No Bones About It (2 page)

There must have been a shooting star overhead when she had made that wish, because the very next day the magic wind came and turned Katie into Speedy the class hamster! Katie had escaped from the hamster cage, and wound up in the boys’ locker room, stuck inside George’s stinky sneaker! Luckily, Katie had turned back into herself before George could step on her.

The magic wind came back again and again. It turned her into Lucille, the lunch lady, and Katie had started a food fight with some really gooey egg salad. The wind had turned her into other kids, too, like Jeremy and Becky. Once, the magic wind had even turned Katie into her very own dog, Pepper. That time, she’d chased a particularly nasty squirrel into Mrs. Derkman’s yard—and had destroyed her teacher’s favorite troll statue.

Katie never knew when the magic wind would come back again. All she knew was that when it did, she was going to wind up getting into some sort of trouble—and so would the person she’d turn into.

See? Katie wasn’t a goodie-goodie at all.

Unfortunately, she was the only person who knew it.

“Okay, class, follow me,” Mrs. Derkman said as she walked up the stone staircase that led to the museum. “Remember, we have to be on our best behavior.”

A tall, skinny man with a thin tuft of hair on his head walked over to greet the class. “Hello. You must be from Cherrydale Elementary School,” he said.

“Yes, we are,” Mrs. Derkman replied. “Are you the volunteer who will give us our tour?”

The man quickly shook his head, and pointed to a badge he wore on a chain around his neck. “I’m the Director of the Education Department,” he said proudly. “But the volunteer who was supposed to take you around called in sick. So I got stuck . . . I mean, um . . . so I got the pleasure of giving you the tour. I’m fitting you in before my next appointment. I’m going to give a very important scientist, Dr. Franklin P. Muffinstoffer, a tour of the museum.”

“Oh, well . . . that’s wonderful,” Mrs. Derkman said. “We’re very lucky to have you as our guide.”

“You certainly are,” the man boasted.

“I’m Mrs. Derkman,” the teacher said, holding out her hand.

“I’m Mr. Weir,” the man replied, shaking her hand.

“Did you hear that?” George whispered. “His name is Mr. Weird.”

“He said his name was Mr. Weir,” Katie corrected George.

“I don’t know,” Kevin said. “He looks weird to me!”

Some of the kids giggled. Mrs. Derkman didn’t. “Children!” she scolded. “This is not how we behave in a museum.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Mr. Weir assured her. “I can handle a bunch of children.”

Katie looked over at George. She could tell he was already planning something bad to do in the museum. Suddenly, Katie felt sorry for Mr. Weir. He’d probably never met anyone like George before.

“Can we go to the Hall of Dinosaurs?” Kevin asked. “I used to go there all the time when I was little.”

“When was that . . . yesterday?” Suzanne joked.

Kevin stuck his tongue out at her.

“We’ll get to the dinosaurs when
I
say so,” Mr. Weir said. “We’re starting with the ancient Egypt exhibit.”

“Do you have any real mummies in there?” George asked excitedly.

Mr. Weir shook his head. “No. Those go to the big museums in the city,” he said with a very jealous sigh. “We get stuck with the fake mummy cases.”

“But they look just like the real thing,” Mrs. Derkman assured class 3A.

Mr. Weir led them down a long hallway. The walls were lined with drawings made by ancient Egyptians.

“Those are called hieroglyphics,” Suzanne told the others. “It’s sort of a picture alphabet.”

“How did you know that?” Mr. Weir asked, surprised.

“I know a lot about ancient Egypt,” Suzanne told him. “I used to be Cleopatra’s biggest fan. Until I got tired of her. Then I moved on to Coco Chanel. She was a famous clothing designer. And now I’m interested in learning about supermodels.” She turned her face to the side. “Don’t you think my bone structure is perfect?”

Mr. Weir glared at Suzanne. “Is there some way to turn her off ?” he asked Mrs. Derkman.

Mrs. Derkman sighed. “Suzanne, right now we’re talking about ancient Egypt,” she said.

Becky Stern had been carefully studying some of the hieroglyphics on the wall. There was one picture that really interested her. It was of a man standing on his head.

Becky flipped over and stood on her hands. “Look at me!” she squealed. “I’m a hieroglyphic.”

“Becky!” Katie shouted out, surprised. “Get down. You’re going to break something.”

“Yes, Becky,” Mrs. Derkman scolded. “Get down. We walk on our feet, not our hands, in a museum.”

“Katie, you’re such a goodie-goodie!” Becky replied. She swung her legs down to the floor.

Unfortunately, Becky didn’t see that Manny was standing right behind her. She kicked him in the stomach on her way down. Manny fell backwards and knocked over one of the three fake mummy cases.
Wham!

Click.
Jeremy took a picture of Manny, Becky, and the fallen mummy case. “That’s going to be great!” he told Kevin.

Mrs. Derkman glared at Becky and Manny.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Manny told the teacher.

“You banged into the mummy case,” Becky said.

“You banged into
me
,” Manny argued.

“I told you this would happen,” Katie reminded Becky.

“Be quiet, goodie-goodie,” Becky said to Katie. She turned to Manny. “You want to fight about it?”

“I’d never hit a girl,” Manny began. “But in your case, I could make an exception.”

“Is this the kind of behavior you teach your class?” Mr. Weir asked Mrs. Derkman.

“They’re just a little excited, that’s all,” Mrs. Derkman assured him nervously. She stood between Becky and Manny so they couldn’t fight.

Bam!
At that very moment, one of the still-standing mummy cases burst open. Something—or someone—leaped out at the class.

“Aaaaahhhh!” Miriam Chan screamed. “It’s a mummy!” She headed for the door. As she ran, she stepped right on Mr. Weir’s foot.

“Ow!” he shouted, grabbing his foot. “Darn kids!”

Suddenly, they heard some very familiar laughter. It was George. He’d been hiding in the mummy case.

“George, that was mean,” Miriam shouted. “You scared me!”

“It was just a joke,” George replied.

“Your behavior is not funny!” Mrs. Derkman scolded him.

“You want funny?” George asked her. “I’ll give you funny. How do you make a mummy float?”

“How?” Kevin asked.

“Take two scoops of ice cream, add root beer, then drop in a mummy!”

“George Brennan, get over here right now!” Mrs. Derkman ordered. George walked nervously over to his teacher.

“Apologize to Mr. Weir,” the teacher insisted.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Weird,” George said.

“It’s
Weir
!” Mr. Weir shouted. “And don’t you forget it!”

Mr. Weir led the kids through a large open room. There was no one in there but class 3A. It was very quiet . . . until Mrs. Derkman let out a loud scream. The teacher was standing in the middle of the room, frozen in place.

“What’s wrong?” Mr. Weir asked her.

Mrs. Derkman didn’t say anything. She just pointed up at a massive plastic spider hanging from the ceiling. Mrs. Derkman was scared of any kind of creepy crawly creature. A giant one like that scared her even more! “W . . . w . . . what’s that?” she stammered.

“Oh, that? It’s a model of a tarantula,” Mr. Weir answered. “Of course, a real tarantula only has a three-and-a-half-inch body and a nine-inch leg span. This is an oversized model. We use it to point out all the interesting parts of a tarantula’s body. Notice the spiny hairs that cover its middle section.”

Mrs. Derkman kept staring at the giant spider hanging from the ceiling. “I had a nightmare about a tarantula once.” Mrs. Derkman gulped. “It didn’t end well.”

As Mr. Weir talked about the spider, Mandy studied the rows of shelves in the room. They went from the floor to the ceiling. There were lots of fake insects on them.

“I bet I can climb to the top before you do,” Mandy dared Jeremy.

“No way,” Becky told her. “Jeremy’s the best climber in the whole school.” She batted her eyes at Jeremy.

Jeremy groaned.

“Come on,” Mandy said. “Let’s race.”

“Okay, you’re on!” Jeremy said.

He pulled himself up onto a shelf. Mandy climbed up behind him.

“Look at us, we’re climbing like spiders!” Jeremy called down to Katie.

Mrs. Derkman was too busy staring at the giant tarantula to notice Mandy and Jeremy climbing on the shelves. Mr. Weir was too busy listening to himself talk about spiders to even think about the kids. Mr. Weir liked the sound of his own voice.

“Get down, you guys. Someone could get hurt,” Katie warned her friends.

“Katie, stop being a goodie-goodie,” Mandy said.

Just then, Mr. Weir spotted Mandy and Jeremy on the shelves. “Get down from there!” he shouted.

“WHOA!!!”
Jeremy lost his footing. He fell to the floor with a thud.

That made Mandy fall, too. A whole shelf’s worth of plastic moths, caterpillars, flies, and worms tipped over onto her and Jeremy.

Jeremy threw his camera over to Manny. “Quick! Take this picture,” he told Manny.