Nightmarish Sacrifice (Cardew) (31 page)

             
I could sense that Cardew was inclined towards the serious kind of talk I had been trying to tempt him into in the several weeks before – but back then, I myself had been ready for such a conversation.

             
Not anymore...

             
Because before I had been urged towards it by the yearning to really get to know him on the inside – and after learning some disturbing details about his past, I already knew too much to be straight and open when speaking to him.

             
What would I say? It would be like walking on the edge of a too sharp poisonous blade – I had to be compassionate without taking pity on him, to console him without taking his confession for a weakness...

             
It was all too complex for me to do it impulsively, and I hadn’t had enough time to carefully plan how to react in such circumstances.

             
However, the time had obviously been enough for me to clarify other aspects of my intentions towards him, so I gave him no more than a moment to take a breath before my kiss fixed strongly on his lips.

             
I didn’t let go quickly and Cardew repaid by turning the touch in one of his masterpieces which I had difficulties in forgetting, and when I finally drew back a little, I noticed that the crystallized gray of his eyes had become more limpid.

             
“Where do you want us to go?” he murmured silently, his lips so close to mine that the lack of practical distance between us could easily set me on the briskest of fires.

             
“To go?” I chuckled lightly and clearly shook my head, placing my palms on his shoulders a bit possessively but tenderly; my eyes were strongly fixed into the depths of his as if I was trying to hypnotize him and inspire all my desires inside him on a subconscious level. “Why go anywhere when we can stay here –”

             
For a moment, a wild uncontrolled spark of excitement blinked in Cardew’s eyes and I perceived the impulse running under his skin, but he put it all under iron control in less than a second, and his hands lightly caught mine to restrict my outburst of enthusiasm.

             
“Don’t do it just because of what I said,” his voice had gone sharp and cold, as though I had offended him – maybe involuntarily, but still, for real. “I don’t want your pity!”

             
But I already knew enough for his way of thinking to be able to draw the right conclusions...

             
“Pity!?” I repeated with my brows raised in surprise, and my nails readily pinned in the backs of his both hands as if I was defending myself against an attack of a real enraged enemy. “That’s not pity, it’s far more dangerous –”

             
Without trembling the least bit, Cardew was passionlessly observing the large drops of his own blood dripping from the marks I was mercilessly leaving on his skin, although my soul was crying on the inside; the scarlet fluid of life was running down to his wrists and heavily crushing on the floor between us, but he didn’t turn to glance at the wounds again – his eyes were already focused on mine in such a penetrating way that no secrets I possessed could remain safely hidden there.

             
But the only secrets I was ready to fight with dead-set determination for were his...

             
And I did manage to successfully hide them from him.

             
“I love you,” I whispered under my breath and Cardew’s palms wet with his own precious blood I myself had shed fondled my face barely perceptibly as he bowed above me with a tempting gesture.

             
“I –” he inhaled deeply to carry on, and my heart almost exploded: I could swear that he had started the fatal and so desperately desired sentence I had so much insisted on hearing...

             
And he really would have pronounced it, I was sure in that – if only...

             
If only the tips of my fingers hadn’t pressed to his lips tenderly to make him stay silent.

             
“Don’t say anything you may later regret, my love,” my tone was apologetic but my words were invitingly tickling down his skin in an alluring way, making his thoughts shift the direction they were going in towards a more abstract and wordless one. “I don’t need to hear it, I feel it –”

             
Surprised – or just thoughtful – Cardew fell silent for several seconds to analyse my actions and the motives lurking behind them, and I took advantage of his moment of distraction: with one quick dramatic gesture, I pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed, and immediately took the step to approach him so as to stand right in front of him – so dangerously close that the inner sides of my knees were touching the outer of his – and then I took my time to relish the silky shimmering brick-coloured sensation my fingers sank in as I buried them into his hair again, narrowing my eyes mock-mischievously and taking pleasure in watching him from above.

             
“What if I need to say it?” Cardew lightly tossed his head upwards to look at me with his sincere expressive admiration before gently dragging me closer to strew my neck with a series of ardent inflaming kisses.

             
“You don’t,” I jokingly reassured him, then relaxed to slide down on my knees on the floor, and he readily grabbed me in his exciting embrace not to let me collapse down. “And maybe you really shouldn’t –”

             
“Freya –” there was a mute warning in the intonation with which he pronounced my name, but I cast him such a decisive glance that it was almost hostile, together with a naively playful smile he wouldn’t risk disappointing.

             
However, maybe my impression about the way he was acting that evening had been right – the change in my behaviour had reflected upon him, too, and he wasn’t in the role of my rival trying to get power over me, of the boy ready to force me if needed but to get what he craved for.

             
I had laid my heart open for Cardew without making him do the same for me, and thus my willing submission had enslaved him – already he was the one who couldn’t use his weapons against me, as I was a rival who had no shield.

             
I could feel his confusion in the unusually inert way in which he was responding to my kisses, his hesitation making his caresses uncertain and strangely diffident, as he just couldn’t decide what kind of role to play in front of me; I could triumph over him so easily...

             
Just that I didn’t want to: I wouldn’t do it – not for anything in the world!

             
And he was the only thing I could consider worth longing for...

             
Pausing my movements for a second, I gazed deeply into his eyes with an innocently mischievous smile so as to slightly hint him what kind of character I was expecting him to reincarnate in, and my lips freely played over his in a light airy kiss I knew he wouldn’t resist reinforcing.

             
His flawless icy self-control was beginning to crack from the insistent caresses of my heated shallow breath, and I could sense his hands shaking behind my back, but – so as to let it all melt away – I pretended that I hadn’t noticed anything, and, almost without physically touching him, tenderly shoved his body backwards and his coppery-coal-blood-red hair spilled onto my deep and suffocating-soft pillow.

             
“Then why are you doing it?” Cardew asked with deceptively even tone under which I could guess the volcano of cruelly suppressed desires which would never explode unless set free by their obdurate lord.

             
I just exhaled – without a smile, without a tear – both would be artificial in the game we were playing, and I needed to show him that I was without a mask but I would help him keep the one on his face intact.

             
“Because I love you,” I let my head fall on his chest and closed my eyes to isolate myself from everything I wasn’t touching, from everything but him. “And I know you won’t betray me –”

             
As soon as I pronounced it, I knew that I had stricken the right chord in his soul; my absolute trust in him without any expectations for the same in return seemed to be the key that finally unlocked Cardew, stirred his passionate wanton blood, and let him relax in my presence – not entirely, but far more than before.

             
“I won’t,” he uttered the genuine promise and his fingers endearingly caressed through the flow of my hair as I rose to pin my hands in his shoulders and to bend above him; the ardent flames were mightily burning in his eyes with intense tender violence, controlled aggression revealing to me his strong craving to take the lead already.

             
The collar of his shirt was tantalizingly open and my fingers smoothly glided behind his neck to pull him closer, my whole being fluttering in sweet feverish anticipation for the vigorous kisses he didn’t delay to generously pour down my shoulders.

             
It felt as if Cardew and I were almost reading each other’s minds, he was somehow instinctively sensing how exactly to touch me to render me completely and helplessly out of breath, all the bewitching endearments he was scattering over me indulging exciting desires I would be brave enough to pronounce only in barely heard whisper in his ear.

             
It didn’t take him much time to make me crave to surrender, although – for the love of the game – I strived for the leading position more violently than he did – Cardew just had his ways to make submission look far more attractive than possession, as he was somehow effortlessly discovering my weak points but using them to make me feel my strength reinforced instead – he was not conquering me before making me desperately desire to be conquered by him...

             
“I feel as if I’ve forgotten all the words in my role,” the boy confessed in charming irresistible chuckle which made me cast him an upward provocative glance.

             
“Then improvise,” I teased without ceasing the kiss his lips were prolonging on mine, and closed my eyes to sharpen the sense of touch while listening to the increasing rhythm of my wildly leaping heart.

                                          ‘Lovely... Lovely –’

             
The word was still echoing in my mind in such inflaming exciting whisper that it was making me wonder how I had managed to fall asleep at all. I took a moment of silent breathing before gropingly analysing the situation around me...

             
Cardew wasn’t there.

             
Danger, my intuition screamed, and I hurried to open my eyes and sit in the bed: no signs of the boy had remained in the room, even the side of the sheets where he had been laying was cold – he must have left a long time ago.

             
With a sigh, I rested back on my pillow and gathered the crumpled sheet back onto myself; I was suddenly feeling frostily cold, and so hopelessly alone that I desperately sank into the memories of the night before not to freeze in the total loneliness.

             
The last thing I remembered before helplessly falling asleep was Cardew’s amazingly handsome face smiling quietly close to mine, his warm breath caressing me like his satiny lips had until just some minutes before, and I had cuddled to his chest like I needed his protection, my face hiding in his embrace in an attempt to suppress my outburst of exhaustion while his hand was calmingly fondling my hair to lull me as he had noticed my absolute fatigue...

             
The night before in which I had wandered in an almost deserted graveyard had cost me the pleasure of spending the next one in ceaseless staring in his beautiful steely eyes which right then had been rarely expressive and tender like fantastical gossamers of silver moonlight...