NoRegretsColeNC (27 page)

“Is
Willie all right?”

“He’s
fine. You’ll be able to see him in a few minutes.”

The
warm water felt good against Hattie’s thighs. Her son tucked securely beneath
one arm, she closed her eyes again and soon drifted off to sleep.

* * *
*

“He’s
perfect,” Willie told her when she awakened to find him standing near the
wagon, stroking the baby’s cheek. “Ten fingers, ten little toes.”

Hattie
giggled. “Have you ever seen such a cute little nose?”

The
proud father nodded. “Indeed I have. He seems to have gotten it from you.”

Wistfulness
fluttered through her heart, then slipped away. She would always wonder about
her own mother and father, which one she favored, why they hadn’t wanted her.
But those were questions for another day. This was a time for joy, a time to
celebrate life.

“How
did Dr. Kellerman get here? Did you walk all the way to Sunset?”

“I
didn’t have to go quite so far. By some miracle, the doctor and his wife were
driving to Denver. I believe he meant to attend some medical meeting tomorrow.”

“And
now, I’ve spoiled it for him.”

“He
couldn’t have made it anyway with the road blocked.” He leaned close. “Tell me
what he did. I saw him…with his hands on you.”

“The
baby was wrong-side up, Willie, just as I suspected. Dr. Kellerman manipulated
him, turned him around the right direction so he could finally come out and
join
us.”

“Have
you decided what you’ll call him?”

She
tilted her head and peered up at Willie. “I thought that would be something we
should both agree on. A name is important, you know.” She lowered her gaze.
“Actually, I was hoping we could call him William, after you.” She held her
breath.

An odd
expression flickered over Willie’s face. “I don’t know. Give me time to think
about it.”

“Your
father gave you his name,” she reminded him. “I’d hoped you might want to pass
it on to your own son.”

“My
son.
Our son.”
He grinned. “Yes, I think I like it.” He touched
the infant’s tiny nose.
 
“Welcome to
the world, William Howard Morse.
The third.”

 
“I do like it,” she agreed. “It sounds
right.” It felt right, too.

Her
musings were quickly interrupted. “Hattie, we’ll need to get you into town.”
Charlotte came to the wagon. “Abner wants you and the little one to stay at the
hospital tonight.”

“Yes,
of course.” She didn’t care where she slept. The thought of a soft bed, warm
covers, and a pillow for her head were heavenly.

But
Willie wasn’t so willing. “Why would that be necessary? Is something wrong?
Does he expect any problems?” The nervousness in his voice was apparent.

“No,
nothing’s wrong. It’s just that Hattie’s been through quite a difficult time.
So has the babe.” She turned to Hattie again. “We’d feel better if you stayed
the night and we could keep a watch.”

“I’d
like that.” So tired she could barely lift her head, she looked toward Willie.
“I really haven’t any other place to go,” she reminded him. “I’ll have to find
somewhere to stay, and…” Her voice trailed off as Willie placed a hand at her
cheek.

She lay
shivering beneath the woolen blanket. Her body trembled and her pulse raced,
but those physical discomforts were insignificant compared to the emotional
havoc going on inside of her head and her heart. Hattie braced herself, knowing
what would come now. Willie would propose again. This time, she would accept.
So why was she so nervous?

He
cleared his throat. “Hattie Mae, I’ve never been happier. I’ve never been
prouder than at this moment.” He stroked her cheek with his big, warm hand.
“I’ve put you through so much. Will you ever forgive me for causing you such
pain?”

No need
for forgiveness. That pain had brought forth a new life, a precious child to
love with all her heart and soul. She looked forward to watching the boy grow.
Would he someday be as tall as his father, as strong? Would he be as handsome?
As loving?

Dr.
Kellerman came to stand beside Willie. He clapped a hand on his shoulder. “If
you’re going to do it,
do
it right.” He nodded toward
the ground. Willie’s gaze followed.

“Yeah,
I know. I’m supposed to get down on my knee, but it’s cold, it’s wet, and it’s
awfully muddy.” He glanced down at his ruined clothes. “I guess that wouldn’t
make any difference, really.” Willie chewed at his lower lip. “But I can’t get
down on bended knee, Hattie. You know I’ve got a bad leg, and besides, I couldn’t
hold your hand if I did that.”

Nervous
energy surrounded him. Despite the chill in the air, sweat beaded on Willie’s
brow. Hattie nearly laughed to see him so befuddled, but she knew what he was
about. A woman should never laugh when a man was proposing, no matter how
comical. Willie was doing his best.

“I’m
not an eloquent man, Hattie. In fact, I’m not much of a man at all, but—”

Hattie
tried to protest but couldn’t. Too weak to utter a word, she closed her eyes.
Huge tears spilled out and rolled down her cheeks.

“There,
you see, I’ve upset you now.” Willie squeezed her hand. “I try my best, I
really do, but somehow I seem to always do the wrong thing.”

“No,
no…” She yearned to say all the things in her heart. Willie deserved to know
how much she loved him. Hattie heard his deep sigh and realized he’d taken her
words as a rejection. She must find strength. “I love you,” she gasped out,
although the effort cost her dearly. But the pain didn’t matter. Hadn’t she
endured worse for Willie? “I want to marry you. I want to be your wife.” True,
yes. But together they could have so much more. “We’ll be a family now.”

A
family…of sorts.
She and Willie could be husband and wife, parents to their child, but what of
his mother? Would she ever accept Hattie? She thought, too, of his father, of
the estrangement that had kept them apart so long. Willie had consented to see
his father, but had he truly come to terms with all that had happened?

Willie
bent down and kissed the tip of Hattie’s nose. “Yes, we’re a family.
Forever.”

Hattie
could only nod. Somehow they would deal with all the problems and find a way to
make their lives together work. They would make their marriage work.

* * *
*

Judge
William Howard Morse died peacefully in his sleep on the same rainy afternoon
when William Howard Morse III entered the world. Willie learned of his father’s
death after he and Hattie returned to Sunset with their new son. The funeral
was held a few days later.

As he
stood in the cemetery beside his sobbing mother, he thought back to those
moments when he’d gone alone into that grove of trees, when he’d bowed his head
and asked for strength and courage. God had granted him the desires of his
heart and so much more. Willie had asked for strength, and he’d been given
understanding. He’d prayed for courage, and he’d found peace. The Lord had
somehow seen fit to bless him with far more than he deserved. Willie knew why.

It was
all because of Hattie.
Because she believed in him.
God had to make a good man of Willie because Hattie deserved no less.

He
stood tall, remaining stoic and dry-eyed as his father was laid to rest. It was
how the man would want it, Willie thought. No needless emotions, no excessive
displays of grief. Men were made to be strong, to bear up their sorrows, and
get on with the business of living.

And,
oh, so much living awaited Willie now.

* * *
*

Willie
and Hattie were wed two weeks later, as soon as Dr. Kellerman considered her
strong enough to get out of bed. Most of the women in town were still busy
spreading gossip, so few of them saw fit to attend the short ceremony. Betty
Gilman came only because her husband officiated. No other members of the Ladies
Charitable Society were present.

The
Kellermans sat beaming from the front pew. Willie’s mother held her grandson on
her lap, rocking the bundle in the gray blanket and cooing as the infant slept
contently through the exchange of vows.

Benjamin
Brooks and his wife acted as witnesses, and in a matter of minutes, it was
done. Willie had taken Hattie to be his lawfully wedded wife, and they’d
promised to love, honor, and cherish one another until the time when death at
last parted them.

Following
the service, Letitia rose and came forward. She held tight to the precious
bundle in her arms. Again, his mother stood sobbing beside him. This time, he
hoped, the tears glistening in her eyes were happy ones.

But he
couldn’t be sure. He drew Hattie close in a protective embrace.

“I want
to welcome you to our family. Will you let me do that, Hattie?”

“Mother,
please.” Willie shook his head. “Not now.”

“It’s
all right.” Hattie said. She turned to her mother-in-law. “Thank you.”

“I need
to apologize. You’ve been kind to me, Hattie, letting me have time with this
little one.” She gazed down at the cherubic face peeking out from the folds of
the swaddling blanket. “I treated you so
badly,
it
would serve me right if you hated me.”

“I’d
never—”

“I was
hurting, Hattie. I was so scared, so unsure of how I would get through the
future. I’ve never been alone before.”

“You’ll
never be alone again,” Hattie assured her. “We are family now. We’ll always be
here for each other.”

Willie
wasn’t sure whether or not he should say anything or simply stand aside. He
stood close, yet kept silent, hoping his mother didn’t somehow spoil the
festive occasion and put a damper on the light-hearted mood. His heart swelled
as he listened to Hattie’s words.

“You
spoke your mind,” his wife remarked, “and it’s never wrong to say how you feel.
Some of the things you said were hurtful, but that’s all in the past. I know I
said some very unkind things, as well. I should be asking for your
forgiveness.”

“No
need, Hattie. We’ll make a new start, and I’m sure we’ll come to love each
other.”

“I’m
glad to be part of your family. I accept your gracious welcome.”

“Thank
you.” Letitia cradled William III close, then extended an arm to draw Hattie
into a smothering embrace. “We’ll get along fine, I’m sure.”

“Yes,
we will. We’ve got a lot in common, you see.” Hattie smiled. “We both love this
big brute of a fellow.” She jerked a thumb toward Willie.

“I
heard that.” Willie stepped forward. “A brute am I now?”

Hattie
reached up and smoothed his shirt collar.
“Yes, dear, but a
very handsome one.”

“A very
eager one, too, wife,” he whispered, bending so close to Hattie’s ear that only
she could hear.

Damn,
but it sounded good to call her his wife.

“No
more so than I, husband.”

Willie
intended to put her to bed as soon as they reached home. Of course, there would
be no love-making on their wedding night. Hattie’s body still needed more time
to heal. Willie meant to see that she got all the rest she needed. There were
other ways to show his love. He wanted to hold Hattie in his arms, tell her again
and again how much she meant to him, and promise her happiness a thousand times
over. He wanted to kiss her forehead, hold her hand, and sit beside her as she
slept.

His
mother would be watching the baby. Willie would be watching over his wife.

For
now, they would continue to stay in the rooms he rented from Tansy Godwin, but
not for long. He and Hattie had talked about the future. They had plans. Life
wasn’t at all how he’d once expected it to be, but it was good. Good enough he
could put aside his old dreams and begin living this new one.

Chapter Twenty

October, 1881

Willie
picked up the baby and hefted him into the air. At six months, his
son—affectionately dubbed King Willie III—was the apple of his father’s eye.

Hattie’s
words, of course.

“Want
me to put him down for his nap now?” Willie asked, turning to his wife. She
stood near the topmost rung of the ladder she used for stocking books in their
little store. Willie couldn’t resist moving close enough to steal a glance
under her skirts.

“Stop
that,” she scolded when she realized what he was up to. “You’ll teach him
another bad habit, and goodness knows
,
he’s picked up
enough of them from you already.” The words might have sounded harsh had Willie
not seen the amused look on her face.

“You’re
probably right. I should set a good example for the boy. God forbid he grows up
to be like me.”

Hattie
huffed out a breath and climbed down the ladder. “Please, don’t talk like that.
You’re a fine fellow, Willie, and don’t ever forget it. I’ll be quite proud if
he grows up to be as good a man as you,” she said, reaching to take the child
from his father. “He’ll need a feeding before his nap. Will you watch the
store, please?”

“I’d
rather watch you,” he said with a wicked grin as she slipped into the small
private room at the side of the bookshop. “Little Willie, you’re a lucky one,
all right.” Big Willie made drooling noises, his tongue lolling out. “I’ll take
my turn later,” he teased. As his wife and son disappeared behind the curtain,
he resolved to get his mind off Hattie’s delicious breasts and concentrate on
work.

Willie
enjoyed helping at the shop, although if the truth were told, it did leave him
somewhat unfulfilled. Of course, he cherished the opportunity to spend time
with his own little family, and working alongside Hattie was pure pleasure.
Still, he sometimes looked back and wished things had turned out a bit
differently.

“No
regrets,” he muttered as he opened a box of books that had arrived by stage
that morning. Dwelling on the past did nothing but make a man miserable. He had
no need for glumness and no room in his heart for any unhappiness.

With
renewed effort, he set to work unpacking the box. He’d nearly finished putting
away its contents—a fancy leather-bound set of encyclopedias—by the time Hattie
returned.

“He’s
sleeping like an angel,” she said.

“Not
for long.” Willie groaned as the bell above the door jangled. He groaned even
louder with Betty Gilman walked into the shop followed by several other ladies
from the Charitable Society. They always wore black, as if they were in a state
of perpetual mourning.

He
wanted to shoo the flock of them away, but of course, he wouldn’t. He was a
proprietor now. Learning to put up with people he didn’t like was a valuable
skill, although a difficult one to master. Dealing with lawbreakers would be
easier than handling customers, he often thought. But again, no regrets over
how his life had turned out.

“Good
afternoon, ladies,” he said, going so far as to give them a slight bow. “Is
there something in particular you’re looking for? We have a fine selection of
Bibles…” They weren’t listening. Instead they were looking around. Their gazes
lighted on Hattie. Like crows, they took off in her direction.

“Hattie
Mae, you’re looking lovely.” Mrs. Gilman’s strident voice filled the little
shop. Sure enough, as Willie had suspected would happen, a squall came from the
back room.

“I’ll
go tend to him.” Grateful for the opportunity to slip away, Willie headed
toward the curtained doorway to the side. He immediately felt bad for leaving
Hattie to face the women alone. Only the sight of her reassuring smile set his
mind and heart at ease once more.

The
women remained at the store for only a few minutes. Willie heard them
speaking—in surprisingly quiet voices—but he couldn’t make out the
conversation. He really had no interest in anything the women of the Ladies
Charitable Society might have to say. They’d treated Hattie so unkindly in the
past.

When he
heard the bell above the door ringing again and the sound of the door closing
as the good ladies exited the store, he poked his head out from around the
heavy curtain. For a moment, he remained quiet. So did the child in his arms.
Willie contently gazed at his wife. She stood in the center of the store, her
arms folded, her demeanor calm, and a serene smile upon her face. Hattie looked
radiant, almost beatific.

Despite
his efforts to be still, his wife must have sensed that he was watching. She
turned toward him. “It’s all right, you can come out now,” she said with a
laugh. “They’re gone.”

“What
did they want?” He came forward. Little Willie stretched his arms out toward
his mother who quickly took him. “From the way you’re smiling, it must have
been a pleasant encounter.” He could hardly imagine it.

“Oh, I
suppose you could say that. I did enjoy speaking to them.” Hattie’s gray eyes
lit up. “Would you believe it, Willie, they actually asked me to join their
society. Now that I’m a respectable married woman, I’m apparently worthy
enough.”

Willie
knew how strong Hattie’s need for acceptance had always been. She’d spent a
lifetime being rejected, first by her own mother and father, then, through the
years, by potential families who found her too quiet or too timid to adopt.
More than anything, Hattie wanted that all-important sense of
belonging
. She wanted to know that she
had a place and a purpose.

“I’m
glad, Hattie.” He bent forward to peck a kiss to her cheek, surprised when she
drew back. “What’s the matter?”

“You
don’t really think I’d accept their offer, do you?” Hattie burst into a fit of
laughter. “Do you really think I’d want to join their little flock and go
flapping around into everybody else’s business the way they do?”

“Well,
no, not exactly.” Flummoxed, he didn’t know what to say. “But they do good
work, too. They are a charitable society.”

“In
name, yes, quite charitable.
And, yes, they do some good deeds. I don’t mean to
disparage all of them. Some of the ladies are quite kind-hearted. I know they
mean well.” She rolled her eyes.
“Even Mrs. Gilman and Mrs.
Bittiker
.”

“You
turned them down.” He broke into a grin. “I wish I could have seen the looks on
their puckered faces.”

“I was
quite nice about it, of course. I was very polite.”

“I’m
sure you were.”

“I told
them I was rather busy tending to my husband, our son, and our bookshop. I
graciously thanked them for extending the invitation. I suggested perhaps they
should spend less time socializing and more time doing charitable works, and I
bade them a very good day.”

“They’ll
come back, you know.”

“Probably
so.”
Hattie
bounced the baby on her hip. “And who knows? Maybe someday I’ll want to join
them. Not for the gossip, of course, but for the friendships and for the good
work they do. But for now, I’ve got you, Willie, and we’ve got our son. We’ve
got a store to run. It’s all I need.”

* * *
*

It was
all Willie needed too. Before he could speak the words aloud and share his
thoughts with Hattie, the bell above the door clanged again.

“Afternoon,
George.” Although he managed to keep the smile on his face, his body tensed
when his former mentor walked into the shop. “The books you ordered came in
earlier today. I was about to pack them up and take them to your office.” As a
businessman, Willie had learned to keep his emotions in check. Ordinarily, he
could, but in that moment, for some inexplicable reason, self-control deserted
him. As he stood face to face with George Whitmore, ready to hand him the new
law books he’d purchased, disappointment overwhelmed him.

Damn
it, but he wanted to practice the law. He had worked hard to prepare for a
legal career, and he, perhaps more than anyone, understood the power knowledge
conferred. He knew, as well, the devastating consequences that resulted when
power was abused. Willie would have made a fine attorney, and he knew it.

But
that right had been denied him.

He
looked away from Whitmore. “Give me a minute. I’ll get the books ready for
you.”

“Before
you do,” the man said, taking a step toward Willie and Hattie, “I need a word
with you. What happened wasn’t fair, and what the committee did to you was
wrong. You passed the examination.”

“I know
I did. No, it wasn’t fair, but that’s how life is. Excuse me.” Unwilling to
listen to more meaningless apologies, Willie turned and headed for the
storeroom.

“The
committee has reconsidered.”

Willie
stopped but didn’t glance back at the man. “Yes?”

“It’s
been unanimously agreed that a license to practice law should be issued.”

Slowly,
he twisted his neck and peered over his shoulder. “Should be…”

“Will
be,” Whitmore corrected.
“Unless, of course, you’ve changed
your mind.
You were wronged. I can’t say I’d blame you if you turned it
down on principle, although I will say it would be stupid on your part. I know
you’re smart enough to not let bad feelings stand in the way of doing the right
thing.”

“The
right thing,” Willie mused as he swung around to once more face the attorney.
He studied the man’s bearing,
then
looked at the
radiant smile Hattie wore. “It should be an easy choice, of course.” But it
wasn’t.

His
gaze moved past Whitmore, past Hattie and the boy in her arms, sweeping over
the neat shelves of books, the well-swept floors, the tidy sales counter, and
the comfortable chairs and reading tables placed at convenient spots throughout
the shop. He drew in a breath, taking in the cheerful atmosphere, the pleasant
ambiance of sunlight mixed with the enticing smell of paper, printer’s ink, and
leather.

Together,
he and Hattie had created this little place of happiness, a place that brought
the latest news and information to the community as well as the most-cherished
stories from the past. Their little shop had become a popular place for parents
and children, and Hattie had dozens of plans for story-telling, reading
circles, and book clubs.

To
pursue the law now would mean leaving Hattie to run the place on her own.

“Well,
Willie, what should I tell the review board?” Whitmore asked.

Hattie
responded first. “Tell them he accepts their offer. He’ll be around first thing
tomorrow morning to personally thank each member of the committee.”

“Hattie…”
Willie stared at his wife. His heart pounded. “What about the shop? You need me
here. How would you manage?”

“I’ll
find a way. I’ll take someone on if necessary. You’re not going to miss out on
this chance. I won’t allow it.”

His
heart beat faster still. “You’re sure? What if it proves more than you can
handle? I don’t want you to ever look back and regret this choice.”

“No
regrets, Willie,” she whispered.

But how
could he be sure? “It’s easy enough to say those words, wife, but no one knows
the future. You might well come to regret this decision.”

“And if
I do, then we’ll talk about it. We’ll find a way to make things work.” Bouncing
little Willie and beaming brightly, Hattie reached up to place a hand to her
husband’s cheek. “You’ve taught me a lot about life, you know, but there’s one
lesson I think you’ve failed to learn. To live with no regrets doesn’t mean a
life with no mistakes, Willie. It means living fully, taking risks, daring to
follow your dreams.”

* * *
*

Late
that night as he and Hattie lay close together in bed, he thought again of her
words. Of course he would accept the review board’s offer and tomorrow he
would, indeed, call upon each member to express his gratitude.

Soon he
would hang out his shingle and open his law practice. How well he
fared
would depend upon himself, his willingness to work
hard, and his ability to offer wise, just counsel. It would mark both a
beginning and an ending.

No more
thoughts of the past. No more looking back at all the mistakes he’d made.

No regrets
.

He and
Hattie said those words so many times, but in truth Willie had countless
regrets. He wished he’d been wise enough to see his father’s failings. He
wished he’d been strong enough to face the truth. He wished he’d been
compassionate enough to have found forgiveness sooner.

Yet for
all the regrets, in the end, what mattered most was not who he had been, nor
even who he might become. What mattered was the moment.