, changed my life, and no matter the circumstances surrounding the loss, there is no pain in the world greater than losing your child. For those of you who have children, go home tonight and tell them you love them. Hold them tight for those of us who wish we still had the chance to do just that.”

Sierra brushed away the tears, determined to hold it together, terrified of letting him see her fall apart. It had been years since she’d allowed herself to succumb to the grief. She’d forced herself to channel those dark, debilitating emotions into something productive. So how could his words still have the power to devastate her after all these years? Because these were the words she’d longed to hear when they lost their little girl. She wanted him to talk to her about his feelings, about the hopes and dreams that would never be realized. Instead, he’d shut down, shut her out, and found his solace living on a tour bus, sinking in the depths of a bottle.

Marisa reached across the table and took her hand. “Hey, are you okay?”

She nodded her head, afraid to speak, afraid to free the emotions clawing for release.

“I want to ask y’all to do me a favour tonight. I know that times are tough, but I wanna ask you to reach into your pockets to support this amazing cause that Sierra has poured her heart and soul into. Sierra and I are gonna be singin’ a few songs for you in just a little bit and Jimmy was generous enough to donate proceeds from these ‘premium’ drink sales to The Rainbow Fund.”

The crowd applauded Jimmy, who stood and tipped his hat.

“I think I see a donation jar set up on the bar over there and I’m sure Sierra would be happy to give you some more info on how you can help this amazing cause. In addition, I’d like to step up and donate $100,000 to The Rainbow Fund.”

The crowd cheered and clapped, and the women surrounding the small stage looked at him with adoration in their eyes.

He looked toward the table where she sat, having no idea she was battling a deluge of feelings that had been buried behind the safety of a protective barrier too long: bitterness, disappointment, anguish, and the ache of a destructive love that threatened to consume her with its intensity.

“Sierra, could you stand up for just a minute?”

She was crazy to think they could make amends. He clearly thought he could walk back into her life, throw some money at her, and make up for the tragedy he’d left her to face alone. There was no amount of money in the world that could repair her broken heart or erase her agonizing memories of those months after their daughter died. His need for money and power was one of the reasons their marriage fell apart, and now he wanted to use that money to make himself look like a hero to his fans. They could hold on to that idealistic image of him, but she knew the truth. Her ex-husband was a liar and a coward.

Reluctantly, at the prodding of Jimmy and Marisa, she stood and glared at him.

“Sierra, on behalf of all the parents who have lost a child, I want to thank you for all The Rainbow Fund does to help the families of these children deal with their loss. You are an angel.”

She wasn’t about to stand there with a smile and a wave, making nice with this man, accepting his false gratitude and praise for the cause that was her lifeline.  She’d watch his money burn before she’d allow him to use it to ease his guilty conscience. It was too little, too late.

She should have trusted her instincts and left the past where it belonged: dead and buried.

Before he could continue his hypocritical tribute, she forced her way through the stunned crowd, fleeing to the safety of a dressing room that was more of a prison of memories than a safe refuge.

Trey watched Sierra beat a hasty retreat to the dressing room and knew he’d just blown the only chance he may ever get to make amends. She still hated him; that much was obvious. He couldn’t blame her. He hated himself for the mess he’d made of their marriage.

He knocked on the door to her dressing room and walked in before she could tell him to get lost. The room looked exactly the same as it had the night she told him she was filing for divorce.

Memories shouldn’t have the power to render you speechless, but these did. It was like he was stepping back in time. Same room, same girl, and she was still distraught because of the pain he’d caused. Only tonight, he was stone-cold sober and he’d do whatever it took to make things right between them. He’d be damned if he let her walk out of his life with so many things left unsaid.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans so he wouldn’t be tempted to reach out and touch her.

“For what?” She sniffled and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue.

“Everything.” He lowered himself to the leather couch, the same couch where they’d made love countless times. He stroked the aged, distressed leather and remembered a time when her body had been so warm and willing. Now, it was trembling with unshed tears and he hated knowing that he was the cause.

“I thought I could handle this,” she whispered. She paced the small room. “I thought I had put this behind me.”

“I was just trying to make up for the past the only way I knew how, baby.”

She turned on him, her blonde hair fanning out around her shoulders. “Don’t you dare call me that.”

“I’m sorry.” He’d always called her that when they made love. At least she remembered. “You really do hate me, don’t you?”

“Yes, no. Hell, I don’t know.” She sank into the chair across from him and tucked her legs under her. “I want to hate you. I should hate you, but I’m tired of living with this anger.  I just want to let it go so I can move on with my life.”

He looked at her engagement ring. It was big, bright, and sparkly. It mocked him with its brilliance. It was three times the size of the engagement ring he’d been able to give her when he proposed. He’d promised one day to replace it with the ring she deserved. Apparently, some other guy had beaten him to it. “It looks like you’ve already moved on with your life.”