New Leaves, No Strings (23 page)

‘Holy fucking shit man, where are
your clothes?’ I heard Lexi shout.

‘Shit sorry, sorry Lexi. Mia’s not
feeling well I was just grabbing her some water.’

‘Well grab a fucking dressing gown
or some boxers first. What’s wrong? Is she ok?’

‘She looks like she’s going to pass
out, can we talk about this after I check on her and I’m not trying to cover my
manhood with a freezing cold glass of water?’

‘Fine, I’m going to the bathroom to
shower, so don’t be coming in until I tell you I’m out. Make sure she’s ok.’

I turned my head to see Gabe
re-enter the room with a pink flush to his cheeks. ‘Here, drink’ he said as he
lifted my head and tilted the glass to meet my lips. I started to guzzle, it
tasted sweet. ‘Slowly, its sugared water, I think you need something to eat.’
He put the glass back down on the bedside table when I’d drained it. ‘Are you
ok Mia?’

‘I’ll be fine. I just get a bit
light headed sometimes. What time is it?’ I avoided looking at him embarrassed.
He’d really just said that to me?
I love you?
After four bloody days?
What was he thinking?

‘7.15, you need something to eat.’

‘I’m fine,’ I replied. I needed
some air, I felt crowded by him all of a sudden, it was too much.

‘I’ll go and make some bacon and
egg sandwiches, that should help.’

‘You’re not listening I’m fine, I
don’t do big breakfasts,’ I said as I carefully sat up.

‘You really should eat something,’
he reached out to touch my face and I pushed his hand away.

‘I said I was fine, stop nagging me
Gabe.’ He was pushing me, why was he pushing me? I needed some space while I
tried to process this.

‘You don’t seem fine. Stay in bed,
I’m going to go and make it and I’ll bring it to you.’

‘What are you my bloody mother? I
said I was fine like thirty bloody times.’ I snapped and I shuffled over to the
opposite site of the bed and got up and walked quickly to the bathroom door, taking
care not to look at him, this was too much. I just needed to get away from him
and clear my head. ‘Lexi are you still in the shower?’ I yelled.

‘Just out.’

‘I need to come in. Can I come in?’

‘Sure.’

I opened the door and pushed it
shut behind me without looking at him. I leaned back on it and took a deep breath
and sighed. Lexi wriggled her pants up and threw me a towel.

‘Cover yourself up, what is it with
every one flashing their nakedness at me this morning? What’s up? Gabe said you
went faint again and you look really pale.’

‘I’m fine, Jesus christ why’s
everyone all over me this morning? It makes it hard to bloody breathe. I feel
like I’m suffocating,’ I replied as I wrapped the towel around me. I wasn’t in
the mood for talking.

‘I’m suffocating you by asking if you’re
ok? Well you’re obviously not fine. What the hell’s eating at you?’

‘Nothing,’ I sighed as I covered my
eyes with my hands and sighed.

‘Really? If I didn’t know you I’d
know there was something up. Come on talk.’

‘I don’t want to talk about it Lex,
I just want to get showered and have some time alone. Is that ok with you or do
I need your fucking permission?’ I dropped my hands and scowled at her as she
pulled on her jeans and t-shirt.

‘Be my guest Miss Grumpy pants, but
we’re going to talk about this at some stage today Mia. Where’s Gabe now? I’ve
had my fill of naked people this early on a Monday morning. It’s like living in
a bloody nudist colony.’

‘I left him in the bedroom, he is
insisting on cooking bloody breakfast,’ I grumbled.

‘Great I don’t have a problem with
our own personal chef, I’m starving. See you out there, hopefully in a better
mood.’ She pulled out her tongue at me and opened the door to the hall and
pulled it closed behind her.

I went and held onto the sides of
the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I did look pale, any hint of
sexual glow had drained from my face. God damn it, it had all been going so
well, why did he have to ruin it? Love me? We’d known each other about five
minutes. What was it with guys and having to say it so quickly? What did he
want from me? To hear it back? Well he could forget that. I heard my bedroom
door open and him cross to the kitchen and then heard raised voices. I tiptoed
to the bathroom door and pulled it slightly ajar to hear what was going on.

‘Well you’ve obviously done
something Gabe, she’s seriously pissed off.’

‘We were great, everything was
great and then suddenly it wasn’t.’

‘She doesn’t fly into a mood like
that for no reason. Did you do something to physically hurt her? Did you force
her to do something she didn’t want to?’

‘No, god no,’ I heard him protest.
‘I can’t believe you’d think that I’d do something like that to her.’

‘I don’t really know you very well
remember, neither does she.’

‘She knows how I feel about her.’

‘Why because you’re frequently touching
her up, or shagging her in public or dangerous places?’

‘I resent that. It’s not just
shagging with her Lexi and I think deep down you already know that. You’re just
taking it out on me because she’s in a temper. Anyway, she knows it’s more
because I told her how I feel.’

‘How?’ she snapped and I inhaled
sharply, cringing.

‘I don’t want to discuss that with
you it’s private, but trust me she’s in no doubt as to how I feel about her, so
I don’t understand what just happened.’

‘O god you didn’t?’

‘Didn’t what?’

‘You bloody did didn’t you?’

‘What?’

‘You went and told her that you
love her didn’t you? Shit Gabe, what’s wrong with you bloody men?’

‘I thought she’d be happy to know
that I was that serious about her, what’s the problem?’

‘She doesn’t want you to be that
serious about her, not a week after meeting her Gabe. Jesus christ. She’s been
through some shit alright, she finds it hard to accept anyone could love her. You
need to give it time, give her time to trust you.’

‘She things she’s unlovable? Who
did this to her? Was it Kai? Did he hurt her?’

‘That’s not my conversation to have
with you Gabe. Trust me, she’ll open up to you eventually. It’s just not going
to happen overnight, you need to let her head catch up with her feelings.’

‘What are you saying?’

‘Gabe I know her better than anyone.
You’ve already gotten to her in a way that no other guy has before, I can see
it, she just needs time to process it and then she’ll realise it herself.’

I felt something stinging my face
and ran my hand over my cheek and realised I was crying. I’d heard enough. I
climbed into the shower and sobbed as the hot water mixed in with my tears. I
sank down to the floor and huddled up in the corner, my arms clutching my knees
to my chest and I buried my face in them. I really liked Gabe, but love? I was
so scared and frustrated. How long was it going to be before I could get other
my ridiculous fears and let someone love me and love them in return? Every time
a boyfriend got too attached to me, told me he loved me, I’d freak out. I’d
treat him badly to try and make him leave and if he didn’t get the hint I’d
dump him and move on. Part of me was desperate to run from Gabe, even though I liked
him so much, but then part of me was actually upset that I may have hurt his
feelings, with my reaction to his statement, and that was new. I’d never given
a crap about how any of the guys were feeling before, it was always about me,
my feelings, never theirs. I felt so confused.

I heard a noise and lifted my head
and saw Gabe in Lexi’s grey joggers walk into the shower. He sank onto the
floor next to me and pulled me onto his chest stroking my hair. I started
crying again and he held me tightly as the hot water rained down on us, until I
got it all out. I felt strangely better sitting here with his arms around me.

‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered as he
kissed the top of my head.

‘I’m sorry I freaked out,’ I
whispered as I put my hand on his chest.

‘Don’t be, you told me not to rush
things, you were perfectly clear me from the start. It was my fault, I didn’t
listen to you. I get the message and I’ll back off and go at your pace. I’m not
going to risk losing you.’ I felt his lips in my hair and his voice changed, I
could hear the shake in it. ‘Please don’t end it Mia, please don’t, I’m so
sorry for scaring you.’

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, I
was
scared. Scared of his feelings, but also of mine, at the thought of not seeing
him again, of not being with him, I wasn’t ready for what he’d said, but I
wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him either. I exhaled heavily, day by day that’s
what we’d agreed, to just go day by day. Maybe I could just let him feel how he
wanted to feel, it wasn’t like I had to feel the same way back. I pulled myself
upright and climbed up to straddle his lap and I wiped my eyes.

‘You could be so good for me Gabe
Austin, I
really
like you, but you saying that … it’s too much, I can’t
hear it. I’m not ready for a relationship, not a serious relationship like
that. Please will you bear with me?’

‘As long as it takes, I’m not going
anywhere,’ he whispered as he used his thumbs to wipe away the residue of tears
under my eyes. I put my arms around his neck and kissed it. In one swift move
he lifted me up until we were both standing.

‘You’re freakishly strong and agile
did you know that?’

‘As well as stalkerish, creepy and
a weirdo?’ he smiled.

‘Yes those things too.’

‘Come on we need to get showered it’s
coming up to eight and I need to eat something before I head off. I’ve got to
sort out some washing at home and you don’t want to be late for History.’

He peeled off Lexi’s joggers, which
had turned dark grey from the water and clung even more tightly to his thighs.
He washed himself while I did my hair and then we swapped bottles. Five minutes
later we were out, our teeth brushed, towel dried and back in my bedroom. He
quickly slipped into his clean dry clothes from yesterday and I caught him
looking at me in the reflection of the mirror as he buttoned up his shirt while
I pulled on some clean black underwear and hooked up my bra.

‘See you in the kitchen when you’re
ready?’ he questioned. His face told me he was also asking me if I was ok now
and I nodded and smiled, biting my lip. He walked towards the door.

‘Gabe?’

‘Yes,’ he said as he looked back.

‘Have you had your bacon and egg
sandwich yet?’

‘No. Changed your mind now have
you?’ he asked looking amused.

‘Well it is a ladies prerogative
you know.’

‘I’m on it,’ he gave me a lovely
smile and disappeared.

I inhaled deeply. I needed to sort
myself out if I wasn’t going to push him away with my crazy behaviour. Lexi was
right. I did feel differently about him, for starters I wanted to be around him,
which was a first. I got dressed and pulled my damp hair into a pony tail and
put on some mascara. I could smell and hear the bacon sizzling and I headed to
the kitchen to see Gabe at the stove again and Lexi at the dining table, it was
déjà vu from last night. Lexi turned to me and mouthed ‘
Ok?’
at me and I
nodded and mouthed ‘
Sorry’
at her, she put up her thumbs. We were good
for now, but I knew there was no way she’d let me off that easy. She was being
restrained as we had company. I made a mental note to invite him around when
she was pissed at me in future.

I stood next to Gabe as I flicked
on the kettle and got three mugs ready for some coffee. Our hips brushed
against each other’s and he smiled at me as I looked up at him. Fifteen minutes
later and we’d all eaten and I’d cleared up.

‘I’ve got to dash, see you both in
English this afternoon?’ said Gabe as he tucked his phone and wallet into his
jeans.

‘Sure, thanks again for all the
cooking,’ said Lexi.

‘Anytime.’

‘Oooo instead of calling for takeout
we could call you to cook in,’ exclaimed Lexi as I walked him out to the hall.

‘So we’re good?’ he asked concern written
all over his face.

‘We’re good. I really did have a
great weekend you know. Despite all my mini melt downs, I’m not normally a
crier.’

‘Great thanks. That makes me feel
so much better now knowing that I’ve made you cry twice in one weekend.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Stop apologising.’

‘You like being bossy and in charge
don’t you?’ I asked.

‘Usually yes, but I quite liked it
when you did.’

‘When did I get bossy?’

‘In the restaurant insisting on
paying and then with your “
I’m going to make you come so hard you’ll think
it’s your birthday”
moment on Friday night.’

‘God I’d forgotten I’d done that. I
was rather forceful wasn’t I? Shit I owe you some more money for all of the
food.’