Nightmares of Caitlin Lockyer (Nightmares Trilogy) (17 page)

No matter what else happened, at least she'd had one more day of happiness. And she'd shared it with me.

"Nathan?" Caitlin's voice broke through my reverie.

"Mmm?" I tried to make it sound like I wasn't miles away. I started moving the shopping bags into the trolley.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" She looked up at me with those big eyes.

"Sure, if that's what you want," I replied.

She paid the checkout operator and slipped her change into her new wallet. We headed back toward the car.

"I want you to sleep with me."

I choked. "You want
... what?"

A light touch on my arm.
The brush of three of Caitlin's fingertips was enough to stop me in my tracks. "I want you to stay and sleep with me, so you can wake me up if there are any more nightmares. Please?"

I fought to get the words out.
"Sleep. You mean..."

Caitlin looked puzzled.
"Sleep. Like you did when I was in hospital. Unless I wake you up because I'm having another nightmare." Her eyes grew huge. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

Oh God,
she had no idea how much I wanted to. And more than sleep... Focus.

"Sure," I managed to say again.
Good thing I bought pyjamas.

Caitlin yawned, covering her mouth with one hand. The gloves were gone. I could tell how tired she was, for she looked like a doll flung into the seat, slumped between the leather and the seatbelt with her eyes half-closed.

"Should we pick up a pizza on the way home?" I asked gently, glancing at her just in time to see her eyes slide shut.

"Mmm?" Caitlin's eyes shot open as she straightened in her seat. "Sure. I'm still sleepy, so it's best that I don't cook."

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her. "Here, you call your local pizza shop so it'll be ready to pick up when we get there. You'll just have to tell me where to go."

She took my phone with both hands. "What do you want?"

I shrugged, slowing down to stop for a red light. "Whatever. I don't mind."

She spoke in a low voice to the pizza shop while I weaved through the peak hour traffic, wishing the weary commuters wouldn't keep cutting me off as if they couldn't see my blazing red car. Maybe if I owned a different colour car...

Caitlin insisted on accompanying me into the pizza shop, though she leaned heavily on me every step of the way.

"Caitlin! It's been a while," said the woman behind the counter when we walked into her shop. "We all thought..."

The smile on Caitlin's lips melted me like ice cream. "Ah, you know I always come back here. You make the best pizzas. And there's a new dessert one, too!"

I looked at the menu. Apricots on pizza? Oh, wait, those were the dessert ones.

Caitlin handed over some money and the pizza woman held out the boxes with some hesitation. "I'll help carry these out to the car for you."

Caitlin smiled and nodded her thanks, turning with me to head back to the car. Once I'd carefully helped her into the passenger seat, the woman deposited the pizza boxes on her lap and stood by the door of her shop to wave goodbye. Caitlin lifted a languid hand to respond.

I kept throwing glances at her as we drove the short distance back to her house, until I finally said, "Everyone knows you, don't they?"

Her sleepy smile widened. "I've lived in this area for a while. The people in the local shops see me a lot and remember me, that's all."

The smell of pizza pervaded the car, reminding me how hungry I was, but I carried Caitlin into the house before I returned for the boxes and the shopping.

Caitlin ate on autopilot, swaying in her seat, she was so sleepy. I grabbed a slice from the box and bit into it without tasting it, deciding to put her food away for her. She could always shift it around when she wasn't so tired.

I lifted the bag of strawberry punnets first and opened the fridge. The sharp smell of bleach fumes wafted out of the white interior, the fur seared from every surface. I coughed and wrapped the bag around them, before placing the whole package into the now pristine, cat-free crisper.

Most of her purchases were frozen – packaged in portions that didn't need much preparation, I realised, as I stuck the packets in the freezer. Pre-made meals, bite-sized pieces of chicken and fish, pre-cut vegetables. Individual tubs of yoghurt, fresh fruit juice and milk all went into the pungent fridge, along with a bag of grated cheese.

I wished I'd looked more closely at the contents of her trolley while we were still at the shop. I'd have bought her steak and stuff I could cook for her. I wondered if she'd skipped meat because she was vegetarian or if she had other reasons. I stared at the slice of pizza in my hand, the same as she was eating. Between the steak strips, salami and sausage, the slice scotched any thought of Caitlin being vegetarian. I looked up, wanting to ask why.

Drooping over her plate at the dining table, Caitlin had managed to swallow a couple of slices but now she was about to fall asleep in her dinner.

"Hey!" I reached out to catch her before her face hit the plate.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "So tired... Should put the pizza away and sleep..."

"I'll fridge your leftovers," I replied, straightening up and reaching for the box. "Then I can help you to bed."

I stuck the remaining pizza in a plastic box before I slid it onto a fridge shelf. The smell was enough to make me close the door quickly.

I turned to see her barely managing to stay on her feet, her knuckles white as she held onto the back of her chair. "Let me help you," I begged, my arms out ready to lift her up. For the second time that day, I carried Caitlin to bed. And for the second time that day, she asked me to stay, so I
did – stretched out on her bed beside her, waiting for her to fall asleep so I could go sleep on the couch.

I closed my eyes, listening to her breathing slow into sleep, smiling.
She was safe.

I woke to a faint glow behind my eyelids, my nose full of a sweet smell. I breathed deeply, trying to identify the fruity scent that reminded me of soap. I opened my eyes.
Oh, shit. I closed them again.

My face was buried in Caitlin's hair, my head resting beside hers on her pillow. She lay on her side, turned away from me, but that hadn't stopped me from sidling closer to her in sleep. I could feel the warmth of her body through my jeans, so I'd been cuddling up to her for some time. I'd even thrown an arm across her waist. Shit, I was spooning a girl I'd just slept with and sex hadn't been a part of it.
Though my body definitely had ideas in that direction. Thank God I was wearing jeans instead of pyjamas. It'd be harder for her to tell what I'm thinking. Fuck, this was Caitlin! I pulled away from her as stealthily as I could, not wanting to ruin a nightmare-free night by inspiring one.

Not stealthy enough – Caitlin shifted as I did. Her body pressed along my side, she gave me a quick hug,
then sat up. Her light lips touched my cheek and she whispered, "Thank you," before I felt her weight lift off the bed. Her bare feet padded on the timber boards as she headed down the hallway.

I sat up as soon as she was out of sight. I'd slept in my clothes, so I was all set for the walk of shame to my car in front of Caitlin's whole street. Ah, it wasn't the first time I'd done such a thing and last night had been better than most. Even without any sex.

Caitlin returned, her face shiny and damp, an excited smile on her face. "Would you like breakfast?"

"Sure," I replied. "Do you have any cornflakes?"

Her face fell. "No. And if we do, they're so stale they'd be inedible." She walked out, one hand on the wall to steady her steps.

Not sure what I'd said wrong, I hurried to follow her. I entered the kitchen just in time to see the bin lid close over the cornflake box. Caitlin's eyes were on the box and she looked angry.

I opened my mouth to say the first thing that came to mind. "You really don't like cornflakes, do you?"

Her hard glare turned on me. "No, I don't." She reached into the fridge and pulled out two yoghurts, holding one out to me.

"I'm right," I answered. My stomach growled a different answer. To cover the noise, I continued, "I should probably head home."

Caitlin's smile
was understanding. "I know. Thank you for staying." She hesitated, then went on, "Will you... could you... please, could you come over tonight and stay again? I feel safer when you're here and I'm not alone at night." Her eyes were suddenly huge.

"Sure. I'll take you out for dinner tonight, if you like. I'll stay any night you want me," I replied easily, without a second thought.

She smiled sadly and I realised that she'd never want me. But I'd be back anyway.

I waved and wished her a nice day, then climbed into my car to pick up breakfast from McDonald's on my way home.

I gorged on breakfast because I hadn't had hash browns in ages. I packed a bag of clothes to take to Caitlin's, then stretched out on my own couch and watched TV, calling Navid every hour for an update on her. By the fourth phone call, he answered with, "She's fine. If you're so worried, go bother her."

But Caitlin didn't expect me 'til the evening, so I didn't dare show up early. I had other plans.

It was Tuesday, when Chris had an afternoon off from university, so I waited for her to come home. I needed to know if she'd seen anything suspicious, anyone stalking her. If they weren't coming for Caitlin, they could be casing Chris.

She didn't get home until almost four, when I was starting to worry. I had my packed bag by the door, ready to go, and Chris's eyes darted straight to it as she stepped inside.

I opened my mouth before she could comment on it. "Chris, you haven't had anyone watching you or following you, have you? After Alanna and now spending so much time with Caitlin, I'm starting to worry
..." I trailed off.

Chris snorted. "No. Why would anyone bother stalking me?" She dropped her keys on the hall table. "What is it about that girl that has you so obsessed with her?"

My reply was automatic. "She's been badly hurt and she needs my help."

She snorted again, louder this time. "Yeah, you've said that before, but she's not unconscious in hospital now. And if anyone was going to try to hurt her again, they'd have done it by now. This is getting ridiculous. How well do you really know her?"

I hesitated for maybe a minute, but when the words came, they flooded out. "I know how many times she still wakes up at night, screaming at the nightmares of what happened to her. I know how much she still hurts from her injuries and how hard she tries to hide it from everyone. She doesn't like strangers touching her. She hates breakfast cereal, my car, anything restrictive around her wrists and asking anyone for help. I know by the sound of her screams whether she's afraid or in pain." I closed my eyes, trying to push the sound of Caitlin in pain out of my head.

Chris was silent for a moment before she spoke. "Listen to yourself, Nathan. You're not talking about a healthy relationship. What you're saying sounds seriously fucked up. Is there anything good about her? Anything the girl actually likes?"

Thank you, Chris. The images in my head turned from dark to light. "She likes strawberries, music and ducklings." And occasionally me. I felt myself smiling. I opened my eyes again.

Chris shook her head.
"Strawberries, music and ducklings. You know her real well, don't you?" She pressed her lips together. "Stay away from her, Nathan. That girl isn't good for you."

I shook my own head. Stay away from her? I'd go crazy with worry in a day. "You don't know her."

Chris looked grim. "Neither do you." She turned away, picked up a sponge and scrubbed the bench so hard it looked like she wanted to take the laminate off it. "Is there anything you wouldn't do for her?" she muttered, half under her breath.

I wasn't sure if she'd meant me to hear that last bit, but I was too pissed off to care. Nothing Chris said could come between me and Caitlin.

"Yes," I snapped. "I wouldn't die for her."

Chris turned around to stare at me, her mouth hanging open. She stood there in shock for maybe half a minute before she spoke. "Well
... well, that's good," she said uncertainly.

"Do you want to know why?" I asked steadily.

"I..." Chris swallowed, seemingly lost for words. That didn't happen much. Another day, I'd have felt triumph, but today there was only anger. Caitlin was the key to keeping Chris alive, but today I didn't care any more.

"I wouldn't die for her because I wouldn't be able to protect her any more. What if I missed one of the people who hurt her and my absence let them get to her? I couldn't take that risk. She's too important." I walked out of the kitchen before she replied. I'd promised Caitlin I'd be back before dark and I didn't want to be late.

"... Fucking paranoid, delusional..." I heard Chris's voice say as I opened the front door.

Not as delusional as thinking that I'm safe and no one can hurt me, I thought. There are real monsters out there. The worst part is that they're human.