Night Shifts Black (30 page)

“So this is it. You in
your native habitat.”

He grins, pointing his
sticks at me.

“Be prepared to be
amazed.”

“I already am,” I
laugh, loving his expression.

He takes a pass at his
drums, and I shake my head in disbelief. If this is the warm up, I can’t even
imagine what’s coming next.

Mara had kept her word,
and Casey has his computer and keyboard set up on the table near him. There are
also several chairs and a cart with water in a bowl of ice, as well as, fruit,
crackers, and an assortment of other snacks.

I had retrieved my own
laptop from the room and intend to keep up my end of the bargain as I take a
seat by the door.

“So you ready to do
this, or what?” Eli asks. “Sweeny and I listened to the track a bunch last night.
I think we’re ready to go.”

Casey and Luke
exchange a glance and a nod. “We’re ready,” Luke replies with a shrug. “Let’s
run through the intro and get a quick sound check.”

Casey nods and counts
off.

∞∞∞

For the first twenty minutes I don’t move. I’m
sure my jaw is on the floor, although I try to disguise it as much as possible.
They start and stop dozens of times, discussing and debating changes to things
I thought sounded amazing. But of course, after the debate, it sounds even more
amazing. I still can’t believe I’m here, witnessing history. No, being a part
of history. It’s my words Luke is belting into the microphone, even though I
know I never would have dreamed they could have an impact like this. Luke and
Casey have turned my little poem into a masterpiece, and I can’t stop the
chills coursing through me at each new surprise. I hadn’t understood Casey’s
initial demo the way the others had. Now, engulfed in the real song, I’m
completely speechless. And yet, Casey still doesn’t seem happy when we break
for dinner a couple hours later.

I had ordered food for
them, at the risk of Casey’s wrath, but I didn’t think they’d want to break
long enough to go out. I guessed right as Casey comes over with a weak smile.

“Thanks, Callie,” he
says, grabbing a sandwich from the cart. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Just don’t yell at
me,” I tease, and he shakes his head. “You guys sound amazing,” I add, sensing
his frustration.

“Yeah?” But I can tell
he doesn’t agree.

I nod. “What is it? What’s
wrong?”

He shrugs, and glances
over at the other three who are laughing and talking. They don’t seem nearly as
upset as he is. He sets down his plate and leads me outside the room.

He’s quiet for a
moment, and I’m filled with concern.

“Casey, what’s wrong?
Are you not happy with the song?”

“No, it’s not that. I
mean, the song is going well, great actually, it’s just…” he stops, and my
heart breaks at the way his face falls. I instinctively squeeze his arm, and he
looks back at me, almost haunted. “This is killing me, Callie,” he whispers.

I stare at him in
shock. “What is? What do you mean?”

He sucks in his breath
and waves back at the door. “This. Having Luke back. What if it’s not for real?
What if this is it? I don’t think I can handle losing him again. I don’t want
to do this without him anymore. I can’t.”

I hug him. I have to,
and his arms tighten around me. “Do you think it’s not?”

“I don’t know,” he says
quietly against my hair. “He seems sincere, like he’s happy to be back, but
what if…I don’t know. What if we wake up tomorrow and learn this was it, all
we’re getting?”

“You need to tell him
this,” I say, pulling back and searching his eyes. “He needs to know how
important he is.”

Casey bites his lip
and nods, gazing back at the doorway. “He just needs to come back.”

∞∞∞

They get back to work, and I continue on my
own project. I’m haunted by Casey’s words, and watch the next session from a
different vantage point this time. I can see Casey’s concerned glances at Luke,
almost longing, and feel awful for never even considering how hard this must be
for him. To get a brutal reminder of what was, a small taste of what could be,
and yet, know there’s a chance this is the end. That after tonight they go back
to the empty shell of what they should be.

I remember Casey’s
harsh critique at breakfast the first time we’d met. When he’d blasted Luke for
leaving them and sentencing them to a fraction of what they should have been. I
hadn’t really understood then. I didn’t know what music meant to them. I’d
thought it was about money and fame and the fact that Luke’s absence meant no
more big stadium concerts. But now, watching Casey’s expression and knowing
everything I do about him, about both of them, I realize there is nothing
shallow about Casey’s pain at losing Luke. It’s not about any of that. It’s
about a broken connection that removed a piece of him and the chance to reach
his own potential as an artist. They are both brilliant, but together they are
untouchable.

I can’t help but think
about what it must be like to watch someone you care about so much, your
brother, your best friend, self-destruct so completely. My own broken heart is
only a flesh wound compared to what this last year must have been like for
Casey. To lose his sister, his friend, his music, and the enormous chunk of his
identity wrapped up in those things. I feel my own heart constricting at the
thought, the chills from what this exact moment means to Luke, but especially
Casey. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to have Luke back only to know
there’s no guarantee it’s real, that his other half won’t follow him out of
this room. And then the emotion starts to swell within me, that painful throb
in my chest that can only be relieved one way.

I stare at my blank
screen and start to write.

∞∞∞

We all work late into the night. The guys on
their song. Me, on the spewing of my heart. By the time they call it quits, I
can tell they’re happy with their efforts and feeling good about Friday’s
recording session, especially given the fact that they still have tomorrow to
work.

Eli and Sweeny want to
go out and celebrate, but the rest of us aren’t up for it. They leave us at the
lobby, and Luke, Casey, and I continue the journey to 403.

“Saw you working like crazy.
Looked intense,” Casey comments with a smile as we exit on the fourth floor.

I blush a little and
nod. “Yeah, I had some stuff I had to get out.”

“Can I see it?”

“Once we get inside.”

He understands, and
Luke opens the door.

“You guys sounded
great. Unbelievable, actually,” I say once we’re inside.

“You think?” Luke
asks, and I nod.

“Absolutely. As a
psycho fangirl, totally impressed.”

He laughs and shakes
his head.

“Well, good. Thanks
for guarding the door.”

“Any time.”

“So what’s this new
piece?” Casey asks, and I can see I have Luke’s interest, too.

I swallow, the mood
immediately shifting. It’s a hard one, painful, and I’m not sure we’re ready
for it. But maybe we don’t have a choice anymore.

I offer a weak smile
as they sit at the stools, studying me.

I open up my laptop
and stare at the screen, scanning the words as my heart races.

I glance up and meet
their expressions, suddenly captivated by the same overwhelming feelings that
gripped me downstairs during the rehearsal.

“Watching you
guys…together, how incredible you were, and yet, thinking that it was almost
lost…I was…I don’t know. So full of love and fear and regret at the same time.”
I feel the tears coming again out of nowhere and try to blink them away. “Do
you two even know how amazing you are? I mean, not just individually, but
together. I had no idea. It was breathtaking and so sad at the same time.”

I can tell they have
no idea how to respond to my unexpected outburst, and Casey especially looks
affected after our earlier conversation.

“I wrote this for both
of you,” I say quietly. I draw in a deep breath. “It’s called ‘Laughing
Stock.’” I turn the laptop around on the counter so they can read, and grip the
edge of the granite.

“
It’s not funny how far you’ve strayed, I’ll
say it one time

I can tell by your smile you know I’m right,
still you hide behind the lie.

It’s not funny how far you’ve strayed, I’ll
say it this time.

I can tell by your eyes you know what I mean,
still you find a reason to fight, but you’ll never cry.

How can you believe it’s easier to be alone
than feel loved?

You fear the embrace of a friend, yet welcome
your enemies’ hands as they beat down.

You listen for proof that no one understands
you, but we do

And it’s killing me.

It’s not funny to see how well you ignore the
signs.

By the pain in your eyes I can see you’re
fading.

Still you try, you’re losing the fight.

You’re no better for falling apart

Being alone won’t make you stronger

You’ll fall harder the more space you put
between us

But I’ll catch you, oh I’ll catch you.

How can you believe it’s easier to feel alone
than feel loved?

You fear the embrace of a friend, yet welcome
your enemies’ hands as they beat down.

You listen for proof that no one understands
you, but I do

And it’s killing me. It’s killing me!

It’s not funny how far you’ve strayed, just
listen this one time

Look in my eyes and see how I love you.”

They’re quiet for a
long time. I’m not sure how many times they read through my words, but I can
tell they’re not sure how to respond. I don’t know if it’s because they love
them or hate them, but when I notice the tears in Casey’s eyes, I have a pretty
good idea.

Luke’s jaw is clenched
as he glances from Casey, to the screen, to me, and back to Casey. He gets it.
I know he does, I just don’t know what it means to him. What he’s willing to do
with it.

“Is it true?” he asks
finally, his voice barely above a whisper, but he’s not talking to me.

Casey sucks in his
breath and nods, his eyes pleading with Luke to understand. It breaks my heart
as I watch them, and I almost sob when Luke pulls Casey in for a hug. They hold
on to each other, and I have to wipe the tears from my own cheeks. I had no
idea words could do things like this. I never understood their power. How had I
minimized their value all these years simply because they weren’t attached to a
paycheck? It seems absurd now, sitting here watching two broken souls repair
themselves because of the way I formed a string of letters together. This is
what words do. So often they tear apart, but they can also form miracles.

They finally pull away
and focus their awe on me this time. I’m surprised when it’s Luke who speaks
first. “Can we use these, Callie?”

My eyes widen,
confused. “What do you mean?”

“I…” He stops, and
glances at Casey quickly before turning back to me. “For the EP. We still need two
to three more songs.”

Casey almost chokes. “Wait.
Seriously? You’re in?” he asks in shock, barely able to complete the thought.

Luke meets his gaze
and nods. “If you’ll have me back.”

I practically scream
as I run around the counter and throw my arms around him. He laughs, returning
my embrace, and I can feel Casey joining behind me. I’ve never been so happy in
my life.

“Of course you can use
it!” I cry. Then, search his eyes. “But only if you use ‘Perfect Day,’ too.”

Luke visibly flinches.
“Really? I don’t know,” he replies, skeptical. “I didn’t write that for anyone
else.”

“Neither did I,” I
point out.

Casey’s eyes widen
with that inspired look I’ve come to admire. “Dude, she’s right. Think about
the journey those three songs would represent. After everything we’ve been through,
that’s some epic comeback shit right there.”

“You just need to add
a good breakup song,” I suggest. I was joking, but based on their expressions,
I don’t think they care.

Casey grins. “I think
I can handle that one.”

I glare at him. “Oh
really?” I say, crossing my arms.

“Not for you, silly!
The crazy psycho who hit me.”

I laugh. “You could
call it ‘Bella Amberosi.’”

He smiles. “Hey, maybe.
I have some ideas.” His expression changes as he grows serious again and turns
to Luke.