No Such Thing As True Love (13 page)

            His mind raced as he aimlessly browsed the web. Every thought about Maritess expanded his perspective on her. It wasn’t as if she’d gone through a typical bad relationship with a typical bad break-up. Finding your spouse after they’d taken their own life was something no one should have to live through. It was suddenly easy for Markus to see what Maritess was really afraid of. It wasn’t love. It was loss. She had poured her heart and soul into a person who abandoned her in the worst way possible. Markus felt such sadness for her. He wished she was wrapped in his arms.

            He tossed and turned when he tried to go to sleep. Even though he was used to Cassandra’s absence by now, he still felt tortured by thoughts of Maritess. His bed felt empty like his heart. He wanted to run to her, to hold her and tell her that he would never abandon her. Markus knew he couldn’t, though. He was plagued by guilt for what he’d done. Markus didn’t even notice how he had been hurting her. There was no way he could have understood, and he felt like he’d already failed her.

            Markus had felt a spark for Maritess the moment he first walked into her office. He felt motivated to meet her expectations each time she challenged him, and even when he failed, she was never cruel. He felt like a fool for letting her brush him off and hand him over to Cassandra so easily. Even after he’d listen to her say, over and over again, how love takes a lot more than dumb luck, at the first obstacle, he let her go and took an easier route to happiness. Markus didn’t regret a moment of the time he’d spent with Cassandra, but he realized that he had abandoned Maritess just the same. On top of that, he was the reason that Cassandra hadn’t stayed. That was probably just another ounce of pain on Maritess’ heart. Slowly, Markus fell into a fitful sleep. When rays of sun made it through his window, he felt tired, but determined.

…

CHAPTER 23

            Instead of spending an hour to fully wake up and get dressed, Markus threw on an old track suit and grabbed his keys. The gym opened at five, and his session was scheduled for five-thirty. It was only four-thirty in the morning. Markus knew Maritess would be at the bus stop in a few minutes. He ran down the stairs and bolted out of his apartment building. The couple of blocks' jog was easy for him after almost six months of training. Sure enough, he saw Maritess as he rounded the corner onto the main drag.

            She saw Markus, too. For an instant, she wanted to turn and walk away, but she knew he was headed for her. He slowed to a trot, then walked the last few feet to her. He was only a little bit winded when she asked him what he was doing.

            “Maritess,” Markus said as he took a few deep breaths, “I don’t want you to stop being in my life. I miss your friendship, and I can’t stand the trainer you have me set up with. I’m sorry that I upset you. I really am. But please, please don’t just stop knowing me.” When he looked down and saw that Maritess was still unimpressed, he continued, “I don’t want to abandon you, Maritess.”

            She was stunned by his last remark. He knew he had hit a button with her. Her face was a mixture of defiance, heartache and an odd sense of relief. She shook her head and sat down on the bench. Markus sat next to her and waited for her to reply. It took her a few minutes. She grabbed his hand, but still couldn’t form any words. Finally, she looked at him and said, “Yea, Matthew told me that he ran into you at the bar.” Markus felt caught in a lie, but Maritess shook her head to dismiss his worry. “Look, Markus,” she said, “You’re not going to fix me, okay? I’m not broken. I know what love is, and I just don’t want it.”

            Markus wrapped his arm around her shoulder. She turned to face him even though she still wanted him to just disappear. “Maritess, I don’t think that’s a choice you can make.” Maritess shook her head in confusion. Markus spoke as if he was thinking his thoughts for the first time as he said them. “You were right, I think, at least partially about love. It’s not magic, but it is something special. I know you feel something special for me, just like I do for you. That’s how I know it’s real. You make me feel differently than any other woman on the planet. And yes, at first, I could barely handle you. But look, look at what you’ve helped me become!” Markus gestured at himself. Maritess smiled at him, but still resisted his intent.

            “I don’t care,” he continued, “if you never want to marry me. I don’t care if you don’t want to make any plans. I just want the chance to be in your life. I want to try and make this grow because, with you, I know I can.” Maritess brushed a tear away from her eyes. Her resolve was shaking.

            “You don’t understand what you’re saying to me, Markus,” she said, “I don’t want to do this with anyone again.”

            “But it’s already started, Maritess,” he replied. “You can’t ignore it. You can’t look at me and tell me you don’t miss me. I can tell just from sitting next to you that you’re sad. Maritess,” he implored, “you’re wilting.”

            “What? Do you expect me to just jump in?” Maritess stammered.

            “No,” Markus answered. He took her face in his hands and forced her to look into his eyes. “Don’t jump in. Just let me love you, Maritess. That’s all I ask. I’ll prove the rest to you, you just have to try.” Markus brought his lips to hers and kissed her. He felt all of his passion and love rush into her. Markus found himself praying that she would just let him in. He could sense the love in her, and he stretched to reach it.

            Maritess closed her eyes and shuddered at his touch. His warmth spread across her face, and he wrapped his arms around her as they kissed. In her mind, a younger version of herself yelled and screamed in protest. She felt relief as she silenced the voice. It wouldn’t be fair to herself if she closed out love for the rest of her life. She felt comforted by Markus, and she had missed him. As much as she’d tried to deny it, he had brought something into her life that was missing. When she finally let him break through a few of her walls, she terrified herself. Cassandra came along at a perfect time for Maritess to escape, and avoid facing love again.

            She let herself dissolve into tears against his chest. Years of sadness came pouring out of her. Markus held her safe from the cold. The bus had come and gone without them. Together they sat on the bus stop bench, and Markus had never felt closer to anyone else in the world.

…

            They’d skipped training that day. Markus called off work, and Maritess left the club to her managers. They stayed locked away in Maritess’ apartment all through the weekend. By the time Monday morning rolled around, Markus had seen every picture and knew almost all of her stories.

            The sun was rising earlier and earlier as their part of the earth rotated towards spring. He woke up a few minutes before Maritess. Markus rose half-way up in bed and looked down at her. Maritess’ red hair was strewn across her pillow. Her shoulder poked out from the top of the covers. In her sleeping face he saw his entire future. Markus bent down and kissed her forehead. In her sleep, she turned to him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. Markus closed his eyes and drifted off for a few more minutes before they started their day. He finally felt like he’d found perfection.

The End