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I realize I’m embarrassed, Nbook. I feel like a little kid who did something wrong. Like I shouldn’t be there in the kitchen, all dirty and beaten up. If I’d done the right thing — gone into

the cineplex [sic] instead of staying outside, or fought back better, or run away, anything but what I ended up doing, which was nothing — I’d be fine.

Of course Mami and Papi come running down the stairs to see if I’m all right. And I start crying all over again.

I expect them to get angry or worked up, but they don’t. They just hold me and comfort me.

Papi starts asking about the girls, what they looked like, etc. I try to answer, but I get about as far as the part where they called me names, and I start to break down.

He just backs off, holding me and saying he’s glad I’m home. “You used good sense,” he says.

“The worst thing would have been to try to fight back.”

“You’re here,” Mami says. “You’re safe. You’re still you.”

“And we love you,” Papi adds.

I sob and sob. And all I can think is, I DID try to fight back. I could have gotten myself hurt.

AM I CRAZY?

OK. Sorry, Nbook, I have to stop. My fingers are cramped and my head hurts. Maybe I’ll go back to bed.

10:44 A.M.

I wake up with my heart pounding. It’s 9:30. I’ve only been asleep a few minutes. It feels like a whole day has gone by.

I go to the kitchen, feeling spooked. Isabel is eating cereal and reading a magazine. I say hi but it comes out a grunt.

“You look awful.” She puts down her magazine and frowns at me. “You didn’t sleep well, did you?”

I shake my head.

“You know, you really should have called the police.”

“Maybe.”

“If it were me, I’d be at the station house all night if I had to. Then, when they caught those animals, I’d march over to their houses and spit in their faces.”

Right.

I ignore her. I look in the cupboards, but nothing interests me.

Now Papi’s shuffling into the kitchen in his pj’s and robe. “Hey, who wants frittatas?” he calls out.

“I already ate,” Isabel says.

“No, thanks,” I say.

Papi pats my shoulder and asks me if I’m OK. I say yes, but I don’t fool him. “Sit,” he says.

“Relax. These’ll be so good you won’t be able to resist.”

I try to have an appetite. I tell myself how much I love Papi’s frittatas. And he really does them up. He’s throwing in green peppers and cheese and spices, dancing and singing.

But my stomach is like a tight fist. Thinking about food, I feel nauseated.

I get up from the table, just as Mami comes down to the kitchen. She tells me that Ducky and Maggie both called while I was out last night. She apologizes for not mentioning it.

Under the circumstances, I totally understand.

I want to call them. But I can’t.

Maybe later.

7:01 P.M.

Still haven’t called.

Can’t move.

Feeling really tired. Didn’t do much today except go shopping with Isabel.

I didn’t want to go. Didn’t want to leave the house.

I am so totally not excited about this party now. Don’t know why.

Anyway, Isabel and I go to Leo’s and order food for the party. After we’re done, outside the story, Isabel suddenly grabs my arm. She’s looking at a girl across the street. She sys, “Is that one of them?”

My heart starts pounding — literally. I can feel my shirt moving.

I can’t tell if the girl is one of my attackers. She might be. I kind of stutter and say I don’t know, and the girl’s already halfway down the block.

Isabel seems impatient. “You can’t be scared of them, you know. They feed off the fear.”

Before this, I am feeling fine. But now, as we get into the car, I’m paranoid.

Next we stop off at Winslow Books. Isabel wants this book about party planning.

While she’s looking, I spot the travel section. There are no books about western Massachusetts but plenty about New England. So I pick one up. And as I’m reading, I see

Suddenly I feel like I’m going to throw up. I go to the bathroom.

I’m hanging over the sink and the nausea’s slowly going away — and soon Isabel’s inside, looking at me like I’m insane.

I tell her why I’m there. Her eyes flare. And she marches out of the bathroom.

This is awful, Nbook. So embarrassing.

Why did this have to happen now?

Why did this have to happen at all?

I have to study.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better.

Saturday night

No, Sunday morning

Whatever

It’s late.

Can’t sleep. Again.

Every time I feel myself drifting off, I go

Oh. Guess who’s fast asleep on my floor right now?

How, you may be wondering, did this happen?

She phones around 8 P.M. She asks why I haven’t returned her calls.

I remind her she only called once.

She replies, “Isn’t that enough?”

She’s in a foul mood. She launches into this speech about how much she hates the movie business. Why? Because Tyler’s going away on location for three weeks — to replace another actor who backed out of a movie. Turns out he knew he might have to do this, but he didn’t mention it to Maggie until last night — over the phone! She feels totally betrayed.

So what does she do? Hangs up on him and yells at her dad.

Naturally he yells back. Then she tells him he doesn’t understand. And he storms away.

Life at the Blumes’.

Anyway, she’s mad at the world. And she wants to come over here.

“Sure,” I say.

“And how was your date?” she finally asks.

“I got beaten up,” I reply.

Long silence. “You what?”

I go through the whole story. I hear her muttering “Oh my God” every few seconds.

I’m exhausted when I finish. I’m crying. She’s crying too. She says she’ll be right over.

Right over means an hour later — in Ducky’s car, with Sunny. Yes, she’s called and told them everything (Dawn knows too, but she wasn’t home).

Maggie has flowers. Sunny has ice cream. Ducky has a CD.

I feel like it’s my birthday.

Sunny and Ducky want to hear what happened, so I tell them. Maggie holds my hand. She says it’s good to talk these things out. It makes you feel better.

Fat chance. It feels just as horrible the third time as it did the first. But I guess it is nice to have friends around. At least when you cry you’re not the only one.

Eventually Ducky manages to change the subject. He has an update on the Dawn party.

Friday in school Sunny started stressing over the bowling party (she says it’s because she’s never bowled — Ducky says she’s worried about her nails), so they were talking about it in the school hallway, hidden away near the custodial office.