No Regrets (Bomar Boys #1) (5 page)

She’d told herself she wasn’t one of those girls because she’d been good at lying to herself even back then.

She had crushed on them, on both of them, but it had been Cash that intrigued her even then. Colt was the one that basked in the attention, stood on his desk and caused scenes to be heard but Cash was more subtle. He was the quiet one, the controlled one, and when they’d gotten paired for that stupid paper in English Lit senior year, she’d marveled at the intelligence he’d managed to hide behind his Bomar bravado.

Oh, she had fallen fast and she had fallen hard. The first time he’d kissed her, she remembered thinking that was it. She was done. She’d found her other half. They fit together like two pieces of the same puzzle, despite all of their differences they were same. They’d wanted the same things, or at least she’d thought they did.

When she’d found out it was all a lie, she’d been destroyed. He’d taken her virginity. No, it would be easier if she could say he’d taken it but he hadn’t. She’d given it to him. She’d given him her heart as well.

She’d told him that she loved him but he hadn’t said it back. In fact, he’d told her that she was stupid to love him, that she was a stupid, naïve little girl with no idea how the real world worked. He’d pushed her away and when she did the clingy, needy thing that any teenage girl in love did and begged him to love her in return, he’d told her his own version of their relationship.

He didn’t love her. He didn’t care about her. He’d taken her virginity just to see if he could, because the good girl wasn’t quite so squeaky clean after he’d touched her with his dirty Bomar hands. He’d laughed at her dream of them being together forever. The sound of that laughter still haunted her, as did the image of him turning and walking out while she was still naked and in shock.

He had proven himself right. Loving him had been stupid and idealistic. She’d fallen in love with an idea that didn’t exist, a Bomar boy that was kind and sweet and had a heart. But he’d been no better than the rest of his family. He’d been vicious and heartless and cruel. He was trash and he’d treated her just the same way.

Turns out, she had a type.

Tears welled in her eyes again and she curled up in the passenger seat, pulling her knees to her chest and trying to hide a sniffle against her kneecaps. Damn it, he’d been right about that other thing too. She wasn’t a crier and she hated that he’d already seen her do it once tonight. She wouldn’t let him catch her a second time, particularly not since this round had more to do with him than it should.

“Jemma?”

She swiped at her cheek, “What?”

“I need to know where I’m going. You mentioned Skylar but...”

“But?” She pulled her head up to look at him when he trailed off.

“She’s not home, Jem. She went out of town a couple of days ago.” He winced when he glanced her way and then looked back at the road, “You don’t have any reason to believe me, to believe that I would know that I guess, but I do. She was in the garage earlier this week and she mentioned she was going camping over at the falls this weekend.”

She rolled her eyes at that, “Camping? Skylar? No way.”

“That guy she’s been seeing? Trey something? He’s a big outdoorsman type. Hunting. Camping. Fishing. The whole thing. She might not talk to me but he does.” Cash shrugged, “He was with her at the garage.”

Damn it, she frowned when she realized he was right about that too. Skylar had mentioned a new boyfriend. She’d started dating some rig hand that her older brother Owen had dragged to town like a stray. The last time they’d talked Skylar mentioned he wanted her to go camping and they’d laughed endlessly about her attempting to traverse the wilderness in the four inch heels she preferred.

“Shit.”

“That would explain why she isn’t answering your calls. Even if she didn’t lose her phone, there’s not much service out by the falls.”

She glared at Cash when he sounded apologetic, “You’re just now remembering all of this?”

“I was going to mention it earlier but you didn’t want to talk. Now we’re here and I need to know, do you have a way into Skylar’s apartment or do you need somewhere else to stay?”

Skylar wasn’t just ignoring her calls. She wasn’t here. She wasn’t around. She couldn’t save her if Jemma couldn’t even get in touch with her. The last of her options slipped through her fingers and her brain shut down. The tears she’d been fighting fell down her cheeks unchecked.

This was it. She’d hit the end of her road. She had nothing and nobody. She was all alone.

“Fuck.” Cash groaned and she felt him shift a moment before a big hand landed on her knee.

She jerked away from him and swiped at her cheeks, “Don’t touch me.”

“Okay. Sorry.” He pulled his hand back, his voice low and even again.

Had she hurt his feelings? Well that was just too damn bad. He’d shattered hers once and now he was here to witness her falling apart all over again. She hated herself for crying in front of him, for showing weakness, but she couldn’t stop the sobs that tore through her as the worst day of her life continued to unfold steadily in front of her.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” Cash offered soothing platitudes that only managed to piss her off.

“How… could… you possibly… know that?” She managed as she tried to rein in the sobs.

“Because I’m not going to let anything else happen to you.”

Through the sheen of tears, she blinked at him. Surely, she’d heard him wrong. He couldn’t have just offered to take care of her. He hadn’t just sounded as though he cared what happened to her. And even if he had, she knew better than to trust him.

“I already told you… to take your pity… and stick it up your ass.” She wiped at her tear-streaked face and winced when she hit a particularly sensitive area of the bruise that covered her cheek.

“It’s not pity. It’s…” He swiped a hand over his face and sighed, “Look, I don’t expect you to believe me, not after what I did, but I care about you Jemma. I always have. I hate that somebody hurt you and I want to make sure you’re safe. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

“You had a strange way… of showing it.”

“Yeah. I deserve that, so go ahead, hate me, but we both know you need somebody right now and I’m going to be that guy.”

He’d pulled the tow truck into the parking lot of the garage by the time he finished talking and he turned to face her now. She swallowed hard at the look in his eyes. His features were firm and solid, uncompromising, but his eyes were as soft as she’d ever seen them and full of things that confused her already too confusing life.

She sniffled, “I don’t need you.”

“Bullshit.” His jaw twitched and she wondered if he was fighting the urge to reach over and grab her, maybe shake her until she saw things his way, “You don’t have anyone to call. You don’t have anyone here to help you. You don’t even have somewhere to stay.”

“I’ll get a hotel.”

“The closest motel is thirty miles the other way and you didn’t stop when you passed it so try again.”

“I could call my parents.”

“You could, but you won’t.” He snorted, “If you were going to call either of them you would have done it already. You don’t want them knowing you’re here. That’s fine. But stop lying to me Jemma and more importantly, stop lying to yourself. I’m your only hope right now so cut the shit, stow the attitude and deal with it.”

She was still trying to work up to her next denial when he surprised her by popping his seatbelt and jumping out of the truck as if the argument was over. She blinked as she watched him go. The only sign of his frustration the vibration of the truck when he slammed the door behind him as he walked away.

Only when she was certain he wasn’t leaving her behind did she stop watching him and lean back in the seat. He was unhooking her car from the truck so she listened to the sound of the chains clinking and the motor whirring and took the moment of peace to collect herself. She took a couple of deep breaths, tried to think things through logically and rationally and when she did, she had to admit that she was at a loss.

She wasn’t calling her parents. She couldn’t reach Skylar. And she didn’t have anyone else.

It was surreal that it was Cash sent to retrieve her from the side of the road. That he was being so helpful despite her bad attitude. That he was right and he truly was her last hope. She was down to the last straw, her well-being riding on a man that had already proven himself untrustworthy.

Cash jerked the door open, “Well?”

“Well, what?” She snapped back at him.

“You come up with a better option than trusting me?”

“I… well…”

“That’s what I thought.” He pulled himself up into the truck and tossed her bag, which he must have pulled from the Jeep, at her feet, “You can stay with me tonight and… Don’t fucking look at me like that Jemma! You can have my bed. I’ll sleep on the couch. We’ll figure out how to get in touch with Skylar in the morning or I’ll drive you out to the falls to find her myself.”

She shook her head, hating the tightness in her chest that made it hard to breathe, “No. No. No way I’m going home with you. I’ll sleep in my car.”

“Not a good idea. It’s not as safe around here as it used to be.”

“Gotta be safer than spending the night with you.”

He growled, “I’m trying really hard not to take any of this personally but you’re pushing me Jemma. I’m not a goddamned animal. I would never raise a hand to you and I’m sure as fuck not going to force myself on you. You might not think much of me but I’m not a rapist or a…”

She flinched. She must have. Because one second he was railing at her and the next his jaw had snapped shut and his anger faltered. She saw it happen. She saw it the moment understanding lit his intelligent blue eyes and he realized the full extent of the damage she was carrying because pity filled them once again. She looked away but not quickly enough and she was certain he’d seen everything she was trying to hide.

“Jesus…” His tone was soft, barely audible as he cursed a blue streak, “Jemma, I didn’t know, I didn’t realize… I’m sorry.”

“No reason for you to be sorry. You weren’t there. You didn’t do it.” She wiped at a stray tear that managed to escape as it rolled down her cheek, “And just for the record, neither did he. He tried. I stopped him.”

“If I’d known I wouldn’t have said… fuck, I’m going to kill him.” His voice was deadly calm, dangerously even, “You’re going to tell me who he is and I’m going to end him because that piece of shit doesn’t deserve to walk this earth.”

The tears rolled faster at his promise of retribution. Cash Bomar running to her defense, offering violence on her behalf. It should have seemed absurd but it wasn’t. Because despite what she’d been telling herself for the past five years, Cash wasn’t the worst of the worst, not even close. There were men out there a hundred times worse than him and she’d managed to find one that would violate even the most basic of moral codes.

“No. I’m not.”

“The hell you’re not.”

“You’re not going to kill anyone, Cash. I appreciate the offer. Don’t think it doesn’t tempt me. But I won’t have you going to prison for my mistake.” She swiped at her cheeks and stared out the windshield at the black sky, “I trusted the wrong man, again. I fell for the wrong man, again. That’s on me. It doesn’t have a thing to do with you.”

“It has everything to do with me.”

Since that didn’t warrant a response she only sighed, “I need a hot shower and I need to get some sleep. Everything else is just going to have to wait until tomorrow. I can’t deal with anything else today.”

“You’re staying with me until we work all of this out.”

She sighed, “I’m going to accept your offer of a place to stay because you’re right. I don’t have another choice tonight and I know you would never hurt me, not like that. I’m sorry I even implied it.”

“I told you that you never have to apologize to me and I meant it. We’re going to figure everything out and I promise, I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you.”

For reasons she didn’t want to look at too closely, she believed him.

Cash was keeping a tight rein on his anger and it was still riding too damn close to the surface. It had been a long time since he felt downright murderous. That moment on the side of the road when he’d seen Jemma’s face, the urge to hurt the asshole that had dared to mark her beautiful skin had flared, but finding out that the sick son of a bitch had tried to rape her… Jesus, he was barely holding it together and the only reason he hadn’t flown off the handle already was because she needed him to be calm right now more than she needed his promise of vengeance.

She’d gone quiet again when he got them back on the road and headed through town towards the apartment complex where he lived. He let the silence surround them instead of pushing her to talk again. He shouldn’t have pushed to begin with, he could see that now, but he’d been so damn worried when he realized she was curled up in a ball crying that he couldn’t help himself.

He could deal with her being mad at him. He could deal with her hating him. He couldn’t deal with that hurt, betrayed look in her eyes. Five years hadn’t changed that either.

She’d said she didn’t want his pity but that wasn’t what he was feeling. He was angry and he was confused but there was also a decent sized chunk of guilt. He knew she was right. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t have known what she’d been through or what had happened, but none of that silenced the voice in the back of his head.

The voice that said he’d made a mistake by letting her go. He’d sent her away, he’d all but run her out of town. He thought he’d come to terms with what he’d done because he’d told himself that it was better this way. She deserved better than him, better than the pain and destruction that was an inherent part of his life.

But she’d been alone out there. She’d put her trust in another man that had hurt her far worse than he ever would have. And he couldn’t undo that, couldn’t take back any of the things that had brought them to this point, all he could do was try to be there for her and hope that she would let him.

He took care of people, or at least he tried. When the people he loved couldn’t take care of themselves, he did it for them. Even when those people didn’t want him to.

He turned into the parking lot of the only apartment complex in Old Settlers. It was a complete shit-hole. It had been built back in the seventies when somebody got the idea that Old Settlers was going to be a booming oil town. It hadn’t worked out that way and like every other building in town it looked half abandoned.

There were cars on cinder blocks. Beer cans littered the ground. Plastic lawn chairs and worn-out couches served as the patio furniture in front of most of the units. Several small children ran circles on their bikes in the hazy, yellow streetlight. A group of men sat around a small fire pit smoking cigarettes and drinking out of brown paper bags.

It looked like hell but it wasn’t. Cash knew a thing or two about hell. Nobody had ever broken down his door or tried to kill him in his sleep here. That was more than he could say about the house where he’d grown up. He paid the bills and the water and electric stayed on. It was the most comfort he’d ever known.

Cash didn’t bother trying to pull the large tow truck into one of the spaces. Instead he circled around the side of the building and parked against the curb. When he killed the engine and flipped off the lights, Jemma pulled herself up from her huddled ball and glanced around, her lips pulling into a frown before she turned to face him.

“You live
here
?”

“Yeah.” He growled, waiting for her to offer some sort of insult.

She’d never been shy about calling him out. Her earlier insults hadn’t surprised him. Knowing what she’d been through, he found it oddly reassuring that she could still stand up to him, didn’t fear his reprisal for doing so. Even still, he felt himself cringing as he thought of what she might say about his living conditions.

“Oh… it’s just… Skylar never mentioned you lived in the same complex she does.”

He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was even holding, “There’s not a lot of housing options in Old Settlers but I can’t imagine it would have come up.”

If she was anything like him, he figured she hadn’t wanted to hear about him from her friends either. It had hurt too damn much to hear her name. Maybe it made him an asshole but some part of him actually hoped she’d cared enough not to be able to deal with hearing about his life.

“You uh…” She glanced around as she stepped out of the truck, tossing the bag he’d grabbed from her car over her shoulder, “You live alone?”

He hesitated at the front of the truck, “Uh, well, no.”

“Colt. Of course.” She pushed her hair out of her eyes and blew out a breath, “Don’t know why I would have thought you two wouldn’t still be attached at the hip.”

He fought another growl. He would take shots about him, about his last name, even about the rest of his family. But not about Colt. He and Colt protected each other and that extended to more than just physical threats.

“Let’s get inside.” He motioned towards the door to change the subject, “I don’t think anyone will recognize you but if you want to lay low we shouldn’t stand around out here and risk it.”

Jemma ducked her head, “Probably a good idea.”

He unlocked the door, aware the entire time that she was hovering just next to him. Close enough that he could have wrapped his arm around her, as if she trusted him to protect her, though he know it was probably unconscious. He didn’t dare reach for her, simply opened the door and moved aside so that she could enter.

Colt had been home last so he wasn’t entirely sure what they were walking into but he breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the apartment wasn’t completely trashed. There was a small pile of clothes in the battered old easy-chair where his brother must have been sorting laundry for something clean. There were dishes in the sink and trash in the garbage but it didn’t smell and it wasn’t nasty.

He watched as she glanced around warily, “You can put your bag in my room if you want.”

“No.” She shook her head quickly, “I mean, no thanks. I uh… I’ll take the couch.”

“You’re not sleeping on the couch. It’s old and uncomfortable as hell. You can take the bed.” He motioned down the small hallway, “Mine is the one on the right.”

“Look, it’s nice of you to let me stay here tonight and I appreciate the offer, but I’d be more comfortable on the couch.” She shook her head again.

Cash thought he understood, but he couldn’t let it go that easily. She might not like the idea of sleeping in his bed. She might not want to be shut in a room alone with no easy way out. But he’d been serious about the couch being uncomfortable and she looked like she needed a good night’s sleep. She wouldn’t get that on the couch.

“Colt will be coming home later and if you’re on the couch, he’ll wake you up.”

He watched her face drop. She visibly paled at the mention of his brother coming through that door. He tried not to scowl that she kept flinching at every mention of Colt. For the first time in his life, he had the strangest feeling that he was missing some important piece of information about his twin and what he had done to make Jemma hate him.

“I’d rather Colt not see me here if possible. I’m not ready for my parents to know I’m in town. I don’t want them to see me like this. And if Colt tells anyone, they’ll tell someone else and it will snowball, you know that.”

He frowned at that, “He won’t say anything.”

She gave him a skeptical look, “You’ll understand if I don’t believe you. When your brother runs his mouth, people tend to listen.”

Confusion flickered inside of him before that something important he was missing fell into place, “Wait… you know, don’t you?”

“That Colt was the one to tell the entire school you pulled a dick-and-dash on me? That he all but hand-drew the scarlet letter that marked me as easy and dumb? Yeah, I know.” She sighed, glanced away and then shrugged, “I never blamed you for that part of it, Cash. You’re twins but you’re not the same person. You may look alike but you’re not your brother and he isn’t you.”

He fought the urge to rush towards her and scoop her up. She wouldn’t like that, would most likely flinch away from him again, and he wasn’t sure he could handle that a second time. He didn’t want to scare her, but she had to know how much those words meant to him.

He wasn’t Colt. They might look alike but they weren’t the same person. The fact that she knew the differences made something warm and familiar stir in his chest, something he’d have sworn was long gone, if not dead then at least buried deep.

He cleared his throat and tread away from that dangerous territory, “We don’t look identical anymore. Colt has tattoos now. People don’t confuse us nearly as often as they used to.”

That flicker of a smile hit her lips again, “You were never identical to me. I always knew you weren’t the same person. That’s how I knew it wasn’t you that spread that awful gossip. You hated the talk about your family. Colt on the other hand played up to it.” Her smile fell and she glanced at the door, “I should really find somewhere else to stay.”

“No!” He stepped in front of the door, blocking her path, and watched a hint of surprise and something else cross her face. He softened his stance and moved back again, knowing that had been the wrong move. She was hurt and scared and any show of strength on his part was going to send her running straight for the hills. “I’m sorry, just… no, you don’t need to leave.”

“I should…”

“Stay. Please? Colt won’t say anything to anyone, I’ll make sure of it.”

The wariness had returned to her gaze, “You can’t be sure of that.”

Damn it, did she really hate Colt that much? She was standing in
his
apartment. She’d let him bring her here, let him offer comfort and safety. After what he’d done, she was giving him some small semblance of a chance to make things right, whether she knew it or not. But she couldn’t look past Colt running his mouth about it?

“He’s not the same punk kid you remember.”

“Maybe not, but he’s still a Bomar and I’ve learned to expect the worst where you all are concerned.”

Unfortunately, she was right and that low blow hit exactly where she’d aimed it. He’d taught her that. He couldn’t hold it against her.

He could ask Colt not to say anything and his brother would swear the words wouldn’t cross his lips. His twin would never do anything to hurt him, or by extension to hurt Jemma, not on purpose. Not unless he didn’t think he was hurting them. Not if he thought he was helping. And he just might considering Cash’s breakdown the last time the girl was even mentioned.

“I’ll call him, tell him to find somewhere else to crash tonight. He doesn’t need to know you’re here.”

“You’d do that? Kick your own brother out? For me?”

“He might not come home anyway.” He hedged on explaining why.

He didn’t think it would earn his twin any points with Jemma if he explained that Colt used his fists to earn extra money. Well, the extra money was nice but mostly it was to work through his anger issues. Whatever the case, fighting was a skill they’d learned and used but one that Jemma didn’t need to be reminded of after what she’d been through.

Colt usually liked to find some willing female to soothe him after a fight. If he’d continued with the fight like Cash suspected, he wouldn’t be home for hours. It was likely he wouldn’t be home until morning light. He’d be worried about that under normal circumstances but with Jemma standing in his living room, everything else became secondary.

Colt could take care of himself for one night.

“I can stay in my car if you’ll take me back to the garage.” She hiked the bag higher on her arm and he groaned.

“No. You don’t want me to tell him you’re here? Fine. You want me to give him a reason to stay away? Fine.” He swiped a hand over his face “I’ll text him that I brought a chick home with me. I’ll tell him I need the place to myself for the night.”

“Oh…” Her eyes drifted to the floor and her shoulders hunched. “I see.”

Sadly, he knew she didn’t, and he hated that he had no right to explain himself. He wasn’t a saint. He’d never come close. But he wasn’t a man-whore either and the number of women he’d seen in the years since Jemma left town was small and unimportant. He had only rarely brought women home with him and they were always gone by morning. He hadn’t cared for a single one of them, how could he when he’d never gotten over the girl he let get away? But now wasn’t the time to get into that so he let her think the worst of him, knew he’d brought that on himself and let it go.

“I’ll text Colt and he won’t come home tonight. You can stay here. Nobody has to know.”

“Our little secret huh?” She winced as if the idea hurt her as much as the insult did him and then she sighed, “I think I’ll go take a shower now if that’s okay with you.”

“Through that door.”

She disappeared into the bathroom and he only realized he was still standing there staring at the closed door when the water came on. He scowled and swiped a hand through his hair. On the other side of a flimsy door with a broken lock was the girl of all his dreams. Naked and wet and… bruised.