Niubi! (21 page)

 

JP

Stands for 极品
jípǐn
(
gee peen
), literally “extreme conduct.” Basically means “weirdo” or, rather, an eccentric or anyone who behaves unconventionally.

 

LB

Stands for 篱笆
líbā
(
lee bah
), the name of an online forum (Liba) known for being popular among materialistic girls. Vapid, shallow girls, then, are often dismissively described as

LB.

 

BC

Stands for 白痴
báichī
(
buy chih
), or “idiot.”

 

SL

Stands for 色狼
sèláng
(
suh lahng
), or “pervert.”

 

永久性脑残
yǒngjǐu xìng nǎocán
(
yohng joe sheeng now tsahn
)

Literally means something like “permanent brain damage” and used to comment on someone or something you find weird or crazy.

 

 

小白
xiǎobái
(
shaow buy
)

Layman, novice, someone with little knowledge about something (such as computers). Literally “little white.” Refers to 白痴
báichī
(
buy chih
), which means “idiot.”

 

菜鸟
caìniǎo
(
tsie nyow
—
caì
rhymes with “pie”)

Newbie. Literally “food bird.” Pigeons raised for food are of a lower class than homing pigeons, and thus the phrase is used to describe junior-level people in various fields.

 

 

国猪
guózhū
(
gwuh joo
)

Literally “country’s pigs” or “national pigs.” An insulting pun on 国足
guózú
(
gwuh dzoo
) (
zhū
and
zú
sound similar), which is the term for China’s national soccer team—a target of much abuse among soccer fans due to its poor performance and frequently scandalous or embarrassing behavior. Speaking of which . . .

 

 

我是洗澡来的
wǒ shì xǐzǎo laí dè
(
wuh shih she dzow lie duh
)

Literally, “I just came here to take a shower.” Refers to a 2008 scandal when members of the Chinese national soccer team got caught checking into a hotel with a bunch of women who may or may not have been hookers. One of them protested by saying, “I just came here to take a shower.” Now the phrase is often used as a euphemism for any feeble excuse.

 

 

恐龙
kǒnglóng
(
kohng lohng
—like “Kong” and “long” but pronounced with a long
o
, or
oh
, sound)

Online slang for an ugly girl. Literally “dinosaur.”

 

 

青蛙
qīngwā
(
ching wah
)

Online slang for an ugly guy. The counterpart to “dinosaur” (above). Literally means “frog.”

 

 

拍砖
paīzhuān
(
pie jwahn
)

Literally means “smack with a brick.” Used online when strongly criticizing someone or something. For example, you might say 请拍砖
qǐng pāizhuān
(
ching pie jwahn
), literally “please smack with a brick,” to mean “prove it”; or 我拍砖
wǒ pāizhuān
(
wuh pie jwahn
), literally “I smack with a brick,” to mean “here’s what I think.”

牛
niú
(
nyoo
)

Literally means “cow” and used to call someone or something “awesome.” Short for
niúbī
(see chapter 1), which means “fuckin’ awesome.”

 

 

NB

Stands for 牛屄
niúbī
(
nyoo bee
), which can negatively mean something like “cocky bastard” or positively refer to a daring, impressive person or thing—someone or something that is “fuckin’ badass” (see chapter 1). Is also frequently written using the character 牛 plus any other Chinese character pronounced
bee
, such as 逼
bī
, “to force,” or 比
bǐ
, an indication of comparison. The real character 屄
bī
(
bee
) cannot be typed on most computers and thus is almost never used.

 

 

装 B

Stands for 装屄
zhuāngbī
(
jwahng bee
), which means “fucking poser” or “fake motherfucker.” 装
Zhuāng
(
jwahng
) means “pretend” and
bī
indicates
niúbī
(see previous entry and chapter 1), meaning “fucking badass.” Thus the term implies that you are pretending to be badass. Some online users write “IB” or “install B” instead because
zhuāng
can also mean “install.”

 

 

SB or 傻 B

Stands for 傻屄
shǎbī
(
shah bee
), which means something like “stupid cunt” or “motherfucker.” Literally “idiot’s pussy.” Also frequently written 傻逼
shǎbī
or 傻比
shǎbǐ
; that is, substituting a similar-sounding character for 屄.

 

TMD

Stands for 他妈的
tāmāde
(
ta ma duh
), literally “his mother’s,” implying “fuck his mother’s pussy.” A moderately strong curse word. Sometimes shortened to MD, for 妈的
māde
(
ma duh
), literally “mother’s.”

Some of these abbreviations can be combined, for example, TMDSB stands for 他妈的傻 B
tāmāde shǎbī
(
ta ma duh shah bee
), which is equivalent to saying something like “fucking stupid” or “stupid-ass shit” or “goddamn stupid cunt.”

 

NND or TNND

Stands for 奶奶的
naǐnaǐ de
(
nigh nigh duh
) or 他奶奶的
tā naǐnaǐ de
(
ta nigh nigh duh
). Literally “grandmother’s” or “his grandmother’s” and implies the larger phrase “fuck your grandmother.” However, this fragment alone means something slightly less profane, closer to “shit” or “damn.”

 

QQXX

Stands for 我圈圈你个叉叉
wǒ quān quān nǐ gè chā chā
(
wuh chren chren nee guh cha cha
), a euphemistic way of saying “fuck you.” 圈
Quān
(
chren
), literally “circle,” refers to a penis here, while 叉
chā
(
cha
), literally “cross,” refers to pussy. Literally, it means “I circle your cross.”

 

G8 or JB

Means “dick” or “cock.” In the first case, because
G
and the number eight in Chinese,
bā
(
bah
), it sounds like 鸡巴
jība
(
gee bah
), which is a slang term for “dick.” The second is just an abbreviation based on the first letters of the pinyin syllables in
jība
.

 

JJ

Stands for 鸡鸡
jījī
(
gee gee
), a kiddie term for “penis,” like “wee-wee.” Can also stand for 姐姐
jiějie
(
jyih jyih
), which means “older sister” and refers to any female who is older than the person addressing her, though generally still a young woman.

 

SY

Stands for 手淫
shǒuyín
(
show een
), which means “jerk off” (verb).

 

GC

Stands for 高潮
gāocháo
(
gaow chow
), which means “orgasm,” “climax,” “come.”

 

JY

Stands for 精液
jīngyè
(
jing yeh
), which means “semen,” “sperm,” or “ejaculate.”

 

YY

Stands for 意淫
yìyín
(
ee een
) and means something like “to have pervy thoughts” or “think dirty” but can also have a less negative connotation that just indicates thinking or behaving unconventionally or creatively.

 

YD

Short for 淫荡
yíndàng
(
een dahng
), meaning “lascivious” or “lewd.”

PP

Can mean, variously, 漂漂
piāopiao
(
pyow pyow
), “pretty”; 片片
piànpian
(
pyinn pyinn
), “picture”; or 屁屁
pìpi
(
pee pee
), “butt.” Thus someone could conceivably write, “I’ve seen her PP. She’s not very PP, but she’s got a nice PP.”

 

MM

Stands for 妹妹
meìmeì
(
may may
), which literally means “little sister” but can generally refer to a girl or young woman. Use carefully, however, as it can also refer more euphemistically to a woman’s own “little sister”; i.e., her vagina. Can also stand for 美眉
mĕiméi
(
may may
), which derives from
meìmeì
but is written with different characters that instead mean “beautiful eyebrow” and is slang for a pretty girl. Along these same lines, you’ll also see abbreviations for all the other types of people you might be talking about online: LG for 老公
lǎogōng
(
laow gohng
), “husband”; LP for 老婆
lǎopó
(
laow pwuh
), “wife”; GG for 哥哥
gēge
(
guh guh
), “older brother” or any older male; JM or JMs for 姐妹们
jiěmèimen
(
jyih may men
), “sisters”; and DD for 弟弟
dìdi
(
dee dee
), “little brother” or any younger male. However, MM is the most common abbreviation you’ll see, given that the overwhelming majority of Chinese Internet users are male and, of course, endlessly preoccupied with MM.

 

ML

Make love.

 

PMP

Stands for 拍马屁
paīmǎpì
(
pie mah pee
), literally “pat the horse’s butt,” and means to flatter or suck up to someone.

 

汗语
hànyǔ
(
hahn yee
)

Chat room jargon, Internet slang. A play on 汉语
hànyǔ
(
hahn yee
), which is pronounced exactly the same but means Mandarin Chinese. The only difference is that 汉
hàn
(
hahn
) is replaced with the character for “sweat,” 汗
hàn
(
hahn
), which is itself online jargon for feeling embarrassed, shocked, or frustrated.

 

“I want” dot com. “Five one” in Chinese is
wǔ yào
(
wooh yow
—which might not make sense if you’re familiar with the Taiwanese pronunciation, “one” is usually pronounced
yī
(
eee
), but mainland Chinese usually say
yào
instead of
yī
when saying the number out loud).
Wǔ yào
sounds a bit like the Chinese for “I want,” 我要
wŏ yào
(
wuh yow
). So many Chinese URLs begin with the number fifty-one. Hence there is a job-search site with the URL
www.51job.com
(i.e., I want a job), and a credit card consultancy with the URL
www.51credit.com
(I want credit).

 

88

Bye-bye. The number eight in Chinese is
bā
(
bah
), which sounds to Chinese ears like the English word “bye.” Another variation is 886,
bā bā liù
(
bah bah lew
—the last syllable rhymes with “ew”), and is similar to 拜拜喽
bàibài lóu
(
bye bye low
), which also means “bye-bye.”

 

555

The sound of crying. The number five in Chinese is
wǔ
(
wooh
), which sounds like 呜
wū
(
ooh
), an onomatopoeic word for humming or crying. Thus 呜呜呜, or 555, represents the sound of someone crying. Insert as many fives as you deem necessary to adequately represent the volume of your tears.

 

3Q

Thank you. The number three in Chinese is
sān
(
sahn
) and combined with the English letter
Q
(
sahn-cue
) sounds to Chinese ears like “thank you.”

 

3X

Thank you. X refers to 谢谢
xièxiè
(
shih shih
), which is the Chinese for “thank you.”

 

NoQ

You’re welcome. It doesn’t make sense aurally but is based on 3Q (above), meaning “thank you.”

 

520

I love you. “Five two zero” in Chinese is
wǔ èr líng
(
oo er ling
), which sounds somewhat similar to 我爱你
wǒ ài nǐ
(
wuh aye nee
), the Chinese for “I love you.”

 

1314

Means “forever” because the pronunciation of “one three one four” in Chinese,
yī sān shí sì
(
ee sahn ee sih
), sounds similar to 一生一世
yīshēng yī shì
(
ee shung ee shih
), which means “forever.” Most commonly used in expressions of love, in particular 5201314; i.e., “I love you forever” (see above).

 

8147

Stands for 不要生气
bù yào shēngqì
(
boo yow shung chee
), “don’t be angry,” because they sound similar—as do the following:

 

360

想念你
Xiǎngniàn nǐ
(
shyahng nyinn nee
), “miss you.”

 

246

饿死了
É sǐ le
(uh sih luh
), “I’m hungry.”

 

7456

气死我了
Qìsǐwǒle
(
chee sih wuh luh
), “I’m so angry!”

 

GL

Short for “girl love,” referring to lesbians or lesbianism.

 

 

BL

Short for “boy love,” referring to gay men or homosexuality.

 

 

MF

Stands for 麻烦
máfan
(
ma fun
), meaning “trouble” or “hassle.”

 

 

TAXI

Stands for 太可惜
tài kěxī
(
tie kuh she
), meaning “what a pity” or “that sucks.”