No Regrets (Bomar Boys #1) (26 page)

Jemma was coming off a bad relationship. She’d been home less than a month. She made him feel things that scared him and made him react in ways he couldn’t control. They
were
rushing. He’d admitted that to himself already. But none of that changed the fact that he was done pushing her away, even if he tried she wouldn’t let him.

“We talked. We’ll keep talking. It’s not just sex. I’m in love with her.”

Colt snorted, “No shit. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“She’s in love with me too.”

His brother smirked, “Knew that too but it doesn’t change things.”

“Course it does.” He sat forward again, his elbows on his knees, “I’m not letting her go again. I’m going to make this work, however I can, however I have to. I know it ain’t going to be easy and saying the words doesn’t fix everything but it does mean I have to try.”

Colt searched his face for something but he didn’t know what, “So that’s it then? She says she loves you and you forget all about your fear of turning her into Chrissy? What about ruining her?”

“She’s too strong for that. She always was. If she can trust that I’m not going to turn into Decker, shouldn’t I have faith that I won’t turn her into our mother?”

“Okay.” Colt finally sighed, his eyes still dark, “I support you no matter what, you know that. I’ve got your back.”

“I know.” He nodded. “And thanks for worrying about me, about both of us.”

Last night he’d convinced himself that if he had to walk away from Jemma that he could do it and part of that was because he’d known Colt would be there for her when he couldn’t. Colt didn’t open himself up to many people but if he let you in, he was the most loyal friend in the world. He would cut himself in half to give you a hand if you needed it. He was telling the truth. He was just as worried about Jemma as he was Cash.

“I’ll always worry about you.”

“I know.” He blew out a rough breath, “That’s why there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about this morning.”

Colt sat forward as well, his entire body tensing. They knew each other so well, he wasn’t surprised that his twin could feel his anxiety about this topic before he’d even voiced it. Colt’s eyes, the eyes that were mirror images of his own, studied his face for a moment and then his mood changed again, darkness creeping in as he gave a short nod.

“Decker?”

“Yeah. I can’t do it anymore.”

“You’re cutting him off?”

“I’m cutting him out. I’m done. I can’t have him in my life anymore, not with Jemma here. I can’t have him anywhere near her and I can’t risk him trying to use her against me. I nearly killed him the last time… I wouldn’t be able to stop if it happened again.”

Colt nodded, staring off into space, “Yeah.”

He winced at the sad expression on his brother’s face. Because he had a feeling he knew what was going through Colt’s head. For years, Colt had done everything but beg him to cut Decker out of their lives and he’d never been able to do it. Something had stopped him before, some damaged piece of his little boy self that hadn’t been able to abandon hope that someday his daddy would love him, but that part went quiet when it came to protecting Jemma.

He hadn’t been able to cut Decker out of his life for his own sake. He’d dealt with him and his abuse for years. He hadn’t been able to shut him out for Colt either. No matter how much he loved his brother and wanted to protect him, he’d never been able to do it for him and in that moment, he hated himself for it.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do it before. I should have I just…”

“I get it.”

“Colt I…”

“No. No apologies. I said I get it and I do.” Colt scratched his jaw, “It’s long past time and if Jemma’s the reason you can finally walk away from him then I owe her thanks.”

“I have to protect her.”

“Then that’s it. We’re done with him. I’ll let Trebly know not to call us anymore. Decker can sober up in the drunk tank or call someone else in the family but we’re out. Agreed?”

He nodded.

Colt scrubbed a hand over his face, “Good. Okay.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

“Don’t suppose I could convince you to hack off the Chrissy limb while we’re at it?”

He cursed at the mention of their mother, “No.”

Colt scowled, “Damnit why not? She’s just as bad.”

“No.” He scowled right back as the age old fight brewed back to the surface, “She’s not. She never raised a hand to us.”

“She would have had to care to do even that much.”

“She never broke your nose or knocked out my teeth so I don’t agree that she’s as bad as Decker, not by a longshot and she needs us.”

“God, you are still so fucking naïve sometimes.” Colt pushed to his feet, “She’s just as bad because she was the one that should have stopped it but she didn’t. She couldn’t. She chose that shit over us so we get to choose ourselves over her.”

Cash dropped his head into his hands and took a deep breath. He knew there was no reason to have this argument again. They were never going to agree.

Maybe it did make him naïve not to hold Chrissy responsible for their childhood but he couldn’t. Decker had broken her the day they were born and she’d never recovered. She hadn’t been able to escape him physically so she’d escaped through the drugs. He blamed her plenty for not being there for them, for not being a mother, but he didn’t hate her the way he hated Decker, not the way Colt did.

“I don’t want to fight with you about this again.”

Colt threw his hands in the air, “I don’t know why we have to fight about this at all! She’s a shell, Cash! She doesn’t have a clue who you are or that you’ve even been there. Why bother with her?”

“Because she’s still our mother.”

“Chrissy was never a mother.”

“She’s stuck there just like we were. We got out. She can’t.”

“She doesn’t want away from him, Cash. She never did. The drugs were to escape us. Not him.”

Cash bit his tongue to keep from continuing the argument. He didn’t believe that. He never would. It was just more of Decker’s bullshit, mindfuck psychological warfare. He wanted them to blame themselves, blame each other, and fighting about it was the one thing that had ever threatened to rip them apart.

He refused to let that happen, “Look, you don’t have to see her. You don’t have to talk about her. I’m not going to change your mind and you’re not going to change mine so let’s just drop it.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” Colt sighed, blowing out a breath, “So we’ve covered Jemma, Decker and Chrissy, you got anything else you want to talk about while we’re having this little heart-to-heart?”

Cash glanced up at the clear sarcasm in his brother’s voice, “Fuck, I don’t know, I woke up this morning with the woman I love for the first time in five years and as soon as she walked out the door I went from sunshine and rainbows to our normal family bullshit so you tell me, is there anything else we need to cover?”

Colt snorted, “Sunshine and rainbows?”

“Motherfuckin’ rainbows.” He managed a grin.

“Yeah, I’ll give you that. You two looked happy.” Colt’s grin fell, “But since we’ve already brought the Bomar storm-clouds down on your parade, I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you that I talked to Remy.”

Cash felt as if he’d been sucker punched, “What?”

“I said Remy called.” Colt fidgeted.

“When?”

“Uh… last week?”

He huffed, “Are you asking me a question? Last week. Our brother called last week and you’re just now deciding to tell me this… why?”

“You’ve had your hands a little full with Jemma and it’s not like it was a big deal.”

“Remy called you and it’s not a big deal?” His brows furrowed as he tried to figure out what Colt was getting at.

“No. It wasn’t. He started spouting that same old bullshit about how he cares but he couldn’t be here and he can’t explain why. Same shit, different day. I hung up on him.”

“Colt!”

He dropped his head to his heads and groaned. Their older brother had called for the first time in forever and Colt had hung up on him. Sure, Cash was as sick of hearing the same story as his twin but he wouldn’t have hung up on Remy.

“What? He was drunk, Cash. The call came in the middle of the night and he mumbled his way through a half-hearted apology for leaving us behind and unconvincing promises that he would be there for us if we needed him so I told him to go fuck himself and hung up. He probably doesn’t even remember calling.”

Drunk. Well, that explained some of it. Remington Bomar had always been Decker’s favorite son for a reason. He was the most like him. Looked like him. Acted like him. Even had the same vices apparently.

“Did you try the number back the next day?”

“Yeah. No answer, it just rings and rings and the voicemail isn’t set up, but...”

“But?” He prompted when his brother fidgeted again.

“But… the area code is for Houston.”

Cash gaped at him, “You’ve got to be shitting me?”

“No. Weird right? Jemma was in Houston. Remy is apparently in Houston. And that prick ex of hers looking like him makes it even stranger.” Colt shrugged, “We’re absolutely sure it wasn’t Remy in that apartment right?”

Cash snorted. “They didn’t look that much alike, just similar features to ours.”

He hadn’t mentioned that to Jemma yet but he made a mental note to ask her about it sometime soon. It unnerved him that she’d chosen another man that resembled him and then let him do those things to her. It was one of the many things they still needed to talk about.

“Yeah, about as similar as ours are to Remy’s.”

“It’s a weird coincidence, just like it’s weird that Remy was in the same city as Jemma, but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s a big place.”

“If you say so.” Colt shrugged.

“When were you going to tell me all this by the way?”

“I just told you.”

“Colt?” He groaned and his brother sighed.

“After we got done in Houston, I was gonna tell you once we got back. I knew if I told you before we went that you’d want to try and find him.”

He sighed, because once again Colt was right. He knew him better than anyone. If things had gone smoothly in Houston and he’d known that Remy was in town, he would have wanted to stay. He would have wanted to look for him. Even if he knew that Remy didn’t want to be found.

“Well, I guess I’m just glad you’re telling me now. You can’t keep shit like this from me. Even if you think you’re protecting me, I need to know what’s going on or…”

“I’ll tell you if he calls again.” Colt cut him off with an uneasy shrug.

He swiped his hands over his face and tried to think his way through this morning. It hadn’t been that long ago that he’d woken up happy. A first for him in a long time, possibly ever. He’d woken up with Jemma, watched her laugh with his brother and made plans to see her again later. He’d had a good morning going before he’d brought up all of the Bomar family drama.

It was like he just couldn’t help himself. He had a good thing and he had to go and ruin it by bringing up the worst parts of his life. He’d rationalized that if he got it all out of the way now that it wouldn’t be able to cloud up his future with Jemma but he knew that wasn’t completely true. It would always be there, just waiting for the chance to rise up and destroy everything good in his life.

It was the Bomar way.

The knock on the door surprised him and he jumped, his head swinging around instinctively. The blinds were closed so he couldn’t see out to who their guest was but he didn’t have to. Colt cursed under his breath so he turned back to his brother with a frown.

“Expecting someone?”

“Not yet. He’s early.” Colt wouldn’t look directly at him. “I thought you’d be busy in bed with Jemma all day or else gone somewhere by now or I wouldn’t have told him to meet me here.”

The knock came again, harder this time and a voice joined the noise, “Open up twinks, I can hear you talking in there like a buncha lil’ girls.”

“Son of a…” Cash gaped at his brother, “Is that Link?”

“Yeah.”

His stomach knotted as he stared at his twin, “Why is Link here?”

“It’s probably better if you don’t know.” Colt huffed out a breath, “Hold on ok?

He watched his brother stomp to the door and jerk it open a couple of inches. He said something to their cousin that Cash couldn’t hear. He knew that was the point. That sick feeling twisted at his insides again and he stood, contemplating pacing to the door, jerking it open and demanding to know what the two of them were whispering about.

The only thing that stopped him was Colt’s words. It was better if he didn’t know. Which meant whatever they were up to, it was trouble. Not that he’d needed confirmation of that. The very fact that their cousin was involved meant that it had to be trouble.

The same could have been said about any of their cousins. While Cash and Colt had repelled the idea of following in their father’s footsteps, their cousins had fully embraced the Bomar lifestyle. If it was illegal and anywhere near Old Settler’s, it was a safe bet one of their cousins had a hand in it.