Not To Us (43 page)

My depression is gone; cancer, too. I take only vitamins, now. My hair has grown back. I wear it in the latest short chic style, a Victoria Beckham kind of thing that Gianna assures me is all the rage. It’s a nice honey-blonde, a shade or two darker than my former long blonde locks, but Michael likes it this way. As, do I.

My therapist has encouraged me to write down my feelings about loss, love, and life. This has transcended into the semblance of a story that Harriet wants to publish. I’m going to call it,
Wishes
. I’ve already written the dedication to Michael and the kids, all of them.

Here’s what I know to be true: relationships are tested in all kinds of ways and it is the endings we are unprepared for, so I no longer take anyone or anything for granted. I no longer strive for perfection in myself or others or my life because I’ve learned to embrace and trust everything good: true friends, family, and Michael.

Michael.

Our time away together has been well spent. We’ve put away the past, addressed our insecurities, and shared all our secrets. Our trust is this impenetrable bond, a force within us both that grows stronger each day. There are no questions between us any longer. There is no one else, but us.

I glance over at Michael and smile. My golden god is deliriously happy, too, and gives me a knowing look as I stand up and stretch in my new white swimsuit he bought for me in town a few days ago.

“Babe,” I say to him. “What do you want to do today?”

Michael sits up from the lounge chair and gets this evocative smile. “I was thinking along the lines of a pool side romance, something to remember Italy by,” he says with a laugh.

I strut over to him, blocking the sun’s rays from his handsome face as I stand above him. My tanned legs touch each side of his long body where he lies beneath me.

“Perfect. I have plenty of time for romance by the pool with you.”

I settle myself down on top of him. We intertwine our fingers and gaze at each other with this recognizable trust.

“I’ve got time,” I say.

“Tenable
—
capable of being defended, maintained, held; and more than real, Ellen Kay,” he says.

I smile in answer.

This is Michael and me.

≈≈ ≈≈ ≈≈

Thank you so much for reading
Not To Us
!
I hope you loved reading it as much as I loved writing it.

If you enjoyed
Not To Us
, I would love to ask you for a favor. Please go back to wherever you purchased this book (Amazon.com, etc...) and leave an honest review of the novel.

Authors live and die by their reviews. The few extra minutes it takes you to leave a review really helps out!

If you use Twitter, Facebook, or Goodreads, it would also really help me out if you let everyone know why you enjoyed
Not To Us
as well!

And,
thank you so much
for reading my work!

Writing is something that I have been doing my entire life. It is only the last few years that the timing has been just right to focus upon it full-time. I’ve been encouraged by so many: family, friends, colleagues, teachers and readers, of course.
Thank you, all of you, for your encouragement, support, and love.
I know I’m not easy to live with or love, when it comes down to it, especially when I’m in the throes of writing and often appear disengaged when you try to talk to me. Just know, somewhere in there, I’m listening or, at the very least, stealing your story, your ideas, your words, your phrasing, your expressions, your name, and/or aspects of your life for my next novel.
Deal with it.
It’s just fiction after all. Again, thank you
so much
for reading my work.

Katherine Owen

Dedication:

This book is dedicated to my Michael, my one and only wish.

Anointed a
female fictionista
by an overzealous Georgia Bulldog fan, I immediately took it for my job description.

I write. I write a lot. And, when I’m not writing, I think about writing
a lot
. You may think we’re having a conversation, but invariably I’m stealing your name, asking how to spell it, or describing the look on your face in five words or less. I write dark, moody stuff with the sometimes funny. I write lyrical, fantastical, amazing stuff. My readers complain they can’t put the book down because just when they think they’ve figured the story out, it changes and becomes something else.

I spend hours on photo sites looking for the right look for my book coverart. I know the models and photographers by name. It’s part of my over-controlling tendencies. I like controlling everything to do with my books.

I am married and have two children and they all like having me home, but complain that I write too much. Add to that the twittering and the facebooking and the wordpressing and google plus-ing and checking Amazon and now, Pinterest; it’s a full-time gig. And, I take classes with The Writers Studio, so I’m “literary” besides.

When I’m not writing, I like to drink good wine or champagne and look at my awesome view which I rarely see from my writing refuge.

Don’t ask.

So. That’s a little about me.

Here’s the standard stuff. I am a graduate of the University of Washington with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications with a major in Editorial Journalism and a minor in English Literature. My debut novel,
Seeing Julia
, won the Zola Award and First Place with the Pacific Northwest Writers Association in 2010. So far, I’ve written and released three novels:
Seeing Julia, Not To Us
and
When I See You
. I’m busy writing my next novel,
Finding Amy.
Look for its release mid-summer 2012.

Katherine Owen

Hello readers,

I have received many questions and/or comments about
Not To Us
. It is one of those stories that contains so many thought-provoking elements that it leads to all kinds of discussion. I’ve provided a question and answer from an author’s perspective,
mine
, on some of the finer points below.

Is this a memoir or fiction?

This is fiction. All of these characters were made up by me and in no way reflect real people. Ellie’s strive for perfection and her feeling of inadequacy in never quite measuring up were universal traits I’ve observed that I wanted to explore. I wondered: What happens in a relationship that seems to have everything? What happens when one is betrayed? By a husband? By a best friend? What happens to a person when they’re confronted with a life-threatening illness? Does he or she strive to change their course? Choose a different path?

I considered these to be thought provoking, at the very least, and wanted to write a story where these volatile, life-altering situations take place and explore how characters might handle them. Also, the idea of being married to someone else, while being in love with another, intrigued me. There’s no hidden meaning; I just wondered what a person would do if given an alternative path. Would they take it? I wanted to explore how a friendship influences the choices one makes over a lifetime and also how a best friend’s betrayal affects that. There’s also the fragility of relationships one has over a lifetime. I wanted to consider other character traits such as the strive for perfection and how it governs what people act upon and don’t act upon. These were all intriguing to me. In
Not To Us
, both Michael and Ellie strive to do the right thing most of the time, but they both respond to grief in the same kind of way, seeking consolation from others, not trusting each other or themselves, until the very end. I wanted to write about how tragedy can change or alter a person’s life and even, perhaps change their life choices.

What made you want to write a book about breast cancer?

I would argue this book is never really about breast cancer. Cancer is a side issue, while the rest of Ellie’s life falls apart. I don’t want to be too specific because some of you read the last pages first, but this is about one woman’s journey in discovering who she really is and what she really wants, when her life tragically falls apart and she has to make choices. A subset of this theme is the impact that grief and loss have on all of the characters in this story, though the main focus resides with Michael and Ellie.

Obviously, it’s Ellie’s story, told from her point of view, but readers get a sense of all the other characters that touch her life in some way. Keep in mind the first two lines of the book:
There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, irrevocably. It’s the endings that we’re unprepared for.

Not To Us
deals with a lot of different relationships throughout the story that are broken or end, some irrevocably.

Can you talk about Carrie?

Carrie was such an intriguing character to write. Many can relate to having a friend like this
—
the most attractive, the most popular, the most sought after
—
a taker, in the extreme. The friendship Ellie has with Carrie exemplifies the stamp of longevity, even permanence. On the surface, they seem to be friends for all the right reasons. Yet, Ellie doesn’t realize what’s really happening beneath, until she discovers that Carrie has committed the ultimate best friend betrayal. I think readers can relate to a friendship like this. It’s someone one gravitates toward, someone who isn’t necessarily good for them and never has their best interests in mind, yet the friendship is pursued.