New Beginnings (90 page)

He slipped his arm around me, holding me firmly. Perhaps he was justifiably concerned I would try to flee. “I am trying to be honest with you. Even when it hurts.”

To his credit, he seemed unaffected by my slap, almost as though he’d expected and prepared for my reaction.

“How far did she get?”

“What?”

“You said she wanted to go down on you. What led up to that?” I didn’t know why I was torturing myself, but some perverse part of me wanted to hear the gory details. “Obviously, she didn’t just drop to her knees and—”

“It never got that far.” He looked annoyed by my insinuation, as if he had any right trying to take the moral high ground.

“Did you kiss her?”

“Kiss her?” He looked genuinely shocked. “No. I don’t kiss the women I have sex with.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Kissing to me is more intimate than having sex. I haven’t made love to you yet, but what we have shared is so much more intimate than anything I’ve shared with another woman.”

I closed my eyes, so wishing I could believe him. But the facts spoke for themselves. My man-whore was up to his old tricks, locked in a room late at night with a woman who would sacrifice herself to satisfy his needs. “I can’t trust you.” Speaking the truth cut like a knife, because I knew if I couldn’t trust him, I couldn’t have him in my life.

“Yes, you can.” The desperation was back in his voice. “I would never, ever betray you. You are everything I want, everything I need, theia. Please. I am begging you to believe that.”

I knew begging was new for him. He rarely even said please or thank you. He just expected people to do his bidding because of who he was and what he brought to the table, but I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my pride for any man.

“I can’t believe that.”

“Then let me prove it to you.” He moved in closer, backing me against the wall. “Let me show you with actions what I haven’t been able to with words. Let me show you how much I worship you.”

His words, coupled with his roaming hands, were intoxicating, almost a lethal combination, but I had to find the strength to resist. He was bad for me. He had the power to destroy me if I let him, and I would have only myself to blame because I’d entered into this with my eyes wide open, knowing who and what he was.

“Kiss me, theia.”

“No.” The word tore from my throat, laced with a sob. I wanted to kiss him more than I wanted to hate him, but I couldn’t surrender.

“Then let me kiss you.” He held my face as he pinned my body with his imposing physique.

“No. Please.” I turned my head, praying he would have mercy on me and not exploit my weakness for him.

“I have to.” He loosened the tie on his robe, exposing his hard, naked body and thick, jutting erection. “I have to have you. Letting you walk out of my life isn’t an option. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see what you do to me?”

The tears slid down my cheeks, and he obliterated them with his kisses—up and down my neck, over my cheeks, in the hollow of my throat, the seam between my lips. His tongue was everywhere, softening me, healing my hurts, and assuaging my fears. I knew it was only temporary, but I just needed the relief from the dull ache that permeated my body.

I pushed the robe off his shoulders, knowing it would be my biggest mistake. I had no prayer of resisting his chiselled body when it was so hard and tense with his unleashed hunger for me. This powerful man wanted me
.
Me.
Maybe tomorrow he would want someone else, and that was reason enough to walk away now, but I couldn’t. His mouth held me prisoner, his words shackling me with the promise that maybe I was special, maybe I could fill the void in him that no one else could.

“Please don’t cry, my angel. Don’t cry. I hate that I hurt you. I hate myself for making you cry. I want to make you happy.”

The zipper running the length of my dress slid down before the thin fabric pooled at my feet. If I wanted to stop, now was the time, my last chance. But as he unhooked my bra and slid my thong over my hips, I knew it was too late. My body wanted it, even though my heart was begging me to protect it from the pain he could inflict.

“Let me make you happy, Mia. Anything in the world. Anything you want is yours.” He slipped a finger inside me, followed by another. “So wet for me, sweetheart. You want this. You want me.”

Another sob escaped me, and I realized how torn I was about letting this happen. My body was reacting to his touch while my brain was screaming at me to run before I lost myself to him.

“Sssh.” He riveted me with his thumb, drawing maddening circles against my tender flesh. “You know what you need. You need this. You need me.”

I did need him, and that was what scared me the most. All the years Drew and I had been together, I’d never needed him like this. I’d always known I would survive if he walked away. With Deacon, I wasn’t so sure.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just let go. Give yourself to me. Let me take care of you.”

He was using his expertise to wear me down, to manipulate me. He played my body the way a skilled musician would a finely tuned instrument. My legs felt rubbery, as though they could barely support my weight, and I knew I would soon have no choice but to let him have his way with me and pray I wouldn’t regret it.

“Spread your legs wider,” he murmured. “Hmmm, that’s it.” He sucked my earlobe when I did as he asked. “Yes. I love how wet you are for me.” He dropped to his knees and spread my legs wider still as his tongue glided up and down my seam. “So sweet.”

With a single flick of his tongue, I was waving the white flag. “Please, Deacon, please…”

“Yes,” he whispered.

I thought my head would explode as all of my blood rushed to my extremities.

“That’s what I want—to hear you beg for it. I’ve been waiting so long to hear those sweet words fall from you lips.”

“Please. Yes…” I grinded myself against his mouth, my body moving like an exotic dancer’s as my hands glided over my breasts. I felt my orgasm closing in on me. “Oh God, yes...”

When he refused to relent and I couldn’t take any more, I decided to make him stop the only way I knew how. Lowering my body, I whispered, “It’s my turn. Please, baby.”

He growled as he gripped my arms and pulled me to my feet. “Not yet.”

A wave of anger came back as I remembered what he’d told me about Selene. “Did she take you in her hand like this?” I wrapped my hand around the base of his shaft.

He wove his hands into my hair, pulling hard enough to make my scalp sting. “Don’t talk to me about her.”

“Did it make you hard?” I asked. “Did you get excited thinking about her taking you?” The vision of poking a tiger with a big stick came to mind, but I banished it. I wanted to punish him the same way he’d punished me.

“Stop this!” He gripped my hair harder as I continued to work him over with my hand. “I only want to think about you!”

I released my need to hurt him and focused on pleasuring him the way he’d pleasured me. I listened for his reluctant groans and soft moans, the feral sounds he made in the back of his throat. I felt his gentle clasping of my hair and lazy circles on my scalp.

“I love you.” The words sounded almost tortured, as though he’d been trying to suppress them but couldn’t. “I. Need. You.” He gasped when his words incited me to increase my tempo. “I’ve never… needed… anyone.” He shuddered. “But… I… need… you.”

Knowing I had the ability to bring this powerful, ruthless man to his knees was a heady aphrodisiac. I was on a power trip, a sex-induced high, as I used my wiles to draw the words from him that I needed to hear to assuage my fears about us.

“Don’t… ever… leave… me.” He grabbed my wrist before I could finish him off. “Say it. Say you’ll never leave me. I need to hear you say it. Now.” He had a wild look in his eyes, as if he’d unleashed the beast within and had no desire to cage it for my safety.

“I’ll never leave you,” I whispered.

“No matter what you hear about me, no matter who tries to tear us apart, you’ll never leave me.”

A fresh wave of fear coursed through me as I realized he was giving me some insight into the challenges we would face. Selene was just the tip of the iceberg.

“Say it.” He shook me slightly. “Say you’ll never leave me.”

“I’ll never leave you,” I whispered, wondering if I could believe my own words. Without knowing what was to come, I had no idea how I would react, whether or not I could handle the truth about the dark and mysterious man I’d fallen in love with.

“Swear to me.” He could obviously sense my uncertainty.

Trying to make light of his insistence, I said, “Are you asking for a blood oath?”

“Yes.” He wasn’t kidding. Shit.

To distract him, I whispered, “Make love to me, Deacon. Please.”

He crushed his mouth to mine, demanding I acquiesce to his desire to possess me. When I did, he slowed, taking my mouth thoroughly. His kiss bordered on a reverent tenderness I’d never seen him display. By the time he was finished with me, I was gushing and moaning, on the verge of pleading yet again.

“Not here, theia,” he whispered, picking me up. “In my bedroom.”

“Wait.” I gripped the doorframe. “Not… in your bed.” I pictured my friends sharing that bed with him—Selene, and all the faceless women who’d come before me. It was silly, but I couldn’t get aroused in a place where he’d stimulated so many others.

A smile quirked his lips. “My beautiful Mia, hotels are for my conquests. My bedroom, my private sanctuary, is reserved for making love to the one woman I revere.”

“You haven’t…” After all the questions I’d asked him, all the vile things I’d accused him of, I didn’t know why I was embarrassed to ask him this. “Had other women here?”

“I keep a hotel room not far from my office,” he explained. “It is dangerous for a man in my position to invite random women into his home.”

“You didn’t invite me.” Shame colored my cheeks. “I invited myself. I’m sorry about that. I just…” Needed to see you. Wanted to read you the riot act about intruding on my dinner with my brother. After everything that had happened, that seemed almost insignificant now.

“My home is your home, Mia. You are always welcome here.”

I curled my face into his neck, breathing in his now-familiar scent and basking in his warmth. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but tonight, I wanted to make beautiful memories with this complex man.

Deacon

I’d almost lost her. That was the one thing that kept reverberating through my mind as I laid Mia in the middle of my king-size bed. She’d almost walked out on me. I’d taken a step back tonight and almost given in to temptation, lured by the promise of hot and dirty sex—just the way I liked it. Then Mia had walked in, and my world bottomed out.

I’d seen her moving through my house, heading for the door, and I knew a fear I’d never known before. If she’d walked in even a few minutes later, if I’d had a few more shots with dinner, she would have seen Selene giving me pleasure while I moaned Mia’s name.

I was one sick bastard—one terrified, sick bastard—because I knew even one misstep would cost me the best thing that had ever happened to me. But this need had had me in its grip for so long that I was having a hard time breaking free. Even for the sake of the woman I was meant to be with.

“Deacon,” she whispered, beckoning me with her finger, “make love to me.”

I stared at her, my blond goddess. My stomach clenched with concern over the pain I could cause her, terror over the anguish I would feel when and if she left me, and panic that there was something inside me I couldn’t control. I felt a desire so strong, a hunger so deep, only one thing could satiate it.

“Yes.” I prayed that sinking inside her for the first time would mark a new beginning for me. I wanted it to end an unwanted chapter marked by meaningless sex and casual affairs. I was desperate to be the man she wanted me to be. “Are you on the pill, theia?”

“Yes.” She nodded.

I was scrupulous about being tested. With my sexual practices, even with the benefit of condoms, I couldn’t afford to be remiss. Being with Mia would mark the first time I’d ever taken a lover without a layer of latex between us, and I needed that. I needed it to be different with her.

“You will be safe with me,” I whispered, gliding my lips over her cheek as I braced my body above her. “You trust me?”

After a moment’s hesitation, she whispered, “Yes.”

I eased inside her slowly, careful not to thrust too hard or deep until she was ready to take all of me. Every inch was an excruciating blend of pleasure and pain. I was so close to something I’d wanted for so long, yet it was still just beyond my reach.

She moaned. “Mmmm… I love the way you feel.”

Her sweet voice was like a tranquilizer, relaxing me and getting to the root of my pain. When I was seated fully inside her, I pulled her close, unable to move or breathe as I reveled in the moment and the depth of our connection.
This
was how sex was supposed to feel, not fast and furious thrusting as a means to a climax. This bone-deep, soul-mating connection was what I’d sought my entire adult life.

“I love you, Deacon.”

I squeezed my eyes shut as I moved slowly inside her, kissing her neck, gliding in and out in a slow, steady rhythm. She loved me. She loved me. She loved
me.
It sounded like a mantra inside my head. They were the only words that mattered, the only words I would ever need to hear to bring me satisfaction.

“I love you too, Mia. More than you will ever know.”

“Harder,” she whispered, clutching my back. “Faster. Please. I need more.”

I leaned back, grabbing her wrists to pin her to the bed. Something snapped inside me. My woman needed something I wasn’t giving her, and it reminded me there were thousands, hundreds of thousands, of men who would line up to please her if I couldn’t.

“You want it hard?” I growled, forcing my shaft deep inside her and stretching her to capacity. “You want it fast? Just remember you asked for this. Grab the headboard and don’t let go until I tell you to.”