Nice Girl (2 page)

Dee followed on Valentine’s Day.  She had been dating her guy for almost a year.  They had a bad breakup during a very drunken St. Patrick’s Day when he told her he felt tied down.  We all spent spring break together two weeks later.  The goal was to be there for Dee.  We went to Eve’s family cabin in Wisconsin.  It was freezing but we didn’t care.  We just wanted to help Dee.  I remember drinking way too many tequila shots.  We pretended we were on spring break in Mexico.

Dee, the drunkest I’ve ever seen, with slurred speech says “Don’t do it, Grace. You are the only one left.  Don’t lose your virginity to some loser.  Guys only want one thing.  Hold out for Mr. Right.”

  That was in March.

In April, I lost my virginity to a total asshole. 

In my dorm, the floors were separated by gender.  The even floors were for girls.  The odd floors for boys.  I lived on four south.  I had a bunch of guy friends on five south.  I used to hang out with them all the time.  It was one floor up so it felt like climbing the stairs in my house. It was a group of guys I was so comfortable with.  I met them during freshmen orientation and felt connected to them immediately.  Joe, Frank, and Ben.  God I loved those guys.   After being part of such a close knit girl’s group, I was enjoying having guy friends.  They weren’t the most attractive group.  Maybe that was part of the allure.  I had no intention of sleeping with any of them.  They were dorky and still liked to watch Harry Potter movies.  We would smoke pot and play nerdy video games that I hadn’t played since I was in middle school.  I didn’t care.  I was comfortable and I think they liked having a girl in the room. 

There was a guy two doors down.  Tom Fitzharris.  He used to sneer at me and make comments about my breasts and my weight.  I have always been a little chunky.  I can stand to lose 20 pounds.   I was self conscious but never put in the motivation to do what I know I needed to do. 

One night I came home from the bars and went to see what my boys were doing.  Surprisingly, they weren’t home.  Tom was though.  He was drunk and was standing in his doorway. 

“They’re at a frat party.  I think they were shocked they were invited.  I’m sure the frat boys want them to leave after getting to know those geeks.  They don’t have a lot of experience at parties.  They’re probably overstaying their welcome.” 

He started walking towards me.  I decided to stand my ground and shoot daggers at him with my eyes.  Since my mother said I showed everything I felt on my face, I decided to lay on the anger really strong.  I was determined for him to see how much I hated him. 

“Hey” he slurred and came closer.  God, he reeked of alcohol. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

“Why?  So you can insult the size of my chest some more?”

He laughed.  “Is that what you think I’ve been doing?”

“Hey chunky.“ I mimicked his obnoxious Boston accent as best as I could “Those tits need to be supported some more if you keep eating those cookies.”

“Now. Now.  You’re reading me all wrong sweetheart.  I love big tits.  All I do is think about getting my hands and my mouth on yours every time I see you.”

I looked at him with shock.  No one has ever talked to me that way. 

He was even closer to me now.  I backed up and now realized I was against Joe and Frank’s door.  He put his hands on the door at both sides of my head.

           “Do you even know how hot you’re making me right now?”

Still smarting from his insults on other days, I snapped at him, “NO, I don’t.”  I was trying to be tough but my voice was wavering.  I hoped he couldn’t hear it.

“Let me show you.”  He took my hand and put it on his crotch.  He was rock hard.  I quickly took it off.  I’m sure I had a shocked look on my face.  He laughed. 

“See, sweetheart.  You took my words all wrong.  I want to see those tits so bad, my balls hurt.”

In any other setting, I would have slapped his face.  Why didn’t I?  Was I turned on too?  I had been thinking about sex a lot lately.  My best friends from home had all done it.  It was
bothering me that I hadn’t.  Oh, I know what Dee was saying.  Hold out for a respectable boy.  You won’t get hurt that way.  Tom Fitzharris was rude, crass, and a jerk.  I didn’t want to have sex with a respectable boy.  At that moment, I wanted it scandalous and dirty.  Well, it was what I thought I wanted at the time.  Whatever the case, he was turning me on.   I could care less about a commitment.  I wanted to get it over with.  He would be perfect.

Before I could think further, a feeling of power overtook me.  I grabbed his face and started kissing him.   I relished the moan of surprise from him.  Then he chuckled and pulled himself away.

“Oh sweetheart, you don’t know what you’re in for.”

He took my hand, led me in his room and locked the door. 

“My roommate won’t be back tonight.    He’s at the Mason dorm for the night.”

Mason dorm?  That was an all girls dorm.  How did he manage that? 

He saw my raised eyebrows and started laughing.

“What you think an all girls dorm can keep the dirty deeds away?  I’m sure a few parents were hoping that.” 

He started unbuttoning my shirt as he kissed my neck.  Yes, everyone would be doing the dirty deed tonight, including me.   Except for my nerdy boy’s group, I felt like I was the only virgin in college.  I was tired of not being a part of the club.

The clothes came off fast.   I didn’t have time to worry about what my body looked like.  It seemed like he was an octopus.  Literally I felt eight hands were taking off my clothes while his were coming off at the same time.  Before I knew it we were lying on his bed completely naked. 

For a guy who threatened that I didn’t know what I was in for, I remember not being all that impressed.  He played with my breasts for a few minutes.  I liked it when he sucked on them.  However, right when it started to feel good, he stopped and put his hand between my legs.  He put his fingers in me.  I was finger fucked once a few months ago by a guy I was making out with at a frat party.  We were outside and both fully clothed.  That did nothing for me.  When Tom did it, it did feel more sensual.  Yet from Janie’s book, I realize now he didn’t stroke, it was mechanical.  In and out.  In and out.    Maybe it was more of a turn on because he was using those words again.  That sex talk that would sound ridiculous in any other situation.

“God you’re so wet and ready to be fucked.” 

The words seemed silly now but at the time they worked.  I was ready.  I remember watching him put the condom on and thinking “Yes, I was finally going to do it!”  I was so impatient to lose my virginity that I think what was in my head was more enjoyable than Tom’s touch itself.  It didn’t hurt like I thought it would.  Maybe it was the alcohol that dulled it.  A quick pinch that was all.   His thrusting felt good but no screams of passion from me.  I kept my eyes closed.  I was worried about the pain.  I also think I was a little embarrassed to be so intimate with a guy I couldn’t stand.  It seemed he came quickly. Don’t people do it for hours?  How does that work?

When it was over, I listened for his breathing to still.  Then, I went to get up to leave. 

“Wait, don’t go,” he surprised me.  “I want to hold these pretty titties some more.”

I was shocked.  I thought all assholes just wanted the girl to leave.  He actually wanted me to stay?  Okay, this is interesting.  Well, I was wide awake anyway.  Maybe he wants to do it again? 

Actually, it turned out we didn’t have sex again .   We did lay in his bed and talk.  It was so strange but that is what we did.  I found out that he was a political science major.  I was a criminal justice major.  He laughed at that.  I glared at him.

“I’m not laughing at you. I live in a family of cops.  The last thing I was going to study was criminal justice.  You wanna be a cop or something?”

“I thought I did.  When I was growing up, it was just me and my sister.   She was the prissy one.  I wanted to be the exact opposite of her.  So I became the tomboy.  I climbed trees, shot water guns like in battle, played football with the neighborhood boys.  Then, I went to high school and met my three best girlfriends.  I didn’t like playing with boys anymore.  Yet, there was always a part of me that was attracted to the gritty tough world.

I didn’t add that one thing I wasn’t was tough.  I may have enjoyed romping in the neighborhood when I was in grade school with the boys, but I never felt tough.  Just playful and fun I guess. 

“I think I watched too many episodes of Charlie’s Angels.”  We both laughed.  “In high school, I quickly realized my height of only five foot three wasn’t going to be productive to law enforcement.  I can see myself going into juvenile probation or something like it.  My best friend Dee wants to go to law school.  I may consider that.  I have no idea but I do find the study of criminal justice fascinating.”  I couldn’t believe how much talking I was doing for a girl who just wanted to run out the door.    “If you live in a family of cops, why aren’t you a criminal justice major?”

“My Dad is a big whig in the city of Boston.  Deputy Police Commissioner.”

“No, he’s not.”

“Oh yes he is.”  He got up to get something out of his wallet.  I kept my eyes down.  I couldn’t believe he was walking around naked.  He came back to bed with a business card.  Sure enough.  His dad was Deputy Police Commissioner of the city of Boston. 

“
The last thing I’m gonna do is follow in Daddy’s footsteps.”

Such intimate conversation.  I knew nothing would come of it.  Nothing did.  I left after about two hours of talking.  He actually gave me a nice kiss at the door.  I used the bathroom on my floor before I got ready for bed.  I saw the blood on my panties.  Oh God, he is going to know he deflowered me.  The rest of the school year, I tried to avoid him as best I could.   Although, when our eyes met, he usually smiled at me.  He never insulted me again.

  “Earth to Grace.“ Dee shouted “I am trying to evaluate our situation here and you’re not paying attention!”

“She’s too busy dreaming about orgasms.” Laughed Janie. 

“I am not!  I actually WAS thinking about our dire situations.”

“Okay, so let’s continue.  We all have slept with boys barely out of their teens.  I know they say boys are soooo much more experienced.  We’ve shared with each other the details of our personal sexual experiences.  None of the boys we have been with seemed, how shall I say it?”

“…had any skill?” piped in Janie.

“Are well versed in meeting the pleasures that women crave.” Dee finishes. 

“Okay then.  We know what we want” I impatiently add, “What is the solution?”

“Oh, that’s easy” Dee proclaims “Sleep with older men.”

“What do you mean by older?” Janie asks nervously.

“God, Janie.  Let’s not have Daddy issues here.  I mean a guy at least out of his 20’s.  Think about it.  He has to have been around.  He can’t have slept with three or four women and automatically know what to do?  Eve, get that look off your face.  I don’t mean OLD.  I mean like 30!”

I thought how intimidated I was around college boys.  Now, Dee is saying I have to screw a 30 year old to finally experience great sex?

We all were quiet for a moment and then Janie adds in her perfect southern drawl, “Well it looks like I won’t be experiencing EC-STA-SY for a long time.”

My thoughts exactly.

Chapter 2

That afternoon, Eve and I were busting our asses spooning out ice cream at the beach on Lake Waucone.  We all worked here together on summer break starting when we were 15.  Dee was a lifeguard.  Janie checked passes at the door.  

It was the perfect summer job.  Before we all got drivers licenses it was close enough that we could ride our bikes to work.  The hours were long which meant some nice paychecks for summer fun.  Since we only worked from Memorial Day to Labor Day, my parents never gave me pressure that a part time job was affecting my schoolwork.  And, I got to be with my girlfriends while I worked.  That was the best part.

It was a small beach but an integral part of the community.  Half of the lakefront was dotted with homes and few upscale restaurants.  The other half was divided up between a marina and a public beach.  It was a magnet for families.  For a beach, it was quite minuscule so it never really attracted a teenage crowd.  Therefore, most of the mothers felt totally comfortable with their young children running around like maniacs.  Sometimes I felt I was in the middle of day care hell when I went to work. 

It was our last summer working together.  Even though we moaned and groaned about the shitty pay and losers we had to serve, I didn’t want it to end.  This had been my summer for seven years.  Now it was time to grow up.

“I don’t care what Dee says.  I’m not doing it.” 

  For some reason Eve was trying to have a conversation with me about sex while the ice cream line was out the door. 

“Seriously Eve.  There are little kids looking at us.”

“Oh, they don’t know what we’re talking about.  All they care is how big a scoop we put in their cones.”

“Yeah, if you’d stop talking and actually do some scooping.”  A kid about 10 years old with blond spiky hair and blue highlights shouts out.

“The attitude just keeps getting younger and younger.  By the way, those blue highlights look stupid.” Eve and her honesty point out.

“Eve, we will discuss this later,” I hiss.  I make sure I give the kid with blue highlights an extra big scoop.  I like confidence in a kid so young.

As I hand it over to him, his eyes get huge.  “Wow” he exclaims, “You’re a nice girl.”  

Eve snickers, “I guess I’m the mean girl?”

“Hey!” 

“Janie, stop sneaking in through the back of the store, you almost gave me a heart attack!”  I turn and see the ice cream cone Eve just scooped all over the floor.  The next kid in line starts crying.  I hear someone yell “Stop pushing or I’ll tell my mother.”  The whole store is breaking out in chaos. 

Janie seems oblivious to the noise. “You guys, I am freaked out by Dee’s pact.”  Janie is literally bouncing up and down as she’s talking.  Her nervousness tends to bring out a strange quirk.   She’s like a spring on ADHD. . “I hate any kind of pressure when it comes to sex.  I mean I want to have an orgasm.  I just don’t see why it has to be with a guy.  Why can’t we get vibrators like those successful career women and learn to do it by ourselves.  I mean really.   In this day and age, you don’t need a guy for sex anymore, right?”