New Beginnings (58 page)

“It was really cool of you to come,” Tyler said, looking up at him. “I’m sure you had better things to do than come to some ten-year-old kid’s birthday party.”

How could Zach tell him there was nowhere he would rather be and no one he would rather be with? “Thanks for inviting me. I think we’re gonna have a blast. In fact, this was exactly what I needed after the game we had. I was feeling pretty down.”

“Yeah, I heard you guys lost,” Tyler muttered, kicking a stone. “Too bad.”

Zach smiled. Suddenly, the loss that had seemed to define him only a couple of hours ago really didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was getting to know his son… and figuring out why the hell Rennie had tried to keep Tyler from him. “Yeah, but you win some and lose some, right? It’s part of the game.”

“Oh wow,” Tyler said, his brown eyes widening when he spotted Zach’s yellow Ferrari. “Is that your car?”

“It sure is.” A sports car was the first thing he had purchased when he got his first big contract, much to Rennie’s irritation. She told him it was dangerous. He promised he would be careful because she gave him a reason to come home every night. God, he’d loved that woman. Even now, when he felt something akin to hatred for her, he couldn’t quash his elation that they shared a son. Whether Rennie liked it or not, he would be a part of her life forever.

“Can you take me for a ride?” Tyler asked, walking slowly around the car.

“We’d have to ask your mom first, kid.” Rennie would panic if she found out he’d taken Tyler without permission. They had a lot of lost time to make up for, but unlike her, he would never try to keep his child from his parent.

“Can we go ask her now?”

Zach chuckled. “It’s not cool to bail on your own birthday party. Maybe some other time.”

“Promise?” Tyler asked, looking hopeful.

“I promise.” He knew Tyler would be spending a lot of time in his car. In fact, every chance Zach got. If Rennie didn’t like it, she could take it up with his lawyer. Zach reached into the car to retrieve the gift bag he’d picked up on the way. “I hope you like it.”

Tyler pulled out the shirt first and held it up after he set the bag on the ground. “Oh wow. Seriously? This is amazing.”

“There’s more,” Zach said, pointing at the bag. Rennie would probably complain that he was spoiling Tyler, but as far as Zach was concerned, he had a lot of lost time to make up for.

Tyler pulled out the ball and turned it over so he could see all the signatures. “This is amazing!” He launched himself at Zach and hugged him hard. “Thanks. This is the best present ever!”

“You’re welcome, buddy.” Zach squeezed him hard, praying he would be able to let go when the time came.

Rennie opened the front door of her parents’ house, and what she saw brought a lump to her throat. She couldn’t decipher whether she was feeling fear, hope, or elation, but she knew she’d secretly been waiting the past ten years for that moment. Zach’s eyes connected with hers over Tyler’s shoulder, and the contempt in his eyes made her step back.
He knew
. Of course he knew. And she had to deal with the fallout.

“Hey, Mom,” Tyler said when he spotted her. “Look what Zach gave me.” He ran toward her, clutching the ball and shirt. “They’re signed by the whole team. How cool is that?”

“That’s pretty cool,” Rennie said, offering a smile she hoped looked sincere. “I hope you remembered to thank Zach.”

“Mom,” he said, rolling his eyes, “I’m not a baby. I know what to say when someone gives me something.”

“I just wanted to make sure.” Rennie glanced at Zach, who was standing a few feet behind her son.
Their son.
When she saw them together, the resemblance was undeniable. She was surprised Tyler hadn’t picked up on it, but he was probably so awe-struck that he couldn’t think straight. “Um, Tyler, why don’t you get back to the party? I need to have a word with Zach.”

“You’re not gonna get mad at him for coming, are you?” Tyler looked over his shoulder at Zach. “’Cause it’s not his fault. I practically begged him to come.”

“I’m not mad,” she said, knowing Zach couldn’t say the same. They watched their son beat a path to the backyard. “Come in. We should talk.”

He glared at her. “You’re damn right we should.” He brushed past her and faced her when she closed the door.

“Let’s go into the kitchen.”

“Hell no,” he said, his voice deceptively calm. “We’re not having this conversation where someone could walk in on us. Let’s go to your old room.”

They had too many memories in that room. Whenever her parents went out, she and Zach would sneak in there for a little alone time, praying her parents wouldn’t come home before he had the chance to slip out. “I think we should—”

“I don’t care what you think.” He headed for the winding staircase. “You’ve been making the decisions for both of us for too damn long.”

Rennie fought her fear as she followed him up the stairs. She had to remind herself that he wasn’t an innocent victim. His words and actions had set the whole thing in motion. She couldn’t cower in the face of his rage. She had to stand up to him, for herself and her son.

He strode into the room and said, “Close the door,” between clenched teeth. His back was to her as she hovered in the doorway, wrestling with the urge to flee. “I don’t think the whole neighborhood needs to hear our business, do you?”

He was right, Rennie decided, closing the door with a soft click. That was the last thing she needed. Everyone would have questions, seeing them together again after so many years. Mainly, were they getting back together?

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

She could tell Zach was trying to remain calm, but the edge in his voice told her his fury was simmering close to the surface. “I…” She didn’t know how to answer. Her mother and son had forced her hand. She didn’t know how many days or months would have slipped away before she decided she couldn’t live in the same town as the man who’d fathered her child without telling him the truth. It had been easier when she was living in Tampa. Out of sight… But Zach had always been on her mind. All she had to do was look at her son to remember the man she’d almost married.

“How could you do this? How could you keep my son from me?”

His accusation snapped Rennie out of her reverie. She had every right to defend her actions. “I overheard you talking to your brother the night before our wedding.” A smug smile stole her stoic expression, but she couldn’t feel humor when thinking of the night that ruined her life.

“What?” He turned his back to her, no doubt to hide his guilty expression.

She knew he remembered. She saw it that split second before he averted his gaze. Years had passed, but he hadn’t changed much. She could still read his emotions, and he was feeling guilt, remorse, and confusion.

“Kevin told you?”

“No.”

“You were there?” He walked toward the window and looked out. Rennie knew the party was still in full swing. People were talking, laughing, playing in the pool. Their lives were moving forward, as usual, with no knowledge of the turmoil brewing around them.

“No, you pocket dialed me. I heard everything.” She wrapped her arms around her mid-section when a shudder moved through her.

“You heard—”

“I heard you say that you felt pressured into marrying me, that you didn’t want to have kids until after your baseball career was over. You said…” She paused, pretending she had to search for the words. They were etched in her memory like carvings on stone. “Winning a World Series was more important than having a family.”

“Rennie.” He finally faced her, and she saw agony drawing lines on his handsome face, but she couldn’t feel pity. Maybe someday she would feel sorry for him—because he’d given up the chance to be a father to the most incredible kid she’d ever known—but sorrow wouldn’t come when resentment was still edging it out. She should have let go of those feelings a long time ago, but time couldn’t always heal the deepest wounds.

“I said those things because—”

“You meant them.” She looked him in the eye, daring him to contradict her. She may have hidden behind lies and half-truths since her son’s birth, that was her burden to bear, but she wanted him to own the truth.

“At the time, maybe I did.” He sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. “I don’t know.”

“I know.” If she’d doubted his sincerity, if she’d thought he’d had a few too many beers, she would have gone to him and demanded the truth. But she knew him as well as she knew herself, and she couldn’t deny the bitter sting of honesty in his voice. “I know that you didn’t want the baby I was carrying, so how can you pretend to be hurt that I didn’t tell you?”

“I still had a right to know.”

She looked at him long and hard, reminding herself that the boy she used to love didn’t exist anymore and the man she’d agreed to marry had faded away. “Your parents raised you to be an honorable man. If you’d found out I was pregnant, you would have tried to do the right thing. You would have married me, supported me and the baby financially, but your heart wouldn’t have been in it.”

“You don’t know that.”

He didn’t sound convinced. How could he expect her to believe him? “You said yourself you didn’t want a kid. You wanted to focus on your career. I gave you that opportunity.” She couldn’t help but ask, “How did that work out for you?”

Narrowing his eyes, as though he hoped to convey his fury without words, he asked, “You think you can hurt me more than you already have? You let another man raise my kid!” He slammed his open palm into his chest. “
My
kid!”

“A kid you didn’t want!” She was grateful for the space separating them from anyone who might be wandering on the lower level. Taking a deep breath, Rennie turned her back on him to try to regain her calm. Her room looked exactly the same as it did when she left for college. Despite Jackie’s pleas to redecorate the dated bedrooms, their parents claimed they were preserving a little piece of history. Rennie understood that since her son was getting older. In a few years, Tyler would think he didn’t need her anymore. Maybe even sooner, when he realized she’d been keeping him from his biological father.

Rennie turned to see Zach’s back. He was looking at a collection of framed photographs on a white wicker bookshelf. He looked utterly ridiculous amongst the sea of her old pink frills, pompoms, and stuffed animals. Yet he had been in there so many times, stepping into the room without associating those four walls with him would have been difficult.

Her eyes drifted to the white canopy bed, and she thought about all of the love they’d made in that bed, all the plans they’d made for their future. She remembered the ceiling fan whirring softly, almost lulling them to sleep, as he stroked her skin and whispered about making all of her dreams come true.

“I wanted you to have my babies.” His voice was so quiet Rennie had to strain to hear him. “I wanted to be a father someday, and I knew you were the one…”

“But it was all happening too fast,” she whispered. “It was too soon.” Even though they’d been together a long time, they were both young and obviously at different places in their lives. Zach was just starting his career, but the only thing on Rennie’s mind was marrying the man she loved. Maybe she
had
pressured him—or perhaps their parents and friends had. She knew there was enough blame to go around, and she couldn’t deny her own part in it.

“I guess.” He picked up a framed photo of them at Rennie’s junior prom and slid his finger over the glass. “I should have told you how I felt.”

She wished he had. It was too late to undo the damage. “We’ve had a good life.” Rennie felt the need to reassure him.

“It could have been a hell of a lot better,” he said, his broad shoulders slumping. “You must have known I was making millions. Why didn’t you ever come after me for child support?”

“We didn’t need the money.” She and Tyler were used to their modest lifestyle. They lived in a small bungalow with a little backyard in case she ever gave in and got Tyler the dog he’d been begging for. It was in a safe neighborhood and close to a good school. She drove a reliable car. That’s all she’d ever wanted—a simple life that made her and her son happy, where she felt as though she was contributing something of value.

“But I could have given him so much more.”

“No, you couldn’t have.” She resented that he assumed his financial contribution would have made Tyler’s life better. Her son had everything he’d ever needed: a nice home, good friends, a safe school, sports, and plenty of love. “We gave him everything he needed.”

“‘We’?” The remorse she’d glimpsed earlier was eclipsed by bitterness again. “By ‘we,’ I assume you mean you and your husband?”

She knew it was time to come clean about everything and let the chips fall where they may. “Nathan was an important part of Tyler’s life. Losing him was difficult.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked, stepping toward her.

His size and fury should have made him an imposing figure, but she knew Zach too well to fear him. “He died last year.” No matter how many times she said that, it didn’t get any easier. “He lost his life in a fire. He was one of those brave men running into a burning building when everyone else was running out.”

“A firefighter?”

“Yes.”

She couldn’t look him in the eye while talking about the only other man she’d ever loved, so she wandered to the window. She caught sight of Tyler doing a cannonball into the pool. His birthday party was obviously everything he’d wanted it to be, and that was in no small part thanks to Zach’s presence.

“Why didn’t you tell me… that day in your office?” he asked.

She could tell he’d taken a few steps toward her. She almost felt his presence behind her. No matter how many years passed, she feared her body would always recognize their physical chemistry. He’d been her first lover—her only lover for a long time—and in the lonely year following her husband’s death, she was ashamed to admit Zach’s hands often caressed her in her dreams.

“I don’t know.” She did, of course. She’d just wanted to be rid of him, and she thought letting him believe she was still married would serve her purpose.