New Beginnings (60 page)

“Ah, son”—John ran a beefy hand over his mouth—“you sure as hell made a mess of things, didn’t ya now?”

Zach knew he couldn’t defend his words, so he didn’t even bother trying. “I loved her, Dad. That wasn’t the issue. I think I just needed a little more time to figure out who I was before I committed to being part of a couple for the rest of my life. Is that so terrible?”

John chuckled. “You’re asking the wrong guy. I married your mama when I was twenty-three.”

“No regrets?” Zach braced himself for the response. He’d always believed his parents had a perfect marriage. Even if it wasn’t true, he’d rather go on believing it.

John looked into Zach’s eyes. Even though Zach was wearing sunglasses, he could read the intensity in his father’s stare. “You’re not human if you don’t have a doubt or two. People fight, that’s a part of life, but that doesn’t mean I ever would’ve given up on what me and your mama have. She’s my rock.”

“Kinda like Rennie was my rock,” Zach said quietly. “I felt so lost after she left, like a part of me was missing.”

“I know, son.” John wrapped a strong hand around his son’s neck. “I know we all encouraged you to stop looking for her, but maybe we shouldn’t have. If you’d found her, you would’ve found out about Tyler a hell of a lot sooner.”

“True,” Zach said, sighing. “But what kind of father would I have been back then? Would I have been what Tyler needed or was he better off being raised by”—he couldn’t even say his name—“him.” Even though he owed Rennie’s late husband a debt of gratitude for loving Tyler so much, the sting would have to lessen before he felt ready to admit it.

“You’ve always loved kids. You may not have thought you were ready to be a father back then, but I believe you would have done the right thing.”

Zach smiled at his father’s choice of words. “That’s what Rennie said—that I would have done the right thing—but would that have been the right thing for Tyler? I mean, do you think he would have sensed that I wasn’t into being a dad?” When his father didn’t respond, he tipped his head back and watched the clouds shift in the darkening sky. “Maybe she was right to take him away from me. Maybe that’s the best thing she could have done for him.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” John said. “You were young and stupid ten years ago.” He nudged Zach with his shoulder. “Now you’re older… and not
as
stupid.”

Zach shook his head when his father’s tanned face split into a wide grin. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad.”

“You’ll figure this out,” John said, slapping his knee. “Just give it a little time, and remember what’s important in all this: Tyler.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Uh oh,” John said, getting to his feet. “It looks like you’ve been spotted.” He gestured toward the boys heading toward them. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m gonna head back to the party and have a chat with my grandson’s mother about bringing him to the club sometime soon.”

Zach grabbed his father’s forearm. “Don’t come on too strong, okay? I wanna give Tyler a chance to get used to me being in his life before we bombard him with the rest of the family.”

“Don’t worry,” John said, winking. “You know me, always easy-going.”

Zach rolled his eyes as he tried to hold back his smile. “Yeah, right.” When John had taken a few steps, Zach said, “One more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t give Rennie a hard time. I want us to work this out for Tyler’s benefit.”

John shook his head, looking amused. “Right, it’s all for Tyler’s benefit. It has nothing to do with the fact you still have feelings for his mama.”

***

Rennie was in the kitchen refilling large plastic bowls with chips and pretzels when Zach’s father walked in. She’d seen John and Zach wander off half an hour ago. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what they had been talking about.

“Nice party,” John said, bracing a hand on the kitchen counter as he watched her.

“Thanks. Tyler seems to be enjoying himself. That’s what matters.”

“I agree,” he said, lowering his deep voice as eyes so much like his son’s, so much like Tyler’s, bore into her. “Tyler is the only thing that matters. Which begs the question, why did you keep him from us?” Rennie fumbled with the bag of pretzels, her hands trembling. John’s employees often found him intimidating. Rennie hadn’t seen that side of him… until now. He towered over her, his scowl lines set deeply in his tanned face. “I know my son behaved like an ass, but we didn’t deserve to suffer because he wasn’t ready to grow up.”

So Zach had told his father the truth. She had to admit he’d earned back a measure of her respect with the act. He could have easily made her out to be the bad guy who’d kept a little boy from his father and grandparents without justification. Rennie covered John’s hand with her own, daring to look him in the eye. “I’m sorry you and Lenora got hurt. That was never my intent.”

His scowl softened as he looked in Rennie’s eyes. “He’s our grandson. You had to know we’d want to be a part of his life.”

“I know, but…” Rennie turned away from the food  The sight of it suddenly turned her stomach. “I couldn’t let you guys in without inviting Zach into Tyler’s life too, and given how he felt about becoming a father, I couldn’t do that.”

“So you did it all on your own? Knowing damn well Zach’s child support payments could have made your life a hell of a lot easier?”

“I didn’t want your son’s money.” She felt defensive even though she knew he wasn’t accusing her of anything. “It was never about that for me. I hope you know that.” She’d loved Zach long before his career was a sure thing, and she believed she would have loved him long after, had she not learned how he truly felt. Ignorance is bliss—she’d heard that asinine statement so many times. She would never have given her life and love to Zach if she’d known his excitement about their future was the furthest thing from the truth.

“I know that.” John ran a hand over his thick silver hair, a rare show of unease. “We raised Zach to live up to his responsibilities. I hope you know he never would have abandoned you or his son.”

“I know that.” Rennie spared him a sidelong glance. “But I didn’t want to be his responsibility, and I certainly didn’t want our son to feel like an obligation.”

“I can understand that, but we want a relationship with Tyler.”

John wasn’t asking; he was telling. Just as Rennie knew he would. “I know. I just need a little time to figure out how to tell him about all of this. It’s going to come as a shock.”

“It seemed to me he and Zach were getting along great,” John said, mimicking Rennie’s pose. “It may not be as bad as you think.”

He stood less than a foot away from her, making her realize why his employees saw him as imposing. He was a big man, a shade taller and heavier than his son. Rennie wondered if Tyler, who was still on the small size for his age, would go through a growth spurt in the future. “Nathan was the only father Tyler’s ever known, John.” Rennie knew that was the last thing he wanted to hear.

“Ah yes, your husband. The man you tried to pass off as your son’s biological father.”

It wasn’t as underhanded as John made it seem. Tyler had grown up with Nathan. When he took his first steps, it was to Nathan. When he said his first words, they were mama and dada. Nathan gave Tyler his first ball and glove. Tyler had never had reason to question whether Nathan was his father. It still hurt Rennie to think Nathan was no longer a part of her life. The situation would be easier to face with him. He had a way of making her believe everything would turn out fine, no matter how dire it seemed. “I loved Nathan, and he loved me and Tyler. He was a good man.”

“I’m sure he was, but that’s not the point is it. He wasn’t Tyler’s
real
father, and the boy needs to know that.”

Rennie bristled at John’s characterization. Nathan had been more of a father to her son than most men would have even if they had shared the same DNA. She wouldn’t belittle his role by reducing it to a matter of blood. She’d come to realize being a good dad was so much more than that. “I’ll tell my son when
I
decide the time is right. Not when you tell me to.” Her stomach quivered as she forced herself to stand up to him.

John looked her in the eye, his frown softening into a smile. “I see you haven’t changed a bit. You’re still the same determined young woman my son fell in love with.”

Rennie didn’t want to remember the past she’d shared with Zach. If she allowed sentimentality to rule her actions, she would be at his mercy. For her sake and her son’s, she couldn’t take that risk. Standing her ground was even more important now than it was the day she walked out of his life. “You’re wrong. I’m not the same naïve girl. I’m almost ashamed to admit I loved your son more than I loved myself back then. Making him happy and building a life with him were the only things that mattered to me. Now the only things that matter to me are taking care of my son and staying true to who I am.”

John gave her a look that exposed his grudging admiration. “It’s obvious you’ve done a wonderful job raising him.”

“Thank you.”

“We don’t want to hurt him or you, but we intend to be a part of his life. If there’s one thing I’m sure you remember about me, it’s that I’m not a patient man.”

“I remember. But these things take time. You need to respect that.” She was proud of herself for standing up to him. Ten years ago, she wouldn’t have been so brave.

John cupped her shoulders and stared into her eyes. “Lenora and I loved you like a daughter. That hasn’t changed.”

Rennie blinked back tears. “I appreciate that.”

“Now you’re part of the family whether you like it or not.”

“I always wanted to be a part of your family,” Rennie said, smiling and sniffling at the same time before she laughed. “Just not like this.”

“However it happened”—he leaned in to kiss her forehead—“I’m happy you’re home, and I’m even happier to know that I have another grandson. I can’t wait to get to know him better.”

Rennie smiled, grateful Tyler had more people to love him and help guide him into the wonderful young man she knew he would become. “I can’t wait for that either.” She reached up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek.

Rennie sat in the waiting room of her therapist’s office, twisting her purse strap. She rarely met with the doctor alone, and given the reason for her visit, her stomach was in knots. Zach was due home tomorrow, and she knew she couldn’t put off the visit any longer.

“Rennie,” the brunette receptionist said with a warm smile, “Dr. Kline will see you now.”

“Thanks,” she whispered, getting to her feet. Her legs felt unsteady as she walked to the big wooden door and turned the knob.

“Good afternoon, Rennie,” Dr. Kline said with a smile, beckoning her inside. “This was a pleasant surprise. I assume something came up that you need to discuss before our session with Tyler?”

“Yes.” She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other until she reached the small couch in the middle of the room. The therapist was already seated on the soft gray chair, his usual post during sessions. Tyler usually sat at one end of the couch, she at the other. She looked at the empty spot her son usually occupied, wondering how many sessions it would take for him to get over his anger with her.

“Why don’t you tell me about it,” the doctor said when she remained silent for a full minute.

She cleared her throat, hoping to find her voice. “Um, I…” There was no easy way to say it, so she might as well just come out with it. “I mentioned to you during our initial visit that Nathan wasn’t Tyler’s biological father.”

“Yes, and I recall encouraging you to share that information with your son,” he said, pushing his silver-rimmed glasses back up the bridge of his nose with his index finger.

Dr. Kline was good at what he did, and he’d helped both of them come to terms with Nathan’s death, but he still reminded Rennie of her high school principal, who made her squirm every time he set foot in one of her classes. “Yes, you did.”

“But you said you weren’t ready. Has something happened to change your mind?”

“Tyler’s father found out about him.”

“I see.” The doctor made a few notes before returning his attention to her. “How did this happen?”

Knowing the doctor was bound by confidentiality, she saw no reason to withhold Zach’s identity. “My former fiancé is a—”

The doctor held up his hand. “You were engaged to Tyler’s father before he was born?”

“Yes.”

Apparently she’d left out that detail. She watched Dr. Kline making more notes, and she wished she could peer into his leather notebook to find out what he’d written. Did he think she was a terrible person for keeping a father from his son, or a horrible mother for allowing her child to endure Nathan’s death knowing full well he wasn’t the boy’s biological father? She knew she was being ridiculous and allowing her imagination to take her places she shouldn’t go, but her guilt and fear over’s Tyler’s reaction was keeping her awake at night.

“Anyways, things didn’t work out with Zach because he wasn’t ready to have a family. I knew I was pregnant, but I didn’t want to burden him with a baby he didn’t want, so I left town.”

“I see.”

Knowing he was waiting for her to elaborate, Rennie said, “I just wanted the best possible life for my son. I wanted him to feel loved and wanted. I wasn’t trying to keep him from his father, but—”

“Rennie, you don’t have to justify your actions to me.”

Realizing that’s exactly what she was trying to do, Rennie forced herself to shift her focus. “Zach came back into our lives recently. It wasn’t what I expected, or even wanted, but he knows the truth about Tyler. I have to figure out how to deal with it and tell Tyler the truth.”

“Has Tyler met Zach?”

“Yes.”

“How did that go?”

She had no choice but to reveal Zach’s identity. Zach was a public figure, the hometown hero. Their story would no doubt be big news for a day or two when it finally broke, and she wanted to do everything she could to protect Tyler from the fallout. “Tyler idolizes Zach, Dr. Kline. You know how much Tyler loves baseball—”