Night of the Candles (10 page)

She could remember once, however, when she had felt hurt. Amelia and she had been friends as well as cousins but, shortly after they had started going to the seminary, Amanda became aware that Amelia no longer needed or depended on her as she once had. It was not until then that she had realized how much she had relied on her for gaiety and brightness in her life. Deep inside she had been hurt that Amelia could desert her so easily for new friends and pleasures. She had tried once to explain how she felt to her grandmother. What was it that the wise old woman had said? It had not made much impression at the time, but now the conversation came back as if it were only yesterday.

“I know, my child, that it isn’t that you do not want Amelia to have other friends.”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant at all…”

“Good, good. Are you sad then because you think you have lost first place in her heart? You would have lost that eventually anyway, to the man she marries.”

“Yes, I know, Grandmother. No, I think it is that I feel … I feel as if she had betrayed my confidence. I can’t explain it exactly…”

“I think I see. My child, there are those who are born to quick and easy laughter, to charm and happiness. They are like the yellow butterflies fluttering in the garden, never still, never … constant. It was much the same with Amelia’s mother, otherwise she would never have left her child here while she began a new life with another man. To say they are shallow is to be unnecessarily cruel. Such terms hardly seem to apply. They draw people to them so easily but they do not understand the nature of the emotions they cause others to feel. They do as they will with no thought of the effect of it. Amelia has no idea that she has hurt you. It is, I think, a form of self-love, but it is unintentional, and so it is useless to be distressed. The butterfly is beautiful, but it gathers nectar for itself alone. It is the bee, not quite so lovely, but steady and loyal to its own, that gives the sweetness of its honey to the world.”

IT was late in the afternoon, for the light outside the windows had begun to fade, when Amanda heard a commotion in the hall. There was the sound of a man’s voice raised in anger and then a loud, despairing wail, followed by cries of alarm and the clatter and thud of running feet.

Amanda lay still, listening, until a strained quiet fell. She thought of calling out, but she did not wish to be a nuisance during a time of possible crisis.

At last, when she thought she could bear the suspense no longer, there came a tap on the door, and Theo stepped into the room.

“Forgive me for the intrusion, but I thought you might have been disturbed by the noise just now.”

“Yes. Tell me what is happening.”

“There, I knew you would be upset. I promise you, it’s nothing to worry about. It was only that tramp, Carl, trying to sneak upstairs again. He is becoming obstinate. Really, I think Jason is going to have to do something about him. He had the audacity to tell me I had no right to order him to take himself off. Said be answered to no one but Jason and his Madame. You should have heard the bloodcurdling scream when I laid hands on him. Pure histrionics … but no doubt you did hear?”

She nodded. “He wasn’t hurt?”

“Carl? Never. He’s as tough as a hickory nut, physically, at least. Mentally is another question. We have looked on him as harmless, and he has been most biddable in the past. Now — well — I have my doubts. He has something on his mind. I’d be careful around him, if I were you. Sophia says that he believes that you are Amelia. He was very fond of her, used to follow her about like a lap dog. Amusing up to a point, still…” He shook his head.

“You think he might have wanted to talk to me — as Amelia, I mean?”

“Talk to you? I hardly think so. Half the time the gibberish he speaks doesn’t make sense. More likely he just wanted to be near, like a pet near his master … or mistress, in this case.”

“Surely that could not hurt.”

“Maybe not, but the idea is unacceptable to me, totally unacceptable. I can’t imagine why Jason ever allowed it to get started. The idea of letting a blubbering imbecile like that fawn on your wife … why, the whole idea is disgusting. Especially with a woman like Amelia.”

A woman like Amelia. Here was someone else then who looked on Amelia as special. A bleakness that she could not understand settled over her. She tried to thrust it aside, chiding herself for being petty, but it did not help her depression.

“Did I hear you mention Amelia, brother mine?” It was Sophia moving into the room with her sinuous glide. “You mustn’t pay too much attention to his opinion on the subject. He is a most practical man — except where women are concerned. And there, like most men, he is searching for a goddess of beauty and purity.”

“Really, Sophia. You make me sound like a half-wit. I hope I’m not so gullible as all that. I consider myself a fair judge of character…”

“And you considered Amelia all that was truth and beauty and light. In short you were as besotted as Carl!”

“Nonsense. She was an excellent woman, but she was also my best friend’s wife.”

“When has that ever made a difference?”

“It makes a difference to me.”

“Now it does.”

“Now that she is dead, you mean? I find that as outrageous as anything you have said so far.”

“Do you? Well let me tell you…”

Their voices washed over Amanda. She found herself trying to shut out the angry sounds that were making her head throb. Carl, crazy Carl. How sad it was that the poor deluded creature should want to be near her. It made her feel odd, as if she wanted to cry, and at the same time, to rail against Theo for preventing the poor man’s simple wish. He was so pathetic with his pitiful whisper of My Madame. How could Theo be so cruel? How could he speak of him in such despicable terms?

Perhaps it was not Theo’s fault. Men did not have the same feeling for helpless creatures that women had. Their first thought was not to help them but to put them out of their misery. The traditional answer of the strong for the weak, the perfect for the imperfect. Theo, hardy and handsome in a rugged way with his heavy blond brows, ruddy complexion, and broad cheekbones. He stood with his feet firmly planted, slightly apart, the only sign of the unease he felt at being in a young, unmarried woman’s bedroom, the awkwardness of his large, square hands hidden in his pockets. He had the appearance of a man of action with little regard for sentiment except as it applied to a pretty woman. Such a man had to be forgiven for his intolerance of other weak creatures.

Now he was saying, rage in his voice, “The trouble with you, Sophia, is that you are a jealous jade. You were jealous of Amelia from the moment Jason brought her home with him, jealous because she was in the place you wanted, and because she filled it much better than you could hope to do.”

“That’s not true!” Sophia cried, breathless with indignation.

“Don’t try to cozen me. I’m your brother, remember? I was there when you first heard the news. I was the one who picked up the pieces of the Sevres vase you threw at me for being the bearer of the ill tidings.”

“Is it a crime to be angry because one of your childhood friends was fool enough to run away with a chit just out of school, a stupid, immature girl too frightened and self-centered to even try to give him an heir?”

“Don’t be indelicate…”

“Why not? You know it’s true. You know half her illness was in her mind. She was terrified of the thought of having a child and being ill was a good excuse … the eternal headache.”

Theo stared at his sister’s scornful face. “She died of that headache.”

“Did she? She died of fear. She took her own life because she knew Jason was aware of her fraud.”

They stared at each other, their breathing harsh in the quiet room. Amanda looked from one to the other. Then, before she was even aware of the impulse, she blurted out: “But weren’t they happy together?” There was a surprised silence. It was as if Theo and Sophia had forgotten her presence. They glanced at each other warily, reluctant to speak. Then at last Theo cleared his throat.

“It was hard to tell. At times Amelia would be wildly happy, singing, dancing about, hanging onto Jason’s arm, drinking in his every word. Other times she was … quiet, depressed.”

“Ah, you admit then that our precious Amelia wasn’t perfect. She was, in fact, a moody witch, mooning about of an evening with that big dog at her side, her hair flying loose in the wind like a gypsy, and Carl following her like a faithful henchman.”

“Sophia! You make her sound crazed! I will not have you talk about her like that!” Theo glared at her, his hands clenched, his face red with anger.

“Temper, Theo. You’ll give yourself apoplexy. But you see, Amanda? She was a witch. She evoked either love or hatred, nothing in between.”

“And which, my dear sister, did she arouse in you?”

“She was spoiled, selfish, a woman who could not rest until she had attached every man she saw. She used her charm like a weapon to get what she wanted, and she did not care who got hurt in the process.”

“Remember, Sophia, that she was a relative of Amanda’s.”

“That is true, but I’ll warrant it makes little difference. If she knew Amelia she has probably been hurt by her. No, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I hated Amelia, but I certainly had no love for her.”

Suddenly Theo smiled, looking beyond Sophia to the door. Sophia turned, then swung back to cast a look of loathing at her brother.

In the doorway stood Jason, his face still, one eyebrow lifted in sardonic inquiry. No one spoke. They waited, frozen in a guilty horror for what they had said about the wife of the man in the doorway and his relationship with her.

“This is not the place for this discussion,” Jason said at last, his soft tones carrying a flick of the lash.

“Jason…” Sophia began, but he cut her off with an upraised hand.

“Now don’t get on your high horse,” Theo said. “It was my fault for baiting Sophia. I can never resist pushing her to the limit, you know. Come on, Sophia. Jason’s right. We picked a bad time for our quarrel.”

Jason looked for a moment as if he intended to make an issue of it, but then he stepped to one side.

Theo took Sophia’s arm in a firm hold. “Forgive us, Amanda. I never intended to upset you. Thoughtlessness and temper, pure and simple. My apologies.”

“Of course,” Amanda murmured, acutely embarrassed, feeling as chastened as if she had been at fault, wanting only for them all to leave her.

Abruptly there came a rasping sound as someone cleared his throat. It was Nathaniel, standing in the hall, one fist to his mouth as he made that polite sound. Amanda felt a hysterical desire to laugh at the puzzlement of his expression as he sensed the tension in the room.

“I … I was beginning to wonder where everyone had disappeared to. The woman in the kitchen could give me no satisfaction. I felt I should do something about my appearance before dinner, but I have no idea in which room my valise was deposited.”

“How very remiss of me,” Sophia said, obviously happy to have a legitimate reason for detaching herself from her brother’s hand and leaving them. “You’ll be thinking I am not much of a housekeeper. Come with me, and I will show you to your room at once.”

Their voices receded down the hall. Theo looked at Amanda as if gauging her reaction to Sophia’s ushering Nathaniel away, then he slanted a glance at Jason. “I could do with a drink,” he said tentatively.

It was a moment before Jason gave any sign that he had heard, then with a curt nod to Amanda he turned and walked out, leaving Theo to follow if he chose.

It became plain as soon as Marta returned that she had heard the argument. “You must rest, liebchen. Close your eyes while I go down for your supper tray. I know how exhausting having a quarrel raging around your ears can be. Many are the time when I’ve heard … but no matter. I keep out of the way. For someone like me there is nothing else to be done. Stay and be quiet and you are accused of being nosy and sly. Stay and give your opinion and the wrath of all descends. Either way, you are out of a position. It is best to go away until the storm is over, then employ oneself in soothing the wounds. Would you like a cup of tea?”

Amanda smiled as she declined the palliative. “I haven’t any wounds,” she said.

“No, no, I didn’t mean it to sound so,” Marta exclaimed, clasping her long thick white fingers together. “I only thought after such a … a trying experience you would like the calming effect of a nice, hot cup.”

Amanda could see that Marta wanted to pamper her, perhaps in part because she felt that she should not have stayed away from her patient during the fracas. With good grace, she gave in and admitted that she would enjoy the tea if Marta would be so kind.

Marta had been gone only a few minutes when she heard footsteps outside in the hall. They were so loud that she glanced at the door realizing that Marta had not pulled it quite shut behind her. Listening, she thought the footsteps sounded like Nathaniel and half expected him to stop in and see her, but after only a momentary hesitation he passed on by.

A wry smile touched her mouth. She was being ridiculous to feel slighted. It was not as if she wanted him dancing attendance on her.

Her thoughts were broken off by the slamming of a door followed by raised voices.

Sophia and Theo again, she was almost sure. Why did people have to flail at each other with words? What was so important that they must tear at each other, hunting verbally for the most vital spot? Was there something lacking in herself that there seemed to be little worth the agony of that mental rending?

Though the voices were muffled, unintelligible through the thick walls, Amanda wanted to cover her ears to shut out the vicious spate of words that went on and on.

Marta brought her tea on a tray with her own small pot covered by a knitted cozy. As she placed it on the washstand and gently poured the tea into the cup, their eyes met, then they looked away. They were not eavesdropping, but it was impossible to ignore the noisy altercation.

Marta was just handing her the cup when there came the sharp crack of flesh on flesh. Amanda jumped, spilling the tea into its saucer. Then before they could move or speak, they heard another slap and a woman’s cry of mingled rage and surprise.