Next to Me (21 page)

I flop myself onto the bed and shut my eyes out of sheer exhaustion. I don’t know how people travel like this all the time. Although, I should give some credit for my fatigue to the circumstances for which I’m traveling.

“Jenna, come see this,” Landon calls to me. I peek out of one eye and see that he’s pulled the white and blue floral curtains open. From what I can see, the skies are blue and it looks like a beautiful day.

I force myself to get up and drag my body to the open balcony doors where Landon is standing.
We have a balcony. Nice.

“Wow.” This one breathy word is all I can muster. We are literally less

than half a mile from the Eifel Tower. The view is so amazingly perfect I’m convinced it must be on a postcard in the lobby.

“My thoughts exactly,” he says, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to him. We stand there in the shadow of the most iconic symbol of romance and I let him hold me. It feels good to be so close to him, to take in the time that I have to be his and for him to be mine. This time is fleeting and I know that in the too soon future it will all end.

Landon strokes my hair, soothing and calming my already tired body. Within seconds my body is betraying my mind and is responding to his touch. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but…

Before I can stop myself I reach up and pull Landon’s face to mine, our lips crushing together with immediate passion. I lift his shirt off of him and grab his jean belt loops to pull his body as close to me as possible. In one, smooth move Landon lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to the bed. I rip my cardigan off and Landon does the rest by pulling my t-shirt over my head and throwing it to the floor.

“I love you so much, Jenna,” Landon whispers in between kisses to my throat.

“I love you,” I echo as I grab and pull his body on top of mine. I want him. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything. The desire to have him is intoxicating and I’m overwhelmed with need.

Landon’s hands touch and pull and kneed my body, intensifying my longing. We roll over and I my lips work hard to kiss every inch of his muscular chest. He runs his fingers through my hair, pulling ever so slightly. I find his belt and unbuckle it, ripping it through the loops and tossing it to the floor. I begin to unbutton his jeans but he pulls me up and I straddle him, finding his lips waiting for mine. I press my mouth to his for only a moment before biting and kissing his neck.

Landon undoes my jeans and flips me over onto the bed so he can strip me of the rest of my clothes. In a flash, he’s removed his jeans and our

almost naked bodies are entwined together, kissing, grabbing, gasping for air. My body is so ready for him, and I can feel how ready he is for me.

“Thank God you changed your mind. I don’t know what I would do without you, Jenna,” he pants between kisses.

But…I haven’t changed my mind. When all is said and done I still have to leave.

I slow my kissing, easing my body away from Landon. I’ve done what I just told myself I wasn’t going to do. But, God, how could I blame myself. The Eifel Tower is outside our window for crying out loud. I need to calm down and remain focused.
Sex will cloud my judgment.
This needs to be my mantra. As badly as I want him, if I sleep with Landon, it will make it that much more difficult for me to let go of him, and for him to let me go.

“What’s wrong?” Landon asks as we both catch our breath.

“Nothing. I...we already said that we didn’t want our first time to be under these circumstances,” I tell him, referencing our conversation the night he revealed my father, well, who he thought was my father, was still alive.

“What’s wrong with these circumstances? We’re in Paris, the Eifel Tower is literally outside our window. Who cares how we got here. We’re here, Jenna.” Landon rolls to his side and places his strong hand on my bare stomach and running his finger just under the lacey trim of my panties. He has the most amazing touch. “I love you.”

It’s hard to breath. I love him, too, and it’s difficult to say no when I want him so much. But I can’t. I can’t intentionally pull him even closer to me when I know I’m going to have to push him away.

“You’re right. The setting is perfect, but… I need you to understand where my head is right now. It’s not that I don’t want you, Landon, because there aren’t enough words in the human language to express just how much I do. It’s that I’ve got a task ahead of me that is going to compromise everything I am, everything I swore I’d never be, and is the very reason I ran away from DC and left Veronica Matthews behind.” I stand up and find my clothes when I realize I can’t have a serious conversation in just my underwear.

Landon takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his hair, then covers his face as he exhales. He stands and comes to me on the other side of the bed. “This is really difficult for me, Jenna. But, I know I need to keep my emotions in check and stay on task with you. That’s why I’m here…so I can help you through this whole thing. I’ve, well…I’ve never been so in love with someone before. You’ve done something to me…touched my life and changed me in such a way that I will never be the same. I let my feelings for you take over and now is not the time for that. I promise I’ll be more in control.”

I don’t know what to say. I want to tell him that I feel the exact same way about him. I want to tell him that I wish the cover story about us coming to Paris to get married wasn’t a lie. I want to tell him that in another life I would commit to marrying him in an instant because that’s just how in love I am with him. I want so badly to lose control with him, let him fully undress me and make love to me in the shadow of the Eifel Tower…but I can’t.

“Thank you for understand,” I say instead.

“So…do you think we should see what’s in that envelope?” he asks. Landon releases me and finds his shirt on the balcony. I’m glad he’s putting it on because Landon’s bare chest is far too distracting.

“I guess we should. I don’t know what it could be. Dellinger said his guy would contact me, and I can’t believe he would just leave a letter with the hotel desk clerk.” I pull the envelope from my purse and tear it open. Inside the folded letter that at a glance I see is from Dellinger are dozens of slips of what look like paper money. They’re grey and yellow and are marked with a 200. “Is this French money?”

“Yeah. Each of those is 200 euros, which is a little over $150. How many are in there?” Landon says.

My eyes get wider as I count each bill and add up the total in my head. “There's 3000 euros here. What the hell am I supposed to do with 3000 euros?” I hand the money to Landon and read the letter.

“That’s almost $4,000,” he says. I’m impressed with his ability to do the conversion in his head like that. It’s just another testament to his brilliance.

“What? He says I’m going to need to buy a dress and look like I fit in at some charity event at the American Ambassador to France’s home tomorrow night. Why is he sending me to a charity event?”

“Maybe that’s where this thing is that he wants,” Landon suggests. “Does he say anything about when his person is supposed to contact you?”

“No, just that the event is tomorrow night and he’ll send a car to pick me up at seven.” I sit down on the side of the bed, hit again with the fatigue that this traveling is having on me.

“At some point Dellinger’s guy is going to contact you. Why don’t we lie down for a while so we can both be well rested and in a better frame of mind when we hear from him? It’s been a long few days and we could both use the rest.” Landon rubs big circles on my back and I lean in, putting my head on his shoulder. Despite my telling him that I needed to do this on my own, I am so happy he’s here with me right now.

It’s 4:00 pm when we close the curtains and darken the room as much as possible for our nap, and 8:00 pm when a loud knock on the door wakes me. I rub my eyes as I get up and go to the door. I turn the table lamp on so I can see but not wake Landon.

When I open the door, the light from the hallway is a bit blinding and I rub and squint my eyes until they adjust. When I move my hand from my face and my eyes can see clearly again, I see a man standing in front of me. I rub my eyes again, not believing what I’m seeing as he stares into my eyes.

“Ronnie?”

“Dad?”

Chapter 13

“It
is
you. Your hair is darker, but…your eyes…your mother’s blue eyes,” he says softly.

“Dad!” I throw my arms around him and squeeze. “You’re alive!”

“Oh, Ronnie! I can’t believe it’s you! You’ve…you’ve grown up.” Dad’s arms hold me tight and it feels so good, just like when I was a little girl. “What are you doing here?” he finally asks.

“What am
I
doing here? What are
you
doing here?” His question jogs me out of my state of elation and the conflict of my father’s presence here is suddenly very real. I argue with myself that there’s a good chance I’m dreaming, but when I hear Landon’s voice and feel his hand on my shoulder, I’m certain that it’s all real.

“Babe? Are you ok? Who is this?” Landon asks. He’s giving my father the once over in a protective analysis.

“Who is
this
? You have a boy in your room?” my father questions. It’s amazing how quickly he has taken himself back to the days of being my protector.

“Are you kidding me right now? First of all, I am 25 years old. Second, he’s not a boy he’s a
man
, and his name is Landon. Third, you have no place to question why I’m here and who I’m with until you give me the best damn reason in the world for why
you’re
standing here right now,” I declare.

“I’m Jenna’s father,” he says by way of answering Landon’s question. “And that’s no way to speak to me, Ronnie.”

“It’s a little hard for me to be happy right now. You have no idea what I’ve gone through in the last three days, not to mention the hell I went through in leaving you to die under a tree in the middle of a DC park, so you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t jump up and down,” I tell him. I do want to be happy. My father is alive, and it’s for real this time. But the fact that he’s standing here tells me he’s the contact Dellinger said would get in touch with me, and that’s not a good thing.

“This is really your dad, Jenna? He really is alive?” Landon is a shocked as I am.

“Yes, I’m her father. A real Sherlock you’ve got there, Ronnie.” Dad always had a sharp wit, but he’s being kind of an asshole. What’s gotten into him? “Can I please come in before hotel security is called?” Dad asks. I move to the side and let him in, turning on the rest of the lights with the switch by the door.

He looks almost the same. He’s lost some hair, and what’s left is a blend of dirty blonde and white. There are lines around his grey eyes, but what sticks out to me the most is just how hard he looks.

“You have some explaining to do,” Landon tells him.

“Who the hell are you?” Dad rebuts.

“I’m the guy who’s in love with your daughter. The guy who has been there for her during the one of the worst times in her life.” Landon puts his arm around me in a visual demonstration of his place in my life.

“You
do
have a lot to explain, Dad,” I reiterate Landon’s statement. “How are you still alive? And if you’ve been alive all this time, why didn't you try to find me? Oz has known where I am this whole time. But, more than all of that…you’re
still
working for Dellinger?”

“It’s hard to explain, Ronnie,” he starts.

“Stop calling me that. I haven’t been her since you sent me away six years ago. You chose my new name, use it,” I tell him harshly. Until I hear him out, I can’t let him in. He’s still working for Dellinger, by choice, and therefore falls into the unfortunate place of being untrustworthy.

“Well, you certainly have grown into the strong woman I always hoped you would. Maybe with a little smarter mouth than I expected, but I suppose you get that from me.” Dad moves further into the room.

“Why are you not dead? What happened the night I left you in the park?” I ask.

“Ok, ok. You’re right. I owe you an explanation. Dellinger’s search was intensifying. It wasn’t going to take much longer before he realized that all of his leads were going to be dead ends. He started suggesting that he’d be closer to finding it if there were
two
people with my expertise who were looking for it. I knew he was going to go after you. I didn’t want you to have the life that I had been trapped in. So…I gave myself a deep enough wound to make it look as bad as it did. You were 19 and I knew the day would come when he’d suggest bringing you in, so I had everything arranged with Oz for you to leave town and start over. I’m sorry I put you through that, but I did it to save you, Ronn…Jenna.” Dad looks at me with hope painting his face. He doesn’t want me to hate him for deceiving me the way he did.