No Holding Back (3 page)

“What about your beanie?” Wade pressed.

“What about it?!” Chris shot back in defense.

“Whas wrong, man!?
You ugly or sumthin’?!” Os laughed like a moron and elbowed Joe who reluctantly joined in. 

Wade moved his head and glared at them for a moment before he looked back at the drummer.

“Is there a problem,
Chris
?”

For an instant, it appeared that Chris was getting physically upset when Wade saw him scan the whole the auditorium, almost as if he was looking for an escape route.

“No. No, there’s no problem.”

Defeated, Chris hung his head an
d slowly peeled off his beanie. But the deception became apparent as he revealed long, shoulder-length black hair.

When Chris looked up, it was then that Wade, along with the rest of Heretic, discovered that their savior drummer was a girl, not a guy like they had all been lead to believe.

“Hoolleeeee-shyiiit!”

Os
’ thundering howl of discontent echoed loudly in the small auditorium while Joe’s jaw dropped.

Unabashed by Chris
’ reveal, Wade didn’t so much as bat an eyelash and appeared rather apathetic. But after a few moments, a small smile crept onto Wade’s face.

“Chris
tine
, I assume.”

“Chris,” she corrected
angrily.

“Fine.
Chris. You think you can play like that all the time?  I have zero tolerance for fuck-ups.”

Chris huffed
through her nose. “I can play your shit in the dark.”

Wade nodded with approval at her confidence and her thick skin.

“Good. Some day you may do just that. Welcome to Heretic.”

And with that, Wade turned and left a stunned audience behind him - fully prepared to make a b-line to the bus and his bed.  But no sooner than Wade walked out of the building, than Joe p
ushed past Os and bounded up on stage.

Excited at the prospect of a female band member, he immediately ran up to
meet Chris, snatched her hand and began to shake it vigorously.

“
Hey-Hey! I’m Joe!”

As Joe introduced himself, Os huffed in disgust and quickly ran out to catch up
to brother who was already halfway to the bus.  As soon as he came upon him, Os grabbed his brother’s arm and spun him around.

“Dude!
The hell’er you doin’!?  You can’t be serious about this!”

Wade was beyond irritable and just too damn exhausted to walk t
o the bus let alone fight with his brother again. Still, he held his ground and jerked his arm out of his brother’s grasp.

“What
’s the problem, Os?”

“What
’s the-!? Hell man! She’s a fuckin’ girl!”

“So what? Because she has tits, she can
’t play?”

“
‘So what!?’ We can’t have a chick in Heretic!  If anyone found out-!”

But Wade was upon his brother in a second and
got right into his face.

“
No one will find out, Os. Not if we keep our big mouths
shut
!” Wade spouted back.

“
This isn’t gonna work, man! You know as well as I do that chicks can’t-!”

“
Can’t what, Os?! Play? Were you fuckin’ sleeping or did you actually see what happened back there? You know, last time I checked, there are plenty of girls who play the same kinda music we do-!”

“But not…Heretic!”
Os reached and grabbed for his brother’s wrist again and stared into Wade’s eyes like a raving madman. “Listen man, you throw that girl into the band with us and there’ll be no tellin’ how many fans we’ll lose. She won’t be good enough to-!”

“
To what?!  Replace Hess? We
all
got our balls stomped on, alright?”

“
Wade-.”

“
ALL of us!” Wade roared. “But the only thing that I regret now is that we didn’t find her
sooner
,” Wade fumed in silent resolve. Then, he looked down at his wrist. “Now, are you going to lose your man-grip or do I have to tell everyone you got a busted lip because you tripped over the speakers during rehearsals…
again
?”

Despite the fact that Os was clearly larger and heavier than his younger
brother, it did little to motivate him to continue the argument. Left with no choice, he released his brother’s arm allowing Wade to continue walking to the bus. As far as he was concerned, he would sleep until California.

Os huffed and tried to protest again despite Wade
’s threat, but it seemed no matter what he tried to come up with, he couldn’t get the words out. But then, Wade decided that he’d had enough with Os’ blundering attempt at a retort.

“Look,
just stop it already!” Suddenly, Wade moved in on his brother so quick, it scared the hell out of Os, but he stood there regardless, even as Wade forcibly pushed his finger into his brother’s chest. Soon, Wade’s loud voice turned into low growl. “If you can find me a guy who can play better than her - fine.  If not, then shut the hell up!”

Wade turned and left his brother speechless as he climbed onto the bus and disappeared behind the doors.

Try as he might, Os knew that no matter what he said, he couldn’t win. As front man for Heretic, he knew Wade was the one that made all of the decisions that kept them going.  Sure, they have had disagreements before, but Os found it difficult to just let this one go. But at the moment, he knew he had to go along with it.

B
ut that didn’t mean he had to like it.

Os shot a disgusted look back at the door that remained open to the audit
orium.  From where he stood, he could easily see Joe and Chris getting along famously.

“Man,
” he sighed. “You gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me.”

Soon, even Os was too tired to think about anything anymore.  And witho
ut another word, he retreated onto the bus and crashed into bed.

As the bus hummed along the highway to California, it was easy to see why the group could hardly tell that Chris was a girl by looks alone.

Hidden well from under her hoodie, her hair was expertly tucked underneath and to anyone else
, she looked no different than the rest of guys from Heretic. With all the baggy clothes she wore, they might never have guessed this musical genius - this bad ass drummer - was a female.

The rest of Heretic took their usual places at the front while the droning sound of the engine brought them past one green sign after another.

Wade was on the couch with his feet up while he listened to songs on his phone with just a single earpiece crammed next to his ear drum. Os strummed on his guitar just a few feet away – his gentle plucking just barely discernable above the low roar of the engine. Joe, on the other hand, sat at the table directly across from Chris, opposite of Wade and Os.

Chris had slept in the same spot all night almost afraid to move while the bus made its journey to California across hundreds of miles.  She didn
’t bother to ask for a bed because she didn’t care. She would have slept on their dirty laundry if she had to. But a bed was the furthest thing from her mind after Heretic began to emerge from their respective rooms just before the crack of noon.  And in no time at all, Joe’s eager questions seemed non-stop while Wade did his best to listen in.

“So where the hell
’er you from anyway?” Joe asked.

Chris shrugged her shoulders and squeezed her d
rumsticks in her hands tightly.

“
Michigan.”

“Oh. You
got family there?”

Chris answered, “Yeah. My
dad’s a Colonel in the Army.”

“Awesome,” Joe remarked
, pushing dreads out of his eyes. “And your mom?”

She shrugged her shoulder
s again and her voice dropped to a low whisper. “She died in a car accident just after I was born.”

As she calmly explained her tragedy, Joe immediately wished he hadn
’t brought it up.

“Oh, uhm…I
-I’m sorry,” he stammered while working quickly to change the subject. “Okay, that’s it.  I can’t wait anymore,” Joe said.

Getting Wade
’s full attention, he plucked the earpiece from his ear preparing supervise Joe’s mannerisms.

“
I wanna know how the hell a girl can learn to play like that.”

Wade
interjected at once. “Joe…”

“
What?!  Seriously! I
still
have a hard-on from that shit! C’mon, man! You can’t tell me you don’t wanna know either!?”

Wade slumped his shoulders and shook his head at his friends
’ commentary. If anything would scare off their new drummer, it would definitely be Joe’s personal humor.

“
I
do
. But that doesn’t mean I’m jumpin’ up ‘n down like a damn cheerleader. Get a hold of yourself, man.”

Chris
broke into a cold sweat while her face flushed in response to Wade’s comment.

“
Pfft. Whatever, man,” Joe said, waving off Wade’s criticism. “Look, Chris. I know plenty ‘a guys that’er good - but not like you. You gotta tell me what your secret is.”

Chris all but
buried her face into her baggy clothes while she peeked shyly at Wade. Meanwhile, Os pretended not to hear anything and only continued to strum on his guitar.

Chris
cleared her throat and tried to keep her wits together.

“
There is no secret. I first saw Whitesnake on TV when I five,” she explained. “And as soon as I saw Ansley Dunbar on the drums, I knew that’s what I wanted to do.”

“You like Whitesnake?” Joe asked, dumbfounded and rightly so.

All of this was difficult for Joe to grasp.  After so many concerts, late nights, backstage passes, and all the girls practically throwing themselves on them, very rarely did they possess any real knowledge of the kind of music they were into.

“You mean
love
Whitesnake? Yeah,” she corrected him. “And Judas Priest, Metallica, Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Slayer, Megadeath-.”

As Chris continued to rattle off her favorite bands, Joe
’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“Far out.
” Joe said, but then he shook his head, sending his dreads flying in all directions. “But…
how
did you learn to play?”

Chris
shifted uneasily in her seat. Never before had she been the center of attention for anyone let alone someone famous from a band she idolized. Rather, a band at the top of her favorites list, but she felt it best to leave that part out. At the very least, she didn’t want to come across as some annoying groupie.

“When I was six,
I asked for a play drum set from my dad.  He didn’t know any better, so he got it for me. But when he came back from deployment a year later, he found out what I was doing and threw it in the dumpster.”

As she started to relax, Chris unfolded her legs and turned to face Joe dir
ectly before she continued.

“So, on my next birthday
he got me a tea set instead. He said, ‘that’s what little girls are supposed to do.’”

Right away
, Joe broke into laughter. “Dude, that’s fucked up! What’d you do?”

Chris paused for a moment and as she studied the empty plates, cups
, and mugs on the table and then, she had an idea.

Chris began to rearrange
the items into what Joe recognized as a mock drum set. She turned a few mugs upside down and positioned the plates until she had them exactly where she wanted them.

“The only thin
g I could do,” she said, bringing out her sticks from her back pocket. “Improvise.”

Without missing a single beat, Chris began to rap on the side of one of the plates. Then, she tap
ped on the cups, glasses, mugs, and even the side of the table as well. She may have been playing with kitchenware, but the sound coming from her ability to play with such ease was no less amazing. She banged and chimed on the objects with such discipline that not even the bumps in the road caused her to miss a beat.  She maintained her stone-cold concentration until soon, even Os stopped what he was doing and looked at her - slack-jawed. All the while, Wade knew his goose bumps didn’t come from the air conditioning.

When Chris finished her kitchen solo, the front of the bus sat in silent awe for the next few minutes. When she
put her drums sticks away, Joe was the first to say anything.

“Whoa.
”

“Yeah,” Chris sighed
. “My tea set found the dumpster, too eventually.”

Joe broke into a roaring laugh and Wade chuckled to himself as well. While Chris re-adjusted her sleeves, Joe noticed tattoos around both of her wrists.

Sporting the same look on each arm, barbed wire curled itself cruelly around her skin. Joe cringed when he saw how real they looked – down to the very lifelike drops of blood. Unbeknownst to Chris, Wade had took notice of them too.

“Wow. Cool tats,” Joe remarked.

Chris quickly hid her tattoos with her sleeves and even fisted the ends of them, desperate to keep them from showing again.

“
Thanks,” she whispered.

Os resumed his complacency and returned to make unn
eeded adjustments to his guitar just as Wade’s phone rang. Wade looked down and found his agent calling him again.

Meanwhile, Joe noticed Os
’ reaction and flung an empty plastic cup at him.

“Hey! Watch it!”
Os yelled.

“
Yeah, hey Mike,” Wade stuck his pinky finger in his ear to drown out the noise while he continued speaking with his agent.

“
Dude - Os. Didn’t you see that shit, man?”

“Whatever.”

“Pfft,” Joe huffed, looking to Chris to explain. “Don’t sweat him.  He’s ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ to everybody.” Then, he turned back to Os, speaking in a louder, more obnoxious voice. “Isn’t that right, dickweed?!”

“Fuck you, bitch,”
Os muttered.

“See?”

Chris
laughed but only a little. Somehow, she knew that getting Os’ acceptance into Heretic would be no small feat. But she shook off the pessimism as best she could, scratched her nose and became lost out of the window.

“
Alright, man. We’ll see you in Cali.”

After Wade finished talking with his agent, he turned and faced Chris.

“Ok, Chris. Here’s the deal…”

Chris peeled herself from the window and reluctantly turned to give him her full attention. After all, subjecting herself to Wade
’s soul-dividing stare brought chills that even her thick hoodie couldn’t ward off.

“
Yeah?”

“
As of right now, we’re the only people who know who you really are,” Wade explained, motioning to the four of them.

“What about him?”
she asked meekly, pointing bus’ driver.

Ever since she came on board, h
e didn’t so much as look at her or even acknowledge her existence – or anything else for that matter.

He was a big guy and old – that much Chris strained to see from where she sat. But he never said one word as he sat in his leather clad biker gear as he drove in complete silence. The only thing more absurd was how he wore sunglasses all the time – even at night.

“Who? Pete?  You don’t need to worry about him. He’s been drivin’ us everywhere since we scored a record label and the best part is: he’s half blind
and
half deaf. And I can’t remember the last time he’s even said anything. So, he’s pretty handy when the media tries to come and knock on our door.” Wade turned to the front and cupped his mouth while yelling, “AIN’T THAT RIGHT, BIG PETE?!”

No sooner than Wade bellowed his remark, than Pete raised one of his hands and made the sign of the devil
’s horns before resuming his driving. Wade and Joe seemed accustomed to this sort of reaction and chuckled at his emotionless enthusiasm.

But then, Chris
’ eyes seemed to widen in fear as Wade’s explanation finally sunk in.

“
Whoa, whoa… what? You mean to tell me this grandpa is drivin’ us around and his vision isn’t exactly twenty-twenty?”

Wade burst into laughter.
“Chill. For years he was in a motorcycle gang called Divine Apathy. He’s been ridin’ his whole life ridin’ across this country more times than I can count. He knows these roads better than anyone.”

Chris relaxed somewhat and accepted his answer, but then she thought of something else.

“And why can’t he talk?”

Wade thought
for a moment before answering, “Swallowed too many bugs?”

Christ tried to conceal another small laugh and when she looked back at Joe, he broke into a wide grin. She
smiled back politely before she buried herself again under her hoodie while debating on whether or not to pinch herself. Despite telling herself numerous times that she made it into the group, she still couldn’t believe it. She was certain that if anyone told her years ago what she’d be doing now, she’d do the pinching.

“
Anyway,” Wade continued, almost forgetting their original conversation to begin with. “I just got off the phone with our PR guy and even
he
doesn’t know you’re a girl. Long story short? All he knows is that you’re one badass musician.”

Chris cleared her through and shifted in her seat uncomfortably
again. She’d never received compliments before in her life, let alone a singer from a band she idolized. She peered as long as she dared into his penetrating blue eyes before she was the first to blink.

“
Now comes the hard part,” Wade went on. “How tough is this gonna be for you? Reason is…” Wade paused long enough to glance at Os before he continued. “I’m just not sure if fans are ready to accept a female drummer - especially from Heretic. Get my meaning?”

But Chris pulled off
a macho huff as best she could. “You don’t think I can do it?"

“
I never said that,” Wade calmly retorted. “I just want to be sure you realize that you’re steppin’ into some pretty big shoes.”

The bus became silent again, sending a ra
king chill over Chris’ nerves. But somehow, she knew that if she ever were accepted into Heretic, she’d pay any price. A small price to her.  What she wanted more than anything was the chance to play drums and to do it alongside one of the most idolized bands in the country was just an added bonus. In no time at all, Chris resolved that it would be a cold day in hell before she’d go back to her old life. So, she became resolute and surprisingly fast which aroused Wade’s curiosity.

But catching Wade
’s suspicions was the very least of her worries. Right now, if Joe was going to stare at her anymore with a goofy look on his face, she’d die laughing.