Not Planning on You (25 page)

With a sigh, Gray said, “You know this is just about the baby. I have to find out what’s going on. There is nothing romantic here and never will be.”

Suzy turned in her chair towards the window, trying to
will
her voice to sound normal. “I know Gray, its ok.” She was relieved when he changed the subject.

“Hey a little birdie told me that someone is having a birthday Friday.”

“Ugh please, don’t say that out loud. I’m not acknowledging them anymore.”

“Oh, yes you are. I’ll be back Friday evening early so I want you to have either your sister or my brother in his mini-van to take you shopping for a new dress because we are going to do the town when I get home. I’m not opposed to something very sexy, Ms. Denton.”

“Is that right Mr.
Merimon
? Well, I’ll see what I can do.”

“I love you, baby. I’ll call you tonight.”

“I love you, too, Gray.” As Suzy ended the call, she felt the unusual urge to put her head down on her desk and cry. Gray was having dinner with
Reva
?
Well what did you expect; she’s going to have his baby. Did you think they would communicate via email or fax? Get used to it, sister, there’s a new sheriff in town and it’s not you.
She mentally flipped off the voice in her head and gathered her purse for lunch. Beth walked in with Ella and they all headed for the elevator to meet Claire.

Beth and Ella walked ahead of them to the restaurant down the street. Suzy and Claire walked at a slower speed due to her crutches and Claire’s pregnancy waddle. She was surprised when Claire said, “I’m just going to throw this out there so you will know. Gray told Jason about the mess with
Reva
and you know Jason can’t keep a secret from me to save his life.”

   “Geez and they say that women are gossips. The men around here seem to keep nothing to themselves do
they
?”

Claire looked relieved that she didn’t seem upset about Gray telling them. “How are you feeling about everything, my friend? I have to admit, I’d probably be freaking out right now.”

Giving Claire a smile of reassurance that she was far from feeling, Suzy said, “I’m either handling this really well or I’m still in shock and the freak out will come soon. Actually I think I was doing pretty well until Gray called. He’s having dinner with
Reva
tonight.”

“Oh wow, not what you wanted to hear, right?”

“No, not really, I think I’d managed to pretend it didn’t exist for a while and that just brought it all back home. Claire, you know besides my rather warped sense of humor, I’m a good person, right?”

“Honey, of course you are, one of the best I know. Why would you even need to ask that?”

Suzy hated what she was going to say and she probably wouldn’t have been able to admit it to anyone other than Claire. There wasn’t a judgmental bone in her body and she loved that about her. “If I’m a good person, why do I feel the way I do about
Reva
and the baby? When I think about
Reva
I want to choke her. Did you hear me? I’m admitting to wanting to choke a pregnant woman. That’s just wrong isn’t it?”

Claire put her arm around Suzy’s waist and hugged her. “Oh Suzy, I’d probably feel the same way. You and Gray have waited so long to be together and finally you’re right on the verge of having it all and this comes along. I’m not going to kid you, I’d probably be freaking out.”

“Oh I’m freaking out inside. With Gray back in Charleston, I feel kind removed from it all. It’s almost like this happened to someone I know rather than to me.” Suzy braced herself to admit something to Claire that she could hardly admit to herself. “I’m scared Claire, I don’t know if I can do this. When I think about our lives from this point forward if Gray is the father of her child, it terrifies me. We will never have a normal life together. I’ll always be last, Claire, just as I have my whole life.”

Claire noticed that Beth and Ella had stopped at the entrance to the restaurant waiting for them to catch up. She motioned them on inside and turned to her friend. “Suzy, God I wish I had the words of wisdom that you need. I know that you love each other, but only you can decide what you can or can’t do. If going forward it becomes more than you can handle then you will have to know when to say when. Just take it day by day and hopefully you and Gray will be able to find something that works for everyone. That man has loved you since the moment he laid eyes on you and I know he’s going to do everything in his power to make you happy.”

With a sniff, Suzy said, “I really hate this, I feel like a crappy person for thinking of myself right now.”

Giving her a light punch in the arm, Claire said, “Hey that’s my best friend you’re trashing, you better lay off her.”

“Ok pregnant Rambo, calm down before you blow your plug over there.”

Claire threw back her head and laughed. “Rambo, hey I like that.”

“Uh ok, let’s get you inside. All of that laughter is making your stomach twitch in a rather scary way.
Just calm down, please.”

Claire laughed even harder at the alarmed look on her friend’s face. Suzy really was priceless. Even though she knew that her friend was hurting, she never failed to make her laugh. She hoped and prayed that Gray knew what he was doing. She didn’t know how Suzy would survive losing him, but the fear in her words had scared Claire. Maybe it was time to see if the pillow talk worked in reverse. Normally when they were in bed at night talking about their day, Jason told her what was going on with Gray or Nicholas. Maybe she could let him know of her fears for Suzy and somehow try to communicate them to Gray without breaking her friend’s confidence.

“Hey Claire,
Claireeeeee
, come back.”

“Whoops, sorry about that. When you’re pregnant, you tend to zone out a lot.” She grabbed her friend’s hand and led her into the restaurant before Suzy could quiz her about what she’d been thinking.

Suzy was tired but satisfied when she hobbled behind Nick and Beth into the house. Of course getting around at work had been more challenging with a cast, but it was good to be back in the office again. She and Beth worked well together, and Suzy secretly hoped that Beth would decide to stay for a while.

They had decided to order a pizza since no one was in the mood to cook so Beth placed the order and Suzy went to the bedroom to change into something more comfortable. Having Nick and Beth here now seemed so natural. What would she do if she went back to being alone? People who knew her, even her closest friends, assumed she was a strong, independent woman who needed no one. She’d learned long ago that it was safer to keep that illusion going. It was all an elaborate act of smoke and mirrors. Even Jeff, who she’d spent so many years with, had never known the real Suzy. She’d always held something back from him. Maybe she was afraid that if she gave him all of her, he’d know that she wasn’t good enough. Hadn’t she learned that from her parents?

Through all of her childhood, Suzy put her heart on the line just as Beth had. She remembered how proud she’d been of a Christmas ornament that she’d made in school for her mother. She couldn’t wait to get home with it. She just knew that this would make her mother happy and she pictured her picking her up to give her a hug and a kiss. The reality had been much different. When she’d handed her mother the ornament that she’d wrapped up in notebook paper, her mother had set it aside, scolding her for interrupting her work. When she’d asked her again to just please open it, her mother had huffed and finally pulled off the paper. She’d looked down at her with her usual frown and said, ‘Suzanna, I can see why your grades are so bad, you waste all of your time on such silliness. Now go do your homework and have it finished before dinner.’

Suzy had run to her room with her heart shattered and cried until there were no tears left. That was the last time that she tried to reach out to her mother. Her heart had frozen that day and it had never truly thawed until she met Gray. She’d loved Jeff in her own way. They had a comfortable relationship and he had seemed fine with the part of her that she was able to give him. When he had cheated on her and moved out, it had shaken her. A part of her had said, ‘see there? You were right to hold back because he doesn’t want your love either.’

Gray was different, though. He plowed through every line of defense that she had and refused to let her put her barriers back up. She’d managed fairly well while he had been based in Charleston, but she knew that it was all over the minute she found out he was moving to Myrtle Beach. She was helpless to hold back with him. He saw a part of her that no one other than Claire had. Her heart was his and she didn’t know how she’d recover if he broke it.

“
Youuuuu
whoooo
, Suzy,
helloooo
.
I’ve been calling and calling you. You’re not barbequing alone in there, are you?”

Suzy jumped at the sound of Nick’s voice on the other side of the door. With a roll of her eyes, Suzy yelled back through the door, “What’re you talking about, barbequing alone?”

“You know, the two finger twirl, the solo mambo, the five finger shuffle.”

Suzy jerked the door open and clapped her hand over his mouth. “Oh geez, please stop. You’re such a pervert. If I was doing any of the above, which I wasn’t, you would be the last one to know.”

Nick threw an arm around her shoulders and said, “We’re all family here, babe, no need to be embarrassed.”

Just when Suzy was trying to figure out how to use her cast to trip him, Beth walked in from the deck asking, “What’s taking you guys so long, the pizza is getting cold.”

With a chuckle, Nick said, “Your sister was, um, exploring her feminine side and it took me a few minutes to tear her away.”

At Beth’s confused look, Suzy buried her elbow in his ribs and enjoyed his moan of pain as she walked away from him. Beth had opened a bottle of wine and set the table. When Suzy bit into her slice of pepperoni pizza, she closed her eyes in bliss as the vibrant flavors exploded in her mouth. This would be a perfect evening if Gray was here. She’d love to have him
beside
her looking out over the ocean sipping a glass of wine. Instead she was here with Nick and Beth and he was somewhere having dinner with
Reva
. Life had a cruel sense of humor and it truly sucked sometimes.

“Any word on when Gray will be back, sis?”

Suzy looked at Beth with a grimace. “He’s supposed to be
back
Friday. He wants to take me out for my birthday. Of course tonight he’s taking
Reva
to dinner.”

She didn’t miss the quick exchange of looks between Nick and Beth at that piece of news. Nick cleared his throat looking uncomfortable. “Suzy, don’t give up on him. I know that most women would run for the hills with something like this going on, but my brother really loves you. I still don’t believe that this is his baby.”