No More Wasted Time (26 page)

Don’t say it, Tess. You’ll lose him. Don’t roll the dice.
Don’t be scared. Be patient.

“I have so many things I want to tell you, too, but there’s
not enough time for me to get it all out. I wouldn’t even know where to start.
We belong together, Tess. Everything happens for a reason, including this. I’m
not sure how I could be any fonder of you than I am right now, but as they say,
‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder.’” He grinned, tilting her chin up to
kiss her lips.

“Your right. We do belong together.”

“I’ve given you something that I’ve given to no one else.”

“What’s that?” she asked playfully.

“My heart,” he said sincerely. “I’m crazy about you. When
I’m done with this job, we're going on vacation. Don’t be sad. Let’s look
forward, okay?”

“I can do that.”

“Be good while I’m gone.” Tom smirked roguishly.

Tess bit her lip. “I’ll be good. You don’t have to worry,
Tom. I’ll wait for you.”

Tom embraced her tightly one last time. “My word, Tess. You
have my word. I won’t disappoint you.”

Her heart raced. “I trust you, Tom. You’ve never
disappointed me. Don’t forget what I told you in bed today.”

“You don’t have to remind me. I remember. My favorite was
the night you asked me to make love to you. Or it might’ve been at Benny’s
house against the wall. I’ll replay them in my mind and let you know.” He kissed
her sensually, tugging on her bottom lip.

They talked across the parking lot while he walked backwards
away from her. “Mine was today or maybe the rainstorm. Actually Greece,
definitely Greece!”

He flashed her the grin she loved so much.

“Hey, will you please try to save those for me? That one is
my favorite.”

He smiled even bigger. “I’m never gonna be able to leave
you.”

Ditching his luggage in the middle of the parking lot, he
jogged back and secured her tightly in his arms. She struggled to get closer,
wanting this moment to last forever in her memory. The sweet taste of his
mouth. The infinite gentleness of his hands as he cradled her face. The spicy
scent of his skin. He brushed his nose to hers and walked away.

Tess climbed into the car and watched him disappear through
the doors. If they created this many unforgettable moments together in a month,
what would the next six months be like with him, or the next year, or the next
few years? If her heart held this much love for him now, how would she feel
after spending a year together? She couldn’t wait to see what was next for
them.

Tess was certain that Tom loved her, too. He simply wasn’t
ready to say it. Love would be hard for him to admit to himself, let alone
admit out loud.

Pulling into the driveway, she received a text from him.

“Are you smiling?”

“Yes, I am! No more tears, Tom.”

“I miss you already!”

“I miss you, too! Go to work so I can come see you! Call
me when you can.”

“I needed that. Bye, Tess.”

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

When Tess arrived home, her kids waited on the couch with
their supportive faces on.

“Are you okay?” Tracy was the first to ask.

“I’m fantastic.”

“Did Tom drug you when he left?” JC asked flippantly.

“Very funny.”

“Wow.” Seemed to be the only word John could sputter.

“We thought you were going to be a mess.” Tracy exhaled in
relief.

“So did I, but it won’t be long until I see him again. While
you’re all sitting here ready to take care of me when I fall apart again, I
want to tell you something.” Tess steadied herself.
No tears!
“I realize
how much of a complete wreck I’ve been for the last year. I should’ve handled
it better when your dad died, but I didn’t know how to. Thank you for taking
care of me. It should have been the other way around. I love you.”

“It’s nice to see you smile again,” John said.

“Thank God. We thought you were going to be
weeping
for days.” JC rolled her eyes.

Tess needed to stay busy. Putting her things away, she
examined her closet and decided to gut her side. Richards’s things still hung
in the closet. Tess hadn’t been able to bring herself to get rid of his
clothes. She contemplated it now, but she wasn’t crying about saying goodbye to
Tom and didn’t want to cry about Richard either.
I’m through crying.

For the next week, Tess ran, worked out and spent as much
time as she could with her girls. She felt energetic and alive, but dreaded the
fact her girls were leaving. The house would be much quieter, and Tess needed
to find a project.

Tom texted her almost every night, but when she didn’t hear
from him, she refused to sit around waiting and wondering. Doubt was a place
she would not allow herself to go.
Trust. I need to trust him.

Tess thought it might be fun to leave for Colorado a few
days sooner. Tracy loved the idea and thought it would be good for JC to get
her bearings around campus.

Three days went by faster than Tess thought possible. The
girls were up early straightening their rooms and getting ready to go. Tess was
happy to get the hell out of the house. It would do her good to have some fun
with her girls. Colorado couldn’t be any more different from Las Vegas, and
Tess looked forward to getting out of the heat and into the cooler weather.

The car was packed full and the girls were ready to take off
when John finally showed up to see them off.

“Morning,” Tess said.

“Hey, Mom,” he said quietly. “Where are the girls?”

“We’re right here. Are you going to miss us?” They teased,
but quickly realized something was wrong. John stood in the kitchen with his
fingers clenched tightly into fists, bracing himself against the counter.

“Did you break up with your girlfriend?” Tess questioned.

“Umm, no,” he huffed, shaking his head.

“You look terrible. What’s going on?” Tracy asked.

“Mom, I need to tell you something,” he said hesitantly
through pursed lips.

Tess sank down on the sofa. Tears instantly stung her eyes
and her hands started to sweat. Tom hadn’t called her in two days. “What? Just
tell me. What is it?” At first, she thought that Tom had been hurt or died. It
was a feeling that crept into her thoughts way too often
. What if I lose
him? What if he dies like Richard? Every time she didn’t hear from him, she
worried she’d never see him again.

“I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but I don’t
really have a choice.” The dreadful look on John’s face told the story. His
eyes filled with anger and rage, not pain. John handed Tess a magazine. “I’m
sorry, Mom.”  

Tracy and JC stared in confusion. “What is it?” JC asked.

“This issue just came out today,” John informed reluctantly.

Tess unrolled the crumpled pages of the magazine to see a
photo of Tom walking through an airport with his arm wrapped around another
woman. She could only see the woman’s long blond hair, but recognized her
immediately.

Mariah.

Tess’ hands trembled and her face flushed with anger. Hot
tears burned as they slid down her cheeks.

She shook her head, clenching the magazine in her hand.
“Fuck!” Snapping her head up from the magazine, Tess saw the distress on her
kids faces. Tracy had tears streaming down her face.

At that moment, Tess made a conscious decision not to break
down in front of her children. They’d experienced too much pain over the last
year
. No way in hell am I going to put my kids through this. Tom Clemmins is
my mistake, not theirs. I will not sit here and fall apart in front of them.
They will not carry this burden for one second. 

She stood quickly and wiped the tears off her cheek. “We
leave in one hour. Be ready to go. If my stupid phone rings, don’t answer it.”
She spoke to all of them, but looked straight at John. “Got it?” She grabbed
two waters out of the fridge and was running before she hit the door.

Anger flowed through her veins as she pushed herself harder
and faster into a full on sprint. Tess was hurt, confused, and pissed off. Her
thoughts spun out of control
. He totally played me. I trusted him and he
gave me his word. I was in love with him. I’m so stupid. Urggg. Jerk!

Ignoring the scorching heat, she ran and ran and ran. How
could I be so foolish to think he could truly love me
? I was just a piece of
ass to him. A damn good piece of ass. He was so incredible. He was so wonderful
to me. How could I have gotten him so wrong?

She stopped and paced back and forth under a shade tree,
going over all the times and places they made love, how he’d made her feel when
he kissed her and how they laughed together. That grin. That stupid fucking
grin. She wanted to wipe that grin right off of his face.

Maybe he’s like this with every woman he sleeps with
. No
way! He couldn’t possibly be like that with anyone else! Bullshit. I know he
felt the same way. What the hell am I doing? Never again Tess. You will not
sleep with him ever again. Never again.

It was too much for her to comprehend as she stood under a
tree, sobbing, gasping for air, trying not to hyperventilate.

What have I done? Pull it together Tess. Your girls are
at home waiting for you to be a responsible mother. Not a shit on, fucked over
lover.

When she bolted through the door, her kids simply stared at
her. None of them had ever seen her this furious. Not once.

“I’ll be ready in five minutes.”

“Mom, maybe you should wait until tomorrow,” John said. “I
can take off work if you want me to drive you.”

“Nope, I’ll be fine. Five minutes.”

“Mom, really, we can wait,” Tracy agreed.

“Five minutes,” she snarled through clenched teeth.

As they headed out the door for Colorado, Tess glanced at
John sadly. “I would appreciate it if you would not tell me
I told you so
.
Please! Not now! Not tomorrow! Not ever!”

“I would never do that to you,” John said sorrowfully.

“I don’t have any idea when I’ll be home. I love you, John,
and I’m sorry you had to give this piece of shit magazine to me.”

“Drive careful.”

The girls sat quietly in the car. Tess talked to herself as
she drove. The fact that Tom would simply throw her away was killing her. She
felt used, as if he never really cared about her at all. They’d been driving
for three hours when she stopped so her girls could get something to eat. She
wasn’t even hungry and thought she might get sick. It was a long drive and Tess
needed to reach their hotel before she broke down into the tears she locked
away in front of her girls. It was all she could do to concentrate enough to
drive.

Two hours passed when her phone rang.

It was Tom.

She let it ring.

He called four more times and when the phone rang again, she
could see an off ramp coming up in front of her. She answered the phone. “Can
you hold on a minute?” She pulled off the highway, parked and stepped out of
the car.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tess, I’ve been trying to call you.”

“I know. I didn’t answer.”

He was silent.

“What do you want, Tom?” she seethed.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Now you’re going to try to tell me how I should think?
You’re not that smooth, and I’m sure as hell not that stupid!”

“Tess,” he said painfully.

“Don’t fucking talk to me like that! It won’t work. You did
this! Not me.”

“Tess, it’s not like that.”

“Really? How is it, Tom? Let me tell you how it is. My son
brought me the magazine this morning. Jesus, Tom, I brought you home with me. I
introduced you to my kids.”

“I’m not with her, Tess.”

She cut him off. “Really? It looks like you’re at an airport
with your arm wrapped around her. You’re not even close to the man I thought
you were.” She fumed, hoping the insult cut like a knife.

“Tess, will you please listen to-”

“No, I won’t. I don’t want you to be all charming with me.
Why would you do this to me? How can you be so heartless?”

“Please listen to me. Have you even looked at the photo?
It’s-”

“Did you just ask me if I’ve looked at the fucking photo? I
looked at it! Great shot. Did you call your buddy Joey so he’d take a nice
picture of her? I can’t even begin to understand how you could hurt me this
way. I trusted you. You gave me your fucking word, Tom. Your word is worth
nothing. Zero. Zilch! I thought you were as crazy about me as I am about you.
You’re killing me!” She bawled.

He sounded completely distraught, which made her even more
upset. “I
am
crazy about you Tess, the pict-”

“Don’t call me again, Tom. It hurts too much.”

She hung up on him.

Tess paced around her car in circles. He called back, but
she didn’t answer. She got back in the car and took off.

Her girls each wore the distinct look of
Oh shit!
across their faces. “I can’t believe he’d do this to you. Fucking jerk.” Tracy
seethed. “I never should’ve apologized to him.”

“What an asshole.” JC sniffled. “He’s not good enough for
you Momma.”

Even though they were right, she bit back the urge to defend
him. Tess shook her head and wept out a half-disgusted laugh. “So much for
dating.”

All three of them were torn between an odd mixture of tears
and bitter laughter. JC started to share her philosophy of hooking up, swearing
that it beat the hell out of having a boyfriend.

Five minutes later, he called back. She pulled off the road
again and got out of the car.

“Tess, please! Will you just look at the picture, it’s-”

“I cannot believe you’re asking me to look at that shit.
Maybe I should rip my fucking heart out so you can run it over. You want me to
look at the picture?” She left the phone open and set it on the ground in front
of her tire. Tess yelled at the phone on the ground. “Are you listening?
Because this is what you’ve done to me, Tom! I hope you’re fucking happy!
Actually, screw you! I hope you’re fucking miserable!” She got in the car,
raced the engine, and ran her phone over.