New Title 3 (17 page)

“
Shit, Joel. You’ll owe me for this one,” Sonny said as he obeyed.

“
Jake...” I whispered under my breath. “I’m sorry, Jake…” My eyelids flickered. I felt cold.

Sara stared at Sonny and asked him what I meant. He told her and the others about Jake. The shock of losing another friend incurred gasps and, from some, tears. Sonny once again refused to give in to grief.

“
That’s why it’s imperative that we all get back to our watch. Earl, I’d put people outside on the ground to listen for shit if I were you.”

Earl nodded. “Joel would have wanted us to keep the watch.”

“
Jesus, Earl, don’t say ‘Joel would have wanted’. He’s not dead!” Sara’s voice rose in pitch but she otherwise remained calm, wiping the sweat from my brow and smiling reassuringly at me.

Earl temporarily took command. “Anyone who can’t be of help here, take your place at a window. Sonny- you, John, and Sid listen for anything out back. Stay on the porch, close to the house.” He knelt beside me and laid a reassuring hand on my chest. “You’ll be alright, buddy.”

The group scattered as Connor resurfaced with the medical kit. Sara loaded a syringe with morphine and jabbed the needle into the meat of my leg with great care and purpose. I winced. She went to work on my leg while Connor hovered nearby, ready to lend a hand if needed.

The morphine took effect immediately. We’d gotten it while scavenging for medical supplies in a downtown clinic where Sara had worked during her co-op with the high school. Thank God she had. The injection deadened the pain, but exhaustion and blood loss finally made me pass out.

Hours later I awoke in my bed, groggy and in pain. I rubbed my eyes slowly but deeply, making me see stars when I opened them. When the lightshow cleared, I saw Sara. She was leaning over me, running her fingers gently down my face.

“
I’m still here, babe,” I reassured her, smiling goofily. The morphine left me giddy.

“
I’m glad.” Leaning in, she kissed my forehead. “Your leg should be fine. The bullet didn’t break any bones or hit an artery. It passed right through your vastus lateralis.”

“
I thought you said it went through my leg,” I pouted. We both laughed. Then Sara’s face changed mid-laugh from an expression of exuberant happiness to one of deep pain.

“
What is it? What’s wrong?”

“
The guys picked up Jake this morning.” She struggled to continue. “He’s been out all night, all by himself. He - he’s in the garage... in a bag…” She began to sob. The memory of Jake’s death assaulted my senses and I lost it too. We cried awhile, together. They say that a man is never gone until he is forgotten. I would see to it that Jake lived forever.

I
managed to get out of bed in the afternoon and, with the help of a walking stick Kevin had fashioned into a cane for me, maneuver around the second floor fairly easily. Sara refused to let me use the stairs for the time being. She wanted me to stay in bed for a few days, but that was unfathomable to me.

We buried Jake during that mystical hour when afternoon transforms into evening. Connor and Sonny carried me gently down to the basement, where the shell that had been my childhood buddy was laid out. He was positioned on a tarpaulin as if asleep, the terrible chest wound concealed by a new shirt. Julia, Caroline, and Earl weren’t present, being on guard duty, but everyone else was there. Their solemn faces all registered grief as they paid their respects to a friend who’d been suddenly restored to us, only to be taken away just as quickly.

Kevin, Sidney, and Sara took one edge of the tarp while Seth, Freddy and John grasped the other. While the rest of us followed, they carried Jake out through the sliding glass doors of the walk-out basement. We trudged in silence along the path, toward a gravesite that John and Earl had prepared earlier.

As we lowered yet another friend into the ground, Sara said a prayer. The others repeated her words under their breath while Connor and Sonny watched the forest, guns drawn. After filling the hole with earth, we stood there in uncomfortable silence. No one wanted to be the first to leave Jake.

Suddenly gunfire erupted. It was a single shot, but it came from within the house! Knowing that Jake would understand, we abandoned the site and hurried to the house. When we piled through the door, Caroline and Julia met us, pointing at the garage.

“
Earl finally did it!” Caroline exclaimed.

My heart sank. The garage! The
skunk
!

“
Earl just went in there to check on a noise he thought he’d heard through the floor,” Julia began. Then Earl appeared from the garage. With his broad grin and triumphant expression, he oozed satisfaction.

“
What, Earl? What’s the good news?” Connor asked.

“
You’ll never believe who I just got even with.” Earl returned his pistols to their holsters. I couldn’t speak.

“
Who? You saw someone? You shot someone?” Sidney couldn’t take it anymore. The suspense was killing them. Not me though. I already knew what had happened.

“
My nemesis!” he declared. Of course, he didn’t realize the impact it would have on me to learn that he’d finally put down his ‘white whale’. “My great and worthy enemy is dead, shot by me- shot through the neck!”

He led us to the garage via the office to the main attraction. The lights went on, much like curtains in a theatre might rise, revealing the hidden spectacle. There he was; little Stinky, shot through the neck. I felt sick.

Unaware of my inner turmoil, the crowd showered congratulations on Earl, as they’d all heard the story of his great humiliation. Connor knew immediately that I was floored by the murder: all he had to do was look at me. I hobbled over to him with the assistance of my cane, took him by the arm, and walked him out of the garage.

“
Remember when I told you that I talked to the skunk when we were at the lake?” I began to rant. “Remember when we were all messed up on acid and I saw him and had a conversation with him and got sick from it? Well, there he is!” I pointed back toward the garage. “There he is,
dead
. I knew he was in there the whole time we’ve been back, Connor! I kept him alive and this is what happens! Jesus, does Earl need more killing?”

“
Joel, calm down man.” Connor’s voice was sympathetic but firm. “He didn’t know, man. No one did.”

“
I know that. But how could I have told them without-”

Connor steadied me as I faltered. Just then Sara came into the office, wondering why I was raising my voice.

“
It’s nothing, babe.” I took her hand.

“
Help me get him upstairs, will you, Sara?” Connor asked. “He’s had a hell of a day.”

They assisted me to my second story bedroom. Connor left after promising me we’d talk again later. Sara thanked him for his help. Then she laid me back on the bed and removed my pants to check my wound.

“
It looks good. Clean. I’ll change the bandage in the morning.”

“
You’re the best,” I told her as my head involuntarily shook. My throat seized as I struggled to speak. “Sara, what’s going to happen to us?”

“
What do you mean? There’s nothing wrong with us.”

“
Not just you and me. I mean all of us. What’s going to become of us?” I wept.

She cradled my head in her arms. Music could be heard through the house – Earl’s victory party was in full swing. I choked back hate.

“
Pray with me, Joel.” Sara gently laid my head on the pillow. “Pray with me.” She placed my hands together and wrapped hers around them. Our eyes met. I waited for her to begin.

“
It’s good to pray, Joel. It’s the only way you’ll be heard.”

“
You can hear me. That’s all that matters to me.”

Sara recited a familiar prayer that my mother and I had said together for several nights after Dad died. It had sustained us until we could sustain ourselves. The prayer had soothing qualities. It was beautiful, like Sara. I let myself relax. When she finished speaking, we dropped off to sleep.

*****

While I slept, I was visited by someone I had, quite frankly, not expected to ever see again. My skunk. Once again he invaded my most intimate and vulnerable state, but I was happy just to see him.

“
Hello, Joel.” he began. Light shone everywhere as he slowly morphed into a reproduction of Kevin’s drawing, of the angel. There were no wings or halo, just the familiar face that oozed compassion and strength.

The dream broke, and the vision left me as I awoke.

M
y eyes opened. As soon as they adjusted to the darkness, I glanced down at Sara, who was stirring. My sudden jolt back into the world had woken her.

“
What was that, Joel?”

“
Nothing,” I replied. I still couldn’t bring myself to tell her about my visions. I didn’t want to scare or worry her. Connor- I had to talk to Connor. Pulling away from Sara, I tried getting out of bed on my own. My leg wound throbbed terribly at the movement.

“
Shit!” I whispered behind clenched teeth.

“
Joel, don’t move so fast. I need to change your dressing first!” Sara sat up and grabbed the first aid kit on the nightstand. I laid back and let her work, wincing at the pain that pulsed up my thigh.

“
Not much new blood,” she pronounced. “Good. Means that it’s healing fast.”

Lying there, I felt my earlier anger and antagonism dissipate. I still grieved over Jake, but the angel’s visit had cushioned the pain of the skunk’s loss. I harboured no ill feelings toward Earl for killing him. Not anymore, anyway.

Sara completed her work on my leg. “How is the pain? Are you coping or do you want something for it?”

“
I’m holding up against it.”

She checked her watch and realized that her shift in Skylab would begin in twenty minutes. “I’m going to take my shower now and get ready for watch.”

“
Cool. I need to see Connor; if you pass him, can you send him in here?”

“
Sure.” She kissed me, pulled the comforter over my legs, and departed. I shook four pain killers into my palm and swallowed them down.

Connor came in fifteen minutes later and sat on the couch. He told me he had been in the basement, getting his hair cut by Julia.

“
What’s on your mind, old man?” he wanted to know.

“
That’s a nice haircut. I should book an appointment with your girlfriend.”

“
She’d be happy to do it. Cutting mine and Freddy’s seems to have put a smile back on her face. She said it made her feel useful. How’s your leg?”

“
Fine man, no worries.” I struggled out of bed. Connor rose to help me, but I gestured for him to stay put. Grabbing my cane, I stood up and limped to the couch, where I sat next to him. “Look, I just wanted to clear up that incoherent junk I laid on you last night. I’m sorry for putting you in that position. It was unfair to lay it all on you like that.”

“
Shit, Joel. Don’t give it a second thought. You obviously had a lot of steam to blow off.”

“
It was all for real, Connor,” I explained. “The skunk, all of it. All real.”

“
I realize that, Joel. You’ve got your visions; I’ve got these déja-vus.” He tapped his temple. “I believe you, buddy. Maybe if I was any less screwed up than you I wouldn’t, but we both know that isn’t the case.”

“
That’s the truth. Jesus!” I laughed.

He laughed too. “Man, what a pair of freaks we are.”

“
Yeah!” I shifted my gimp leg, displacing its weight for a moment’s relief.

A feeling of nostalgia washed over me. It was wonderful, but distressing too. We were sitting here, having a carefree conversation that reminded me of the times when we would go to the hill, watch the city spread out before us, and talk.

“
Let’s go back to the hill,” I said suddenly.

“
Sure, if you want to.” But hesitation hung in his voice. I understood: the view could only be that of devastation. All the same I felt a need to return, to maybe close the book on that life, to accept this one once and for all.

“
Good, let’s go then.” I threw on a shirt and struggled with the pants while Connor rolled a joint for the road. He and Seth helped me down the stairs. I had to relinquish the Caddy’s keys to Connor, as I was unable to drive, and soon enough we were off to the spot, just the two of us.

*****

Half an hour later, we were there. After Connor pulled into the same spot that we’d visited four months ago, I stepped out, holding the door for support. Still half-expecting to behold the cityscape, I was staggered by the infinite nothingness that one man’s evil deed had placed in its stead. The horizon that would once glow at dusk with the distant city lights was now invisible. Small fires burned out of control in the distance, and white smoke poured from open wounds in the earth. It was an alienating sight that gave closure to a past life.

“
No longer the inspiring vision it once was, is it?” Connor joined me. “I have to admit, Joel, that I’ve been here since, once when I was heading to town for supplies, I took a detour. I screamed bloody murder when I saw all this, but the experience was good for me. It helped me to accept that the old world is really gone.”