Nigel Cawthorne (21 page)

1 March: Once this morning the enemy’s shells fell near our base. They must have found out our position. So far there have been no casualties. The date of the decisive battle is to be 10 March. It is Army Memorial Day and there will be quite a battle because the enemy is almost out of food. Malbal mountain with its well-fortified defensive system will not stand against our offensive. No one can win a war by being continually on the defensive. March is the time for a total offensive. By that time, the cherry blossoms will begin to bud, but here in the Philippines it is now midsummer. It is just before the rainy season. The battle will be a hard one, but the men are in high spirits. I too must do my best so the men will be proud of me.

2 March: I spent last night at Sub-Lieutenant Hino of 2 Michin group. His trench is already completed, though ours is not. I received orders to go out and scout the right back of the Abab River. So I chose those brave men of Corporal Iishi’s, Top-Privates Jinno and Ando, and Privates Ogawa, Shuda and Tanaka. It was night scouting so we went cautiously. We met about ten of the enemy, so we contacted the sentry of 6 Battalion. We started to attack at once, but the enemy fled. It was sort of fun and we enjoyed it.

3 March: I went to Elmarsa to pick up replacements. There I met Kondo and learned of Kojima’s death. The last time I saw him was on 23 February and he died on 2 March. I do not know how to write to his parents. We came here together from Matsuyama. We talked and worked together … We did everything together, yet I could not be with him when he went. I lost the best of my friends in Top-Private Kojima. I cannot stop crying. He was such a splendid character; he talked little, but possessed such a strong personality. I shall miss him forever.

4 March: I received an order to change personnel. I felt lonely all day by the loss of Kojima. Now the only way to make myself feel better is to go out and fight my common enemy, the Americans and the Filipinos and beat them to Hell.

5 March: Today, again, the enemy’s shells are dropping around our trench. At last, attack and advance – our company is moving! Fight! Fight bravely!

6 March: Sergeant Tanaka and six men came back to join us. I felt more confident when I see such strong men come back to us. Soon we will start the all-out attack with the land and air combination.

7 March: I wrote to the parents of Kojima about his death. We are the supporting-post of the House of the Rising Sun. Our job is to keep the Mikado’s Empire in safety forever. This is our duty and honour throughout our life. Therefore, our ending of life is the completion of our desire and duty. Soon there will be the all-out attack. Our lives are in the hand of God. We should have no fear of death.

8 March: I received new non-commission officers. They looked well and strong. We are moving out soon.

9 March: There is so much office work to do. I try to do as much as I can but never finish. I must go to sleep early tonight and start again in the morning.

10 March: Today is Army Memorial Day. Even if we start attacking today, we cannot win completely today. It is regrettable, but we need good preparation for an all-out attack.

11 March: I have a very bad stomach ache. It is dysentery. I am not accustomed to it, and keep on working. Trying to do office work amidst the bombing.

12 March: Office work! Fight! Office work! Fight! A sub-officer’s life is not a glorious one. But it is war and one should not look for glory. Again, I spend the whole day in the trench.

13 March: Writing the diary of the battle is one of the jobs I assigned myself. Not being accustomed to this kind of work, it takes up too much time.

14 March: I spent all day in the trench doing office work. Every time I got out, bullets or pieces of shell strike near me, and make my stomach weaker. This is the important moment of one’s life; I must keep up. The strong enemy base is at Marbenz … We will attack from air, sea and land … a three-dimensional fight …

Today I received a letter from home. It informed me that my first daughter was born on 27 December. She was given a part of her father’s name and called Chizuko. Chizuko, please grow strong and wait your father’s return. Now, I can do nothing for you, but as soon as the war is over, I will come back with a nice present which you will like. Please grow up without anything happening to you. Good luck, my dear Chizuko.

15 March: Busy preparations to leave. So far, each day we have done well. From now on, we march in the rain of bullets and shells. Good luck, my men! Good luck, my child, Chizuko!

16 March: Kata is injured on the right side of his face. At 16 hours we gathered our company and went to the battalion station. We had an order to go there as a brigade because the enemy’s attack is so fierce. In the meantime, I sent a messenger under heavy fire; we have begun to advance. The enemy’s fire is getting heavier. At a point near where the Abuabua River joins another river, we crossed a bridge that the engineers had built. 6 Company came from the rear and went ahead, while our company took a short rest. Then we started to advance. The enemy’s shells were dropping everywhere; one not 20m ahead of us – again 30m to our left. We got down flat on the ground each time, then got up and moved on again through the smoke and dust. Every inch we went ahead there was death waiting for us. Three men of 6 Company just disappeared with one shell! And the men who fell dead looked like ripe pomegranates broken in half. One of 1 Company’s soldiers lay in front of me without the right side of his face. A lieutenant nearby is groaning from a heavy wound. I almost got buried with smoke and dirt when I advanced about 10m beyond where 6 Company’s soldier lay dead. Sergeant Vand and Sergeant Nishimura report that Sub-Lieutenant Hino was surely gone. Well, I am still alive. I cannot afford to die. I must live and go on.

17 March: We began advancing towards the right side of the front line. There are so many points exposed to the enemy; but for some strange reason, we did not get much of the fire. The only casualty was a soldier belonging to 2 MG Battalion. I hear that we cannot do anything against the enemy’s artillery. It is strong and well protected. The only way to take them at all is to take the forts in an all-out attack. Our casualties from the enemy’s artillery is so great … We reached our objectives without any severe incident. Again we must sleep under the enemy’s fire. Good night my dear wife! Good night my darling daughter, Chizuko!

18 March: Morning arrived. It is three days since we became a reserve. Top-Private Tachibana is always kind and helps me. Corporal Kawano is also very considerate. He tries to make me comfortable. For lunch, the men cook red rice for me …

I am sure that Chizuko will be pleased with the treat of red rice on the front line. As soon as I have the opportunity, I will send at least 100 yen to Chizuko. The all-out attack is waiting for us, but somehow I have no more fear of death. I believe that my life is dear and that I shall see my child, Chizuko. On the 16th, I witnessed our comrades buried alive by the enemy’s fire. I am so disappointed in our artillery that I have lost faith in our artillery corps and its machines. Where is the proud army which called itself the first army of the world? Again and again, they are depending on infantry. Where are the field guns of R Battalion? They are always suppressed by enemy fire. Infantry again – because they can advance over the dead bodies of their comrades and fight to the last man. Where is our proud artillery? They are silent, always silent before the roaring fire of the enemy’s artillery. I read the letter from home over and over again. It is darling and darling, forever.

19 March: All along, the enemy has not stopped firing at us. At night, they continue through fear of a night attack. Of course, they cannot win the war by firing at such a distance. We must do the all-out attack and take over the artillery before the rainy season. I am worrying about Corporal Kawano and his group who went after our food supply.

20 March: The sound of shells falling near my car. Can they be shells from Fort Mabell? We are standing at the corner of life and death every time a shell bursts near us. We boast about our military strength, but we cannot do anything with it against the overwhelming artillery of the enemy. We are losing more and more men as the days pass. The enemy is having their own way with this artillery war. We are between two evils, the enemy fire and malaria. We are waiting here to die from sickness, or to be shot by the enemy. Come shell! I would rather face death through your fire than die of malaria! To live through this Bataan warfare, one must be very, very lucky. When I cannot write this diary any more, you will know that I am dead – Sub-Lieutenant Kubota is dead when this diary ends.

21 March: …We get shelled from the fort, day and night. I try to recall those sounds of the big drum beating at the festival that I so enjoyed as a child. But the dream is broken by a shell bursting nearby. The more I think of it, the more I wonder how I am alive now … At last the all-out attack is about to begin. Our life will be like a little candle light blown by a storm. However, we cannot stop advancing until we plant the flag of the Rising Sun on top of the evil mountain Malbal. The war is an unfortunate thing … and the declaration of war by the Mikado is unfortunate too. But this war is here and it is for justice. We must fight it to its conclusion. Now our forces are in Malaya, Java, Singapore and Hong Kong! Now we are advancing to Bataan. We must fight.

22 March: The enemy’s fire is as fierce as ever. Those trees and logs of the trenches are blown to pieces. Bodies of our comrades lie blood-soaked. All of these sacrifices are to make people at home safe. It is for our country and the people at home. My life is in God’s hands.

23 March: At last we have men from the reserve. Among them were Corporals Taiichi and Hasegawa, who is the father of three children. Hasegawa should not be in the service with such a responsibility, but in the confusion of mobilization and conscription there was no time to look at the records of each man. Today there was an order to go scouting. Corporal Hasegawa was selected to go. I know that his family, father, mother, wife and children are praying for his safety. Hasegawa never came back. He was killed. I cannot help thinking of his family. I saw his body where it lay all covered with blood. It is a tragedy, a great sorrow that this happened to him. Of course, this is war and no one knows who goes next.

24 March: The Maltic River is always beautiful. The water is clear. My admiration of this beauty increases through the tragedy of war. Little birds are singing and the cicada chirp shrilly in the trees. It is a strange feeling to face the beauty of nature while smelling fresh blood – here among men, where we are killing each other.

25 March: Flower-filled March is almost gone. The little water falls and streams are always friendly … and my child, Chizuko is growing to be a graceful young lady … This is the dream of a warrior who is fighting in a tropical jungle by order of the Mikado. Sub-Lieutenant Nakamura and Sub-Lieutenant Shimamoto are living in this world no more. Their spirits will return to the shrine of Yasukuni to be the guardians of our nation. But I know that their bodies lie in the jungle of a strange land. Also I know that their families are waiting their return … not their spirits, their live bodies! It is my duty to write their parents, and their brothers and sisters. It is a difficult task, but it must be done … Sama mountain and the Zambales mountains stand before us. The enemy is waiting there in well fortified positions. Soon we are going after them as waves of men who have made up their minds to receive death. It will be a fight to console our dead comrades. Wait, you Filipino and American troops who took our comrades’ lives.

26 March: All day our aeroplanes have been dropping bombs on our enemy’s fortifications. It must be as great a torture as we suffered under their artillery attack. At last, our artillery is ready to meet the enemy’s might. We have held the air too and our infantry is waiting with their bullets of human flesh. We are determined. Our will is pitted against the enemy’s fortified positions and superior materiel. But our will will come out on top. Thus we await the glorious moment. It is natural to think that one who survives the battle front is fortunate. We have been watching so many of our comrades go – yet some come out alive. It is better to think that one will be dead as soon as he comes under the enemy’s fire, because there is nothing to prevent death once one goes into the fighting. One’s life is no longer under one’s control, but up to the Supreme God.

I am now 31 years old. One’s natural lifespan is 50 or thereabouts. Yet when one reaches 50, a man wants to live to be a 100. It is the natural desire of a man to want to live long. But here our lives are counted by minutes and seconds … There is no present, past or future to a man at the front. So it is best to think one’s life is death before one enters the attack. Yet I find myself suffering to live. How do I know this is the best place to die at the age of 31. How to live and how God is to judge whose life is to be saved is my confusion at this moment. Here is an old proverb: ‘If there is a Hell below one’s crossed sword, you may save yourself much by jumping into the depths of Hell at once.’ It is true that one dies sooner or later, if one does nothing when the bullets are crossing in all directions. This is the philosophy one tries to find while looking at the half-blown-off bodies of comrades. It is the duty of an officer who possesses the spirit of Bushido to guard his homeland. To give the deepest respect to these fallen comrades on this jungle roadside, we must march on to fight to the death, believing there is a more important mission than just one’s own life or death. This spirit makes enemies fear and respect us. It is called the Japanese wave – the wave of death until one gets victory. I have knelt and, with my clasped hands, paid my deepest respect to those dead soldiers who sacrificed their lives for their country by willingly jumping up and running forward before a shower of the enemy’s bullets. It is done by just a word from their inspired officer. Now it is my duty to lead brave men who are advancing towards the mountain summit. It lays its evil shape across our front line. The Zambales fort stands at the height to the right. We must capture it and our waves of soldiers crush against it. There will be waves of Japanese soldiers piled high – dead – until we get it.

27 March: Men have disappeared like the melting snow to capture this high mountain fort. It is inevitable that it will fall sooner or later. It is hard to understand those Filipino native troops fighting so hard against us. General MacArthur has fled to Australia. Curson (president of the Philippines) is already dead. I know those natives have their families and they have no more leaders, yet they throw their deadly weapons against us. They do not understand our Bushido. As for me, I must fight against them, in justice to our fallen comrades. They will test our Japanese swords. The all-out attack is nearing.