Nightmares from Within (13 page)

“My dear Lydia,” she whispered as she ran the back of her knuckles down my cheek. “The things that we see aren’t always easy. They can be scary but you have to stay strong. Do you understand?”

I nodded up at her even though I didn’t.

“You have to be strong, Lydia. Don’t let the visions scare you to the point you won’t allow yourself to help those who need it. Always remember that this is a gift. It won’t always seem like it, but I promise it is.”

“Will you be here to help me?”

She gave me a sad smile and I saw the tears forming in her eyes. “I wish I could, darling. I’d give anything to help you through this but you know I can’t.”

She was right. I already knew my mother wouldn’t allow it.

I felt a tear run down my cheek as I wrapped my little fingers around my grandmother’s locket. “I’m scared. I don’t want to see things that will frighten me, Granny.”

“Shhh,” she soothed. “You are strong, sweet girl,” she whispered. “So much stronger than you know.”

Granny had been wrong about me.

I wasn’t strong. If I had been strong I wouldn’t have ignored my gift and let innocent people die just because I was scared. I could have stopped it. That’s what the gift was for, to stop innocent people from dying, but I’d been weak and let my fear keep me from doing what I was meant to do.

I was still scared, I didn’t think I’d ever stop being scared but I had no choice. It was either live with it or die…and despite how shitty my life had been, I wasn’t ready to die just yet. The first twenty-three years sucked but I was determined to make the next twenty-three worth it.

I’d had a taste of what life could be like, and I’d loved it. If I could just stop living in constant fear day in and day out, I would be happy. It turned out Jordan wasn’t the one for me, but if I could move past what I had allowed to hold me back all my life, then maybe I would open myself up to the chance that there could be someone else.

I was going to take back my life. I made a promise to my grandmother all those years ago and I needed to keep it. I could only hope I wasn’t too late.

As I got ready for my shift at Benny’s, I kept hoping that Daniel would show up to tell me what to do. I needed help and he was the only one that could help me. He was my Guide after all and I was going to make damn sure he guided me.

The breakfast rush came and went with no signs of Daniel. Every time the door opened I looked to see if it was him coming through it but it never was. I was starting to become disheartened at the thought of him not showing. I’d gone from having no men in my life to having two that I couldn’t count on when I needed them most. Daniel was doing a shitty job as my Guide and Jordan was just an asshole. My mood went from hopeful to sour before lunch and unfortunately everyone noticed.

“I think you’re about to wipe a hole right through that table, Taylor,” Cassie said from over my shoulder.

“Huh?” I was so busy concentrating on how much Jordan and Daniel sucked that I wasn’t even paying attention to what Cassie was saying.

“Umm,” she mumbled. “So…how was your date?” I let out a
pfft
sound and went back to scrubbing the already sparkling table. “That good, huh?” She placed a consolatory hand on my shoulder. “Want to talk about it?”

I turned and slumped against the table in defeat as I looked up at her in all her glossy haired, model skinny glory. “It was a little rocky in the beginning…” I started then gave that statement a little more thought. “Actually, it totally bombed.”

“What happened?” she asked with rapt attention as she twirled a lock of her shiny hair around her perfectly manicured finger.

Cassie didn’t know the details about all the issues I had but she did know one thing. I let out a sigh and dropped my head. “I had a panic attack in the middle of the restaurant.”

“Oh sweetie.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed a little too tightly.

“I know,” I breathed out once she released me. “It was so embarrassing…but then he was so damn sweet and totally made up for everything. I don’t know what happened.”

I told her all about spilling my guts to Jordan about my childhood and how he surprised me by taking me to the ball game.

“Well, how did he act when he dropped you off?” she asked.

My skin instantly heated up and I realized I’d backed myself into a corner. Instead of answering, I walked past her and started wiping down another table as if my life depended on it. I heard her let out a squeal and when I turned to look at her she had the biggest shit-eating grin spread across her lips. “You little ho…you totally had sex with him, didn’t you?”

I looked around the diner, frantically hoping no one overheard her before I grabbed her arm and dragged her to the back office. She laughed the whole way.

“A first date lay…I didn’t think you had it in you, honey.” I knew I had to have been three shades of red but that didn’t stop her. “I’ve got to say, babe, I’m looking at you in a whole new light. How was it? Please tell me he’s as good as I imagine he is, because I’m painting a pretty vivid picture in my head right now.”

I reached for my locket and started fiddling. “Uh…well…at first it hurt like you wouldn’t believe, but then it got better and…”

She jumped in and interrupted me, “Whoa, he’s that big?” she asked with wide, amazed eyes.

“Um…I don’t really have anything to compare it to but I’m pretty sure he’d be considered big.”

And…there it was.

I saw the realization of what I was saying cross her face just before her jaw hit the floor. “Taylor, you were a virgin?” she whispered like she was asking if I’d just committed a crime.

I crossed my arms over my chest and went on the defensive. “Well you don’t have to say it like that. I’m only twenty-three. It’s not
that
unheard of.”

“Oh, no, Sweetie, I didn’t mean it like that.” The regret at her choice of words washed over her features and she sounded so sincere that I couldn’t stay mad at her.

“It’s okay,” I muttered.

“Did he…did he know?” she asked hesitantly.

I ran my hands through my hair and gave it small tug at the roots then decided to just let it all out. “Not at first, but he kind of figured it out on his own.”

Her mouth formed an “O” and she nodded her head in understanding. “It’s just that the date was going so well, and you already know I’m not really like everyone else, and…well…he just made me feel…normal for once. I just wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I could.

“He was so sweet and understanding. All I wanted was one night to be a regular person, you know? He actually gave me that. But I woke up this morning and he was gone. He just…left.”

I tried to blink back the tears that formed in my eyes but it was pointless; they fell down my cheeks anyway.

Cassie rushed to me and wrapped me in a hug, holding me there for a long while. When she finally pulled back she looked my directly in the eyes. “Let’s get one thing straight, you
are
normal, Taylor. You just have a few issues. There is nothing wrong with you.”

If she only knew.

“If he can’t see how lucky he’d be to have you then he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve to have you spit on him if he were on fire.”

She spoke with so much conviction, I still had to laugh. I wiped my eyes and gave her a smile. “Thank you, Cass. You’re kind of awesome.”

“You’re kind of awesome too, babe.” We made our way out of the office and headed back to the front of the diner. “Hey, I know just what you need. I’m bartending tonight at Dark. Why don’t you come see me and I’ll cover your drinks for the night.”

“How do you possibly have the energy to work here then go bartend at night?” I asked.

Cassie worked at Benny’s Diner during the day, but most nights she bartended at one of Seattle’s most popular nightclubs. It exhausted me just thinking about the hours she kept.

She shrugged then threw a wink at me from over her shoulder. “A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do for Jimmy Choo.”

I appreciated the invitation and I felt even closer to her for being so amazing, but there was no way I’d be able to handle a packed nightclub if I couldn’t even make it through dinner at a restaurant. “Thanks, Cassie, but I don’t think a nightclub’s the best idea right now.”

She smiled knowingly and gave a small nod. “I understand. But if you ever need anything, or just want to talk I’m here, okay?”

I felt the burn of tears but for once they were for a different reason.

For once they were happy tears.

“The body of Samantha Turner was found last night near Alki Point Lighthouse,” the newscaster stated.

I’d gotten home from work completely exhausted and turned on the TV to watch
The Following
when the news broke in. A flash of recognition washed over me when I saw a picture of the young, blonde haired woman flashed across the screen.

“Police say Turner, twenty-four, was reported missing five days ago when she didn’t show up for work at Cherry Street Coffee House. Details are still coming in, but police confirmed a poem was found at the scene.

“As with the other victims, it is believed Turner was murdered at a different location before her body was dumped in a public area known to be a popular tourist destination. Stay tuned to KIRO, Channel Seven as more details come in.”

The picture came back up on the screen and I sat forward to study Samantha Turner’s face. Blonde hair, same build as the woman in my vision. Was it possible the woman on the TV was the same woman I’d seen in my vision? Had I been too late to help her?

I dropped my head into my hands. The thought that I had let another helpless person die for no reason sucked me down into the dark recesses of depression. The knowledge of what I had let happen by ignoring my visions began to wear on me; the guilt was stifling. I hated knowing I could have prevented the pain and suffering of the people that came to me in those visions. I had been too much of a coward to help.

I stood up and headed to my intercom when it rang, pulling me from my inner turmoil. “Yeah Gary?” I asked, knowing he was already on duty.

“Miss Taylor…” even though we had an agreement that I’d keep all early morning runs contained in the complex gym if Gary would stop calling me
Miss
he still insisted on formality in cases where it seemed unprofessional. “There’s a gentleman here to see you.”

Had Jordan actually decided to show his face after bailing out on me the night before? I stood in silence for a few seconds trying to figure out if I should tell Gary to let him up or kick his ass out of the building. Finally deciding that I wanted the pleasure of laying into him myself, I pressed the button and spoke into the intercom, “You can send him up. Thank you, Gary.”

“My pleasure, Miss Taylor.”

I hated that my nerves were fried at the idea of seeing Jordan again, but I couldn’t stop myself from running to the bathroom to check my reflection in the mirror, making sure I looked absolutely perfect when I ripped him a new one for being the world’s biggest asshole. I quickly ran a brush through my unruly hair and pinched my cheeks to add some color. I’d just finished changing out of my work shirt into a thin, cotton tank top that had seen better days but still highlighted my best assets, when there was a knock on the door.

I reached for the knob after taking a few calming breaths and swung it open.