Nutcase (17 page)

“To be perfectly honest, I’ve been having this problem for quite a while now,” he confessed.

I turned my chair so that I was looking out the window instead of at Mona. Even though I hated it when my family called for medical advice that I could not give them, I found myself considering his dilemma. I couldn’t imagine
any
man getting turned on by my aunt Lou, a woman who smoked unfiltered cigarettes, sounded like her vocal cords had gone through a shredder, and carried an ice pick in her purse. “I’m sorry to hear it,” I said.

“So what I did was borrow some Viagra from a friend.”

I heard a choking sound behind me. Mona had a sofa cushion pressed against her face. She raced out of the room and closed it behind her. I could hear her laughing from the other side.

“What’s that noise?” Uncle Bump asked.

“Huh? Oh, they’re having a big party in the next office.” I got up and reached for the pen on the floor and stuffed it into the mug on my desk. I quickly counted to make certain I had an even number.

“Okay, so back to my problem,” he said. “I was wondering if you thought it would be safe for me to take my friend’s medicine.”

“Gee, Uncle Bump, I don’t know—”

“I’m thinking it would be safer than having your aunt mad at me,” he said.

It was hard to believe that this was the same uncle who’d drunk and gotten into fistfights in the seediest bars in Atlanta. He’d earned the nickname “Bump” after a biker had broken his nose and left a tiny knot on the ridge. “Like I’ve said before, Uncle Bump, I’m not an MD. You need to talk to your doctor.”

“I can’t get an appointment for two weeks,” he said. “If your aunt doesn’t have an orgasm pretty soon she’s liable to stick that ice pick through my liver.”

“I’m sorry I can’t help you,” I said, “but I feel I should warn you that taking someone else’s medication is never wise.”

“I guess I’ll have to take my chances,” he said and hung up.

I reached into my drawer and pulled out my can of dust remover that was used to blast debris from keyboards, cell phone buttons, and a variety of electronic equipment. I sprayed it directly on the stuck button, and it finally popped up, cutting off the speakerphone.

I called my mother. She answered on the first ring. “Thanks for all your hard work,” I said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help.”

“Trixie and I were happy to do it.”

“How’s Arnie?”

“He insists on us calling him Arnell, and he is doing great. All he needed was a little TLC. So what time do you want to start loading the truck tomorrow?”

“I suppose we should start early,” I said. I wasn’t ready to break the news that I had no place to go. Maybe she’d feel sorry for me and let me operate my practice out of the back of her truck until I found something I could afford. Of course, it might prove difficult on rainy days.

We finished our conversation and hung up. I was tired, and my stress level was at an all-time high. I wanted to talk to Jay in the worst way; but I would not push myself on him. And truly, I felt he owed me one or two explanations, starting with Mandy and ending with the reason he’d kept information from me about the fires.

I put my head on my desk. Maybe if I stayed perfectly still nothing dangerous or chaotic would happen.

I saw three patients back-to-back, which helped take my mind off my own problems, but by the end of the day I was dragging.

Mona tapped on the door and peeked in. “Guess who’s here?”

“Tell me it’s not a Jehovah’s Witness,” I said.

“Nope.” She pushed open the door and Jeff stepped inside my office holding Mike.

He wore a big smile. “Your little princess was missing you so I thought I’d drop her off to save you a trip to my office. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Your timing is perfect,” I said. Just seeing that Mike was okay lifted my spirits. Jeff put her down and she ran to me.

I scooped her up in my arms. “She’s back to normal?” I asked, checking her eyes to see if they were glazed. She seemed alert and happy to see me.

“She’s fine,” Jeff said, grinning. I noticed Mona studying him from the doorway.

“Have you two met?” I asked.

I officially introduced them, and they shook hands. “I sort of figured out who he was when he stepped inside holding Mike,” Mona said. She looked at Jeff. “Just so you know, Kate is constantly singing your praises.”

“The feeling is mutual,” he said.

Mona suddenly gave a huge smile. “You know what I think?” she said. “We need to celebrate Mike’s full recovery.” She turned back to Jeff. “I don’t know about you,” she said to Jeff, “but Kate and I could use a little fun.”

He seemed to consider it. “I could bring pizza,” he suggested.

“And I’ll bring wine,” Mona said.

I was in no mood to celebrate. I was tired and irritable and figured I’d be terrible company. But they looked so hopeful that I hated to say no. I forced a smile. “You talked me into it,” I said.

 

 

 

I was not surprised when Mona told me Dr. Hudson was on the phone. I knew I hadn’t heard the last from him.

“I’m impressed, Dr. Holly,” he said when I picked up, “that you were able to sneak a patient off the psychiatric ward. It proves how incompetent the hospital is.”

“Yes, and that’s one of our better hospitals,” I said. “Scary, huh?” I added. “By the way, how’s the nose?”

“You’re going to pay for this,” he said.

“Is that a threat, Dr. Hudson? Because if it is, I’m going to hang up and call the police. Then, I’m going to call a friend of mine who is an investigative reporter, and once I steer him onto you and the senator, he’ll blow this whole thing wide open. Let’s see who loses whose license first.”

“You can’t prove anything.”

“I have blood tests, photos of the bruises on Mrs. Larkin’s body, and her side of the story. And while the senator may have paid off the housekeeper, she could be subpoenaed to testify in court.”

“You’re a real bitch on wheels, aren’t you?”

“Well, I
do
have a bit of a temper,” I said. “Hell, I blew up my own office two months ago with nitroglycerin. Which is why I’m being evicted from the building,” I added, “and why you don’t want to piss me off.” I was amazed that I could sound like such a bad ass, especially with my knees knocking beneath my desk. “Go home, Dr. Hudson.” I hung up.

chapter 12

Mona arrived at my place early, bearing two bottles of wine. I had taken a quick shower and changed into jeans and a knit pullover. Elizabeth Larkin had called to let me know she was okay and that she had an appointment with my psychiatrist friend first thing in the morning.

“I decided to bring a bottle of merlot since I don’t know what Jeff drinks,” Mona said. “Boy, is he good-looking or what? Have you ever noticed that all the really good looking guys are gay?”

“Not all of them.”

“Okay, just most of them,” she said.

I opened a bottle of chardonnay, poured two glasses, and led Mona to the sofa. She looked thoughtful.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked. “I can see the wheels spinning in your brain.”

“I was thinking about what you said about how I have a lot to offer, and that really made me feel good. Only problem is, I don’t know what I should be doing with my life.”

“What interests you most?” I asked.

“Other than online shopping?” she replied.

I took a sip of wine and waited.

“Let’s face it, Kate. I’m shallow. I think that’s why Liam has lost interest.”

“He hasn’t lost interest.”

“He had dinner with a cute nurse last night. My PI got a picture of them.”

I couldn’t hide my disappointment. “Where did they go?”

Her bottom lip trembled. “The hospital cafeteria.”

“Oh for Pete’s sake!” I said. “That has to be the most unromantic place in the world.”

“I know you think I’m overreacting, but my female intuition tells me something is going on between them. A woman’s intuition is usually right. And why shouldn’t he lose interest in me? He’s devoted to helping people, and all I’ve done is complain about being ignored. Maybe he
was
ignoring me because he realized I have no, um, substance.”

“I thought I was hard on myself,” I said, “but I think you’ve got me beat.”

She didn’t seem to be listening. “I wasn’t always this self-centered,” she said. “I used to attend fund-raisers all the time with Mr. Moneybags.”

“So, go out and raise funds,” I said. “I’ll bet you know all the right people.”

She looked at me. “You don’t get it, Kate. The only reason I was accepted into that clique was because I was Mrs. Henry Epps. I’m not educated and refined. I’m the one who got kicked out of Miss Millie’s Charm School, remember? And I would never have graduated from beauty school had I not promised my instructor a good time if he passed me.” She looked as if she might cry. “I’m ashamed to say I was relieved he had a car wreck after graduation and ended up paralyzed from the waist down.”

“You’re making that up.”

“It’s the truth. The bottom line is you’re the only real friend I have. You accept me just like I am.”

“I don’t believe that,” I said. “People love being around you.”

“Okay, the pool guy wants to be my friend, but I think he has ulterior motives.”

“You might be onto something.”

“I certainly don’t fit in with Liam’s friends,” she continued. “I thought a femur was an exotic cat, and a corpuscle was a military person. His friends think I’m an idiot. I figured if I went to nursing school I would be able to talk on their level, you know?” She shook her head. “But I wouldn’t last five minutes in nursing school, and the reason I’ve got a PI following Liam is so I can catch him doing something wrong and break up with him before he breaks up with me.”

I saw that she was fighting tears. “You know what, Mona? I don’t care how smart Liam’s friends are or how cute the nurses may be, they’ve got nothing on you. If you were all invited to a party,
you
would be the one to stand out. Why? Because you’re witty and beautiful and because you have a heart of gold.”

“But I would never take in a stray dog or risk losing my license by sneaking a patient from the psychiatric ward,” she said. “You could have had a luxury office at Thad’s place and built a fine practice, but you refused to go along with him and do the easy thing. You did the
right
thing,” she added.

“I know you, Mona,” I said. “You would have done the same thing. You would have gone to any extreme to help an emotionally and physically battered woman find safety.”

I noticed we’d finished our wine and I went into the kitchen to refill our glasses. The phone rang. Jeff spoke from the other end of the line.

“I had to go back to the office for a small emergency,” he said. “I’m running about twenty minutes late.”

“That’s fine,” I said. “If you’re lucky we’ll still have a little wine left.”

I carried our glasses to the living room and set them down on the coffee table. I turned on the radio and chose a soft rock station, hoping it would lift Mona’s spirits as well as mine.

By the time Jeff arrived with pizza and ice cream, Mona and I had opened the merlot and we were each on our third glass of wine. I’d turned up the music. I was feeling tipsy. It occurred to me that I’d eaten nothing all day.

“How about a drink,” Mona said to Jeff as the three of us stood in the kitchen. She motioned to the bottle of wine.

“Sure,” he said. “Here, let me pour it.” He reached for the bottle, and his hand brushed Mona’s. He looked embarrassed.

The radio started playing “Old Time Rock and Roll,” and Mona ran to the living room. “This is my favorite song!” She turned it up loud. “Kate, come dance with me.”

I looked at Jeff. “We’re a little drunk, I think.”

He grinned. “So, go dance.”

I kicked off my shoes and joined Mona in the living room. Jeff watched from the doorway; Mike stood beside him wagging her tail. She came into the living room and barked several times as if wanting to join in.

“Ignore her,” I told Mona. “She’s probably still got a buzz going.”

The song stopped, and another one came on, “Slow Dancing.” Mona motioned for Jeff. “Come dance with me, handsome,” she said, holding her arms out.

I don’t know if he looked more surprised or confused, but he set his wineglass down and hurried toward her. I picked up Mike and pretended to dance with her as her tail wagged happily. I closed my eyes and thought of the slow dances I’d shared with Jay, and I was suddenly filled with a sense of longing so deep it took my breath away. I wanted to call him in the worst way. I gripped Mike tighter.

The song stopped. “You’re an excellent dancer, Jeff,” I heard Mona say.

“I had a good partner. Do you want me to refill your glass?”

“That would be nice.”

I reached into the cabinet for plates and set the table as they joined me in the kitchen, chatting about their favorite songs. I noticed Mona’s words had lost their edge and they sounded soft around the corners.

“Dinner is served,” I announced as I set the pizza box on the table. I noticed Jeff had finished his glass of red wine. “Does anyone want a soft drink?”

“I’ll take one,” he said.

Mona shook her head. “I’m good.”

I grabbed two soft drinks from the refrigerator. Jeff pulled out our chairs, and we sat down. I opened the box and placed a slice of pizza on everyone’s plate.

“This is really nice,” Mona said. “I haven’t been out in a long time.”

“How come?” Jeff asked.

“I’ve been in a relationship. A dead-end relationship,” she added, taking a long sip of her wine.

“You don’t know that,” I said, wishing Mona would put down her wine and start eating her pizza.

“Don’t ever date anyone younger than you,” Mona told Jeff. “It’s very stressful.”