Object Me: A Bad Boy Lawyer Romance (16 page)

I
put
my key in the door, hoping that no one would be home. I didn’t think that I had the mental energy to explain the night’s events again. When I opened the door, Sasha was sitting at the kitchen table, leafing through a magazine and eating a bowl of ice cream.

“Hey, how did it go?” she asked cheerfully.

I broke down. I thought I did a pretty good job keeping in the tears until now.

“Remember when you said it wouldn’t be that bad?” I cried. “It was so much worse than I could have even imagined.”

She shut her magazine. “What the hell happened?” she asked.

By this time, I had the story down and told her about everything from how awful my mom was being to how odd and humiliating it was to be proposed to in a restaurant full of people.

As my story progressed, her jaw dropped lower and lower. By the time I told her about running out of the restaurant, both of her hands were covering her mouth and her eyebrows were nearly to her hairline.

“Have you talked to your parents since you left the restaurant?” she asked.

I didn’t even think about the fact that they might call. I checked my phone. There were three missed calls from my mom. She must have called while I was with Martin.

“I’m afraid to call them back,” I said.

“Maybe they’ll apologize for putting you in such a bad position,” Sasha suggested.

“That’s not going to happen,” I said with a hollow laugh. “I’m more worried that they’re going to disown me.”

“Don’t be dramatic. They’ve got some messed up priorities, but they love you.”

“You don’t know my parents. My mom was the one who found my Princeton acceptance letter. She threatened to completely cut me off. No more money, no more coming home. I was lucky that my dad managed to talk her out of it. I’m afraid he won’t be able to this time.”

“Cut you off for not agreeing to get married to some jabroni you don’t even like?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. I’m thinking about opening a separate bank account just so I can survive. My parents have never let me get a job. I don’t have any work experience, so how will I survive if I can’t even get a part-time job?”

“We’ll worry about that, if that time ever comes,” Sasha said reassuringly. “At least your tuition is paid, so you have somewhere to live for the rest of the year.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ll see what happens.”

I dried my eyes on my sleeves and helped myself to a bite of Sasha’s ice cream. Even if my parents abandoned me, I would still have good friends like Sasha around.

“So do you think that Sebastian is done with you now?” Sasha asked.

“I would hope so, but it’s hard to say. Law student or not, I think Sebastian is incredibly stupid,” I giggled.

“Seriously,” Sasha said. “Take a hint, Seb! Is he good looking at least? Like what’s he like compared to someone like, I don’t know, Martin?”

“Martin!” I exclaimed. “I almost forgot to tell you about the second part of my night.”

I explained how I ran into Martin and how I went back to his dorm to talk. Sasha loved this story. When I finished telling her, she let out a squeal.

“You kissed?” she practically shouted. “How was it?”

“It was…nice. It was really, really nice.” I couldn’t help but break out into a smile.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” she demanded.

“I don’t know about love,” I said hesitantly.

“But?”

“But I like him. A lot.”

Sasha let out a dramatic sigh. “Was that so hard to admit?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve liked him for ages. Why are you only now realizing it?”

“I don’t know,” I paused. I wasn’t even sure if I knew the answer to that. “Because he was always so rude to me. You know I’m not the type to chase after boys. I don’t want something I can’t have.”

“Are you kidding me?” Sasha said. “That’s the best part—the chase.”

“This was too much drama for me to handle though. If you dated a football player, I bet your parents would be pleased. Mine would disown me.”

“Yet again, I don’t understand your world,” she said.

“And I don’t think he can either. I don’t want to hurt him. I tried ignoring him for both of our sakes and that made things worse. I don’t want to lead him on when there’s a good chance that I’ll never see him again after graduation. I really don’t want to lead him on if I’m going to be marrying someone like Sebastian.”

“We can’t let that happen,” Sasha said.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s up to us,” I said.

I couldn’t think of a scenario where either of us could be happy. I could be with Sebastian and keep my family. Martin would probably hate me forever. I could also date Martin, but then my family would disown me. What if Martin and I didn’t last? We haven’t had a great history of getting along, so if we broke up, I would be without a boyfriend and a family.

How could I keep my distance from Martin without upsetting him? Though, I wasn’t sure I could stand being away from him, either. His kiss was just a small preview of what I could have if I spent more time with him. I needed more.

My mom had put me on a dozen diets during my childhood. I knew better than anyone that if you eliminate something delicious from your life, then you’ll only want it more.

“I’m going to go hang out with Reg at a football party. Do you want to come with me?” Sasha asked.

“I think I’m going to go to bed. It’s been a very weird night,” I said.

What an understatement! I just attended a dinner with my parents where they arranged my marriage to a guy I have repeatedly said I wasn’t interested in. Then, by mere coincidence, I ran into the guy I really want to be with, and we kiss. It was like the universe was presenting me with two different futures, and I had to choose which one I wanted. It was too much for one night. I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow.

I
woke
up early after a night of restless sleep. I kept having the weirdest dreams after Alexa left. I had a dream that I was in Alexa’s room and we were making out when she started taking off her clothes.

I was kissing her neck, and she was in ecstasy. But instead of moaning my name, she kept saying Sebastian. I would correct her, but she couldn’t hear me. She just kept saying his name. I think I woke myself up from saying my own name.

Once I managed to fall asleep again, I dreamt that Alexa’s parents were coming to kill me. I kept trying to run, but my feet felt heavy and sluggish. At one point, I even tried to run backward because my legs would not move forward. Her mom found me and held a gun to my head. I woke up when she pulled the trigger.

Now I was awake. After a night of poor sleep, I was left feeling just as confused as I did last night. I decided that I’d go crazy if I sat in my room alone, so I got dressed and went to the gym. I sent a quick text before I left.

Couldn’t sleep. I would love to see you. If you want to talk, I’ll be at the gym for a few hours.

I was just about to start my reps at the bench press when a familiar face appeared. There’s no faster way to spoil your peaceful workout than to have Donny around.

“Need me to spot you?” he asked.

“Sure,” I said dryly. “What are you doing here so early?”

“Rise and grind, baby,” he said stupidly. “As the captain, I have to set a good example for my boys.”

“I didn’t know coach announced new captains.”

“Well, not officially, but it couldn’t be anyone else but me.”

He was probably right, and that made me feel sorry for my younger teammates.

“So, you porked Alexa last night, nice,” he said, too loudly.

I glared at him. “That’s none of your business.”

“She’s gonna break your heart, man,” he said. “That’s what those rich girls do.”

I nearly dropped the bar on my chest. “What do you mean by that?”

“I went to boarding school up east. I’ve seen it a million times. Some girl starts hanging out with a boy who’s just there on scholarship. Once the parents find out he’s a nobody, they shut it down. There was this kid on the hockey team; his parents were farmers or something like that. They didn’t have a lot of connections.

The daughter of a senator starts hooking up with him. Next thing you know, he’s been expelled and she moves on to another kid.”

“What was he expelled for?” I asked, curious if this was even a real story.

“Honestly, nobody ever found out. But, you can be sure that that girl didn’t shed a tear over poor Bryan. Once her parents straightened her out, she found someone with more money, more connections. That’s the way it works. If you’re not good enough, they’ll move on to someone else.”

Listening to him talk about this made me feel ill. I was starting to believe him, too. He knew this world a lot better than I did. I was a complete outsider. Even if I went pro, I don’t think it would make any difference.

Is this what Alexa was going to do to me? She would use me for a few months and then move on to someone who could give her a better life. I knew I wasn’t good enough for her. I just wish I could have grown up in a family like Donny’s, just so I could have a chance to be with her.

I was about to get on the treadmill when I saw her enter the gym. I hoped that Donny was nowhere near. I didn’t need him spoiling my time with Alexa.

“Hey,” I said, waving her over. I didn’t know what the proper protocol was for whatever our relationship was. Do I hug her? Can I kiss her? I followed her lead and gave her an awkward smile.

“Look,” she started. “Last night was weird. I’m really glad I had you around to talk to.”

“Of course, anytime.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“I had a really weird dream about you last night,” I blurted out. Crap. Now she’ll think I’m a creep.

She laughed. “What was it about?”

“Your parents were hunting me and I couldn’t move my legs.”

“I actually had a strange dream about you last night, too,” she giggled.

“Did I die in that dream, too?” I asked.

“No, we were, um, we were in my bed. Sebastian came in and started crying.”

Blood rushed to my face from the image she put in my mind. I noticed she was blushing too.

“So,” Alexa started. “About last night…”

I clenched my jaw. This didn’t sound good.

“I don’t expect you to understand, but things are really complicated between my parents and me. I don’t think I can be in a relationship right now. I’m really scared that I’m going to lose everything if I upset them any further. I feel really terrible saying this—“

“It’s okay,” I said. “I get it. If you want space, I can give you that.”

“Thanks,” she said, biting her lip. “I don’t know what I want. I want to still have parents by the time I graduate.

My relationship with my mom has been rocky for years, but I don’t want to upset my dad. Apart from Sasha and Gia, he’s the only one who has ever supported me.”

“Does this mean we can’t talk anymore?” I asked.

She smiled. “No, of course not. There’s no reason why we can’t be friends. Especially now that I know you’re fun to hang out with.”

I smiled back. This wasn’t what I wanted, but I guess I could accept this compromise. Even if we couldn’t be together in the way I wanted, being friends with Alexa was better than no Alexa.

“Why don’t you and the girls come over to my place later this week?” I asked. I think Reg and Sasha have been hitting it off lately.”

She giggled. “Sasha hits it off with everybody.”

“What about Thursday night?”

“Perfect,” she answered. “I don’t have class on Friday. Do you?”

“It depends on how much I drink on Thursday,” I laughed. “Will I see you in class this week?”

She nodded. It looked like she still had a lot on her mind.

“I’ll see you later, then,” she said. “I’m going to swim some laps.” She held up her gym bag.

“See you,” I said, climbing onto the treadmill.

Maybe we would never be a couple. That didn’t mean we couldn’t spend some quality time together.

A
fter the three
missed calls from the previous weekend, my parents hadn’t tried to get a hold of me. That was, until Thursday afternoon. During my Childhood Development class, I got a text message from my mom that said:

Alexa, call me as soon as possible.

I had been dreading this all week. It could go two ways: My parents could have realized after I ran out of the restaurant that they made a terrible mistake, they could apologize and tell me that they would never disown me or make me marry someone I didn’t love.

Or they could do the complete opposite. It was a toss-up.

I deliberately walked very slowly from the lecture hall to my dorm. I was thankful that it was the middle of the day, so no one would be around to eavesdrop on this conversation.

I always found it odd when my friends were embarrassed at how loving and affectionate their parents were with them in public. I remember Gia’s parents helped her move in. She rolled her eyes every time her mom took a picture or gushed about how nice the dorms were.

She groaned when her dad’s eyes filled with tears when he told her how proud he was of her. I was far more embarrassed that my mom hired a moving service to move my belongings because my dad was out of town and my mother refuses to do manual labor. I was embarrassed that my mom was forcing an engagement onto me and that my dad couldn’t say no to her.

I took a deep breath and called.

“Alexa,” she answered, already sounding exasperated.

“Hi, mom.” I didn’t ask why she was calling, because I had a suspicion I already knew.

“I just want you to know how utterly humiliated I was last weekend. I’m still furious about it. I haven’t slept well all week,” she said dramatically.

“Me neither,” I retorted.

“I hope you feel guilty about what you did to me,” she said. “Everybody at the country club knew that Sebastian was going to propose. I had already booked the last weekend in September for the wedding. A fall wedding in Martha’s Vineyard, Alexa. Do you know how many girls would kill for that?”

“I don’t want to get married, Mom. Not right now, anyway. Especially not to Sebastian.”

“But why not Sebastian?” she cried. “He is handsome, smart, and comes from a good family. He is perfect for you.”

“I just don’t like him in that way. Why don’t you understand that?”

“What way, Alexa? Some day, you will have to grow up and enter the real world. Do you think that any of your female prep school classmates are still single? At your age? Marriage is not some fairytale. You find a nice man that can give you what you want, and you learn to make your relationship work.”

“I don’t care about that stuff. I want my own career. I want a healthy relationship with someone I choose,” I insisted.

“You don’t understand, Alexa. You are not some middle-class girl or average person. An average life may seem romantic to you now, but you will surely regret it. You’ll have to cook your own food, clean your own house, and do your own laundry. If you want a new car or house, you’ll have to take out a loan from the bank. You can say goodbye to summers in the Hamptons and skiing in the Alps and winters in Bali. None of these things will be available to you.”

“Fine, then I’ll trade the Jaguar in for a Honda,” I scoffed. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Maybe not for you, but how do you think I feel? My friends will ask ‘oh, how is Alexa these days?’ and what do I tell them? You’re a school teacher with husband that works in insurance or something? Can you imagine the look of pity they’ll give me?”

That I could understand. These were my friends’ mothers, people I grew up with. Their favorite pastime was comparing status symbols. Their children were the ultimate status symbols. I could almost hear their whispers at the mention of my name. It still didn’t make it okay, though.

“Are you still there?” my mom asked.

“Yes,” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that you felt embarrassed. I was embarrassed, too. You put me in a very difficult position. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I have to put my needs first.”

“So selfish,” my mom hissed. “How can you say that to me, after all I’ve done for you?”

“What have you done for me besides stand in my way at every opportunity? You throw money at your problems to make things seem even. It’s not even close. You can’t put a monetary amount on the disappointment and disapproval I’ve experienced from you.”

“I see,” my mom said, eerily calm. “In that case, I will stop ‘throwing money’ at my problems. You’re a big girl, Alexa. If you want to live your own life, I will not stand in your way. I gave you a chance to do the right thing and marry Sebastian. I will be dissolving your trust fund. I am canceling our credit cards in your name.”

“Mom,” I stammered.

“I will have your things put in a storage locker. Do not bother coming home when school is out. This is no longer your home.”

“You can’t do this,” I cried. “What about Dad?”

“Your father isn’t too pleased with your behavior either,” she said. “If he wants to see you, he can get in contact with you. I’m done, Alexa. If you change your mind about Sebastian, then we’ll talk.”

She hung up. I sat on my bed in stunned silence. Her response didn’t seem justified. I wasn’t asking for much; I just wanted to have a choice for my future. I felt sick.

Maybe she was right about me not knowing how to live on my own. I had a few thousand dollars in a bank account, but that was it. I didn’t know anything about money management, because I never needed to. I bought things because I wanted them, and I usually didn’t even look at the price tag. It just wasn’t something necessary.

I heard Sasha come through the door. “Alexa, I’m going to the dining hall. Want to come with me?”

“I’m not hungry,” I answered.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. She could always tell when something wasn’t right.

“It happened,” I sighed. “My parents cut me off and my mom told me not to come home at the end of the semester.”

I gave her the highlights of the conversation. She looked shocked, sad, and angry all at once.

“How can I help?” she asked.

“Help me forget about this,” I said. “We’re going over to Martin’s tonight.”

* * *

A
t nine o’clock
, we knocked on Martin’s door. I wasn’t really in the party mood, but I needed to get away from my racing mind. Reg had a devilish grin on his face when he answered the door.

“You’re the first guests to arrive,” Reg exclaimed.

“Besides Sasha, Gia, and I, who else did you invite?” I inquired.

“No one, really. Martin said. “But people will show up. They always do.”

I sat down at their table, fiddling with the wrapper on the bottle of wine that I brought. This wine was much too good for a college party. It would probably be the last expensive bottle of wine I ever enjoyed.

“Let’s play a game,” Sasha suggested. “How about, Never Have I Ever?”

We all nodded in agreement and poured ourselves tall drinks.

“I’ll start,” offered Martin. “Never have I ever visited a foreign country.”

Sasha, Reg, and I took a drink.

“Never have I ever gone skinny dipping,” Reg added.

Martin, Sasha, Gia, and I took a drink.

“Never have I ever played football,” Sasha giggled.

“Hey, that’s cheating,” Reg said playfully. Reg and Martin took a drink.

“Never have I ever been cut off and disowned by my parents,” I said flatly.

Seeing as no one else had experienced this in their life, I took a long pull from my glass. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. I made quick eye contact with Martin. His eyes were wide with surprise and worry.

“Let’s play something else,” Gia said quickly. “I have a deck of cards in my purse.”

With a few more drinks in my system, I was starting to feel a lot better. We played some card game that Gia knew how to play, but no one else really understood. This resulted in a lot of drinking.

“You girls are not messing around,” Martin said after finishing off another beer. “I shouldn’t be surprised; I already know that Alexa can drink me under the table.”

“Yeah,” Sasha added. “But then you’ll find her under the table as well.”

Everyone laughed. There was no use defending myself after the great final game debacle.

Martin and I were getting along really well. I was afraid that things would be awkward after we talked, but he was really cool. I realized that we had a similar sense of humor and we liked the same books. I really felt like we could be friends. It would have helped if he didn’t wear t-shirts that revealed his perfectly sculpted arms, but I could learn to ignore them.

“We’re out of alcohol.” I announced to the group around eleven-thirty.

“No problem,” Martin said. “Let me make a quick phone call.”

Sasha kept smiling and raising her eyebrows at me while Martin was on the phone.

“What?” I hissed under my breath.

“You two are in love. You’re so perfect together; it makes me want to barf.”

“We’re friends,” I whispered back.

“What’s the point? You’re already cut off, you can do whatever you want now.”

In a sense, she was right. However, I had a slight hunch that I could appeal to my dad if I needed to. If they found out that I was dating a football player with no family connections, they would lose their minds.

“I’m hoping it will pass,” I said, not wanting to explain myself.

Minutes after Martin got off the phone, there was a knock on the door. When he answered, a group of football players crowded in, each holding various types of alcohol.

“These are the perks of being the captain,” Martin said with a wink. “Choose whatever you want.”

I grabbed a bottle of some kind of vibrant green liquor. I took a sip straight from the bottle. It was super sweet and fruity. Too sweet. I poured some in a glass with ice and added a splash of soda.

“Be careful with that stuff,” Donny said. “It almost tastes too good.” He turned to his teammates, “I give it to all of the girls I hang out with.” No one was amused.

“You’re truly a terrible person, Donny,” Martin said.

“Ooh,” Donny teased. “Sounds like someone is jealous that he hasn’t been laid in a while. I bet Alexa here can help you with that.”

I could see the anger burning behind Martin’s eyes.

“Ignore him,” Martin said directly to me. “You don’t deserve to be talked to like that.”

His face was so serious, something that I didn’t see often. He was usually smiling or cracking a joke. I felt safe, protected. His eyes were so soft and comforting. His jaw was so strong and square, and I had the sudden urge to put my hand on his defined cheekbones.

“Don’t worry about,” I said. “I’ve heard it all before.”

I grabbed his wrist and brought him back to the table. Someone brought a trivia game over and we took a drink every time we got an answer wrong. It was so stereotypically Ivy League of us, playing trivia at a college party. This game became more challenging the longer we played because the alcohol wasn’t helping me recall facts from my memory. Eventually, I got bored and starting taking shots with some of the football players.

I was getting tired of standing around, so I took my cocktail over to the couch and plopped down.

“Feeling alright?” Sasha asked.

I just smiled stupidly. Coherent language was too difficult at this point.

Gia looked concerned. “Are you okay? You usually don’t drink this much. Do you want me to take you home?”

“I’m fine,” I slurred. “I’m not even that drunk. Honestly.”

They weren’t fooled by my lie. “I’ll get you a glass of water,” Sasha said.

Suddenly, Martin was sitting on the couch next to me. I was so happy to see him. I put my hand on his knee, sliding it up his strong thigh.

“You’re drunk,” he said with a grin.

“You are,” I replied.

“Not as drunk as you,” he countered.

I wanted him to take me to his room and kiss me. I wanted to feel his body, to be close to him. I wanted him to be mine, if just for one night.

“I’m going to get another drink,” I said. “And then I’ll be right back.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

On my way back to the kitchen, I peeked into Reg’s room. Sasha and Reg were making out. I smiled, but felt a pang of jealousy. If they dated, I’m sure their parents would be thrilled. I wanted that. Now.

I slammed a shot of vodka since that was easier than making a cocktail. I walked up to Martin, looked him straight in the eye, raised one eyebrow, and walked into his bedroom.