Nurse in Love (7 page)

“It needn’t be. We parted friends. And Steven wasn’t—bitter.” Kathryn’s tone was now quiet and assured. And when Sara had gone she went on to reflect how little, really, the truth of her former relationship with Steven Carter had to do with her present unhappiness. For that was caused by Adam Brand’s cruel prejudice and by his closeness to Thelma, who was her enemy and his friend—and perhaps even more
than that. Left to themselves, she and Steven could have taken up the threads of their friendship where they had been dropped. But Adam Brand’s bitterness and Thelma’s enmity had already spoiled her own chance of being completely natural with Steven. And had she not, in her heart, given the other man a silent pledge that he should have no further quarrel with her on the score of Steven Carter? He had taunted her first with an unwillingness to meet Steven again, then asked that she should not deliberately seek him out. Well, she would not. But she did not really hope that any attitude of hers would find favour in Adam Brand’s eyes.

Steven was returning to the Wardrop to take up his former post as registrar to one of the women’s wards, and he and Kathryn did not meet until a fortnight or so after he had begun work. And when they did it was not in hospital, but in the town, when Kathryn was off duty and on her way to see Barbara Thorley.

“Kathryn! How good to see you again!” When she had noticed him approaching she had thought he looked older, his face more drawn, though it had lighted into pleasure at sight of her.

“It’s good to see you too. Are you much better now?”

Some of the light went from his eyes. “Better? Yes, I’m all right, I suppose. But don’t let’s talk about that. If you’re not doing anything particular will you come and have some coffee with me?”

She looked at her watch. “I can’t, Steven. I’m due at Barbara Thorley’s—you remember Barbara, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course. She lost her baby, didn’t she?”

“Yes, but she has someone to care for instead now.
I could tell you about that as we go, if you’d come along with me.”

Steven hesitated. “To
Mrs.
Thorley’s? I really wanted to talk to you, Kathryn.”

“Afterwards, if you must, Steven. We needn’t stay long.” There was an intensity in his tone which made her nervous and anxious to put off being alone with him.

On their way they talked hospital “shop”, and Kathryn was able to give him some items of news he had not yet heard. She knew that he was sure of a welcome from Barbara, for Barbara and Victor Thorley’s house possessed a rare air of extending welcome at any hour of the day or night. Kathryn had often declared laughingly that it would be impossible to arrive on Barbara’s doorstep without doing so to the tune of Barbara’s cheerful: “Come right in
!”

To-day, however, she added with a twinkle: “Well, well—the Wardrop calls
en bloc!
Are you sure Matron isn’t following on, or that you didn’t pass the Board of Management on the way up?”

Puzzled, but laughing with her, they followed her into the sitting-room, where, to Kathr
y
n’s surprise
and
complete dismay, Adam Brand was
sitting
by the fire.

Carol was leaning confidently against the arm of his chair and on his knees lay Edward on his back, staring with button-eyed indifference at the ceiling.

Carol was saying earnestly: “And you don’t think an operation would be a
good
thing, Dr
.
Brand?”

“I’d advise against it at the moment.” Adam’s tone was equally grave. “I grant you that the abdomen is distended”
—
he poked an exploring foref
inger
at Edward’s stuffing
—
“but bed-rest and diet might improve the condition, and perhaps we ought to try that first
—
”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Carol reached solicitously for the teddy-bear and cuddled him to her at the same moment as Adam noticed the newcomers and stood up to greet them.

He bowed to Kathryn and nodded to Steven. Nothing, seemingly could have been less strained than their manner of meeting. But Kathryn was acutely aware of an unspoken question, almost an accusation in his brief glance into her eyes, and even Barbara sensed a tension which, as a clever hostess, she sought at once to dispel.

But, supposing that it arose from an awkwardness between Kathryn and Steven, she introduced Steven and Carol to each other. And then of course Steven had to make the acquaintance of Edward, which left Kathryn and Adam inevitably together.

After a moment Adam said in a low voice: “You haven’t found it easy to do what I asked of you?”

“I met Dr
.
Carter in the town,” returned Kathryn distantly. “He knows Barbara and Victor well, and it wouldn’t have been courteous not to bring him to see Barbara as I was coming myself.”

“Please don’t think you have to explain yourself to me,” he protested quickly.

“You seem to assume I ought to.” Stung to the challenge, she hated herself for making it when her heart was stabbed through with the pain of loving him as she did.

“Then I’m sorry. Though I must say I’d hoped you’d be wise—and considerate enough of Steven to keep away from him, if you can’t encourage him sincerely,” he said quietly, making Kathryn wish with all her heart
for the power to snatch back the retort which had sounded like a hot resentment of his interference in her affairs. But it was already too late. He had turned to Barbara to ask when she expected Victor home, saying that if he might he would wait to see him.

Victor had not come by the time Kathryn and Steven took their leave. She had been aware for some time that he was anxious to go, and as they left the house he apologised: “I don’t know what’s the matter with me. Nerves, I suppose. But I don’t seem to be able to settle to anything—even as pleasant a half-hour as that
—
for long.”

“It’s an aftermath of your illness, I daresay. You can’t expect to feel fit all at once, especially when you’ve had a complete change of climate to cope with too.”

“I suppose not.” He did not sound convinced. Their way led past the playing-fields of Victor’s school, where a game of Rugby was in progress. The ground was bordered by a wall with a parapet at elbow-level, and as if by mutual consent they stood to rest their arms on it, watching the game.

They watched in silence for some time. Then Kathryn said slowly: “Steven—there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you, if it doesn’t seem like too much of a probe into your private feelings.”

“You know you can ask me anything.”

“Well—you weren’t too—too sad or embittered over my refusing to marry you?”

He kept his eyes upon the racing, tumbling boys as he said: “You know how much I cared.”

“Yes, I do. But you did accept that it would have been wrong of me to say Yes if I felt I didn’t love you enough?”

His mouth twisted a little. “I had to accept it, didn’t
I?”

“Yes, but you didn’t hold it against me for too long?” How difficult all this was!

“I didn’t hold it against you at all. How could I?” Her spirits lightened.

“Then, whatever your disappointment, you weren’t still fretting over me after you went out to Africa?”

“I hadn’t forgotten you, if that’s what you mean.”

“But you wouldn’t claim that—that worry over me had helped to bring on your illness?” Her gloved fingers gripped hard upon the stone as she put the question.

Steven turned to stare at her in surprise. “But of course not! You were right to refuse me if you didn’t love me. Kathryn, you haven’t been blaming yourself all this time?”

Blaming
herself!
The unconscious irony of that curved her lips into a smile. But she was so relieved to know for certain that it had been Thelma, not Steven who had betrayed her with falsehoods that she could afford to be generous now.

“Perhaps I had a little,” she said. “It’s good to know the truth.” She would not blame Thelma to Steven, nor would she admit to him that it was important to her that Adam Brand should learn the truth too.

“Well, that’s true,” Steven was assuring her. “You shouldn’t ever have let yourself think otherwise.” They turned to walk on. After a moment he said: “By the way, Thelma has some fool idea of giving a party to celebrate my return. I’m against the whole thing, but if she insists on carrying it out, you’ll come, won’t you, Kathryn?”

Kathryn was surprised. Surely even Thelma could understand that Steven, nervous and unsure of himself, should be allowed to slip back into routine, instead of being dragged into the limelight of a party given in his honour? But she believed that Thelma would have her way. It had always been like that—she would lay her plans, and sooner or later Steven would fall in with them.

He repeated urgently:
“
You will come, won’t you? If you don’t promise, I swear I’ll not be there myself
!”

Adam Brand had not wanted her to seek Steven out. But how could she refuse to yield to an appeal like this when it mattered so much to him? She squared her shoulders and smiled up at him.

“
I’ll be there,” she promised.

She duly received a formal invitation in Thelma’s writing, and found that her sense of humour was not above wishing she could have been invisibly present when Steven had probably had to insist that she should be asked. She waited to make sure that she could expect to be off duty on the evening in question, and then accepted with equal formality.

She was due to go off duty at five leaving her staff nurse in full charge. By that time the afternoon’s important event—the visit of a specialist in tubercular diseases to a child who was isolated for observation
—
would be over, and Staff Nurse would be quite capable of carrying on.

But the afternoon wore on, and no specialist arrived. Adam, who would be accompanying him on to the ward, telephoned to say that his car had broken down on the way from London and that he would be late.

Staff Nurse fussed: “It would have to happen when
you want to get off, Sister! Why do you suppose he couldn’t have hopped on to the Underground and have arrived in time?”

Kathryn laughed. “When you’re as famous as Sir Brathwaite Lane you’ve probably lost the habit of using the Underground! There’s nothing for it—I shall have to wait.”

“Well, I’d rather you did, Sister. I
could
manage, but
—
”

“Dr
.
Brand would expect me to, anyway,” said Kathryn. “It’s just one of those things about nursing
—
it
defies
you to make plans
!”

Long overdue, the specialist came at last, and when he had seen the patient and had held a consultation with Adam, the time was nearer six-thirty than five. As soon as the two doctors had gone, Kathryn slipped away herself. She had promised Steven that she would be there at seven, and she still had to bath and change!

She was hurrying across the main hall towards the nurses’ quarters when the big front door swung open and Adam, who had been seeing Sir Brathwaite Lane off, came in.

He stepped into Kathryn’s path. “I’m sorry if Sir Brathwaite’s tardiness delayed you,” he said. “Carter mentioned that you would be going to their party this evening, and as I’m due there too, perhaps
y
ou’d permit me to give you a lift when you have changed
?”

“Please don’t trouble. It’s not far,” murmured Kathryn.

“But shorter by car than on foot. If you’ll tell me how long you’ll need, I’ll have the car outside. Twenty minutes? Half an hour? Longer?”

She promised to be ready in half an hour, and hurried away to her room. She found herself wanting to
sing as she unpinned her cap, took off her uniform and flung aside the undies that were warm and sensible on the ward and so very dull for an “occasion”.

And this was an occasion. Dressing for it with care, she longed to be able to believe that Adam would admire her a little. The silly, silly rapture of receiving even the smallest gesture of courtesy from someone you love! The absurd elation of it before its significance begins to fade and the eager, seeking heart begins to crave the little more—and then the little more again!

But for to-night she could be content with what she had. Once she had had her shower, her fingers flew about the rest of her toilet. Her bag, her gloves
...
She had over-run her time by five minutes, and she must hurry. And only for a few more brief moments could she cherish the make believe that Adam Brand had done anything other than merely offer her a lift to their common destination!

Thelma was greeting her guests as they arrived. As Kathryn entered, with Adam behind her, Thelma’s glance went to Adam and then back to Kathryn with a kind of insolent surprise. Steven came quickly forward to claim Kathryn, and the other two were left together.

Alone with Adam, Thelma said: “Silly of me. I ought to have got Steven to call for Kathryn Clare.”

Adam was taking a cigarette from the box she was handing him. As he lit it his eyes met hers above the flame.

“I should have thought you would have deplored deliberately throwing them together,” he said. “And t
his
party, for instance—was it wise in the circumstances? I can’t believe that Steven could really want it.”

Thelma’s shoulders lifted in the merest shrug.

“Steven in his present mood would have been content to slink back as if he were a criminal or a returning remittance-man,
”
she said distastefully. “I wanted to give people something to remember about his return. As for him and Kathryn Clare”—she looked across the room towards them—“you yourself said that you thought it unlikely he could go on being in love with her indefinitely, after the way she had treated him.”