New Homeport Island (9 page)

foresee the drama and not pointing out deficiencies in sailors
 holding a rank worthy of consideration also afforded hero
 moments…at least, in the eyes of the officers. To most of the
 crew the training deficiencies led to moments of gross
 incompetence rather than opportunities for subordinates to
‘shine’.  
“So the big heroes are back for a jaunt at sea, huh?” the
ATG chief asked. “Big hero’s?” as the petty officer of the watch
OS1 Worksen. “Ya, huh…I’m chief Bladd with ATG, you’re the
 ones that declared martial law aren’t you?...because it snowed?”
The chief said with a smirk not knowing if he would be struck
 with a fist or see the young guy giggle. Worksen replied, “You’d
 have to ask the captain, chief. I don’t know anything about
 declaring martial law, I know we sent out some electricians
 mates to restore power and a lot of us had to get a ride in.” Chief
Bladd said, “Well, my ride in was okay and I’m told it was a big
 deal, they don’t want you guys looking bad so were gonna’
 make sure everything is up to snuff.”
As the chiefs and officers of the Advanced Training Group
 crossed the quarterdeck an entirely different type of dark cloud
 began to form over the ship. The chiefs headed to the chiefs
 mess and the officers to the wardroom lounge. The quarterdeck
 received a call from the chief’s mess informing them they
 should have announced their arrival on the 1MC or at least
 called the captain. After the phone conversation Worksen keyed
 the 1MC, “A.T.G. arriving.” followed by a clank of the bell. The
 messenger of the watch looked at Worksen with an odd look and
Worksen asked, “Just the stinger right?” The messenger of the
 watch, BMSN Dawlson said, “Wasn’t one of them a captain?”
Worksen replied, “Screw it the word’s already been passed.”

The officers made a parade of phone calls followed by a
 meandering promenade to the wardroom, as the chiefs many of
 which were already in the mess, started the one upmanship and
 glad-handing.  
“So, how was the underway?” asked Chief Bladd. Master
Chief Hauldblam replied, “We were walking on the bulkheads.”
Chief Bladd smiled and said, “You head out because of the
 snow?” Master Chief Hauldbalm replied, “There was a small
 boat in distress, they got into safe harbor before we reached
 them…better safe than sorry I guess.” Bladd looked stunned,
“You see that? They only tell us half the story…didn’t hear
 anything about a small boat trapped out there.” Chief Dotle
 replied, “Ya, instantly made friends with our captain as soon as
 they found out we were on our way to render assistance. He
 must have guided them through the storm over the radio. It was
 very rough out there.” Bladd said, “Sounds like a good guy, you
 guys got lucky. They’re making a big deal about your rep. they
 don’t want you to lose it so the inspections gonna’ be tight.”  
In the wardroom lounge the officers from the ship mingled
 indiscriminately snatching folders, reports, and instructions out
 of each other’s hands just as they had finished reading it; like a
 news room working on a deadline. Spayner asked, “Why am I
 reading a grocery list?” Mr. Mormus replied, “It’s better than
 this laundry list.” Spayner said, “No, this is an actual grocery
 list.” Captain Artimus stepped around from the dining area into
 the lounge and said, “Give it to the supply officer.”  
As they commenced their meeting reviewing the evaluation
 points and performance objectives, the ship slowed in its daily
 routine, waiting for a work list the length of your arm to come
 flooding out of the wardroom. Officers and chiefs unfamiliar to
 the crew would be found wandering the decks or conversing in

the passageways. They would tour work centers and offices
 asking questions and inspecting equipment and paperwork. At
 this point the crew knows only two things, stay out of their way
 and ‘it is better to be alive’. The work load is soon to become
 demanding, even overwhelming, and has been known to prompt
 divorce because the sailor is never home, or long bouts of
 sobriety in unmarried sailors.  
I was back in the engine room and Mitch was in a good
 mood, “What are you sweatin’ now Rob?” Mitch asked. Norrie
 interjected, “He don’t know he just sweats sweatin’” Depree
 said, “It’s the inspection…he was on a tender and he has seen it
 much better than this and so have I.” I said, “The inspectors look
 lost, the officers are hiding, and the chiefs are going to declare
 us all super bowl winners…happens everytime.”
Hudlow came up to the boiler flat from the lower level with
 a clip board in his hand with an astonished look on his face and
 said, “I checked what they said to check…we’ve got a lot of
 work to do, I’m going to the mess. Depree get Nueme and do
 wipers, Lyon and Norri get two gen. ready, Hackel and Separk
 head back to three gen. and clean it up.” We all headed out to
 our spots thinking here it comes.
Up in C.I.C. there were circuit cards everywhere, the
 operational specialist had every manual they could get their
 hands on out; including ones for other systems for comparison.
They were searching for a master lamp driver somewhere in the
 system, it seems one of the inspectors made a sarcastic comment
 regarding burnt out indicator lights and he was misunderstood.
But at least they looked busy. OSSN Williams said, “I thought
 these things had bulbs.” Electronic technician first class
Spaclavia said, “I don’t care what you have to do Athena, the

lamp test button has to light them all.”  Williams replied,
“Worksens on watch once he’s done he’ll show us.”
In Auxiliaries space one, EN3 Rich, EN2 River, and EN3
Elper were combing through the wiring and gauge lines of
 number one A.C. River asked, “When did this thing become a
 rats nest?” Elper responded, “It’s the electrician’s mate’s dude.
Houval was supposed to replace the grommets. ”
On the bridge BM1 Branson, SN Melad, and BM3 Brock
 were straightening up the bridge when Ens. Clarkson stepped
 through the water tight door she asked, “What are you guys
 doing up here?” Branson replied, “We’re boatswain mates
 ma’am were supposed to be up here, aren’t you and engineering
 officer ma’am?” Clarkson responded a bit nervous, “Ya, I just
 needed to step out of the wardroom for a minute.” Then
Clarkson broke wind with a loud and nauseating fart and said
 with a big bright smile, “Thanks…enjoy that.” Branson’s eyes
 began to water and Tammy Melad asked, “Are you crying
 because we get shit on all the time, or does it smell that bad?”
Branson looked over rubbing his nose and coughed out the
 reply, “Both.” and they all laughed.  As they left the bridge
 down the passageway they passed the wardroom door just as
Captain Artimus stepped out, his eye were red and teary. As
Melad walked past him she asked, “Clarkson?” The captain
 replied with a distant look, “Yep..” Bm3 Brock smacked Melad
 on the back of the head. The Captain rested his head in his hand
 covering his eyes with a groan.
The end of the workday was near and the inspectors would
 be there all week. Mr. Yurganson of ATG announced to the
 crew through a grapevine of khaki wearing chiefs and officers at
 quarters being held throughout the ship that, “This will be a
 quick and painless process of verifying the captains assertions

that this is by far the only ship he would choose to command,
 and meets the rigorous demands of the navy and the job at
 hand.” Unfortunately Captain Dave Artimus tends to believe
‘word play’ to be some form of brilliant legal trickery that
 causes a win every time. As his semantics change it is not seen
 as a clarification but as an attempt to recant his statement. The
 reply from the Advanced Training Group was a reassuring,
“We’ll get you there captain.” As ATG made its way through
 the ship the pending man hours began to stack up and the earlier
 statement of ‘a painless process’ was updated to being only as
 painful as a root canal.
The Auxiliaries division as well as the deck division and a
 few electricians mates stood at the anchor windless it’s conduit
 box was full of lint and dust, its electrical wiring had been
 yanked from their connections with bare wire showing past
 chemically damaged insulation, and its bearings rumbled even
 with the anchor chain pulled away.  Elper and Dames stood
 astonished looking at it, Elper asked, “Who even takes care of
 this thing?” Brock and Sirey responded, “You do.” And Haydel
 added, “And their chief says we do.” Sirey asked, “So what do
 we do? draw straws?” EN2 Dames said, “Okay, I’ll say it.
Check the PMS cards, those say what rate is supposed to do
 what.” Sirey asked, “Like what?” Brock replied, “grease the
 bearings” Haydel replied, “Clean the controller and pecker
 head.” and Elper replied, “refilling the air oiler.”
In the forward engine room Gillis stood with Washam at
 the module door to Gas turbine module two alpha enclosure and
 they were attempting to explain the oil leaks coming from all
 over the engine. Washam told the inspector, “It just hasn’t had a
 water wash yet.” Gillis said, “We’ll get someone in the to wipe
 it up…it’s not like we can fix a labyrinth seal; we’d need a new

engine.” The inspector, Lt. Yurganson responded, “How about
 we take care of what we already have. That’s what the
Preventative Maintenance System is for.”
Meanwhile in Admiral Dufsin’s Yeoman second class
Karen Meslanka walked into the admirals office and said,
“Admiral preliminary reports from the Afloat Training Group
 have arrived regarding the Paul F Foster.” Dufsin replied as he
 took the paper work from her hand, “How are they doing.”
Karen replied, “Well it starts with explaining they introduced
 themselves as the Advanced Training Group and goes downhill
 from there.” Dufsin said, “Advanced? …On Artimus’s ship?”
 and he began flipping through the pages. YN2 Meslanka waited
 a moment and asked, “Will there be anything else sir?” Dufsin
 replied, “Call chief Tayed and have him to head over there.”
Meslanka responded, “Yes sir.” and headed to her desk.
As ADM. Dufsin flipped through the pages he said to
 himself, “Well that’s a fail.” and dismissively tossed the report
 to the side and turn on his television…it was Wapner time. ‘The
 people’s court’ and the ‘jerry springer show’ were favorites of
 his and were replayed at lunch time on his ships just so those
 crews would know ‘what the hell he was talking about.’      
 Out at the pier the pier sentry steps out of his booth and
 lights a cigarette. The crew is leaving the ship for the day with
 the exception of the duty section. The pier sentry is hoping one
 of his friends will bring him back a pizza. But the night life out
 on the town rarely affords the chance to squeeze in a pizza run
 for someone on duty.
Pulling off the base in your car is time consuming; it’s a
 rush hour and a thirty minute wait to get off base. Radio’s
 blaring and the occasional shaken fist or impromptu dance party
 at parked cars. Back in sunny San Diego this lead to often lead

to a precession to the nearest party spot, but here in Everett days
 without rain were few and far between.  
The local bars empty their tills and brace for an onslaught
 of potentially under aged and under paid service members. Back
 street innuendo from wanna be bad asses, shoving fights
 complete with hair pulling and the occasional ‘oh shit these two
 are for real’ are on tonight’s menu as well as a sultry come on
 from a young female service member…some of the males as
 well.
I found myself in the Casbah a good bar for finding a one
 night stand, there wouldn’t be many squids there some sailors
 assumed on account of the name that it must be a gay bar. I far
 as I was concerned it just meant more fish in the sea for me. I sat
 drinking a Corona complete with the slice of lime; I drank there
 regularly so they kept it in stock. I watched the women come
 and go as the night passes looking for an attractive one showing
 those symptoms of hormone imbalance or sexual arousal, which
 unfortunately included a degree of confrontation. But so long as
 the confrontation was directed at her female companions it was
‘all good’.      
As I sat chain smoking and nursing my beer, I noticed
Athena Williams stroll in with Amber Dallon and a few other
 girls from the crew. Girls night out and I had a front row seat. I
 walked over to the juke box, as a regular I knew it usually didn’t
 work because the bartender had a cut out switch and she only
 like country music, but she could handle the eighties music and
 that’s what I tended to play.
The room was kept dim and I moved through the swirls of
 smoke back to my table undetected, the light above my table is
 burnt out and that is why I sit there. From across the room I
 watch the girls settle in and relax as the juke box plays ‘In the

Mood by Robert Plant’ the bartender shoots me a look and
 signals just this one. I made sure I blended in as the girls get
 their drinks and find myself slightly startled as Charlie
McCready says at an elevated volume, “Oh I know…isn’t he?”
 flowed by laughter. I thought to myself ‘this is going to be
 funny.’ Justina Mier said, “Did you meet that ensign?” Athena
 replied, “Selinas?” Justina said, “ya…what a douchebag. He was
 in senior chief Rickly ass about Freon we couldn’t account for.”  
Jennifer Hennely said, “Same guy crapped on me about an
 eductor we lost.” Jamie Russ added, “And I didn’t know how to
 operate the remote valve station…neither did Culd.” Jamie
 glanced over at me and said, “I think that guys looking at us.”
The girls responded, “Which one and how’s my hair?” and
 laughed. Justina said, “Oh shit I know that one.”  Athena called
 over, “hey you wanna buy us some drinks?” I glanced around
 and she replied, “Ya, you...get over here.” I went over and sat
 down and Athena said, “Oh shit Rob I didn’t realize it was
 you…buy us some drinks and get the hell out of here.” I laughed
 and replied, “If you really get drunk on one drink then we’ll do
 that.”  Charlie interjected, “That isn’t what she said.” and
Athena looked around and said, “Ya I did…didn’t I?” I said I’d
 get the drinks.    
As I passed around a myriad of bizarre mixed drinks
Tammy Melad said, “I guess you really are trying to get laid,
 huh Rob?” someone blurted out, “Oh, he’s getting laid.” I
 laughed and sat down. Justina asked, “So, did you meet that
 ensign…Selinas?” I replied, “Ya he chewed Hudlow’s ass for
 not knowing how to do a PMS check he’s supposedly been
 doing for two years on the Low Pressure Air Compressor.”
Charlie retorted, “Oh and you do?” I replied dismissively, “Ya, I