No Such Thing As True Love (11 page)

            Like a tapped well, Markus spilled all the thoughts he’d been tossing around in his mind. Cassandra was perfect for him in every way. He told Maritess that they had fallen in love, and he felt very happy with her. “But I don’t want to move to Seattle, and she doesn’t want to really move here. What got me nervous is that she might move here anyway, and then one day decide she made a mistake. Then what?” he asked. His face was awash in turmoil. Maritess couldn’t stop the words that came out of her mouth next.

            “Do you think she’s
the one
, Markus?” she asked. In the months since he’d been with Cassandra, Maritess hadn’t heard him mention the original quest that brought him to her gym in the first place. Markus stared at her, trying to pick up any hint that she might be messing with him. Sure enough, Maritess' look was that of pure concern.

            “I don’t know,” he said, “I don’t know if I really buy that too much anymore.” Maritess stared at him, but she didn’t feel surprised. Instead, she ushered him to continue his explanation. “Cassandra is perfect for me,” he said, “Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had our fights, but she’s very easy to be with. We get along great, but that spark I thought would, you know, tell me that she was some divine choice… Well, it’s just not there. But, I don’t think that means she’s not worth it. I’m willing to be with her, but I don’t think I want to move to Seattle. I’ve been with my firm for a long time.” Markus shook his head as he worried some more. “The thing is, though,” he continued, “we haven’t even talked about it yet. I have no idea what she wants to do.”

            “Well,” Maritess answered, “I think that’s where you need to start.” Markus nodded in agreement.

…

CHAPTER 19

            Over the next couple of weeks, Markus had small conversations with Cassandra about her plans. With less than a month to go, Cassandra’s work would be completed by the middle of January. She expressed her ambition to start one of the new projects her company was lining up for her, but she also expressed her ambition to include Markus in her life. He had started spending most of his nights wrapped around Cassandra. The thought of her not being there pained him. When he voiced a concern about finding a new law practice after having invested over a decade with his current firm, Cassandra hinted that her bonus from her deal would be enough for her to live off of for a while in town. She just didn’t know what she would do in their small city.

            Markus took advantage of the extra time he had to spare during the lull in his caseload. The mission he started at the gym had taken him to a great place in his life. He looked at his toned physique in the mirror as he got dressed in the morning. Cassandra was still asleep most days when he went to work. He kissed her on the forehead before he left her apartment. He pushed some documents around on his desk, and tried to fill in his records on his computer, but Markus was too preoccupied to be much good at work. He took an early lunch and made his way to the mall. His favorite taco place was in the food court, and the shops always gave him something to do.

            Markus tossed his cup and taco wrappers into the trash once he’d devoured his meal. He browsed a few of his favorite stores, but was still thinking about Cassandra. Oddly, all the things he’d said about true love when he’d met Maritess sounded a little juvenile to him now. He could see a very happy and productive life with Cassandra. They were both hardworking, easy-going and mostly positive people. Cassandra didn’t have many habits that bothered Markus, and she’d never said anything about him. Still, when he asked himself again whether or not he’d be willing to move away to be with her, he just couldn’t answer.

            It was much more logical for him to move to Seattle than it would be for Cassandra to stay in their town. He probably could find a good law firm to take him on. Markus thought, he could always go into practice for himself. Neither option seemed appealing. Markus loved the town in which he lived, he loved his firm, his family and he loved his friends. Maritess flashed across his mind. He really couldn’t stand the thought of moving away from her.

            Cassandra was just as important to Maritess’ happiness as she was to his. Markus thought it was wrong for her to move away. She had seemed so happy over the past few months living there. Perhaps, she was just waiting for Markus to ask her to stay. The thought popped into his mind like a lightning strike. He knew that he could make Cassandra happy with a life where they were now. He understood that she might have trouble finding a new career, but Cassandra had incredible ideas. Markus dreamed that they might even start a business one day. Convinced, Markus decided that he would mention his opinion to Cassandra. He was absent-mindedly following his feet as the thoughts reeled around in his head. Markus looked up and found himself in front of a jewelry store.

            The sparkling array of gems in glass cases made Markus’ stomach drop. He took a moment to consider himself before he stepped into the shop. Cassandra was perfect for him, he knew that. Markus just couldn’t let himself risk the chance that she might slip through his fingers. Without any conscious intention, Markus’ eyes scanned the cases for a ring to put on one of hers. He found one that was beautiful. The diamond glistened in the light as the jeweler held it up for his inspection. The band was white gold, and it held the stone perfectly. It felt like it weighed a thousand pounds once Markus had it packaged in a small bag with the store’s logo on the front.

            As Markus left the mall, he was struck by anxiety. All of a sudden, he doubted everything he’d thought. A battle raged in his mind, but he felt determined to shake off the nerves. Markus tucked the bag into a drawer when he returned to work, and tried to ignore it through his caseload. The end of the day rolled around much too fast. Markus was wasting time straightening his desk when the sun disappeared. Finally, he rose to meet Cassandra for dinner. He stopped by a sandwich shop on the way to her apartment, and arrived to find her buried in paperwork of her own.

            Every time he saw her working, he swelled with pride. The job she did wasn’t easy, and Markus was thrilled to have a woman so intelligent. When she turned to him with a big smile, he felt the warmth of home. He took the food with him when he sat down next to her on her couch. Cassandra pushed the paperwork away to make room for their meal. He asked her about her work, and she filled him in on some of the less gory details. When they were finished eating, Cassandra looked at the piles surrounding her in dismay. She shook her head at Markus, and suggested they go out for drinks. In a few minutes, she was dressed and ready to leave. Markus loved how beautiful she looked with hardly any effort.

            They decided to walk to a small bar down the street from her apartment. It was a dark little place, but the wait staff was friendly and the music was as good as the drinks. On the way there, Markus decided to test the waters and broached the subject of Cassandra staying in town. She was honest in her opinion. It was obvious that she’d been thinking about it. Cassandra said what she meant, and that was something Markus really loved about her. Yet, even though she understood what Markus was trying to get at, she couldn’t help but express her fear of quitting her job.

            “You’ve said before that you don’t want to work there forever,” Markus challenged.

            “Yea,” she answered, “But I say a lot of things. The board is already working on a salary raise for me, and they may be creating a new position within the firm all together. So, I don’t know. It’s very promising there.” She hugged his arm again before she continued. “But,” she said, “a lot of that decision depends on you.” Markus kissed the top of her head. Even though she sounded hesitant about moving, he still thought he might be able to convince her.

            They took a seat at the bar and ordered drinks. Markus had the ring box tucked in his pocket. He tried his best not to be nervous, and Cassandra didn’t seem to notice. He pulled his arm around her. They sat comfortably as they listened to the band play. The music was soft and mellow. There were a few couples dancing on the floor. Markus looked down at Cassandra who was watching everyone else.

            “Would you like to dance with me?” he asked. Cassandra flashed up a smile at him. He stood up and took her hand. She shook her head and pulled him back down to his bar stool. Markus sat, confused and slightly dejected.

            “Sweetheart,” she said, “I love you. So, let me be the one who lets you off the hook for dancing. Even if we get married one day, we can skip the first dance all together.” She kissed him on the cheek. Markus smiled in semi-relief.

            “Please. I know I hate dancing, but I know you love to dance. So, I want you to know that I’ll always dance with you,” he said as he went to stand again. Cassandra held him back and put her arm around his neck to speak into his ear.

            “Thank you,” she said, “I really love that, but I look absolutely ridiculous dancing with you. So, that’s quite alright, love, we can refrain from dancing.” She smiled at him. The subject was closed in her opinion. Markus felt the ring in his pocket. He couldn’t tell whether he was more insulted, relieved or totally devastated.

            Markus didn’t expect her to want to dance with him all the time, but he didn’t expect her to just cut him out for not being good enough. He was hurt, a little bit, that she cared more about looking ridiculous than dancing with someone who loved her. In an instant, the resolve Markus had felt for their relationship started to crumble. He thought back to that first stupid journal entry he’d written to his future self. The words ran through his mind, as if he’d written them yesterday. He looked at Cassandra. She was beautiful, intelligent, successful, athletic and all the other qualities he’d always looked for. He felt a twinge of disappointment in himself for wavering so much from his belief on love. As wonderful as Cassandra was, she was not
the one
.

            For the rest of the night, Markus was a wash of cascading emotions. He feared losing Cassandra. He did love her, and he knew that she loved him in return. He feared having to tell her to go back to Seattle. While he knew he could make something work between them, he knew that she wouldn’t be happy here, and he wouldn’t be happy there. Most of all, he feared the tears that eventually ran from her eyes as he told her all his fears. She cried herself to sleep in his arms. Markus cried a bit, too. Though, neither of them suggested they try to make anything work.

…

CHAPTER 20

            The next morning, Cassandra was up and sitting at her kitchen table when Markus awoke. He was startled when she wasn’t next to him, but she called out when she heard him moving around.

            “I’m out here, Hun,” she said. He came out to see her dressed and sipping coffee. She rose as he approached and he held her in his arms. He looked down into her face. Markus saw sadness, but it wasn’t all-encompassing. Cassandra seemed refreshed, and kissed him passionately before she had him sit down at the table. She poured him a cup of coffee and brought him some biscuits with jelly to snack on. “I think that this is the best decision,” she said gently once they’d gotten settled.

            Markus nodded his head. “Are you sure you’re okay with it?” he asked. Cassandra nodded her head, but bit her bottom lip. Markus looked at her, and beckoned her to say something more.

            “Look,” she said to him, “I’m heartbroken, but I’ll heal. I love you, and I think that we’ll always be close. But, I need you to be honest about the reason you don’t want to move to Seattle.” Markus was dumbfounded by her statements. He shook his head and tried to search for an answer. He told her that he loved it in his hometown. Everyone he knew was there, he had a good job, and he didn’t really want to live in a bigger city. Cassandra nodded her head, but sat unconvinced. “I think there’s another reason that you’re still not mentioning to me,” she said, ignoring his protests. “I think that you should tell me how you feel about Maritess.”

            Markus felt the same way he thought witnesses on a stand must feel in front of him during a cross. He looked at Cassandra like a deer in headlights. His immediate reaction only solidified her stance. She smiled at him, but looked at him with expectation.

            “No,” he said, “No, it’s not like that.” Cassandra cut him off before he could continue.

            “Of course, it’s not,” she assured him. “Markus, I know that you love me, but you can’t realistically expect me not to see what the two of you have. I know that Maritess is a little hard to reach, but if she’s the one you really love, then you have to be honest about that. And you have to start with me.”

            A thousand thoughts swirled through Markus’ mind. Slowly, Cassandra got him to open up. He talked as though he’d never considered the ideas that flowed through him. Maritess had always been so frustrating to be around. He told Cassandra about their first session, about how much she’d chastised his purpose, and about how much she’d pushed him to be a better person. Cassandra nodded as she listened. While it was difficult for her to hear him talk about another woman in such a way, Cassandra understood that Maritess was a special person. After all, Cassandra had initially felt a lot of guilt for taking Markus from her.