Night Sky (12 page)

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Night Sky is
just how I think of her. I didn’t know she picked up on it. I’m
completely confused here—is this a good thing or a bad thing?

“Don’t worry, we won’t get into that right
now.” Something like a smile—only softer, smoother—crosses her
lips.

“Okay.”
Now what?
“You never
told me about your trip home. Why did you come back
early?”

“Because I don’t feel safe there.” Her face
turns to shadow. I can’t explain it, but there’s this mask
of…pain…fear…something I can’t identify. But some sort of male
protective gene or instinct kicks in and I’m immediately tense.

“Why don’t you feel safe there?” I lean
forward.

“I don’t know if I want to tell you.” She’s
looking at her lap.

“What about
honesty?”
Am I going too far?

She sighs. “I don’t want
to scare you away, and I feel like anything I share with you at
this point
will
scare you away.”

“If you’re not an ax
murderer, and don’t feed people to pigs—you won’t scare me away.” I
smirk.
Will keeping my tone light draw her
out?

She holds her hand out for me to shake. Our
eyes are locked on each other. “Promise me, Jay.” There’s nothing
but seriousness in her face.

I take a deep breath. I’m falling for her so
fast. “I promise.” We shake across the bed from one another. It’s
such an odd gesture considering the amount of time we spend
together.

She leans back, resting
her head against the wall. “My brother’s best friend is the chief’s
son, Gunnar.” Her face is soft. She’s telling me a story, but not
even to me. Just telling a story,
her
story. I sit silent, waiting for
her to continue.
This is real.

“He’s picked on me since I was little. He’s
four years older. It started with things like pulling my braids. As
I got older, he’d tease me about being the prettiest girl in
school.”

I get a sinking feeling in my gut. I want to
know what comes next, but at the same time I don’t want to
know.

“We all worked on fishing boats in the small
cannery. Gunnar used to push me around, but my brother always stood
up for me. Then when they graduated, my brother left, but Gunnar
stuck around.”

“Why?” It comes out before I can think.

“Because his dad is the chief.” She shakes
her head. “It’s important in a way, but it doesn’t mean a whole
lot. I don’t know how to explain it exactly to someone on the
outside.” She lets out a breath.

I sit, waiting.

“To Gunnar, it means he’s important. That he
can…” She stops for a moment. “Well, he’d bully me around for no
particular reason—little things, and I’d skip school sometimes to
avoid him, or I’d lock myself in the girl’s bathroom. He made
threats about doing things to me when no one was around. And one
day…he did.”

I open my mouth to ask,
but nothing comes out.
I have to be
sinking. The bed shouldn’t be able to hold something as heavy as I
feel.

Her voice continues, smooth and quiet. “He
followed me home. He walked behind me…not too close, but I knew he
was following. I think he enjoyed making me afraid on the long walk
through the woods, but I knew I’d be safe once I got home because
my Mom would be waiting.”

But she wasn’t.
I know it before the words come out of her mouth.
Goose bumps spread across my body. She’s still so
calm
.

“I stepped in the front door and no one was
home. Mom had left a note on the table telling me that I’d be on my
own for dinner. So I knew I had a few hours where I’d be alone in
the house.” Her knees pull up and her blanket is clenched in her
fists. “I locked the front door and went to my room. I pulled the
curtains closed, just waiting for him to knock. But he didn’t
knock. Instead, I heard a key turn in the lock. He and my brother
were best pals, so he had a key to our house. When he stepped into
my room, he said it would all be easier if I went along with him.
He said if I told anyone, he’d hurt me again. And he’d hurt my
family by getting his dad to kick us out of the corporation…the
clan…the village. And I believed him.”

I didn’t know whether to
scream or cry.
Who could do that to such a
precious person—to someone as good and wonderful as Sky?

“The first time was horrible…terrifying…to
have his mouth on me…his hands on me. The simple fact of being
naked in front of someone…when I was too embarrassed to even wear a
swimsuit in public…I couldn’t speak for days. The nightmares
started then. Mom was frantic and angry at me about my dreams, but
now I think a part of her knew what was going on. Over time, things
just got easier to ignore.”

At that moment, it hits me
that this happened more than once.
Who
knows how many times?
I’m way out of my
league in knowing how to comfort her. The thought of what happened
to her drives me crazy. It makes me want to put my fist through
another wall. At least I’m smart enough to know that’s not what Sky
needs. Instead I sit and listen. She isn’t finished telling her
story.

“I had to leave, so I moved in with an uncle
in Ketchikan, and stayed with my dad once in a while, but I
couldn’t get away from my nightmares. Coming out here for college
was the easiest way for me to leave without causing a stir, which
would only end up making things worse for everyone.”

Her eyes meet mine for the first time since
she started talking. They’re all liquid.

“I’m with my family here. Nana let me paint
my room and moved her boxes out of here so I felt like I had a safe
place to live. I like it in the basement. It feels like a cave or a
den. It’s my hideaway. Gunnar knows where I am, but he’d never come
this far. I was convenient when I was there…that’s all.”

But she was just
there.
“When you went home…” I can’t
finish. I’m too afraid of what she’ll say.

“As soon as he found out I was home, he
stopped by and tried to be all friendly with my mom, but he stared
at me the whole time. I knew it was just a matter of hours or days
before he came back for me, and I couldn’t do it again, so I left
early.”

“And came back and took care of me when I
should have been taking care of you.” Losing Sarah, or losing my
dad, felt nothing like this. This is a whole new kind of sadness
and helplessness on top of a love and a desire to protect that I’ve
never felt before.

I’m suddenly afraid to
touch her.
My fingers touch the edges of
hers and she slides our hands together. I scoot toward her, so I
can take her in my arms. I don’t think about kissing her or
touching her. I just want to hold her, protect her.
It means so much more now.
At what point did my problems turn from the stress of
preparing for a swim meet to dealing with separated parents and a
girlfriend recovering from the unthinkable?

“Here, come get comfortable.” She moves so I
can lie next to her on the bed.

I pull her into me again.
Suddenly the simple idea that she’s willing to lie next to me is
overwhelming.
She trusts me to be with
her.
When she leans up to kiss my cheek, I
don’t turn my head to take her mouth with mine. I let her lie back
down.

“How can you even be with me? Why did you
get in my car the night we met?” Now that I know her history, the
comfortable way she is around me, doesn’t make any sense.

“You have kind eyes.” She breathes out the
words, not moving.

“That’s it?”
My eyes
?

“That’s everything.” Her arm tightens around
me.

I run my hands through her hair and down her
arms. Her body relaxes against me. There’s nowhere else in the
world I’d rather be, and nothing else I’d rather be doing. It’s all
right here.

THIRTEEN

It felt horrible to leave Sky last night. I
actually felt like some sort of traitor this morning when I left
for school, instead of going to her house and keeping her safe in
my arms all day. But I’m sure I need to feel like I’m helping more
than she needs the help.

I sit in the crowded lunchroom. Doing
something so normal, like getting up and going to school after my
talk with her seems ridiculous…trivial…non-important. I’m sitting
with my normal group, Kaylee, Matt and a few others from student
government. I know I’m being rude ‘cause I have no idea what
anyone’s talking about, and I really don’t care.

“Wow,” I say, as Sarah sits next to me.
“Joining me for lunch?”

“Eric isn’t here today.” Last week that
would have hurt. This week it doesn’t. I watch Sarah pull out her
sandwich and take a drink. I still feel a pull to her, maybe more
than I should, but nothing like I used to.

“Right, at least I know where I stand.” I
take a bite of my peanut butter sandwich.

“That was mean.” She scowls.

“I’m not trying to be mean, but now you have
him and you suddenly hardly even want to talk anymore. I see you
during English and that’s kind of it.” I’m not being mean. I’m
being honest. It’s just the way things are.

“I know.” She stares at the sandwich in her
hands for a moment. “I don’t think he understands how things are
between us. How we’re just good friends.”

“Well, I’m looking forward
to him trusting you a little because you used to be one of
my
best
friends.”
This is the honesty that Sarah and I have never had.

She looks at me with an
odd expression on her face. I have no idea what it means.
“You’re just like, laying it all out there, and
making me feel bad.”

“I don’t mean to, Sarah,
but it’s true. I’m okay with that. I get that he comes first, but I
should be in there somewhere.”
How can she
not understand that?

“If you’re just going to be mean, I’m outta
here.” She stands up and walks away.

At this point, I’ve sort of given up on
Sarah. I guess I haven’t completely given up on her, because I
don’t think she’s acting like herself—she’s just more worried about
Eric than she is about staying friends. Now, even though I know I
didn’t do anything wrong, I feel the need to apologize. I pull out
my phone to send her a text.

LET’S DOUBLE ON FRI, OK? Only, I’m not sure
that I want to double.

SURE

At least she’s still answering my texts.

***

At swim practice, I miss
the state record by only four one hundredths of a second.
I’m almost there.

Driving home, I turn onto my street to see
Sky with a group of people her age, all with similar dark
skin—Native American skin. She waves, giving me a huge smile as I
come up the road. I pull over behind a large white van.

“Jay!” she yells,
half-running to my car. “I’m glad I saw you. We’re going out to Red
Rock to watch the sun set. I’ve never been. Wanna come?” She’s
almost breathless with excitement.
There’s
no way I’m not going to be a part of this.

“Yeah, let me grab a hat and some water. Is
that okay?”

“Yeah, we’ll wait.”

I survey the group. There are two other
girls and four boys. They’re all standing in a circle, talking and
laughing easily with one another. I dash into the house, and grab a
bottle of water and a jacket for later. When I step back out,
they’re climbing in the van. Hopefully, Mom won’t mind. I’ll send
her a text in a few minutes.

“Hey, thanks for waiting.” I say as I step
up behind Sky.

The driver laughs. “No problem, man. But
Tony here isn’t too thrilled that Sky brought a boyfriend.” He
laughs harder, slugging the guy in the passenger seat.

“Nice,” Tony says and looks out the
window.

Sky sits and smiles up at
me, waiting for me to sit down. What I want to do is wrap my arms
around her and kiss her, but it feels awkward in a van full of
people I don’t know. I sit, but I don’t have to worry about the
rest.
She leans forward, giggling a bit
with excitement to kiss my cheek, then the corner of my mouth, then
my lips. I almost forget where we are and kiss her back.

“Oh, come
on
!” A girl teases from
the backseat.

“Sorry.” Sky laughs as she pulls away.
“Couldn’t help myself.”

“So, this is quite a group you have here.” I
look around hoping someone will start making the introductions.

“We’re the American Indian Alliance, or part
of it,” the driver says.

“The cool part!” says the same girl from the
backseat.

The driver laughs again. “Yeah, the cool
part of the AIA on campus. And you’re the whitest guy here. Bet
that doesn’t happen to you too often.”

“No,” I agree. “It doesn’t.” I may only be a
quarter Mexican, but my skin’s at least as dark as Dad’s.

“I’m Rob. This is Tony. The girls, aside
from the one you locked lips with are Windy and Jen.” He smirks.
“The other two guys don’t matter.”

“You’re such a prick! Who told you, you
could drive, anyway?” It’s one of the nameless guys from the
back.

“I did. I’m the only one old enough to drive
a UNLV rig.” He hits the gas for effect.

I relax into my seat. Sky’s fingers slide
through mine and she leans against me.

“So, what do you do? Jay, right?” Tony asks,
turning to face me.

“I swim.”

“That’s it?” He turns around even more. “No,
I mean do you go to school? Are you working?”