Next to Me (19 page)

“Because once this is over, I have to run. I have to get as far away from here as possible so he can’t hurt me or anyone I love ever again,” I reply matching his volume.

“I’ll go with you,” he says taking me by the shoulders. “I’ll go with you and we can be together. Don’t leave me, Jenna. I can’t lose you.”

I step toward Landon and place one hand on his chest over his heart and the other on his cheek. I try to think of something to say as the cars and taxis whiz by and the people on the sidewalk walk on with no clue as to the steps I’m about to take to preserve the lives of those I love most. I look into Landon’s eyes, wanting so desperately to believe that he’s right. Believe that we could be together, but even if it were possible, I can’t ask him to do that. He has a family who loves and depends on him. He can’t just drop off the grid like that.

A cab stops a few feet in front of us and two women step onto the sidewalk. I move quickly to the open door and turn back to Landon.

“I have to go. We’ll talk when I get back.” I close the cab door and leave Landon standing speechless on the sidewalk.

Spring and Matt are still on the couch when I walk in the apartment 20 minutes later, having settled myself into a happy place before even putting the key in the door. I can’t barge in again in a frazzled state. And I cannot tell her that Landon and I are over. After the cheating incident she’ll think

the worst and then Mercy will raise hell and a baseball bat.

“Hey! Where’s Landon?” Spring asks. She’s laying her body across the couch with her feet on Matt’s lap. They really are so sweet together.

“Yeah, where’s lover boy?” Matt and Landon have only met a few times. Between their schedules, it’s been a challenge. But, I suppose that doesn’t matter now.

“He has an early morning, so we called it a night,” I tell them. The words have barely left my mouth when there’s a quick knock at the door, followed by Landon letting himself in. “What are you doing here?” I ask him, my tone not reflecting that everything is just fine and dandy between us. “I mean, I was just telling Matt and Spring that you had an early morning and that’s why you weren’t here.”

“I was able to change some things around. We have to talk about this trip,” he says with a smile. He’s putting on a show for my friends, which I appreciate, but I still wish he hadn’t come here.

“What trip?” Spring sits up and turns around on the couch with her inquiring eyes.

“Oh, um…” I stutter. I hadn’t decided what I was going to tell her, or anyone for that matter, about this trip. How do I explain a four day trip to Paris?

“Jenna didn’t tell you yet? I’m surprised she didn’t say anything as soon as she walked in,” Landon begins. “I’m taking Jenna to Paris in two days. I asked her to marry me and she said yes!”

Spring bolts up from the couch and practically slams into me as her arms wrap around my neck. “Holy crap! I mean, congratulations! Oh, my God! I’m so happy for you! Where’s the ring?” She grabs my hand but, of course, there is no ring.

I’m still stuttering, not knowing how to catch up in this impromptu lie Landon has begun.

“Well, it was really a spontaneous thing.” Landon takes my hand and puts it on over his heart the way I did less than an hour ago. “There I was with her tonight, and she was just so beautiful. I looked into her eyes and knew what I’ve known all along. This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. As soon as the shock wore off of me asking her to marry me, she said yes.”

I hate you. How the hell am I supposed to leave you to keep you safe when you say and do something like that?

“Isn’t that right, babe?” Landon prompts when I’m still standing there with my mouth agape.

“Uh…right. I didn’t say anything when I came in because we wanted to tell you together.” I wrap my arms around Landon’s waist and put my head on his chest. I don’t know how I’m going to get over him.

“I can’t believe this! I knew once you stopped cataloging every guy’s faults that you’d fall in love! Wait…are you going to Paris to get
married
in Paris?” Spring asks with mixed emotions.

“You can’t say anything to Mercy, or Demi and Jack, ok?” I tell her. It’s one thing to lie to Spring, which I absolutely hate doing. It’s another thing to lie to
all
of my friends. I don’t want their last memory of me to be that I deceived them.

“Yeah, Mercy would freak out if she knew you were going to get married and she wasn’t a part of it.” Spring has never spoken truer words.

Mercy would have my head on a platter if I left her out of something like this. Fortunately for my head, it won’t be necessary. I’ll come up with some reason as to why we didn’t go through with it. I tell them all we decided it was too fast and that we’re parting ways, still friends. Then I’ll tell them I need some time to get away, pack as much as I possibly can into Oz’s oversized duffle bag, and walk away.

“Are you crying?” Spring asks. Tears are filling my eyes at the thought of the outright lies I’ll be telling them, but more because I’m going to have to walk away from the only family I’ve had since Dad died.

“You swept her off her feet, huh, Landon,” Matt chimes in. He’s a good-looking guy, tall with olive skin and black hair. He has this way of walking that makes him look like he’s sauntering everywhere.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Landon says as he takes my hand. “Lucky me.”

“I’m going to walk Landon out…” I begin as I open the front door and nudge Landon into the hallway. Spring hugs me again and tells me how excited she is for Landon and me before I close the door behind me. She’s a totally low-key, non-fru-fru dress kind of girl so it’s no wonder she’s not freaking out like Mercy would about being a part of my wedding…my fictional wedding. I won’t be surprised if when she and Matt get married if she isn’t wearing shoes and has a crown of daisies in her hair.

“Thank you for the cover story. Obviously you’ll have to stay out of site while I’m in Paris, but you’ll probably head back to Miami anyway.” I tell him as I push the button for the elevator.

“I’m not going to Miami, Jenna. And…it doesn’t have to be a cover.” Landon won’t release the lock he has on my eyes, not that I want him to. He takes my hand and turns as the silver elevator doors close, standing there in silence, staring at our reflection. I don’t refuse his hand because I want to appreciate the moment I have with him.

A gust of warm, night air slams into us when we leave the coolness of my building and step onto the sidewalk. We both stand there, silent for a few minutes, neither of us sure what to say. He doesn’t want me to do this on my own, but I can’t put him at risk. This is the price of being owned by Henry Dellinger. I either do his bidding, or I spend the rest of my life running, saying goodbye to everyone I love and never getting close to anyone ever again. Oddly enough, I’d rather spend the rest of my days alone than to do any more than I have to for that slimy snake.

“I don’t know what to say. I wish things were different. I wish I had come to Chicago just to go to school. I wish we had met under different circumstances, but…there is far too much for me to focus on right now that I just can’t…”

“I’m not leaving you. I don’t care what the situation is, I’m not giving up on us. I meant what I said outside the restaurant and what I said

upstairs…all of it.” His eyes are piercing and begging me to let him in.

“I need you to let me get through this thing in Paris. I’ll be home in a week, and then…I won’t leave right away. Please, Landon. I know Dellinger and I need you to trust that I’m doing the best thing.” My pleading eyes find his in hopes of conveying how much he needs to trust me right now.

“You’ve been alone for too long, Jenna. You’ve spent the last six years being so closed off that you don’t even know how to let someone help you in a time of crisis…someone who would lay down his life for you. And you’re crazy if you think I’m letting you go and that I’m going to walk away while you throw yourself headfirst into this.”

“I need to go now. I still have a lot to figure out in the next two days,” I say, completely avoiding the truth of his statement. Dellinger forced me into a place of hiding, not just geographically, but emotionally. And this situation is the exact reason why I spent so long avoiding relationships. I knew if Dellinger found me one day that I’d be forced to pick up and leave everyone I loved.

Landon shakes his head and looks away, frustrated by my unwillingness to let him join me on this kamikaze mission. Seeming to give up, Landon hails a cab and I stand there, having as many moments with him as I can before I head off into what could prove to be either a life of perpetual hiding, or death. The cab pulls up quickly and Landon takes me in his arms. I press my ear to his chest and listen to his heartbeat, each thud reminding me why I’m pushing him and everyone else I love away.

He kisses me and I reach my hands behind his head, making the kiss last as long as possible. It ends all too soon when Landon takes me by my shoulders and concentrates on my face. There’s a glimmer in his eye. A shine that tells me my efforts to push him away are futile. Part of me is rejoicing in that because I truly don’t want to lose him. The other part of me is really scared. My Navy Seal boyfriend is just brave and in love with me enough to do something drastic. My hope is that drastic doesn’t equal stupid.

Chapter 12

My flight from Chicago to JFK in New York was uneventful, which is exactly what you want in a flight. Well, it wasn’t completely uneventful. I got to the gate and discovered that my seat was in Business Class. At least the rich bastard splurged on a comfortable seat for me.

The 24 hours leading up to that flight were more eventful than I would ever care to relive. First, I had to explain to my boss that I’m apparently so in love that I’ve agreed to get married in Paris on a moment’s notice, with no regard whatsoever for the effect this will have on my job or the other staff. Fortunately I have four weeks of vacation and a hopeless romantic for a boss. She moved some things around and even offered to cover for me so I could
follow my heart and marry the man of my dreams
.

Then I had to make her promise she wouldn’t breathe a word of why I was gone to Mercy. I had a huge fight with her before I left because all I would tell her was that I was going out of town for a few days to clear my head. She’s not used to me being so cryptic, but what else was I going to tell her?

The worst part was when Demi came over yesterday. She still hasn’t told Jack about the baby and was going to do it today. I promised her that I would be there for her, that she wouldn’t be alone, and when it came down to her needing me the most I had to tell her I couldn’t be there. All I could give her was the same, pathetic excuse that I was going out of town to clear my head. She left my apartment in tears which made me feel like total shit and has only served to fuel my hatred for Senator Henry Dellinger.

I had a very brave and partially transparent conversation with Spring before I left this morning. I don’t know how this whole thing is going to go down. I’m confident I know what Dellinger wants, but I don’t know who his contact is there and I certainly don’t trust him. I don’t know if this guy is going to have my back or get me caught and take whatever he can get his hands on and run.

I needed Spring to know a few things before I left and maybe never came back. I told her that things aren’t necessarily what they seem and that if I didn’t come back it would be because I didn’t make it and that she was to contact Oz. I gave her the last information I had for him and said a prayer that he’s still there. I don’t want to die and him not know. I told her that I had been on the run when she met me and that my past was catching up with me. She asked if Landon was part of my past and I told her that he wasn’t. I wish I could say that he’s at least part of my future, but that’s not true either.

Spring promised to keep my secret and I promised to tell her everything when I got home. She told me to be safe and not to give up. She also told me that when it seemed like I was in a dark and lonely place to remember how much Landon loves me. “Just thinking about how loved you are can make all the difference in the outcome of what seems like a hopeless situation,” she said. I wish I had her optimism.

I mill around the airport near my gate since I don’t have a long layover. I’ve got my ear buds in my ears and am listening to random songs on a Favorites playlist. I barely listen to a whole song, skipping on to the next one to see if it suits my mood. I see the boarding attendant pick up the phone and realize she’s making an announcement. She calls for passengers in Zone 1 to board. I double check my boarding pass and realize that I can board.

I walk the long, extended bridge between the building and the airplane and the flight attendant checks my boarding pass to direct me to my seat.