Next to Me (15 page)

“Everything ok, Jenna?” Dr. Culpepper asks.

“I know I said I was fine to work tonight, but I’m just in too much pain to stay,” I tell him. I wish I was talking about my leg, but it’s my heart that

feels like it’s burning and being clamped in a vice. “Will you be fine if I go?”

Dr. Culpepper looks back toward Landon’s room and looks at the tears filling my eyes. “Will
you
be fine if you go?” he asks. He’s got this fatherly way of looking and talking sometimes. It’s part of what makes him an excellent doctor.

“Better than if I stay,” I tell him, choking back tears.

“Go. Take care of yourself. I don’t know what’s going on, but I hope it works out, Jenna.” Dr. Culpepper squeezes my shoulder before I walk behind the nurse’s station and grab my purse.

I leave the ER, walking and crying for two blocks before I realize how much my leg hurts. I hail a cab and slide in, squeaking out my address just loud enough for him to hear me. I can’t believe this is happening. I thought we felt the same way about each other, especially considering he took care of me just 36 hour ago. I think of all the things I told him, all the things I shared with him. I even considered telling him
everything
about my past!

I wipe the tears from my face as I open the door to the apartment just before midnight. It’s dark and I know Spring is already in bed so I do my best to be as quiet as possible. I drop my purse on the couch and go straight to my room. My phone has been buzzing for the last 45 minutes with calls and texts from Landon. I haven’t read any of them since the first one that told me he was sorry and just needed to explain.

Changing out of my scrubs, I find a shirt and a pair of sleep shorts to put on because all I want to do is crawl in bed and not get out until I have to be at work again on Monday night. I’ve just pulled my hair back up into a pony tail and am about to brush my teeth when there’s a knock at the door. It could only be Landon so I’m not going to answer it. He knocks again, a little louder this time. I still don’t answer. My phone buzzes again and this time I look at his text that tells me he’s going to stay out there all night banging on my door if I don’t answer him.

I ignore his text, not believing he’d actually do that. It’s the middle of the

night and he knows Spring, along with all my neighbors, is sleeping.

I was wrong.

The next thing I hear is a loud bang on the front door. I rush to it as fast as I can before he wakes anyone.

“You’re an asshole. Go away, Landon,” I say through the door.

“I’m not going anywhere, Jenna. You have to hear me out,” he pleads. “Please. Please just let me explain.” The tone in his voice is sad and it sounds like maybe he’s been crying, too. Good.

“No. You hurt me. You lied to me, Landon. How could I ever believe anything you have to tell me?” I say through my tears. I don’t want to cry, but I just can’t seem to stop.

“Please, Jenna. I’m going to stay out here all night if I have to. After you hear what I have to tell you, you’ll understand.” The door knocks once and I think he’s put his head to it out of fatigue.

I take a deep breath and calm myself. I’ve been through worse, endured worse. I can handle breaking up with a guy who just broke my heart in the most heinous of ways. I open the door slowly and just look at him. He looks tired, but he did get hit by a car tonight and spent some time in the hospital. His dress shirt is untucked and his sleeves are carelessly rolled up, one longer than the other. His tie is missing altogether.

“Can I please come in?” he asks carefully.

“Fine.” I open the door all the way and Landon walks in. There’s blood on his shirt and he notices me eyeing it with concern.

“I ripped my IV out when they wouldn’t take it out for me. I got here as fast as I could.”

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Sarcasm drips from me with absolute intention.

“She’s standing in front of me,” he says. He looks at me with sad, but hopeful eyes.

“Like hell she is. You lied to me, Landon. You played me, and that poor

girl. You used all the same moves on both of us. Are there more Mexican-food-loving dancers out there that you’ve got swooning over you?”

“It’s not like that, Jenna. Sarah is…she’s just part of my job,” he says, trying to explain but failing miserably as far as I’m concerned.

“Part of your job? Bullshit! She said you two met in a dance class, and that you took her out for Mexican food, just like us.”

“She just happens to like Mexican food. It’s not that unique.” He has the audacity to look at me with even the smallest amount of condescension so I reach for the door.

“I’m not doing this, Landon. You need to go,” I say not looking at him.

“You won’t let me explain,” he argues.

“You’re not
trying
to explain! All you’re doing is making excuses!”

Landon starts to pace around the living room, sighing and breathing heavily. I’m actually kind of concerned about his head trauma and the damage he’s done to his arm by ripping his IV out. It looks all dramatic in the movies but can cause some serious damage to the vein. And I never fully read his chart, so I don’t know if he had a concussion or not. He shouldn’t be getting worked up like this. As a nurse, I want to tell him to sit down before he faints or throws up. As the girl whose heart he just ripped out, I hope he pukes his brains out before fainting and cracking his skull open.

“Ok. I’m going to tell you what I should have told you weeks ago. I just…I didn’t want to tell you because I knew as soon as I did that I would have to let you go. That you’d have things you would need to focus on and I would just be a distraction.” He takes a deep breath, looks down to collect his thoughts, and then looks at me again. I can see the fear in his eyes and, even though I hate him right now, I can see that he really is afraid of losing me. “It has to do with my job.”

“I don’t care about your job, Landon. I care about why you were seeing someone else when you were so clear about not being the kind of guy who dated more than one girl at a time. That’s how we began this relationship for crying out loud!” I’m doing my best to stay calm because I don’t want to wake Spring up but I’m afraid if we continue this conversation in the living room it’ll be inevitable. “Follow me.” We walk to my bedroom, which is in the back of the apartment, and close the door.

“I wasn’t lying. I don’t date more than one woman at a time. Sarah…she was just part of…I was seeing her because…I didn’t…”

“What? Spit it out!” I demand.

“I didn’t want you to be
her
.” His words and facial expression are both cryptic. I can’t read him and I don’t understand what he’s trying to tell me.

“Are you spewing out some commitment-phobic excuse at me? You’re afraid? You don’t want me to be
the one
?” I stare at him with confusion. I know I didn’t mistake his care and passion for just an attraction. I was certain he was falling in love with. I was sure I was falling in love with him. My anger is turning to sadness and I feel like I might throw up. How could I have been so wrong?

“No, that’s not it at all. I
want
you to be the one. I
know
you’re the one, Jenna. When I said I didn’t want you to be
her
…I meant that I didn’t want you to be Veronica Matthews.”

Oh, my God.

“What…what are you talking about?” I put on my best confused face and take a step back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Who…who is that?”

“I know it’s you. The dancing…nursing…Chicago. Veronica Matthews from Washington, DC. Your father was a master locksmith before…”

“He sent you to find me,” I say, giving in to the fact that I’m going to have to run again. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I’ll have to see if Oz can create a new identity for me again. How can I do that without putting him in danger, too?

“Yes, and he doesn’t want you to be mad.”

“He doesn’t want me to be mad?” Shock rings through my voice. How

could Senator Dellinger not want me to be mad? He destroyed my life! “He knows that the circumstances under which you had to leave were upsetting, but he misses you and…” Landon is using a calming tone, like he’s trying to get me to understand Dellinger’s side, but none of what he’s saying is making sense.

“Wait. He misses me?”

“Yes. Your father misses you, Jenna.”

“What?”

“Your father. He sent me to find you,” Landon says.

“My father is dead,” I remind him.

“Your father is alive. He feels terribly about making you believe he was dead, but he wanted me to tell you that it’s safe to come home now.”

My father is alive? Why wouldn’t he come get me himself, or have Oz come get me? He’s known where I’ve been all along. Oh no! Maybe something’s happened to Oz and he didn’t know how to find me. I haven’t seen anything about Dellinger being dead, so how is it safe to come home? Maybe Dad finally has something on the Senator that will keep him more than an arm’s length away. It doesn’t matter. Dad is alive! Wait. Dad is alive.

“You’ve known all this time that my father was alive and you kept it from me?” I shout, now not caring who hears me. Landon has had the most life-changing piece of information in the palm of his hand for over a month and he never told me.

“I’m so sorry. I know, I should have told you sooner. I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you so many times. But, I was already crazy about you when I realized that you were her and I knew as soon as I told you, you’d be making up for all that lost time with him and I’d only be a distraction. I just didn’t

want to lose you, Jenna,” Landon explains.

“Why do guys always think that keeping the truth from us is somehow a good thing? You wouldn’t have lost me, Landon, if you had been honest when you first found me. How
did
you find me?” I ask. Oz was so sure of his ability to create a new life for me and hide me. I chose Chicago, so it’s not like anything Oz has indicates that I’m here.

“Your father gave me your laptop. I looked through your old high school papers and internet searches. Your med-tech class papers were excellent and you wrote a very convincing paper on why Chicago is the greatest city in the world. When your father told me about your passion for dance, I figured I’d start there once I got here. I must have been to every dance studio in the city, all 192 of them. Your father gave me some old pictures of you. You used to be blonde. I like you as a brunette.” Landon looks at me, waiting for me to respond, but I’m not sure how. I’m torn between being angry with him for lying and keeping the truth of my father being alive, and throwing my arms around him in gratitude for bringing my father back to me.

“I don’t know what to say, Landon.”

“Just tell me you know that I wasn’t cheating on you. I never got close to any of them like I did you,” he says softly.

“Any of them? How many were there?” I ask, afraid of the answer.

“There were five over the course of about six months. You and Sarah were the last two. I knew it was you before I even found Sarah. I think I just didn’t want it to be you so badly that I kept searching and following leads,” he explains.

Five? He dated five women in his quest to find Veronica Matthews?

“How did you know it was me? I mean, when?”

“The night you picked the lock. Your father told me he had been a bit of a thug back in the day, and that he taught you everything he knew. Not many women have that party trick up their sleeves.” Landon smirks as I recall that night. He had looked at me with amazement as I jimmied the lock and I just brushed it off. “So, please, Jenna, tell me you understand I wasn’t cheating on you, because…I’m in love with you. And I know you’re in love with me, too.”

“Landon…” I can’t think clearly.

“Tell me.” Landon takes a step closer and takes my face in his hands. “Tell me you love me.”

“You lied to me, and you kept the truth about my father from me.” My voice is small. I’m finding it hard to fight him, even with the truth.

“I never lied about being drawn to you. And I wasn’t lying when I spent the night taking care of you.” He runs his thumb across my cheek and my body won’t let me be angry with him. “Kissing you was never a lie. Touching you was never a lie.”

“I don’t know what to think…what to feel right now,” I mumble.

“Well then let me remind you.” Landon leans in and covers my mouth with his. I don’t respond at first but then, as if by instinct, my lips part and move with his. My hands reach his waist and I find myself grabbing his shirt to pull him closer. His slow, passionate kisses are overwhelming and I’m not sure that I can contain myself.

I do love him. I’m absolutely in love with him.

Landon pulls me closer and a shiver runs down my spine as I try to get as close to him as possible. My body responds immediately to his touch and Landon takes quick note of it, moving us to the bed.

He lays me gently on the bed, positioning himself above me carefully so as not to hurt my leg. I claw at the buttons on his shirt, working my way down until the white cotton is hanging open and giving me the most perfect access to his body. He slips his hands under my shirt and starts to lift it off me. I realize immediately that I’m not wearing a bra and would be completely exposed to him. This seems to wake me from my Landon high, making me aware of the truly terrible timing this would be for our first time together. Landon’s lips brush my neck as he begins to trail kisses from the back of my ear down my throat. My hand holds his as he grips my shirt halfway up my stomach, keeping him from completing his task of beginning to remove my clothes. After a moment Landon stops and stares into my eyes.